Hey Pappy

I thought this over for a long time and I regret that this is the only way I can find to solve the problem. I will miss you all terribly.

Please remember me when I was young, healthy and not as ugly as I am now and know that I only do this because I love you so much.

I do not know where I will end up. If you find me and bring me back I will just need to leave again.

I love you all with my entire heart and wish there was another way.

Give the children extra hugs and kisses for me.

Your loving wife,

Sophie"

Donna said, "I can see the spots where she cried as she wrote this; and then she folded the letter and put it back in the envelope and then handed it to me. We sat silently for a long time. There were fresh tear stains on the outside of the envelope.

I do not know what Donna was thinking; I was thinking that she and I might never have gotten together if I had found the letter sooner. As much as I loved her it hurt to think about that. I was still lost in thought when she got up and went to get Sophie so they could start dinner.

I fell asleep and woke as Rosetta climbed into my lap to give me a big hug and kiss. I looked to my right and saw Billy holding the letter; he had picked it up from the floor. I told him he could read it if he wanted to.

Rosetta asked "Pappy, is that lady really my gramma? Do I really gots 3 grammas?"

"She is your Daddy's mother. Yes, you have 3 Grandmothers."

"Pappy, can I love her just like the others?"

"If you choose to you can love her as much as you want."

"Thanks Pappy!"

After she climbed back down I looked over at Billy; there were tears streaming down his face. He had just finished reading the letter. His face was bright red with anger.

I said "Billy, let's go for a walk down to the barn."

Donna looked out and nodded her head to agree.

We went out the front door and walked the long way to the barn. We just walked slowly; he would not look up from the ground and spent a lot of energy kicking the rocks in the path. After we turned to go behind the barn he let out a long sigh.

"How can she be so stupid?" he yelled. "That is the worst reason to walk out like she did I ever heard of."

"Actually, what she did is not that uncommon for a person who is diagnosed as manic depressive. The mind gets very confused and tricks the victim into believing all kinds of things. Some people get violent, or climb into themselves and try to hide, others kill themselves thinking it will solve the problem and some just run away. There are as many reactions as there are victims. When the victim gets the correct treatment they can function in a normal manner."

"Why, why did she not return when she was better?"

"My best guess is she was scared and confused. She had done the one thing a loving mother would never do; she abandoned her children. She did not understand why or how she could do this thing. At the same time, she had a new family situation. I am thinking she felt she had a debt to repay to the lady who she was caring for."

"BUT, what about her real family? She had an obligation to us too. She could have contacted us and let us know she was ok."

"In her confusion I bet she was concerned that we would take her away from her friend, the woman she was caring for. You notice she returned as soon as that obligation was over."

Billy was noticeably calmer now; he was still confused as hell though, most certainly more than when we started. I could see and feel the conflicts waging in his mind. I had many of the same thoughts. We walked in circles and talked until Shrimp and Rosetta came running around the barn yelling that supper was ready.

On the way back they both held Billy's hands. Finally about 20 feet from the house Rosetta stopped and looked up at her father "Can we love our new Gramma?" she squeaked.

"Yes Daddy can we?" Shrimp asked.

Billy just lightly squeezed their hands and said "We'll see." The children knew that if he said that the answer would most likely be yes, later on.

They both squealed and said "Thank you Daddy." Then they ran for the door.

Billy stood there for a minute, and then reached out for me and we both hugged each other.

"Thanks for talking." He said.

"This is really confusing." I replied.

We headed for the door and went in to supper.

Most of the talk at the table was between the children and their 2 grammas. It was light and breezy. There were many questions about where Gramma Sophie had been and what she was doing. She answered them honestly, but simply. She did not mention her leaving or illness. When the children asked a question she was not ready to answer Gramma Donna would start talking.

When supper was over and the dishes were done Donna took the children for a walk, back home, again.

The 4 of us sat down to talk like we did the night before. The talk was a lot lighter and much more productive than the previous evening.

Billy told his mother that after reading the letter and talking with me he understood how she was thinking, just not why she thought that way.

Sophie looked at me and said "That letter was for you, how could you share it?"

"You did not tell me not to share it with him and besides that I would have shared it if you had not returned. You abandoned him too. It helped him to understand more than any words I could come up with. I will share it with Loretta too if I think it will help her."

The phone rang; Susan said she would get it. From her end of the conversation I understood that it was Loretta on the other end. Susan told her we were all talking and if I came to the phone it might slow the progress we were making. She found the letter on the desk, walked over to the door where only I could see and held it up, pointed at the phone and shrugged. I discretely nodded and continued with the conversation. Susan read it over the phone to Loretta.

They talked on the phone for a while. Finally Susan came back into the room. Sophie looked up at her, but we continued talking.

There was a lull in the conversation; Susan said "That was Loretta; she will be here on Friday evening. She and her family will stay at our place and she wants to talk with you on Saturday morning. She was very upset until I read her the letter you wrote, I checked with Pappy before I read it to her. I may have overstepped my boundaries, but I sent her a copy by email. She cried when she saw it for herself."

The meeting was essentially over; we had agreed we would not make any decisions tonight.

"Let's see what happens with your mother and Loretta on Saturday, and we will hold another meeting on Sunday to make some decisions." I had spoken and the meeting was over.

While we were talking it had started to rain outside. I told Billy to take my car and let Donna drive it back home.

When Donna arrived she looked hopefully at me. "It was a lot better tonight. Billy understands much better after reading the letter and going for a walk. I am not sure where his mind is going to go with this; I hope he can forgive her. She was a wonderful mother to them I would hate to see it all fall apart.

The rain had stopped and the clouds were starting to lift. We opened the curtains and turned out the inside lights. As we were watching and cuddling, Sophie walked quietly into the room. "I'm sorry to bother you. Thank you for today, good night."

Before we could answer she was gone again.

Later as we went to bed we heard her lightly snoring when we passed her room.

The next morning was bright, sunny and cool. The rain had dried and everything looked clean and new. I love to go for walks on mornings like this. As I walked down the road I thought I saw movement in the front curtains at Billy and Susan's house, I looked again and saw nothing. At the store where I stop for a drink and turn around, my cell phone rang. It was Loretta; she asked if I was doing all right and about a hundred other questions. I answered them the best I could and queried her on the same subjects. She was glad her mother was back and in good health. She would see me for a few minutes on Friday, but she wanted to talk with Billy the most before she met her mother. I told her to have someone call when she was ready, I would come over.

We said our goodbyes as I neared the little red house, I went in to breakfast.

Since Sophie had returned I had not gone to do any work, my list was getting longer and people were getting antsy about their projects. I had Donna call and tell them I was starting on my list again and would be with them as soon as time allowed.

The first job was to replace the windows and frames on an old farm house, I had 2 more to do by the time the weekend arrived. I promised to finish on Monday or call if I was not going to make it. They were happy.

I had a call as I neared the old house, so I swung in. Loretta and I talked, but did not do so much walking as I was tired from working. She was satisfied with my answers and thanked me with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I went home to supper and a nap.

Sunday dawned bright, clear and cool, the wives fixed breakfast. Afterward they started to prepare a cookout for lunch.

Everyone enjoyed the burgers and dogs off the grill, and the fried chicken and numerous veggies and salads. There would be homemade ice cream for dessert later on.

Everyone had a pleasant time; I noticed our children sat together off to the side where they could watch the goings on. After the meal Donna took the grandchildren out for another walk.

We all sat in the living room; Sophie started out apologizing to Loretta for her sudden disappearance. It was pretty much the same as the other times.

Loretta smiled, came over and gave her a hug, "You have missed too much from our lives. You missed some wonderful times, you missed some not so good times and you were the cause of some terrible times. I have missed you greatly in my life. If you are truly here to stay you are welcome to return."

Then they let go of each other and sat down side to side on the sofa.

Billy spoke next. "I was reluctant to accept your story at first. You can thank Loretta for pointing out a great many things to me. The letter you wrote did help me to decide I want you in my life again, with the understanding that you are here to stay. I will not allow my family to go through the same anguish I went through."

He walked over and hugged his mother and sat on the other side.

That left me. "You said it better than anyone else so far, your actions have cost you the love and companionship of the one who meant the most to you. As I told you first, Donna and I love each other very much and will not separate for any reason. You are welcome in our lives as a long time friend and former lover. Do not expect to be treated in any other way. We will see where the road is going to take us."

The property here is large enough, and I have the building right that will allow you to move a mobile or modular home onto it. It will be on the far side of the property on the road that runs behind us. You will be responsible to supply the dwelling, the well and septic and have the utilities run in. In addition you will be responsible for all of your own utilities. If this is acceptable to everyone we can start with the permits this week."

I turned to Loretta and said "I still have one more building right, if you choose to return to the area we can still put you here too if that is your desire."

The plan worked well, Sophie was moved into her new home by the time fall arrived. One year later Loretta and her husband daughter and new born son built a small home on the back of our property.

Moving on about ten years.

Everyone has settled down into a peaceful loving existence. Donna and Sophie are best friends, they do everything together. I have slowed down even more with my work, although there is all I can handle at any time. We now have 6 grandchildren and each of them is loved.

We just got back from our yearly checkups. Donna has been complaining, no that is not the correct word; Donna has not been herself lately. She gets tired easily and sleeps later in the morning. They ran all kinds of tests; the results will be in next week.

We sat out in the swing on the back porch to watch the sun go down tonight. As we watched we cuddled and talked. "She said "Pat, I love you with all my heart, I know you love me too. I can feel that something is not right, please do not be upset when we go to the doctor next week. I have not felt right for some time now, but I did not want to worry you. We have had some wonderful years together, if they are to end soon then that is the way it is to be. Always remember the good times we have had."

I hugged her and said "You always were the worrier in the group, the doctors will fix whatever is wrong and we will go on."

When we left the doctor's the next week she was quiet, we drove home and she went in to fix supper. After supper we sat out on the swing again, "So what did the doctor say today? You have been really quiet all evening."

She crawled into my lap and sighed; as we sat there she began. "Years ago before we were married I had a cancer scare. The doctors operated and removed it. I have been cancer free for the last 25 years. It has returned."

"We will go and see what can be done for you."

"This time it is spreading throughout my body already. They said there is no way to stop it now. I might have as little as 6 months to live."

Through my tears I asked "How do you want to handle this?"

"We need to tell everyone about it, there should be no surprises for anyone. I want to live what I have left of my life in dignity and as much comfort as I can. I will not be medicated to the point that I am a vegetable. As long as we are able I want to see and do new things, I want my family to be near me and know how much they are loved. As much as I love you; I need to be buried next to my first husband, Frank, in the family graveyard at the old homestead where my brother lives. We have been the best of friends, I am lucky to have loved you all these years but; Frank and I were soul mates since we were in 3rd grade. Please understand!"

We sat for another half hour and then got ready to go to bed.

As we kissed good night I turned and whispered "I understand completely."

While she was still able we went to concerts and plays, we spent a lot of time visiting the parks we loved, and not a day was wasted. She began to include Sophie in more and more of our adventures. She said she needed help in the restrooms and such. Soon we needed to stay home more and more, Sophie was at her side most of the time. Sophie started to stay over some nights.

One night about a month before she passed Donna and I were laying in bed. She said "How would you feel about bringing Sophie into your home after I am gone."

I did not answer; I just held her hand and gave it a small squeeze.

She went on, "When we were first married you used to talk to her all the time in your sleep. Many time you sounded like you were madly in love, other times you were angry. Since she has returned you still talk to her, but you are never angry anymore. I think you still love her but won't admit it to yourself."

I rolled over, kissed her long and deep, and told her she was talking nonsense.

"I want you to be happy when I am gone, if happiness is being with your first love then please do it. I have spoken to her about this and you both have my blessing"

"I love you and am grateful you are thinking about my happiness, but now is not the time to talk about such things."

I rolled over to her again and started to caress her body. She sighed, and exhaustion overtook her she drifted off to sleep.

The last week she still refused to take any strong pain medications; I could read how badly she hurt. She still insisted in doing as much as she could for herself. Finally her body gave out in the middle of the night, we were lying there asleep when I heard her sigh, and she reached for my hand, smiled, whispered goodbye and was gone.

I called for Sophie; she came quickly.

Sophie started to make all the calls to notify the family and the authorities.

The night before the funeral we had the most horrendous thunder storm I have ever seen. The lights went out in the funeral home. A few minutes later they came back on. The children joked that Donna was playing a trick on us.

The morning of the funeral was still dark and rainy; while the pastor was finishing up the service the sun came out. The sun shone down through the stained glass over the altar directly onto the casket. It was beautiful.

There was a pot luck dinner at the church after it was all over. Her children all stood behind me, as the oldest thanked me for making his mother so happy for the last years of her life. "Mom was lost until you came into her life and saved her. When Dad died she had no life for the longest time."

I told them they were all my family and it would always be that way.

After it was all over and I was at home alone, I started to consider the requests Donna had made of me. To always remember and love her was easy. To care for her family was easy too. But could I be happy if I married Sophie again? I have no idea.

Life without Donna was not easy; I moved out of our bedroom and slept in the living room on the sofa. Every time I had a thought that I wanted to share she was not there, but I shared any way. The children tried to spend time with me, but they had their lives too. Sophie was around a lot, but there just was no spark between us.

To keep my mind busy I started to do odd jobs again. The rules were the same as before, I just worked shorter days and took more breaks. There would be no heavy lifting or climbing ladders more than 2 steps high.

I still go by the restaurant where we had met, Mary is now the manager. Last week she told me that one of the other customers had asked about me. She thinks the lady might be of interest to me. I told her she could give the lady my phone number; if she is interested she can call me. I was not in a hurry to get involved with another romance, good company is always welcome.

About a week later I received a phone call from a woman who introduced herself as Martha. We agreed to meet at a bar-be-que place not far from where she lived. She said she would recognize me. When I arrived I asked for Martha; the woman they took me to was a beautiful strawberry blond. She stood and we shook hands.

Lunch that day was a dream come true, we talked for hours about our like and dislikes; before we finally needed to clear the table for others to use. I paid and left a nice tip for the waitress to compensate her for the time we tied up the table. We walked around the nearby park for another hour before we separated.

I got her phone numbers and address so we could go out to dinner and a movie on Friday. Saturday we went to a park for a picnic, the food she prepared was beyond any expectation I ever had. We talked about our former spouses. She was divorced 10 years ago when she caught her ex cheating on her. I told her about Sophie and Donna. She remembered Donna from the restaurant and had wondered who she had married. She said "Donna was on cloud nine for the few months before she married and left her job. Now I see why. "

We are not a couple yet, but we are spending time together an awful lot. I think there is something stirring in my heart.

Sophie met a gentleman who works part time at the local One Stop Store. They seem to be good for each other.

I guess time will tell.