tagHumor & SatireHilda Humper's Delicious 2% Milk

Hilda Humper's Delicious 2% Milk


Hilda Humper, A Great Role Model For America's Girls, stars in: "Hilda Humper's Delicious 2% Breast Milk"

By Victor C. Nathan

"Owwwww," Hilda Humper groaned in pain as she gently massaged one of her enormous breasts through the deep cup of her extra large bra.

The sassy and bodaciously buxom school teacher grimaced at the intense soreness that made even touching her boobs uncomfortable. Her breasts had expanded beyond their usual outlandish girth and to the sheer size of fucking Goodyear blimps. The amount of milk that they held was quite a lot and much more than a woman with average-sized breasts could have withstood. But thanks to Hilda's triple J cup boom booms, she could hold enough milk in her titties to breastfeed a whole Boy Scout troupe with cookies. Hilda's bosoms were so pressurized and tight that they "just plain fucking hurt like a motherfucker", as she would describe her discomfort blatantly in the same crass sort of way that her potty mouth usually worded her sundry pains.

"Oh, Denny. They hurt, baby," Hilda whined like a child with a skinned knee, her lower lip stuck out in a pout that made her gorgeous face less like that of a white-hot temptress and more like that of a pixie-faced endearing child that needed some attention. Only her language belied this caricature of innocent endearment. "My fucking boobies aren't supposed to hurt like this. I'm used to these motherfuckers feeling good as fuck. Ain't this some horseshit? These fucking milkers look like the blessed fucking Goodyear motherfucking blimp. I'm a fucking wee wee sucker and fucker, not a fucking cow."

Hilda Humper stood in her tiny living room, her pretty golden blonde hair hanging nearly to her shoulders as she stood there, irate as hell. Hilda still looked like a vision of loveliness. She wore only her favorite green bra and a pair of overly tight blue jeans that highlighted the glorious swell of her plump, beautiful, lovely, fantasy-evoking ass. Hilda's boobs jutted out from her, straining each insufficient cup of her brassiere with their cartoonishly exaggerated gargantuan size and weight. A moan now escaped her thick red lips and it was not the moan of pleasure that she normally exhibited as a man greedily enjoyed and kneaded her assets with his haplessly insufficient hands. It was a moan of pain, of pure agony, for her titties were sore and swollen from the excess amount of milk that each one carried within its balloon-sized globe. They ached because they were filled with an overabundance of sweet milk than now swelled them to eye-popping proportions that dwarfed even her usual titanic mass of titflesh.

"Come on, Hilda," Denny said, smiling and reassuringly patting the edge of her big left breast. "Just calm down, lovely lady. This pain won't last long and you will soon have something wonderful to show for all of your discomfort. They'll feel better when we get that bra off and get started with what we need to do. This will be a great opportunity for you and for your financial future. You'll see. It'll give you some relief in both your big titties in the present, and in your pocketbook in the future."

Hilda nodded blankly and saw that though he was trying to be all business, the swell of an erection was rapidly turning the front of Denny's pants into a tent. She knew perfectly well from experience that this had always been the standard male reaction to her prominent and totally popular titanic titties. Miss Humper was just about to unhook her bra and give of herself for a little capital, for the money that she hoped this business opportunity would accrue. For once, actually, for the first time ever, it was not for pleasure.

"Oh, Denny, help me," Hilda whined and cried in her sexy voice that was now strained and racked with painful sensation. "My boobies hurt something fucking awful. I can't take this shit anymore. Oh, fuck!"

Hilda was definitely in a bad way at this very instant.

"Help me get my bra off, you fucker!" Hilda demanded in a rare moment of unabashed simmering frustration and irritated ire. She needed help taking off her big bra, her pain now almost reaching an incapacitating level, and he was all too glad to assist her in the removing of her deep-cupped green encumbrance, this impediment to her mammary liberation. "Hurry the fuck up!"

The happenings that were about to take place were unusual, yet hopefully lucrative. Hilda Humper had a local businessman in her home at the moment, who had been wanting to meet her and her milk-filled mountains. Mr. Denny Fuckerfaster had recently come up with a wild idea that had taken a lot of begging and cajoling to get the cynical Hilda to finally sign on to. It wasn't that Hilda was not a diehard capitalist and didn't like or want to make money. It was just that Mr. Fuckerfaster's idea was so seemingly ludricrous, at least on its face, that it was hard to take seriously. This business conception, this money-making idea, was simple. Denny would extract the milk produced by Hilda's fiercely lactating breasts into some sort of large container. This would take some vigilant milking of her mammie mounds. He would then send the milk to be treated and carefully pasteurized for adult consumption, it now being watery and sweet and needing its flavor to be slightly improved. This would be the easy part. Denny Fuckerfaster was the president of Denny's Dairy, a company that produced milk, ice cream and other dairy products for public purchase and consumption. Each container of Hilda's tittie milk would be emblazoned with the words, "Hilda Humper's Delicious 2% Breast Milk." Underneath that, and in smaller letters, it would read, "Straight from the lush triple J cup mammaries of Miss Hilda Humper. Enjoy the freshness, flavor, vitamins and nutrition taken from the lactating orbs of an icon of beautiful American buxom boobery." Perhaps he would also add a provocative and almost softly pornographic picture of the busty basketball-boobed Humper adorned in nothing but a skimpy bikini top, or if the law would allow it, nothing at all. She could be pictured on the label leaning over, her mammoth breasts dangling invitingly for each consumer to envision as he or she drank, her rosy nipples and huge areola being clearly shown as the source of this delightfully tasty dairy product from Denny's Dairy. Denny expected it to sell well and could envision young men lining up to drink anything that came from the famous, and possibly infamous, Hilda Humper's big bouncy boobs.

"Come on, honey," Denny said sweetly to the peeved and disquieted tart, lovingly unhooking the constraints that held her two fleshy mounds and somehow supported them, pushing and keeping her big twin soldiers carefully in place. "Let's start emptying the reserve, Hilda. You've got a lot built up in there. I can feel it. Your titties will feel a lot better when we get it all out of there."

Mr. Fuckerfaster carefully removed her giant boobs, cautiously and one at a time, bracing and cupping them in his quivering hands, trying to extract them slowly and attempting to prevent them from tumbling heavily and painfully from their green cups. This businessman's shaking hands couldn't begin to contain or come close to encompassing the mass of Hilda Humper's boobies or ensnare them in his tenuous grasp. Their massive girth and weight was truly bigger, heavier and more gloriously bloated than he ever could possibly have imagined, even in his naughtiest dreams and fantasies, of which Hilda was always a part. The blonde teacher's bazooms bounded and bobbed heavily as he released them from his unsteady grip, and they pounded together, the slapping of skin on skin echoing through the room as the voluptuous Humper winced at the discomfort and pain of the present moment. Denny was so turned on at this point that he felt ravenous in his sexual desire for her, mainly for the tits that she bore before him. This capitalist was not just securing a business opportunity. He was enjoying the milk jugs, the milk bottle bazooms of his "cash cow" as he helped her unleash the big bastards on her chest. Denny Fuckerfaster thought that his swollen penis was going to explode right there in his pants as he surveyed her identical J cup deuces and readied them for the milking that was in store for her "girls".

"Owwwwwwwwwww!" Hilda screeched in a bloodcurdling cry of anguish and tortured angst.

"Oh, Kenny, empty me, honey," said Hilda Humper, whining and wailing and then dropping to her hands and knees, her titanic titties flopping and dangling, so engorged and swollen that they were nearly touching the carpeted floor, almost brushing it with their taut flesh. They swung heavily and almost pendulum-like, slapping into each other and colliding, one boobie against another boobie. "Hurry! Fucking hurry, Denny! Come on, you fucking Fuckerfaster! They are killing me! They are fucking hurting like motherfucking shit! Help me, damn it!"

"I am, Hilda," Denny spoke in a soft reassuring voice that was a conjoining of monotony and a measured confidence in his ability to assuage her strain.

Denny positioned a bucket carefully under each one of Hilda's big breasts. Her titties were so large and hung so low to the floor that they were almost entirely in the buckets that he had placed there for them. Denny felt as if he were back on the farm as a child, getting ready to milk a cow at the beginning of a morning of chores. He reached out with his hands and adroitly gripped her fleshy "udders", getting ready to squeeze her rosy red nipples for the sweet substance that now filled her mammaries. In this moment, Denny Fuckerfaster was glad he had gotten into the dairy business like his father. He was real fucking glad.

"Aaaaaaahhh! Aaaaaaaahh, shit!" Hilda cooed loudly, as Denny grabbed her large areolas, his hands full of her tittie flesh, tugging and squeezing.

Her thick red lips opened with a loud squeal as a thick stream of milk jetted from each boob, making a metallic sound as it spurted into each of the buckets below.

"That's the way, Hilda!" Denny coached her with a cheer. "Squirt that milk out of your teats!"

"Again, Kenny, again! Milk me, baby! Milk my big ol' boobies dry!"

She was feeling like a big bloated cow now, as he worked her squirting teats, drawing the thin sweet milk from them, but the relief she accrued was heavenly.

"Wow," Denny said, smiling as he worked. "These babies are full."

Denny soon realized how full Hilda Humper's huge hooters really and truly were as he continued to pump them for all the lactose products he could extract. Hilda's big mams were fucking gushing now, giving of the blessed bounty that each swollen orb contained in its stretched and tight globe of flesh. Milk, sweet and thin, flooded geyser-like, or much like a busted dam, from her puckered nipples into the waiting buckets which were now over half full of her excess reserve. The levels of milk in the buckets rose higher and higher, the milk accumulating as Miss Humper's boobs lactated, giving all they had. Hilda's eyes were clenched tightly shut as were her tiny hands, her fingers clasping forcefully as she gripped Denny's shoulders while he worked her fucking tits like a pumping unit. This was, after all, a man who was in the dairy business and very adept at his job.

"Oh, fuckhappy motherfucking shit!" Hilda groaned, as her eyes opened wide for a fleeting instant and then rolled back into her head. "That is feeling pretty fucking good, Denny. Squeeze them harder. Work those fuckers! Make them spray like motherfucking spigots!"

Denny nodded his concurrence with her quasi-commands and then kneaded her big tits and roughly handled them as they gave more and more of their reserve. The businessman by now had an erection that looked like it would pierce through the front of his dress pants with its size. Fuckerfaster smiled ever so noticeably, clearly enjoying every minute of the "work" that he still had left to complete. But he longed so much to slip his overswelled penis from his pants and into the lovely woman that knelt practically prostrate before him. He yearned for Hilda and hoped that sometime during this day he would get to suck a sweet stream of milk from her titties, enjoying the sweet reward of his work.

"Perhaps I will," Denny told himself, as he continued to pump her enormous chest for every drop it contained. "Perhaps I really will."

"Ohhhhhh!" Hilda squealed like a giddy baby, as her hands suddenly dropped from his shoulders, entirely without one hint or warning, to the tumescent slab of a hard-on that jutted from his crotch like a tower of erect male sexuality.

Her tiny hands gently gripped it and began a soft up and down motion that corresponded to Denny's milking rhythm.

"Oh, my," Denny breathed, totally shocked, but still squeezing her assets as she squeezed his. "That feels good, baby. Oh, Hilda! That feels really, really good."

Hilda gave him a look, a deep look that told him that she was enjoying it too. Her piercing gimlet eyes seemed to promise, "There's more to come, baby. There is a hell of a lot more to come."

And there was a whole lot more. Just several minutes later the buckets were full of Hilda's sweet tittie milk. They were ready to overflow onto the floor. Hilda and her big bouncy breasts were both clearly exhausted at this point and sweat dripped profusely from both her brow and her hanging basketball boobs. Denny released her twin orbs, content that he had enough milk to make quite a few containers of "Hilda Humper's Delicious 2% Breast Milk". Hilda, however, did not let go of the erection that she squeezed eagerly through the fabric of his dress pants. She had a tight vice grip on it and was still very slowly, but very firmly and effectively, stroking the hard, rigid fucker. Denny moaned as she sped up, jerking his long and protracted pole harder with her hand as she gripped it through his pants. She smiled wickedly at him as she worked on his penis.

"You like momma's handiwork, baby?" Hilda asked, meticulously unzipping his fly. "Let's get Mr. Wee Wee out of his home so I can play with him. Then momma can see how big of a naughty waughty boy he is."

Hilda's exaggerated baby talk was driving Denny and his cock crazy. He could think of nothing that he would like better than to have this blimp-breasted woman in his pants and whipping out his penis to play with like a toy.

"I love it," Denny sighed gratefully, sliding the milk buckets out of the way and throwing his head back with a placated smile as Hilda fidgeted with his thick briefs like a curious child, trying to extract his manhood from them.

It was strange. Hilda had never seen his penis before and had known him more than five minutes. It was a record wait for her and she was now more than anxious to get a first look at it.

"Oh, hell, yes," Miss Humper breathed in an anticipatory voice as she unfastened his pants and pulled them to the floor, getting them out of her way so she could shuck off his skivvies with no impediments.

She squealed when she saw the enormous underwear encased pole extending out like a long column.

"Oh my goodness, Denny! How fucking big are you, my pee wee sweet pea?"

Hilda slowly edged his briefs down until his hard-on sprung smilingly from its fabric confines.

"Pretty fucking big," Denny said, smiling at the topless strumpet as she stared at his monstrosity of a long member with gleaming eyes nearly as big as her titties.

And he was right. Denny Fuckerfaster was a thick ten inches in length. His shaft was swelled to the size of a fucking sausage. It was a proud, hard stalk with a thickly enormous mushroom head that could open a woman's pussy up pretty damn fast. No woman he had been with had ever seen a cock bigger than his.

"Oh, he's so big and cute," Hilda said in baby talk, her little finger touching his mushroom tip and tickling it. "And Mr. Wee Wee has a great big ol' head, don't you, Mr. Wee Wee? Let momma kiss his big ol' sweet heady weady."

She gave him a soft kiss right at his peehole, her lips glistening when she pulled away.

"Now let me play with him," Hilda told him, giggling like a schoolgirl with a toy dollbaby, her heavy breasts bounding with her overt excitement.

She began to rub and then to squeeze his dick's big spongy head, and then leaned forward, still gripping him, to lick softly at its shiny wet tip. Denny Fuckerfaster's shocked heart screamed as the blonde mane of her hair fell over his groin and Hilda Humper began to noisily and sloppily lap like an eager puppy dog at the head of his phallus. Her wet tongue lingered at its pee wee head and then began to trace a slow path down the lengthy underside of his hard planting tool, making happy noises as she did. Hilda's mammoth bust heaved and bounced with her excited, melodramatic breathing, the excitement that she always experienced during a sexual encounter of great intensity.

"Oh, baby," Denny groaned, as Hilda took what was the first three inches of his ten inch staff into her thick, wide lips. Wide as they were, she still strained them to slide and fit him inside of her mouth. "Oh my goodness...."

Denny's hands reached forward, taking her abundant breasts softly in his phalanges to fondle as she began to suck at his dick, quietly at first and then so loud that it sounded as if she were trying to suck out his innards through his wee wee's head.

"Mmmmmm," Hilda moaned, mouth full of cock as her blonde cranium began a rapid up and down motion that made Denny scream with ecstasy.

It was less than a minute later that her "weanie wash" brought him to a thundering climax that made his member vibrate with the expulsion of his seed.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Denny yelled and yelped at his blasting ejaculation, greedily yanking the nipples of her bulbous mammaries as his penis exploded like a powder keg in her mouth.

He was shocked at how hard he came. Again and again, thick bursts of cum spurted from his length until after a dozen or so, his erupting member was dormant in her suckling, and still very active, oral cavity. Hilda's cheeks bulged out like a chipmunk, they were so full of his thick and sticky load. The voluptuous and whorish beauty indulgingly swallowed repeatedly until she had drank down every drop of him. Hilda slipped Denny lovingly from her ruby lips and, like a mother cat, began to lick his sticky penis immaculately clean.

"Oh, shit," Denny softly whispered, breathing so hard that he could barely speak. "That was so good, Hilda. Where the fuck did you learn to suck like that? Shit, girl! That was like nothing I have ever felt before!"

"I liked drinking from Mr. Wee Wee," Hilda cooed and snickered like a little girl as she gave his now softening pecker a kiss on its spongy head that still glistened with drops of his discharge. "He spit so much baby batter into my mouth, I didn't think I could swallow it all. It was some tasty and very yummy stuff too. I think I could drink you by the gallon. Now how about you having a drink from my two biggest assets, honey?"

"Sounds good," Denny replied, beaming and touching her milk-stained boobs with his hands that still shook from the force of the blow job that she had just given his proud swell of a dick. "All that milking and fellatio has made me pretty damn thirsty."

Denny also began his sucking slow. After all the milking he had given her big knockers, it took a while for him to extract anything from them at all. But finally it came, sweet and marvelously tasty to his thirsty lips. Hilda squealed in joy as he now drank with gusto from her big parts, his mouth curled around the puckered areola of her giant left boob.

"Oh, my fucking goodness gracious," Hilda responded in a breathy vixen voice that made Denny want to suck her titan titties bone dry. "Motherfucker, that feels so good that my fucking panties are starting to get wet."

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