Hero's Lament Ch. 01

"What is it, Susan?"

"Where is she, Tyler? That bitch who called herself my friend-where is she?"

"Ah," he had just realized he'd been sitting at the kitchen table, lost in his dreams of mayhem. He had been oblivious to his surroundings and the time. "I'm not sure. Check up stairs, if she's not there then I honestly have no idea."

Without saying another word, Susan turned around and marched up the stairs. She found her former friend lying on the bed. It looked as if she'd cried herself to sleep. Susan felt no pity for her. She grabbed the sleeping woman by the hair and pulled her upright.

"Oooow!" Nancy yelled waking up with a painful fright. Automatically, her hands reached to free herself, but that just made Susan tighten her grip even more.

"You bitch," she growled as she forcefully jerked her rival's head back and forth with a vengeance.

Nancy's face was scrunched up in pain as she continued trying to free her golden mane from her neighbor's retaliation. With one hard yank Susan pulled the helpless woman toward her and started to slap her on the side of her head.

Nancy brought her hands up in defense to block the blows but didn't try fighting back; she was too demoralized.

"I just threw my worthless husband out of the house. I hope you're happy," Susan spewed as she finally released her battered victim with a hard push backwards.

"I'm so sorry," Nancy spoke in a pathetic sounding voice. "We never meant to hurt anybody."

"Save it," barked Susan. "I just came over to tell you not to ever speak to me again. NEVER, you hear me, bitch...NEVER! You stay away from me!"

Susan left her contemptible neighbor sitting on the bed and went back down stairs. She noticed Tyler still sitting at the kitchen table. "I don't know what you're going to do, Tyler, but I just kicked my husband out. I...I just..." She couldn't even complete her thought. There were no words to reduce the pain.

Tyler just looked at her with a blank stare. "Was she up there?"

"Yes, she's in your bedroom. I warned her to stay away from me."

When it looked like he wasn't going to offer anymore, Susan turned and was about to leave when he finally spoke again.

"I wish I had let him die, Susan. That day-if I had known, I would have let him bleed to death."

She knew it was the grief and the anger talking. Tyler was one of the nicest guys she knew. "I doubt that, Tyler. I think I know you better than that. Even if you had known you'd have done the same thing you did."

"Huh," he replied with a sneer. "You think so?"

"Yes...yes I do. You're too good a person to let someone die, even when that person is your mortal enemy."

Susan had only been gone a little while when Tyler heard the back door fly open.

"Hey, dad, LeAnn said you beat up Mr. Cermak; is that true?"

Chris had been playing at a friend's house down the block but had come home for lunch. His outburst had provoked his dad back to reality once again. He stumbled for a suitable answer.

"I...ah, I didn't beat him up. I got angry about something he said and knocked him down, that's all. I shouldn't have done it. It's not something I'm proud of."

The explanation did nothing to curb Chris' enthusiasm over bragging rights when he went back to school. "He must have said something really bad to get you that mad. What'd he say?"

"Never mind. That's between him and me. Like I said, Chris, I'm not proud of it so let's just drop it; and don't go spreading it all over the neighborhood, either. This is no one's business-hear me?"

"Yeah," Chris relented, "I hear you."

"What are you doing home, anyway? I thought you were spending the day at Bobby's?"

When Chris told his dad he got hungry, Tyler checked the time. He couldn't believe it was one-thirty in the afternoon. He called LeAnn in and fixed them both some lunch before climbing the stairs.

Nancy was still sitting on the edge of the bed. She had no tears left. She stared into space as her mind churned up lonely, desolate images of her future life. The feeling of another presence in the room struck her with fear as she saw Tyler standing in the doorway.

"I just fixed the kids some lunch. Get cleaned up and join us. They're asking questions. I think it'd be a good idea to at least try to act like things are okay in front of them...for a little while, anyway," he stated in flat tones.

Before Nancy could respond he turned his back and calmly walked back down stairs. She had known Tyler for sixteen years. He was a warm, compassionate, caring man; not at all like the unemotional, indifferent person who had just spoken to her. A real sense of loss invaded her soul as she teetered to the bathroom to wash her face.

Chris was almost done eating when he realized he hadn't seen his mother. "Where's mom?"

"Right here," she answered, coming into the kitchen. "I was tired so I laid down for a while." Solemnly, Nancy walked to the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting down.

"Hey, mom, did you hear what dad did to Mr. Cermak?"

"Chris," his father scolded, "I told you to drop it. I don't want to hear any more about it, now I mean it."

"Okay," Chris responded before taking another bite from his sandwich.

LeAnn was quiet throughout lunch and both parents could see the morning's events were still bothering her but no more was said about it until later that night when Tyler and Nancy went to bed.

It was a three bedroom home; Christopher had one, LeAnn had one, and the master. The only other place to sleep, other than in his own bed, was the couch and Tyler wasn't about to start sleeping there. Uncharacteristically, he watched a late movie in hopes his cheating wife would be sound asleep by the time he hit the sack but he could hear her quietly weeping as he started to undress.

He crawled under the sheet and turned his back to her.

"What are you going to do?" she softly asked between sobs.

"Divorce you."

Even through the armor forged by his anger, she could hear the anguish in his words. "I'm sorry, Tyler. I never meant to hurt you. I was just so bored and alone all the time. When Kevin went on nights he started coming over for coffee. We..."

"Shut up and go to sleep, Nancy. I don't care why or how it happened; it happened, that's all that counts."

As far as Tyler was concerned, he was already divorced. It was cut and dry. He would get the ball rolling as soon as he got into the office on Monday. He rolled over on his back again. He never could get comfortable on his side. As he stared at the ceiling, dark thoughts crept their way into his mind; thoughts like no others he'd ever had, thoughts of mayhem. He wondered if he had the balls to kill someone...well, not just anyone—Kevin. Of course he knew he didn't but just fantasizing about it might help him get to sleep...it worked.

Sunday was hard on the kids. It was their first inkling that there was real trouble in their wonderful family unit. In the morning they all went to church like usual but neither Tyler nor Nancy did any socializing after the services. Tyler literally ignored the minister as he walked out and to the car. Nancy was right behind him with the kids in tow. She gave a sheepish grin to the stunned reverend as she also passed without a word.

For LeAnn and Chris, Sunday afternoons were tradition. The Sunday paper was always on their front porch when they got home from church. Everyone would go upstairs and change out of their good clothes then their dad and mom would make dinner while Chris and his sister would read the comics. They always laid on the floor, side by side with the paper sprawled out in front of them so Chris could help his little sister with words she didn't understand.

It was always such a warm, loving family atmosphere.

On this particular Sunday, after changing clothes, Tyler emerged from the bedroom alone and closed the door behind him as he went downstairs to start dinner. LeAnn was next to exit her bedroom and just caught sight of her father as he disappeared down the stairs. It was unusual for her parent's bedroom door to be closed. As she quietly approached, she could hear her mother crying on the other side.

Fearfully, her tiny hand reached the doorknob and slowly turned. LeAnn peeked in and saw her mother spread face down, diagonally across the bed. She was still wearing her good clothes.

Nancy didn't even feel her daughter's weight as she sat on the bed. It wasn't until LeAnn tried to comfort her mommy by stroking her long, blond hair, that she was aware of her daughter's presence.

"Oh, LeAnn, what are you doing in here?" she sniveled while trying to wipe her tears away as discreetly as possible.

"Why is daddy so mad?"

Nancy sat up next to her daughter and put her arm around her. "Honey, mommy did something very bad and daddy is mad at me, but only me. Please don't think he's mad at you because he's not...not at all."

Just then, Chris, who heard voices, came in and sat down on the other side of his mother. "This is about dad beating up Mr. Cermak yesterday, isn't it."

Nancy was at a loss for words. She had no idea how to explain what was going on. She stared into her son's face, trying to think of something to say when Chris almost killed her with his next statement.

"I know what adultery is, mom."

Nancy's hand shot to her mouth and her eyes immediately flooded with new tears. She'd forgotten how much smarter kids were today. In her day there was no internet. People didn't talk as openly about sex like they did today.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she blubbered, laying her head on her son's shoulder. Her whole body shook with her sobs while LeAnn hugged her from the other side.

Even though Chris knew the meaning of the word, he was still too young to understand the emotional and psychological implications of adultery. Never having experienced the kind of love one feels for a mate, he didn't understand how deeply the wounds of betrayal could cut into a person's soul. Not reaching manhood yet, he didn't understand the humiliation and heartbreak of feeling like less of a man.

He reached his arm around his mother to try and reassure her. "Dad won't stay mad forever, mom. It'll be alright, you'll see."

Nancy knew the naiveté of her son's words but she wasn't about to dash his hopes. She squeezed both children with the affection only a loving mother could have. "Okay, guys. Go on down stairs now and let me get dressed so I can help your dad with dinner."

The two young-ones scrambled off the bed and headed to the living room. Chris saw the tears in his little sister's eyes.

"Don't worry," he told her while putting his arm around her, "things will work out."

"I hope so," she whimpered back.

"What does a...adult..."

"Adultery?" Chris said, helping her out.

"Yeah, adultery; what does it mean?"

"Ah, I don't think mom or dad would like me telling you, sis. You should probably ask one of them...but I'd wait a little while. I...I really think we should stay out of it. I think dad's going to need some time to get over being mad and I think we should just leave them alone for a while."

"Okay," LeAnn said as they both reached the bottom of the stairs. "I sure hope dad stops being mad, soon."

***

Tyler tried his very best to be nice to Nancy for the kid's sake and pretty much pulled it off. The day slipped by without incident or a cross word. That night Nancy debated on telling Tyler about her conversation with Chris and LeAnn. She finally decided he should be informed.

"The kids know," she said softly.

"What do you mean, know-know what?"

"They know I was having sex with Kevin," she said with her shame almost dripping from every word.

"How," he said sliding up the bed and bracing his back against the headboard in an agitated action. "I didn't tell them, did you?"

"No, no. Kids today are a lot smarter about things than we were at that age. Chris knew about you beating up Kevin and it's obvious we're having problems...he put two and two together."

"Shit. What about LeAnn?"

"Chris used the term, adultery, in front of her but I don't think she knows what it means...not yet anyway. I'm sure it won't take her long, though. Right now she knows there's something seriously wrong but that's all."

"Damn it," he cursed. "I've been trying all day to think of ways to make this easier on the kids...some way to cushion the blow for them."

His words were discouraging. "That...that means you're definitely going to file for a divorce?"

"I'm sorry, Nancy. I...you have no idea what this has done to me. I never thought..."

It was too early for Tyler to talk about it. His thoughts were still incoherent and flashing through his brain like outraged bolts of lightning.

"Just go to sleep, Nancy. I don't want to talk about it," he said while sliding back down into bed and turning his back to her.

***

The next morning was the first time in all her years as Tyler's secretary that Charlene saw her boss walk in without a big grin on his face. She knew immediately something was wrong; not just because he wasn't smiling but his whole demeanor seemed different.

It had been less than forty-eight hours since learning of his wife's infidelity. Tyler was operating on adrenaline and anger; he couldn't let go of the anger. If he did he would fall to pieces. Right now it was his only defense mechanism.

"Good morning," she cautiously addressed him.

"Good morning, Charlene."

He walked behind his secretary's desk to pour himself a cup of coffee from the pot she always had brewing. She watched him from the corner of her eye as he took a small sip of nectar. He brought the cup down to his waist and held it in both hands while briefly seeming to zone out. Finally he spoke again.

"Char, I found out over the weekend that my wife has been sleeping with another man ..."

"Wha...what? Nancy? Tyler, oh my God, I'm so sor..."

"Can you make some calls and find me a good divorce lawyer, please," he said without letting her finish saying she was sorry.

"Okay, sure," she replied. "Tyler, are...are you sure?"

"Oh I'm sure. I damn near killed the mother-fucker," he said, walking into his office and closing the door behind him.

Okay, I have work to do, he told himself as he sat down at his desk; but as he looked at the customer file in front of him, he began to wonder how hard and how risky it would be to hire an assassin.

As the day wore on, the mental and consequently physical anguish continued to rip through the souls of all concerned.

Nancy sat at home and stared at the walls for most of the day. She hadn't eaten anything. The way her insides were twisted into knots, there was no way she'd be able to keep anything down. Tears flowed from her eyes again and again as she wondered how many more loved ones would be hurt by her adultery. There was no question her parents and the kids would suffer. Her selfishness was about to change the lives of everyone she held dear.

Why...why did she let it happen? She wasn't a kid. She knew what they were doing was wrong-but at the time it just seemed so exciting. It offered her a little thrill in her hum-drum existence. Not that the sex was thrilling, it was extremely mediocre. It was the danger, the threat of being discovered; of course the threat was just perceived—it wasn't real; no way would they ever be discovered. She had to face it; they did it because both she and Kevin thought they'd get away with it. At some point, Kevin would go back on days and it would be over with no one ever being the wiser. In years to come, when she was feeling lonely and depressed she'd be able to look back at her secret little affair and smile with the knowledge that she was naughty and got away with it. Only it didn't work out like that.

While Nancy sat, pondering the loss of the man she loved, Susan was having similar notions...but from a different perspective. Try as she did to concentrate, her mind kept drifting to thoughts of Kevin and her back-stabbing neighbor. She couldn't get over the humiliation of having Nancy in her home while Kevin was convalescing; the private joke they shared as they laughed at her behind her back. Vehemently, she fought back tears. She had already made up her mind that a cheating husband wasn't worth crying over, but that was easier said than done. She still loved him. Maybe in time it would wear off but she couldn't just stop loving him. As she reached for the box of tissues on her desk she noticed the time. Where ever he was, her soon to be ex would be getting ready for work.

***

Kevin stepped out of the motel shower and jumped at the sound of a car door slamming outside his room. He had been drunk most of the weekend and hadn't realized how much on edge he was until that moment. Still naked, he rushed to the window and peeked through the blinds to make sure it wasn't Tyler. His hand trembled as he bent the blind open just enough to watch a stranger pull his suitcase from the backseat of a company owned Chevy and head for the room next to his. False alarm this time, he thought, but he remembered the hate in Tyler's eyes and was convinced that someday he'd come after him.

He'd never been hated by anyone before—not like that. It was disturbing to know there was someone in the world who hated him enough to want to kill him. He had no idea what to do. He couldn't go through the rest of his life looking over his shoulder...

Damn, he told himself, I'm getting paranoid. Tyler doesn't even know where I am. I don't think he'd really try to kill me...I...I don't think...

***

While all this was going on, Tyler finally decided hiring an assassin was too risky; besides, he'd want to be there. He'd want to watch the light go out in Kevin's eyes. He sighed; she's right, he told himself, I couldn't do it anyway.

"Tyler," called the voice of his secretary through the intercom. "I have a recommendation for a divorce lawyer. His name is Lou Hunt. I have it on good authority that he's an excellent attorney. Do you want me to set up an appointment?"

"Ah, yeah, thanks, Char; that'll be great, the sooner the better."

At one o'clock that very afternoon, Tyler sat in the presence of an elderly, white haired man who appeared to know marital law like the back of his hand. For two hours they discussed every aspect of what he could look forward to. He told his attorney what he wanted and in response, his attorney told him what he could expect. Tyler didn't think anything he heard sounded unreasonable and instructed the wise man to draw up the paperwork. As soon as it was ready he would present it to his wife and sit down to discuss the terms of the agreement with her.

After returning to the office he had a short conversation with a very concerned Charlene.

"How did it go?" she asked.

She had worked for him for years. She was more than a colleague, she was a friend. In fact, he and Nancy had gone out with her and her husband, Brad, on several occasions and they always got a table together at company parties.

"It went okay," he replied, then stopped and thought for a second. "You know—part of me wants revenge. Part of me wants to make her life miserable and cut her off from getting a penny in the divorce, but I can't do that. I have to think of the kids. I want to make the transition as easy as possible for them and forcing them into an apartment somewhere...having them watch their mother trying to scrimp and save to meet the bills every month isn't the way to do it.

"We came up with what I think is a fair settlement. She'll have to work. I'm done paying for her to sit at home so she can screw other men, but the kids will be able to stay in the house, keep their friends, and go to the same school. It'll be pretty expensive for me, at least for a while, but it's nothing I can't handle."