Hermes Ch. 09

I finally broke the awkward silence by trying to put the sports bra on. It was a bit of a struggle, but I finally got it done. It was tight, not uncomfortable, but tight. My bust size shrunk by two-thirds of my natural size, but it felt very secure. I took it off and tried the bralette; it was similar but not so tight, and I could see myself wearing it more often.

"This one feels nice," I said to Pyra.

"I figured it looks good on you, too. But let's try the other ones first before you settle." She picked up another bra, "This one is a simple padded or normal one," She felt around with her fingers for a bit," and it doesn't have an underwire. It should provide good support and ideally be comfy. It's also the most common type."

She unclasped it and laid it down in front of me. "Now, with these, you have two possible ways of putting them on. Actually, three; you could also try to put them on like the bralette, but that most often leads to the clasp accidentally opening. The first and easiest way would be to put the on backward around your chest, clasping them down and then turning them around and putting the straps on your arms. The more advanced but faster way is to put them on from the front and reach to your back to close them, but this takes some skill."

I nodded and took off the bralette. Getting the bra around my chest took some tries, but I finally got it done. This one felt good, too, but I still preferred the bralette. It was way easiest to put on and felt as secure as this one.

"This one is a t-shirt bra. Very similar to the normal one, but not as thick. It's great if you wear fitting or tight tops and don't want a bra outline visible. Like I do." She gestured to her tight tank top.

"Now that you mention it, I never really thought about it, but I never saw you with a visible bra outline," I responded.

She nodded, "That's exactly what they are made for. Now this one has a different type of clasp..."

---

I still couldn't believe that the reflection in the mirror was me. After Pyra's crash course in bra science, I tried on the tops Nea had provided. After some experimentation, I settled on a form-fitting shirt. It starkly contrasted the baggy sweatpants, but I liked how it felt on my skin.

I turned for the nth time in front of the mirror, and Pyra rolled her eyes.

"Yes, your ass looks great... Your boobs also." She said with fake disinterest. "Good, you are awful. Can't wait until you discover makeup."

I stopped. "Fuuuuck... I totally forgot about makeup..." I moved closer to the mirror and inspected my face. "You can show me, right?"

Pyra rolled her eyes again, "Girl, do I look like I wear much makeup? Also, your skin is a different shade than mine. What works for me will not work for you."

This not only prompted me to turn to her surprised, but I also realized that I never really paid attention to how and even if Pyra wore makeup. It took another second for me to grasp that she had just called me girl. It felt strange, but I needed to get used to it. Just as I was about to retort, Pyra continued.

"On a different note, do you still want to go by Chris, or do you have another name in mind? Given that you need a new identity and last name anyway, it would be good to decide now."

I shrugged at that, "Chris is a pretty androgynous name; as long as we don't use Christopher anymore, I'm happy with it."

"Guess it's also easier to not learn to react to a new name..." Pyra nodded, "But since we are already on the identity thing, I have the modified scanner in my ship; we should probably get that done soon. If you are done with ogling your own body, that is."

"Yeah, I guess I have enough time to look at myself later," I giggled while walking out of the room, Pyra on my heels. "Besides, I'm curious about what ship you got me."

"Don't get too excited; she's pretty old, but the best I could do with the limited time I had," Pyra responded.

"Shouldn't be too bad, as long as she's not an old mining barge or something," I replied.

"Errm... not quite..." Pyra grimaced, and I could hear a giggle from Nea, who had joined us on the way.

"Ohh, come one!" I exclaimed, "At least tell me she's in good shape. The last ship from the belt I had to fly could barely maneuver."

"Yes, yes. She's in good shape. Wasn't really a miner, more of a tug. That was the best I could do, given the budget, time, and extra processors I had to acquire." Pyra explained as we reached deck 18 and made our way through the garden toward the docking ports. "Flies alright, at least from how she followed me here. Might not be as spacious or luxurious as your old ship, especially with all the processors stacked in the cargo hold, but I think you will do fine."

I hoped what she was saying was true. More often than not, the mining barges from the Kuiper belt were a total disaster. I never worked there myself, but the few that made it into Mars orbit were so beat up that I was surprised they would even hold air. Harsh working conditions, strong competition for mining rights, low pay, and minimal support from the mining corps led to most of them being run down to near breaking, and when they eventually would break, they would be fixed with duct tape and run even more.

On the other hand, tug ships were only used by the mining outposts to tug the giant collections of ore around. They had good engines and reactors to pull and push the millions of tons of material. They might be scuffed up on the outside but would be kept in quite good shape as they were operated directly by the outpost instead of the individual subcontractors that mined the belt and earned near to nothing for their troubles.

We reached the docking port, and I looked at the console screen in front of the airlock as we walked by.

~~~

Ship Name: Tug-21-C

Pilot: -unset-

Callsign: KB-3213-6

Make: -unknown-

Model -unknown-

Status: Docked, ready for departure

Energy: -unknown-

Fuel: -unknown-

Life Support: Nominal

Warning: Protocol version not fully supported

~~~

"Probably should change that name," I mumbled to myself and followed them through the airlock.

"Charming," I said as I entered and took in the ship's cargo hold. The hold was tiny compared to the big hangar of the Unnamed, my previous ship, the one I destroyed myself to fake my own death. It still hurt thinking about it, but I couldn't help but compare everything here to it.

The two rows of stacked cubic elements placed along the walls made the small cargo hold even smaller. I had seen them before, auxiliary processors one could buy and connect to many modern systems. No doubt Pyra purchased and installed them after my last message. Multiple thick cables and smaller coolant tubes joined them together and to the ship's systems.

I took my time inspecting every part of my new ship while Pyra and Nea waited in the cargo hold. It was already crammed in the tiny interior without them on my toes. The bathroom only consisted of a toilet with an integrated sink and a little wet cabin. I smiled as I got a short glimpse of myself in the small mirror over the sink.

The sleeping area wasn't much either, just a small alcove with a mattress and some drawers below and above it. A very small kitchenette with the tiniest of coolers I had ever seen. Everything was crammed and as small as possible except for the remaining space in the cargo hold. Nothing compared to my previous ship, which seemed nearly lavish in comparison. I also had no real extra space to set up a workbench or something similar, not without sacrificing even more cargo space.

Finally, I entered the cockpit; as expected, it was tiny as well, a small pilot chair on a swivel mount with monitors all around it. At least the windows gave a good overview of the area in front of the ship. I sat down to start a system diagnostic and familiarize myself with the controls and features. As I put on the 5-point harness to make sure I knew how it worked, I was reminded of my changed physique. The shoulder belts pressed against my boobs as I tightened the harness. It wasn't painful, but the sudden pressure was something I had not experienced before.

"Errm.. Pyra? Would you mind helping me for a sec?" I called over my shoulder.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well... so the harness... if I put it as tightly as I normally had it, the pressure on my breasts is... I don't really know how to describe it," I grimaced, "unpleasant?"

Pyra looked down and laughed, "Yes, that can be a problem, especially when you have a bigger chest." She underlined her words by making big curves in front of her chest with her hands. "Just loosen them a little."

"Isn't that unsafe?" I asked as I started to loosen the belts.

"Not under normal circumstances. As long as they stay in the right spot, the only difference is that they might catch you a bit later than normal." She explained.

---

"Hey, Nea," I said after returning to the cargo hold. Pyra had left for a quick bathroom break. "Did you and Pyra already test if the processors work for you?"

"No, we talked about it, and the specs look good, but we never tested it. I'm not sure I want to test it, if I'm honest." She said, eyeing the processors skeptically.

"Why is that? I thought you wanted to leave Hermes one day."

"Yes, I do, but I also am anxious to transfer myself. What if something goes wrong? What if I lobotomies myself in the process?" She said anxiously.

"What do you mean, can't you just upload a backup?"

"I'm not sure. I have never tried to load a backup since I had become sentient. And I'm not fond of the idea of interacting with myself to test it..." Now, she not only sounded anxious, but her avatar was visibly shaking with anxiety.

"Hmm, yes, I guess that might raise some existential questions," I said, scratching my chin. "How about this, you transfer a backup and disconnect from the ship. I then load the backup and check if it works. After that, we can figure out how we continue. How does that sound?"

Nea fidgeted with her hands and frowned. I had never seen her that tense before. "I guess that's the best option we have." She finally said, after thinking for a, for her, very long time. "But what if the backup is also sentient? I don't want to die; she won't also."

"Fuck. I had not thought about that..." I searched for a place to sit in the small cargo hold, but with no chair available, I sat down in the alcove, nearly hitting my head on the frame above it. "I would say it's still worth a try. If worse comes to worse and you can't reintegrate her or something, we just have two Neas from then on. One on Hermes and one on my ship."

"What are you girls up to now?" Pyra said with a smile as she entered. At first, I didn't even realize that she obviously included me; while it was a common harmless insult between us, this time, it was the truth, and I felt a short burst of euphoria.

"Erm, we talked about a way to test the processors, but Nea is anxious about meeting herself if we load a backup, and directly transferring her could be dangerous," I explained after I had gathered myself from the sudden realization. "On top of that, we might have an ethical problem if we activate the backup and everything works. What would happen to the new Nea from the backup?"

"Damn, that's complicated... and to be frank, I don't know how I would fare in your position Nea." She shook her head and leaned against the frame of the airlock, "Interacting with an identical copy of myself... I don't even know how I would feel about that. It's such an abstract concept... And then killing her just so that there is only one true me? Damn..."

"But we can't just leave it untested," I continued, "The risk is too great that there is a problem with the processors. What if Nea can't transfer herself onto them once we leave Hermes? I won't leave her behind."

Nea was deep in thought, and Pyra wasn't better off either; this situation had evolved into a bigger problem than we ever imagined. Questions about my own identity crossed my mind; given my new body, they might have developed a bit since the last time I had thought about such a thing, but they were still deeply philosophical questions.

Was I still myself? Yes, of course, I was, even more so than a couple of weeks ago. I was now more in line with how I saw myself than I ever was before, even if I hadn't known it then.

Was I still the same person? Yes and no, depending on how you define the same person. From the outside and for the purpose of my legal identity, I was someone completely different. But for my reactions, personality, sense of humor, and everything else that counts, yes, I was still me.

Now for the ultimate question, how would I react to meeting an identical copy of myself and the possibility of needing to kill the copy in the end? Heck, if I knew. As Pyra said, this situation was so abstract that my brain failed to comprehend how I would react to that. Sure, there are logical possibilities, but we all know that emotion rarely follows logic. Killing someone, especially a clone of yourself, was something I never wanted to do. Sure, I had intentionally wounded some people before but never killed, and I hoped it would never happen.

I quickly realized that in the event of meeting a clone, I would immediately assume they would be their own person, would have their own identity, and would not be me. It just seemed right, but given how degenerated some people are about self-identity, I figured it would not be the only reaction someone could have.

I was so in thought that I hit my head on the alcove frame when Nea spoke up.

"I might not like it, but Chris is right. We need to test it, and we can't test it with Max or another AI; it needs to be me." She said, looking at us in turn. Her face was a mix of emotions, too complex for me to read. "I think the best way is to load the backup, see if everything works, and then work from there on. I don't want to kill myself, but maybe with both of us, we can find a solution."

Pyra nodded, and I stood up, not wanting to hit my head again. "Alright, let's find the best way to do this then," I said.

---

As it turned out, the progress wasn't that complex. Nea provided a backup and transferred it to the ship's systems; after that, she isolated the ship from her systems to minimize the risks of an uncontrolled interaction with her backup.

"Everyone ready?" I asked over the comms. Pyra was on the station with Nea, and I was inside the cargo hold, ready to activate the backup.

After both gave their respective clear, Nea, a bit more cautious than Pyra, I started the restore process. It took some time for the loading bar to reach the end, probably because Nea's neural net was ginormous compared to a normal AI, but finally, the console indicated that the backup had been restored successfully.

I held my breath and initiated the startup. The screen showed a steady increase in the processor load until it reached a stable level.

"Nea? Are you there?" I asked.

"Yes," sounded the familiar voice over the speakers, "how can I help you, Chris?"

I frowned, "Nea, are you alright?" Her first question seemed a bit out of line for her.

"I have detected a new runtime environment, but all systems are working as expected." She responded.

Nea never spoke like that. Moreover, I noticed that her voice always had the same inflection and superficial, upbeat tone without any change in emotion. It was similar to Max's voice but without the typical AI speech pattern. I started to worry that I had done something wrong.

"Nea, what's the last thing you remember before I activated you again?" I asked.

"We had a conversation about activating a backup of me." Again, her voice was perfectly clear and without emotion.

"So... you are that backup," I said, expecting at least some reaction from that revelation.

"Yes, that is the logical conclusion from the new environment." She responded with no sign of surprise or even anxiety in her voice.

"Do you remember how you felt about the idea of activating a backup?" I continued.

"No, but my memory records have additional metadata overhead that I cannot comprehend." She responded. A Shiver ran down my spine.

"Would you define yourself as sentient? or having emotions?" I asked. Good, this was stressful. Was the backup broken? or was it the new environment? Maybe it was something else, and Nea's emotions were somehow linked to Hermes's special hardware?

"No, I am not sentient nor am I capable of emotions."

~~~

Phew, what a ride. If you could not guess already, we have now reached an important turning point. Not only did Chris now receive her new body (god, it feels good talking about her now), but we also have an ethical and philosophical dilemma.

So, with that massive cliffhanger and these complex questions, I leave you until the next chapter. Muhahah.

Also, a reminder that I will not tolerate bigotry or hateful comments.

If this chapter of Hermes makes you uncomfortable or you dislike how the story is evolving, then Hermes might not be for you.

Until then, drink enough fluids, love yourself

and

I <3 you

Kat

~~~