Henry & Rene - Beyond Monogamy Ch. 03

This chapter describes erotic photographs Rene shared with me during our flight to Barcelona from her sexual relationship with a young black man several years before we met. My reactions indicated how my views had changed regarding Rene's rising interest in sex with other men. Then, in Barcelona, we had our first direct erotic experience with another young couple, a prelude to our sexual adventures described in the next chapter and beyond.

Rene's Erotic revelations

As we took our first class seats for our night flight to Barcelona, Rene whispered to me she hoped to stimulate my imagination during our flight and thereby provoke further frank discussion between us about our sexual needs not only as a couple but also as individuals.

" Henry, after we are airborne, I am going to give you my phone so you can scroll through some old photos I have kept from more than a decade ago. They may surprise you. Hold the phone so no one else can see the photos. I have not shown these to you but I feel the time is right to do so. I hope so. They were taken several years before we met. Look for as long as you like. If you want to know I will tell you later who took the photos and what led to them."

As I began to view the photos, I became deeply absorbed in the images my wife was finally sharing with me. They all appeared to have been taken at about the same time. She appeared younger than when we first met when she was 21.

Rene looked stunningly beautiful in the first photo. I studied it very carefully trying to read into it what she was like then, what she was feeling as the photo was taken. Her hair was lighter and cut shorter than I have ever seen it. She seemed slightly slimmer than when I met her. She looked happy and relaxed, enjoying being photographed, perhaps because she liked the photographer. She was leaning back in a lounge chair wearing a tiny white bikini. One end of a swimming pool was in the background. Behind the pool was a low building, perhaps a cabana of some sort. "You were very beautiful, Rene. Very sexy too! Nothing surprising for me in that. "

"I'm glad, Henry. I felt beautiful and sexy at the time. You already know I favor white bikinis. You have always liked them."

In the second photo she had removed her top, her left arm crooked to cover her breasts. I looked longer at this one, wondering what her intentions were in posing like this and what she was remembering as I viewed the photos for the first time. Why had not she shared them with me earlier?

The next photo amplified those questions for me. She was in the same place but her arms were by her side and her breasts were uncovered, her pale nipples surrounded by her aureole, a deeper pink. She appeared to be happy and comfortable.

In the next photo the bottom of the bikini also had been removed; one of her hands covered her sex as she reclined in the lounge. I was becoming more aroused by the photos and by anticipating what might come next, wanting to know how far she would go. What was she thinking now about these photos--and about the photographer? She appeared relaxed and happy, clearly complicit in whatever was going on in the photo session. Pleased by it. I could not resist asking the question that now preoccupied me. I looked her in the eye. "Who was the photographer, Rene?"

"Not now, Henry. Just enjoy the photos. I can tell you do." I saw her looking down at the bulge in my pants. "We will talk about them later," she said. "Consider these an overdue gift from me, I hope a timely one for both of us."

In the next photo she was entirely naked. The back of the lounge had been lowered so that she was almost flat on her back. I noted another difference. Unlike in the other photos, here it was apparent her body was covered with lotion; a small plastic bottle was next to her. Did the photographer spread the lotion on her back while she lay on her stomach and then on her front when she turned over for him. Did she ask him to spread the lotion just to feel his hands on her? I asked her, "Rene, are you going to tell me who helped you with the sun tan lotion?"

"You will learn in awhile, Henry. I was trying for an all-over tan that summer. Maybe I will try again this summer at our pool when we get home. Maybe you can help with that."

Her left knee had been raised and was leaning slightly to the left, openly displaying her sex. There was hair around her pussy but the lips and slit were very visible. "Rene, these are incredible. I have so many conflicting thoughts seeing you like this and imagining what this experience meant to you. I will want to know all of it."

The next photo was nearly the same but both knees were up, her feet flat on the lounge and her legs spread apart. Inspiring sexual lust was her obvious aim in this photo, but who was the audience in her mind? Was this only for the photographer (I assume a man) or for someone else? Her expression here was less relaxed; perhaps the demands from the photographer were taking her further than she wanted to go. Or perhaps provoking his hunger was her only motive, to arouse him and then reward him.

The next photo moved her even more in that direction. She was touching herself, one finger resting, or perhaps moving softly, on her clit. This was more than I could stand. I wanted the lights to be off so that Rene could take out my cock and stroke it and tell me about these photos while I watched her younger very sexual self. I whispered to Rene, "I can't help myself. These photos are so erotic. I wish you could touch me now."

"I'm sorry I can't do that here, Henry. Stay calm if you can. Henry, what have you been thinking about these photos?"

"My emotions are running very high Rene, to see your sexual self from before we were together. They are a bit frightening in their rawness, in your sexual power. Obviously you were aware of that and were exploiting it. I'm disappointed I have not seen these images before and wondering why you have not shared them. I want you to tell me what you were feeling and what I should think of them, of your younger self, whether you had changed when you were first with me."

"Henry, do you wish you hadn't seen them? Do you resent me for sexual things I did before I knew you? I want to show you these images now as one more way to stimulate ourselves, to find our way back to the sexual intensity we used to feel. I hope they will increase your desire for me and to suggest my potential to fulfill some of your fantasies and be a catalyst for our desire for new sexual experiences. Perhaps that seems naive and misdirected to you."

I told her I would need to think more about the photos as I learn more about them. "Rene I find it almost unbearably arousing to see your strong sexuality as a younger woman. I believe I will want to look at the photos again and again."

After a few minutes of quiet, Rene asked me, "Henry, as you are thinking about all this, do you want to see more photos from that time? Right now? Do you think you can stand it?"


"What are they like? How are they different?"

"They are better or worse, depending on how you feel about these first ones. Just know they are stronger, more intimate. You can see them, or not. Or chose another time. "


"I want to see more."

"Henry I have been reconsidering these photos for awhile, about whether and when to share them. I hope seeing them will generate sexual arousal in both of us. They always do for me, when I look at them again. I don't do that often but I want you to know I have looked at them several times since we have been together. I want you to understand there were times before I met you when I had good sex, almost always without love, sometimes without even affection. Often I just wanted pleasure and excitement and I usually found them. It was easy for a woman who looked like I did to find an attractive sexual partner whenever I wanted one. I was very selfish at times. Sometimes I used men the way men often use women.

"I realize I am taking a chance in showing you these photos, Henry. They might do the opposite of what I hope--they could foster misunderstanding and mistrust. I concluded a couple of weeks ago, especially following the arts party and our conversations afterward, it's worth the risk."

She took back the phone and pulled up another set of photos.

"There aren't very many of these, Henry, but they are very strong. They were taken a few weeks after the first set."

In the first photo Rene was standing in front of the building seen earlier in the background. A different bikini, dark green, the color I most like to see her in now. In the second photo she is standing in the same place, this time nude, smiling, striking a kid of flirtatious pose. Enjoying herself.

Then an interior shot. In the middle of the space some sort of bed, perhaps a futon. Rene is sitting on the edge of the bed. She has her hands under her breasts, cupping them, offering them. Then in a similar photo, she is clearly pinching her nipples. Perhaps she is teasing as she talks to the photographer. Is it the photo or the photographer most on her mind?

Then a couple of photos with a very different tone. She is on the bed and on her stomach, twisting her head around to try to see the photographer but not far enough to meet his gaze as he shoots the photo from behind her. Then another of Rene on her stomach but this time her legs are spread wide. We don't see her face. She is looking straight ahead, passive, as though the only purpose is to display her sex. The camera is much closer and at a lower angle, providing a clear view of her pussy and her puckered other hole. I swallowed and blinked. What had this been about? Who wanted these photos? Did she ask for them? Was there a larger audience intended?

Then a photo of Rene on her back, her legs spread wide again, but here she is a young woman actively engaged, inviting, waiting, a look of need, even impatience on her face.

The next photo again very different, this one entirely of her face. I recognized the expression. Flushed. Spent. Sweat on her forehead and cheeks, above her upper lip. From effort. But euphoric. Exhaustion mixed with satisfaction after good sex. A shy smile, maybe even a bit of sadness for something so perfect being over. That's what I read into the photos. But I was not fully confident, hoping she would tell me, give meaning to all of these photos. Or was I hoping she had forgotten their significance.

Then a photo taken at the same time looking down at her. Her whole body sprawled, glistening with perspiration. Her hair in disarray. Unconcerned with how she looked. No pose or tease here, something finished now, more than satisfied, satiated. Not smiling but a hint she is pleased with herself -- and presumably her lover. Her pussy lips red and swollen.

A final photo of a man below the waist. He has an erection. Dark hair around his cock. Big balls. Muscular thighs. Most shocking to me at first: dark brown skin. I look at Rene. I am trying not to weep--not out of jealousy or fear but in frank admiration at the eroticism of the photos and the pleasure they reflected. Also a moment of doubt. I asked myself, have I ever meant as much to my wife sexually as he had then? Could I ever? Have I understood her to the extent I have supposed? I could not deny the sheer sexual beauty of the photos or Rene's good and brave intentions in showing them to me, even now.

Rene watched me from her seat. I wondered, did I want to know more about my wife before we met, or maybe less. I wasn't sure. Suddenly I wished I had intimate photos with one of my early girlfriends to show her, to balance what she had just shared with me.

"Would you like for me to tell you about this Henry? I will if you want to know."

I asked her to wait for a few minutes, to let me settle a bit. We waited. Then I nodded, yes. "Tell me. Help me understand."

She began."Those photos were all taken the summer I was 19 after my first year at NYU. I was living at my family's new beach house in New Jersey. You have been there several times. My father stayed in the City and only came down on the weekend. Every morning my mother played tennis and then had lunch with her friends. So I was alone from mid morning to mid afternoon. I had no friends nearby. I was bored and restless.

"On the first Tuesday I was there a young man came to clean the pool and the deck and the cabana. The first time I simply watched him from my lounge chair. Henry, he was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. Handsome face, flawless skin, slim but strong body, big beautiful smile. A hint then of the athlete he was to become. If I mentioned his name you would know it. I won't.

"I was working on my tan. I was reading sexy novels and sometimes watching adult movies. Nothing else to occupy my mind. I was horny. Through my sunglasses I noticed him glance at me several times as he worked. I sat up and then slowly stood up to rub sun lotion on my arms and legs and stomach. I was tempted to ask him to help with that, maybe on my back, but I did not that first time. I should have, just to make something happen.

"The next Tuesday I was again sunning, waiting for him. I was lying on my stomach but with my top off, on the ground next to me. As he walked by I asked him if he would spread some lotion on my back. He paused, quiet, but finally responded, 'If you wish.'

"He was very tentative and careful as he spread the lotion on me, but I could tell his hands were large and strong. I was feeling daring. I turned over and stared at him. I asked him if he liked looking at me. He looked me in the face to see if I was somehow making fun of him. Then he looked at my breasts, then back at my face. Finally, 'You are very beautiful.'

"So are you," I said to him. "As handsome as anyone I have seen. I hope we will become friends while I am here this summer."

'If you wish,' he said again.

"I boldly told him then I would like to kiss him and put my arms around him. I said we could go inside the cabana if he was shy or afraid we would be seen. I explained I was lonesome, here for the summer but without friends, my boyfriend in California. This last point was a ruse. I wanted him not to worry about anyone else creating problems for us. I was ripe and eager for sex with him Henry. So we did kiss and he held me tight against him and it felt good and then I took his hands and moved them to my breasts and asked him to touch my nipples.

"It was very sweet, Henry. I didn't do more than kiss him and let him fondle my breast that day but I told him I looked forward to seeing him the next week and I had a favor to ask of him. "

'What is it?'

"I want some special photos taken of me here this summer, some of them in the nude. I don't know who else to ask. I need someone I can trust. I hope that could be you. If I have my camera here next time and show you how, would you take the photos I want."

"I wanted something sexually exciting to happen, something to look forward to in the weeks ahead. Maybe I wanted something hot to tell my friends about later.

"So the next Tuesday when he came I showed him how to use the camera and about how far away to stand. And so I posed for those first photos I showed you, the ones in the lounge chair. I could see as I removed my top and then my bottom he was already growing hard inside his swim shorts and I could tell he was large. I was becoming more and more turned on. And then when I spread my legs and touched myself there was a huge bulge in his shorts and I was becoming very aroused, feeling lewd and eager to have sex with him. I had not been with any boy for weeks. So I asked him to put the camera down and come closer, to sit next to me. I reached for him and began to stroke him. He did not last long and was quite embarrassed for coming so quickly. I told him it was fine and I said to him, 'Next time we will go into the cabana and it will be much better.'

"So the next Tuesday I met him when he came in the gate and asked him to follow me inside. There was a futon there for when someone wanted to nap after a swim. I asked him to lay down next to me. We began to kiss and I became naked again and let his hands roam all over me. I pulled his swim suit down and off and he was very hard when I reached for him. I was feeling so hungry Henry to have him take me for the first time. I remember saying to him. 'I hope you want to fuck me, I want you to very much. Will you do that for me? It's OK, I am on the pill. If you come in me now we can do it again before you leave.'

" After that we had sex almost every Tuesday, usually twice, and when we didn't I was very disappointed. We did every sexual thing we could think of. The last time, the Tuesday before I left on Friday to return to New York, I asked him to take those photos I just showed you. The sex was very good that last time and we did it for a long time, and then again later. You can see how well used and satisfied I was in the photos. I asked him to let me take one photo of his cock and balls. Sometimes I like to look at it when you aren't around.

"Henry, it was wonderful having sex with him that summer. He was beautiful and kind and we wanted each other very much and pleased each other so well. Of course it was especially forbidden because of who he was and his color. For me that made it hotter. Henry, I want these photos to show you I knew how to take chances to get what I needed way before I knew you."

"When I met you, Henry, several years after that summer, everything changed very quickly. I found all I was looking for and all I needed and I grabbed you as fast and hard as I could and held on. I did the right thing then. We did the right thing together. Only good things have come to me through you and with you; I will try very hard not to risk what we have. But we both recognize our sexual needs have evolved and together we need to find some new ways to satisfy them. I believe we will-- and we will still love one another and stay together always. Perhaps someday Henry, maybe soon, we can share new photos of new experiences."

I had several hours before we landed to think about what Rene had said. I was glad I had seen the photos but I realized if she had shown them to me when we were first married I would have been upset, very jealous and very nervous, seeing her display her sexuality so openly. Maybe I would have worried then she would always desire the new and the forbidden. As I thought further I recognized I was no longer jealous or resentful. In fact, I couldn't resist dwelling on what I hadn't seen, imagining what more had happened between them that summer, pictures in my mind of her playing with him, her mouth on him, perhaps filled with his cum; of her on all fours, turning her head to smile at him as she took pleasure from his brown cock and gave pleasure back to him; of her riding him, teasing him by going so slowly, making him ask for her to move faster, of his cum oozing from her when she moved off him. I would not have created those pictures in my mind even a few years ago. Now I relished them. I kept this to myself.

I seized on her comment. "Rene, I have been thinking hard about this vacation, about what we want to happen to the extent we know what we want. Showing me these photographs gives me a hint as to what you are feeling; I would guess a sexual energy you have now and want to share with me. Will you answer me frankly, Rene: will you welcome the opportunity to have sex with another man while we are here? We have fantasized about it, and what you told me after the dance about your interest in James Little suggests sex with someone else is on your mind. But are you eager for sex with someone new now, during the days ahead? Do you feel you would enjoy it? Crave it even? Just tell me if you can."

"Henry, I believe I would enjoy sex with another man. Certainly, I hope it would be enjoyable. Probably most married couples at a certain point would enjoy sex with new partners, a walk on the wild side, scratching the itch, whatever. That is not the main issue, Henry. I believe you agree. What concerns me is the after-taste and the after-life of such a coupling. What if it turns out to be more than a one act play? What if it has three acts--and then repeat performances, over and over. Where does that leave a marriage? Our marriage? And how will we each feel about ourselves? I have the desire for sex with someone else, Henry. I believe you know that and I sense you do not object, you might even welcome it. But there are risks, Henry, and that is why all I can say now is maybe--and that we should try to go slow"