Head Above Water Pt. 04

"Celine, what are you doing?"

I looked up, squinting. Bethany, one of the supervisors, was looking down at me, deep concern in her eyes.

"Dying," I responded.

"You don't look so good," she said, bending down beside me. She pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. "You definitely have a fever, Celine. What happened?"

"Fuck, I don't even know."

"It stinks in here."

"I threw up."

"Celine, you gotta go see a doctor. You look like shit."

"Thanks."

"I'm serious, Celine. You have to go see Wes."

"He's a surgeon, Beth. He has better things to do. Plus, he specializes in children. Last time I checked, I just turned twenty-nine."

"I'm getting Addie. She'll know what to do."

"Beth..." I tried stopping her, but she was already gone, my office door clattering closed. I felt another wave of nausea and barely made it to the trash can. I was throwing up into it when Addie walked in.

"Oh, sweetie," she gasped, running over. "Bethany said you weren't feeling well. This is so much worse than I was expecting. I'm calling Wes."

"No, don't."

"Don't be stupid, Celine. You're sick as a dog."

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Please don't call him. He's in the middle of a thirty-hour shift. You'll just worry him."

"What about his friend, the one at UCI Medical Center? You could see him."

"James?"

"Yes, that guy! James, good ol' James. C'mon, I'll drive you there."

"Really, Addie, I'll be fine. I just need some medicine."

"You don't even know what kind of medicine you need," Addie said, crossing her arms.

This much was true.

"Come on," Addie said, helping me to my feet. Bethany brought me a bottle of water and I tried to gulp some of it down, counting backward from one hundred to keep from throwing up. The fever burned so hotly that tears fell from my eyes. Addie passed me a tissue and I dabbed at the corners of my eyes. My head throbbed.

"We gotta hurry. I don't want to hit the afternoon traffic," Addie said, gathering my purse and coat.

We left my car at work, taking Addie's little red Mini Cooper onto the freeway, taking the 405, then the 55, then the 5, and finally got off at State College Blvd. Addie drove with her hands clenching the wheel, glancing at me constantly until I had to bark at her to pay attention to the road. I had a paper bag in hand, just in case I would need to throw up again. Luckily, the water I'd sipped had helped and my stomach stayed calm... for now.

Addie used valet to park in front of the ER, and passed her keys off to a parking attendant. She came around and helped me out of my seat, grabbing my purse as she did so. She led me up the steps, into the hospital and up to reception.

"Hi, we need to see Dr... uh, James," Addie said at the reception.

"Dr. James," the receptionist said, unimpressed. "We don't have a Dr. James."

"That's his first name," she said. "James... uh..."

"Rowland," I said. "Dr. James Abel Rowland." How did I know his full name? He insured his car with us and I'd helped him personally with a claim before.

The receptionist stared at us, and just then I felt like throwing up again. "Fuck," I said just before I threw up violently into the paper bag.

"Fill these out," she said, passing over a clipboard with paperwork to Addie. "I'll let Dr. Rowland know you're here. What name should I give him?"

"Celine Gutierrez. Wes Spenrath's girlfriend."

The receptionist's eyes went wide. "Dr. Spenrath?" Instantly, jealousy crossed her features. She suddenly looked even less pleased to see me.

"Yep," Addie said, picking up on her mood. "I think Celine may be pregnant with their first child."

That was absurd. Wes and I were extremely careful, and I took my birth control religiously. She'd said it to make the receptionist even more jealous, of course, and it worked. The woman frowned, got up, and disappeared down a hall behind her. Addie laughed.

"Don't terrorize the healthcare professionals," I said, taking the clipboard from her hand. I took a seat in the waiting area and began to fill it out. The worst part of these was having to leave blank the family history part. I didn't know a damn thing about what illnesses ailed my family. I didn't have family.

"Here," Addie said, taking the clipboard back. "You have most of the important stuff filled out. I'm gonna bullshit the rest. You relax."

I closed my eyes and leaned back, taking slow, deep breaths to keep from throwing up again. Bless her, Addie turned in my paperwork and then threw away the paper bag with my vomit. In less than ten minutes, a nurse opened the door and called my name.

"Want me to stay here?" Addie asked.

"No, come," I said. "I don't mind."

Addie tried not to hover as the nurse took my vitals.

"How's her blood pressure?"

"One-forty over ninety," the nurse said.

"Is that good?" Addie asked.

"It's a little high."

"What does that mean? Is she going to be okay?" Addie started biting on her fingernails, a nervous habit of hers. I smacked her hand away from her face.

"She'll be alright. It's not too high, just stage one," the nurse said. "The doctor will develop a treatment plan if he believes it necessary."

"Dr. Rowland, right?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied. "I'm his nurse. Come, I'll show you to your room."

I was taken down to a private room, the nicest ER room I'd ever seen in my life. I'd no sooner hopped up on the gurney than James walked in, clipboard in hand, his glasses rested on the bridge of his nose. He was looking over my chart, but when he walked in, he looked up and gave me a bright smile.

"Celie!" he said excitedly. I groaned, taking his hand so he could shake it. He also shook Addie's hand, and she smiled, a little taken aback by how good-looking and young he was. He was tall, a little on the lankier side, but he had a youthful babyface and had a smile that could make you stop in your tracks. Wes said he used to constantly fight him for women, trying to see which could get the most phone numbers. Turns out, doctors don't have too much trouble getting numbers, good-looking or otherwise.

"Celine," I reminded him.

"Isn't that what I said?" he replied innocently.

"You're just as bad as Wes," Addie said, laughing.

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically. "I'm glad we can all laugh while I'm dying."

James walked over, taking his stethoscope from his neck. "Sorry, what brings you in today? The chart shows that you've got a fever and have been throwing up, that right?"

I nodded as he pressed the diaphragm of the stethoscope to my chest.

"Deep breath," he said. I took a couple of deep breaths, in, out, as he checked from my chest and my back, listening intently.

"Well, your lungs don't sound that great," he said. "Did you get your flu shot?"

"No," I admitted.

"Hm," he mused, grabbing a wooden tongue depressor. "Open up." I opened my mouth, and he pressed the depressor on my tongue to check inside. He checked my ears, my eyes, and looked over my chart again to review my vitals.

"Any possibility that you could be pregnant?"

"No, definitely not," I said.

"Well, let's run a couple of tests to be sure. Can be anything; the flu, a really bad migraine, pneumococcal meningitis, septicemia, a cluster headache..."

"We get it, genius," I said. "It's something shitty."

"Shitty," he agreed. "I'll come see you with your results after you take some tests. In the meantime, I'm going to have you admitted and get some fluids in you. We'll hold the antibiotics in case you have the flu. You okay with needles, Dragon Lady?"

I growled in response and Addie laughed. James grinned, patted my shoulder, and exited the room. His nurse returned to hook me up to an IV. She got an IV bag up, and got it at a moderate drip, giving me some fluids in a way that hopefully wasn't going to make me throw up. She helped me get comfortable, offered Addie a blanket, and then disappeared to take care of other patients. After fifteen minutes, she returned and took me for my tests. Addie waited patiently in my room.

"This day sucks," I said as the nurse wheeled me back into my room in a wheelchair. "I can walk."

"Hospital policy," the nurse said. "Sorry."

"How'd it go?" Addie asked, putting down her phone on her lap. She had Candy Crush open on it.

"Shitty," I said.

I got back into bed, and the nurse hooked me back up to the IV bag and wrapped the fingertip heart rate monitor around my finger.

"Try to relax," the nurse said. "The doctor will be with you soon."

She was right. James entered the room in a few minutes, looking a little grim.

"Okay, I've got your results," he said, perching his butt at the end of my gurney. "Good news is that you're not pregnant, and bad is that... I'm sorry, but you won't be able to go to Wes's graduation tomorrow. What you have is unfortunately contagious."

Addie leaned back in her seat, her eyes wide, clearly disturbed.

"What is it, Doc?" I asked.

"Pneumococcal Meningitis. I'm gonna give you some ceftriaxone, which is an antibiotic, and keep you overnight. We'll admit you into the hospital from the ER. You're lucky, you get one of the new basement rooms. They're very nice."

"No," I groaned. "Don't make me stay."

"It's best if you get going," James said, turning to Addie. "Don't want you catching it if you're not vaccinated."

"Oh, Celine," Addie said, pouting. "Do you need me to go pick up some stuff for you from your apartment?"

"No, go," I said.

"I'm calling Wes," Addie said.

"I already called him," James said, patting his breast pocket where his phone was.

"You're both shits. He's on-call."

"He's on his way," James said. "He found someone to cover his shift. Try to relax. He'll be here soon. CHOC isn't far from here."

"It's his last shift," I said, groaning. "It was gonna be special. They're having a little party and everything."

James looked sympathetic as he washed his hands. A few orderlies or nurses arrived soon after to admit me into the hospital, moving my gurney from the ER to an elevator that took me down to the basement. Addie waved goodbye, looking guilty.

I was resting with my eyes closed when I felt a hand on mine.

"Hey, baby." I opened my eyes. It was Wes.

"Don't touch me," I said. "I'm contagious."

"I'm vaccinated, babe. The bacteria can't hurt me." He leaned down and kissed my forehead, brushing my hair back from my face with his fingers.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Like shit," I said.

"Looks like they've got you some fluids," he said, glancing up and checking the IV bag. "Did they administer the antibiotics yet?"

"I think so," I said, remembering the nurse inserting some medicine into my IV when I'd first made it to the new room in the hospital.

"Good," Wes said, pulling over a chair to sit down closer to me. "Close your eyes and try to get some rest. I'll be right here when you wake up."

I closed my eyes, feeling infinitely better with Wes in the room. I fell asleep, waking a few times when the nurse came to take my vitals and give me some medicine to lower my blood pressure. Wes made some friendly conversation with the nurses at the nurse station, talking them into letting him see my chart. He reviewed it, a serious expression on his face. When he returned, he looked glum.

"You're gonna need to rest for the next few days. You'll probably be here tonight, so I'll stay with you."

"You don't have to do that," I said immediately. "You must be exhausted. Go home, take a shower, and get some sleep."

"Are you shitting me?" Wes said, plopping down on his chair. "I'm not going anywhere."

I was too exhausted to argue. "Whatever," I mumbled, my eyes drooping.

"Sleep, baby," Wes said softly. "I'll be right here."

—

The night nurse introduced himself as Jerry. He was kind of short, jolly-looking, and too friendly. He made me tired just looking at him. Wes shook his hand, made some jokes, and got Jerry laughing. After that, Jerry was like putty in his hands, coming to my room constantly to check on me, hoping to get a moment of Wes's time. I rolled my eyes.

"Be nice," Wes said, laughing when Jerry had disappeared.

In a few hours, Elena and Janie arrived, carrying bags of food from Panera Bread. They'd gotten me some broccoli cheddar soup, a sandwich, some chips, and a drink. I nibbled it to be nice, but I really wasn't that hungry. I felt less nauseous but not enough to eat quite yet.

"You look terrible," Janie said sympathetically, sitting on the side of my bed.

"Janet," Elena said sharply. "Apologize right this instant."

"Sorry," Janie said, not sounding sorry at all. "What can I get ya? Do you want some jello or something? The cafeteria is still open. I can go get you something."

"I'm really not hungry," I told her. "I don't even want to think about food right now."

"I wish you were pregnant instead of sick as shit," Janie whispered. I gave her a horrified expression.

"Ugh, I freaking hope that never happens," I said.

Elena had apparently overheard because she dropped her phone from her hands. It fell to the floor, the screen thankfully not cracking. She picked it up, looking pale.

"You don't... you don't want kids, Celine?" she asked.

"I don't either," Wes said protectively.

"What?" Elena said. "Since when? You love children, Wes."

"I won't argue that. I do love children, but I don't want any of my own, Mom. I'm a surgeon. I won't have the time to raise a family. I'd make a horrible fucking father, just like Dad."

The room went eerily quiet. Janie looked down at her hands and Elena looked like someone had slapped her. It was the first time Wes had ever mentioned his father in front of me. I kept quiet, anticipating what would happen next.

"I-I'm going to go to the ladies' room," Elena said, turning on her heel and fleeing. Janie got up to go after her, but Wes grabbed her arm.

"Let her go," he said. "She has to learn to deal with these emotions."

Janie looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. "Why did you have to bring him up, you asshole?"

Wes pulled her into his arms, giving her a tight squeeze. I saw some tears run down her face, her expression a mixture of anger and hurt. Wes rubbed her back, whispered something in her ear and her features calmed, apparent that he'd said something to make her feel better. She wrapped her arms around her brother's middle, her short black hair shining under the fluorescent lighting. She'd recently had it cut in a cute bob for the summer.

When Elena returned, her face looked fresh, as if she'd splashed water on it, but her eyes were red; she'd been crying.

"Mom, I'm sorry," Wes said.

"It's alright," she said. "I think we'd better go now. Celine, honey, you'll be okay for the night? Do you need anything before we go?"

"No," I said. "I'll just rest. Thank you. Try and see if you can take Wes with you. I don't think he's slept in a long while."

"Not in a million years," she replied. "He won't and shouldn't leave you." She came over, hugging me. Before she let go, she whispered in my ear, "It's okay that you don't want kids. I hope you change your mind, but even if you don't, I'll still love you."

I sucked in a ragged breath. "Th-Thank you," I said, my emotions taking over my senses. I'd never known a mother's love and support. It was so overwhelming that I was close to tears.

"Mom," Janie said. "What did you say to her? Look, you upset her."

"Oh, no, honey," Elena said, wiping the corners of my eyes with a tissue that Wes passed her. "Don't cry. Just try and feel better, okay? I'll visit tomorrow, either here or your home if they discharge you."

"I'll see you then," I said, giving her a watery smile. She returned my smile, and Janie came over and hugged me. They hugged Wes, even Elena who did it a little stiffly, and then waved and left.

"It was really nice of them to stop by."

"Yeah," Wes agreed. "I just wish my mother wouldn't be so judgmental."

"Wes, cut her some slack. She just wants grandchildren. Janie'll give her some. I'm sure she'll be fine in the long run."

He took his seat beside my bed, taking my hand and kissing it. "I think it's time I told you."

"About what?"

"My father."

I squeezed his hand. "You don't have to."

"My mother and sister consider you family already," Wes said. "You have a right to know about the elephant in the room. When I told you that I wanted to be a doctor because of a test on the internet, I wasn't exactly being fully honest. I'd always kind of considered it because my father, he was, uh, a family practitioner. He had his own practice in Irvine with a partner, another doctor. She was young, that partner, and came from a family with a lot of money. She funded the bulk of their projects and improvements to the clinic."

I got a bad feeling in my stomach, already dreading what I was about to hear.

"My father was never around. He got engrossed in his career, working late hours, disappearing on weekends to study or attend conferences, and was just all-around the shittiest father known to man. He never made a single baseball game, never showed up for a school event. He just didn't care about anything but himself... and his partner."

"Wes..."

"It's okay, babe," Wes said. "My father, as you probably guessed, cheated on Mom; the fucking bastard. Janie was still a baby when he left us, meeting us later in court and relinquishing custody of me and Janie to Mom. He just didn't fucking care about us. He didn't want us, Celine. He didn't..."

Wes paused, his voice cracking. "I was fifteen-years-old. It was humiliating, my father leaving us for another woman. He married his partner, popped out a couple of kids, got a whole new family, and has been there for those kids, being a real father to them. A few years ago, he tried reconnecting with Janie and me. Said he wanted to make up for all those years, but it was too late. Janie had grown up without a father, and I was still pissed with him for abandoning us. We never repaired that relationship."

"Wes, I am so sorry."

"S'okay," he said, offering me a small smile. "He's still a sore subject with Mom and Janie. I shouldn't have brought him up."

"Is he why you don't want to have kids?"

Wes nodded. "He was a family doctor and didn't manage to make time for us. I'm a surgeon, Celine. I don't want to be a father like him, some piece of shit who doesn't have time for his kids, and I have even less time to give because of my career. I think it's better if I'm just a really good uncle to Janie's kids."

"I understand. I... I kind of don't want kids because of my past, too. I grew up without parents. I don't know the first thing about being a mother. I'm better off spoiling my friends' kids."

"We're on the same page, then," Wes said, leaning over and kissing the top of my head. "Now get some rest, baby."

My eyes fluttered closed. I was truly exhausted.

"Thank you for telling me, Wes."

And before I knew it, I was out like a light.

—

The next morning, I found my boyfriend asleep in his chair, sleeping like the dead, not even a snore to indicate that he was alive. Thankfully, I was used to the way he slept and didn't feel the terror I used to feel when we'd first started dating. I used to always think that he'd died.

I stroked his hair back from his forehead, looking down at him adoringly. I was still scared of letting go, of feeling love, but at least I knew that Wes was all I could ever hope for and more. He was the perfect partner; understanding, kind, selfless, hilarious, and sweet, so sickeningly sweet that sometimes I wondered how I hadn't gotten any cavities.

"Mm," he mumbled, eyes opening.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, I should be up anyways," Wes said, checking his watch. He groaned.