Her Client? Ch. 02

CH 02 - The thin line

This is a continuation. It won't make much sense to you if you haven't read the first chapter. This is my way of ending this story, but if you have a preferred ending, you have my permission to share it on Literotica. Let's face it, this tale could end in many different ways. Now about this chapter, I only ask one thing; please don't bail out on me. Read till it says "The End."

I dressed for work in silence except for some sobs coming from the bedroom. Without a word, I descended the stairs and opened the hall closet. I grabbed the suitcase that I keep packed for when I travel. As I walked to my car, I was dialing the reservations number for my favorite hotel chain. It's not the Hilton.

After reserving a room for a week, I made another call. I had never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever be securing the services of a divorce attorney, but it happened today. The first appointment available was three weeks hence, but a delay is to be expected when you're retaining the best in the field.

I was a little late reporting for work. As the day progressed my attention was divided between the tasks at hand and in visualizing what Tammy was doing at the Hilton. I knew I shouldn't care, but I did. My phone was on, but there were no calls from her. Guess that told me what I needed to know.

When my workday was over, I drove to my hotel. As I was getting my stuff out of the car, Tammy drove up beside me. She lowered her window and said, "Don't be ridiculous, Allen. Come home. We need to talk."

"We talked all we needed to yesterday, Tammy. From now on it will be your attorney talking to mine."

"That's bull-crap, honey. I didn't take the trip. I made the call instead. I've severed all connections to Buddy. No contract, no relationship, no anything. Come home with me. Let's start rebuilding what I destroyed. We have a good foundation to build on. I was careful not to bring the whole building down. My love for you was never destroyed. I had that conversation with you yesterday to avoid as much destruction as possible. It worked! I chose you, not Buddy."

"I don't see it that way, Tammy. I think there has been plenty of damage. I don't think the wreckage you caused is repairable."

"But it definitely is fixable, honey! If you won't do it for me, do it for Gloria and Dave. I'm prepared to make any and all concessions necessary to preserve our family. Come home with me, Allan."

"Even if I thought that was a good idea, I already have a room reserved for a week."

"I'll pay for damn room, Allan. Come home with me. We need to talk. Let's get some counseling. At least do that much for me and your children."

Her words got me thinking. I hear a lot about couples staying together for the kids, but is that a good idea? If the parents are unhappy and no longer in love, can they even begin to do a good job of raising children? There's a big difference between a family of convenience and a loving family. Knowing that, perhaps a counselor would be able to help. I said, "Tammy, if a counselor of my choice thinks we can survive what's happened and recommends that I come home, I will. That's the best that I can offer"

"Make the appointment, honey. I'll be there with bells on my toes. I want you home."

I did make the appointment and we both told our stories. The one thing that I noticed was that if Tammy had ever thought that Buddy just used her to get even with me, she never revealed those feelings.

To the surprise of Tammy and even me, the counselor suggested that I keep the hotel room. She said we needed to experience life without each other. We needed to see what a divorce would really be like.

To that end, she drew up what she called an interim agreement. It covered custody, visitation, keeping the house functioning, paying the bills, and such. Living under the agreement would mean living life as near as possible to an actual divorce. There would be no conversation or interaction between the two of us except as allowed by the agreement.

The counselor stressed that the agreement was just that, an agreement. It was completely voluntary and had no legal standing. Its purpose was to let us taste divorce before we took that plunge. At any time, either one of us could terminate the agreement and file for a real divorce. I'm not sure that either of us was happy with it, but we signed the papers. After signing, I canceled my appointment with the divorce attorney.

We began living strictly by the agreement. She had the house. I left the hotel and leased an apartment. The agreement specified that the kids could stay with me on one of the two weekend days. I was also able to spend two evenings with them during the week as long as I had them back to Tammy well before bedtime.

One thing that I didn't expect was when Tammy went ahead and became Buddy's agent. That disappointed me, but it was not a violation of the agreement. At least they made no effort to get married or rekindle their affair. Unlike when it all started, it appeared to be just a business arrangement between them.

To her credit, Tammy pulled a pretty good trick out of her hat. She decided to go big in an attempt to put Buddy's career back on track. She let it all hang out and put all of her eggs in his basket. She scheduled a big "Buddy Black Comeback" tour. The first comeback concert would be televised on a major network.

I kept one eye on what she was doing, but I had my own fish to fry. Everything just moved along smoothly until the day that Tammy called me with fire in her voice. "Do you hate me and Buddy this much?" she screamed.

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I asked her what brought that on. She shouted, "Like you don't know! I see your fingerprints all over this big concert called "A New Woodstock!" It just happens to be on the same night as Buddy's tour-opening concert. What did it cost you to get a show like that together and air it on a competing network in the same time slot as ours? You took your time, but you're finally getting your revenge on Buddy and me. When did you become such a bastard?"

It was my turn to yell. I shouted that I didn't know about any such concert, but I was kicking myself for not thinking of it. I assured her that I had nothing to do with it in any way. I pointed out that no client of mine had been signed to appear on such a show. I suggested that she should get her facts straight. I asked her if she had done any investigation into the concert before she made this call; or did she just assume that I was behind it. She just dropped the connection.

I did some investigating on my own and traced it to another agent that represented several big competitors in Buddy's genre. That agent would profit majorly by hindering the comeback tour. I never liked the guy. In fact, I couldn't stand him and Tammy knew it. I called to set her straight. When she answered the phone, her first words were, "I apologize. I'm just so upset. That Woodstock thing will ruin our comeback tour. I have all of my assets tied up in it. Is this revolting development some kind of karma for what Buddy and I did to you?"

I told her I didn't put much stock in karma. I said she should just focus on doing the best show possible and hope that the new fans were not all that interested in "A New Woodstock." I told her that while I didn't have any clients in the genre anymore, I would give her a list of my clients that would be available on the night of the concert. She could pick any of them that she wanted and I would let them appear on Buddy's big gig at no charge. As I said, I didn't like the agent that they were up against. I'd had more than one run-in with him.

I heard tears in her voice as she thanked me for the offer. Having said that, she never responded when I sent her the list. She went it alone.

It turned out that there were many more people interested in "A New Woodstock" than in a "Buddy Black Comeback." Buddy's TV show ratings were dismal, but even worse, the comeback tour had to be canceled halfway through the schedule. Ticket sales had been extremely disappointing. Tammy had included many of her other clients in the comeback effort. They began leaving her agency. I grieved at her failure and felt no elation when Buddy announced that he was retiring to California. After all, I was not completely heartless. I remembered good times with both of them.

As the agreement gradually became our lives, we slowly drifted apart. I wasn't very happy with the drift, but as they say: it is what it is. Everything was going as well as could be expected until the day that Tammy was terminated by her agency. She tried all of the other agencies in the area, but her name was mud because of the comeback fiasco.

She had depleted her assets funding the comeback tour and now, she had no salary. She was no longer able to pay her share of the mortgage or utilities. Out of necessity, we agreed to violate our interim agreement slightly. I was able to sublet my apartment at a slight profit and move into the basement recreation room at what now, per the agreement, was Tammy's house. I slept on the somewhat-lumpy sofa.

Almost every night when I headed to the basement, Tammy told me that I was welcome to share her bed. After many nights of this harassment, I reluctantly relented. Just like that, we were violating another clause of our agreement! I, being a rather fitful sleeper (throwing my arms and hands around a lot), accidentally touched or grabbed some forbidden areas of Tammy's anatomy quite regularly. That sometimes triggered an autogenerated response by her body. You would be surprised at how often those accidents resulted in some unintentional orgasms!

I was eating my meals with the family, taking everyone out to restaurants, watching tv movies with Tammy, playing games with the kids, and attending sporting events. It was just like we did back before Buddy came on the scene. Page by page, we were shredding our agreement. One cold night, Tammy asked me to build a fire in the fireplace. She handed me a stack of paper saying, "why don't you use these to start it?" You guessed right; it was the pages of our interim agreement.

Things were returning to normal until Tammy started complaining of headaches. If they had only happened when we were in bed, I would have been suspicious. That wasn't the case. She seemed to be having a constant headache. I had been on her case to see a doctor for weeks. She finally did. They ran every test in the book and then some. The news was not good. She was diagnosed with inoperable cancer of the brain. My world was shattered.

I had a long discussion with her doctor. He said that her cancer had probably been there for at least a year or two before the headaches began. He asked me if I had noticed her forgetting things or making bad decisions. Bad decisions? My god! I certainly had! Did that explain everything?

Tammy kept saying that it was her karma, but I knew better. Knowing that she had cancer shouldn't have made me feel better, but it kind of did. I finally understood everything. It wasn't me. It wasn't her. It wasn't Buddy. It was cancer!

They said we probably had one good year left. After that, not so good. The headaches would get worse. She would begin having seizures. There could be incontinence, blackouts, nausea, and vomiting. Near the end, she would lose her eyesight and possibly her hearing too. Soon after that, she would lose her life.

Armed with medication to ease her pain, we began to do the things we had always planned to do as a family, plus some things we hadn't even dreamed of doing. I let my understudy take over my day-to-day tasks. I remained available by phone to handle things that demanded my personal attention. Otherwise, all of our time was spent on family adventures.

We visited national and regional parks. We took in concerts. We visited the Grand Ole Opry, Disneyland, Disney-world, and the Smithsonian, to name a few. We flew to Alaska and Hawaii. We packed everything possible into one very good year.

Tammy had a prescription for some strong pain medication which she took only when the headaches got unbearable. I noticed that she was squirreling away some of her medication every day. She placed it in a bottle that she kept in her bottom dresser drawer. She thought it was a secret. She didn't know that I had installed multiple cameras in the house so I could observe her condition 24/7. I could see the output from the cameras on my phone.

I finally told her that I knew what she was doing and I understood why she was doing it Many times she had said that she didn't want to be a burden on me and she didn't want her children to see her suffering near the end. "Can you imagine what seeing me like that would do to them, Allen? To see me having seizures, blackouts, and going blind? They would have nightmares for the rest of their lives!"

She was right, of course, but I told her that I wanted her with me as long as possible. I said, "When it gets really bad, we can take you someplace where they can make you as comfortable as possible. I will help you through it. I will stay by your side and hold your hand."

She said, "I've done my research, Allen, and I know how many pills I have to take. Please don't interfere. Don't deny me this chance to retain my dignity. I have always hated the dark. I can't imagine being in constant darkness in a hospital or nursing home. It would be worse than dying. Please let me do what I have to do. Please grant me this. Let me leave while I still know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I will wait as long as possible, but don't make me wait until I don't have the physical or mental strength to do it."

It was the following week that I told Tammy about my promise to make a basketball goal for Dave. I was heading to a big-box store to get some parts. She said, "You're such a wonderful dad. Our kids are so lucky to have you. You're also the world's best husband. So much more than I deserve. "

After a little more conversation, she said, "Sorry, honey. I took a pain pill and I can't keep my eyes open. Come see me when you get back." With that, she closed her eyes. We kissed before I left to do my shopping. Little did I know that we'd just had our last conversation and our last kiss--ever.

When I got home, I yelled "I'm back, honey." I listened for her response as I carried my sack of parts to my workbench. When I didn't hear her voice, I checked my phone. She was still sleeping.

I gathered the parts that I needed and took them out to the driveway and started working. I spent about an hour on the project and made a pretty good start. Dave would be impressed. I decided to take a break. I grabbed two bottles of tea and headed to the bedroom.

Tammy was laying there in a half-sitting position with several pillows behind her back. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful, but I knew at once that something was wrong. I don't know how I knew; I just did.

There were two notes propped against her bedside lamp. I knew what they were. I reached for the one with my name on it. I could see her tears still damp on the paper. There were only a few words there, but reading them was the most difficult thing I'd ever done. I was constantly wiping tears and it took me an inordinate amount of time to finish reading her words. My tears mingled with hers on that precious piece of paper.

I kissed her cheek and stroked her hair. It was over. The love of my life was gone forever.

Everyone gathered at our house. We all made it through those horrible hours despite the huge hole in every heart.

How do we go on? We do it for each other, we do it for a perfect mom, we do it for a loving daughter/daughter-in-law, we do it for a perfect wife that suffered a brain tumor that led to some irrational behavior that turned her perfection into imperfection.

As soon as I knew about the cancer, I understood why she did those things; but she continued to hate herself. She refused to blame cancer for her actions. She believed that it was the other way around. She thought her betrayal caused her cancer. She said it was her karma.

Her note to David and Gloria was mostly an apology. She apologized for not being able to watch them grow up and do all of the things that mean so much. She mentioned graduating from high school, moving into a college dorm, graduating from college, and going forth to improve the world. She mentioned missing their weddings and not being there when her grandchildren were born. It was a long letter and toward the end, she told them that it was all her fault. She told them that their father would tell them about what happened and about karma when they were old enough to understand it all. She ended by telling them that she would be with them every day and watch over them every night.

I found myself hoping that the kids would forget to ask me about what happened and about karma.

I decided to lock the note that she wrote to me in the drawer of our bedside table. I promised myself that I would read it every night.

In case you're wondering what she said in her note to me, here it is:

"Allen, honey, I apologize for being a coward. I took the easy way out.

"I made some very bad decisions, did some unforgivable things, and betrayed the best husband in this world. A man who was also the most affectionate, thoughtful, compassionate, and kindhearted person that I've ever met. One of the last things I remember telling you was what a good father you have been and will continue to be. I leave our children in your care with complete confidence that they will be cherished with a mammoth amount of love.

"Speaking of the kids, there's a picture for each of them in my bottom dresser door. There's also one for you. The picture shows me looking down and smiling. Please hang one at the foot of Gloria's bed and one at the foot of David's bed. It will look like I'm watching over them. I promised them that I would do that. I hope you will also hang one at the foot of our bed.

"The last thing I will ask is that you burn this note. It's just not adequate to the task of thanking you for all the good times. There were so many "firsts" for us, so many glorious days, and so many nights of rapture. Burn this note and move on. Do it for your own sake and the sake of the children. Do it for me.

"This is my last apology: I'm sorry for trashing everything. I didn't appreciate what I had nearly as much as I should have. I turned my back on you with an undeserved betrayal. I doubt that you can ever forget that, so take any undeserved love that you still have for me and give it to our children. I hope David turns out to be just like you and I hope Gloria turns out to be nothing like me.

"Please do one last thing for me, stop blaming the cancer. The fault is all mine. What happened to us was due to my weakness. It was something I couldn't resist or cast away.

"I will always cherish this last year together as a family. I realize that you rekindled your love for me during that time and it was a fantastic year for our children. This year changed lots of things, but not everything. You will soon forget our fantastic year and remember how you felt before you found out about my cancer. You must learn to hate me. It will help you deal with the real me. Embrace that hate. It will help you survive. My behavior caused the cancer, not the other way around. It was and still is my karma."

I must admit that her note had me very confused. What was that message at the end all about? What was she trying to tell me? One other thing that I couldn't help but notice, she never professed her love for me in her note. There was not even one "I love you" to be found!

After everyone left and it was time to go to bed, I debated whether or not to sleep in the bed that she'd died in just a few hours ago. I chose to sleep in the den, but I decided to clean our bedroom and make the bed. When I was removing the old sheets, I noticed a folded-up newspaper. Even in this digital age, Tammy loved to read the paper and had it delivered to the house every day. It was today's paper. It was the last one she would ever read. I decided to put it with her note.