Hit'n Those Notes Ch. 08

Author retains all rights to this original work of fiction.

Wednesday, March 28th, 11:33 p.m.

We were hurried off stage after a rousing final chorus of applause from the audience. Leza Howell continued to work the crowd and encouraged them to attend the aftershow as we headed back toward the Green room. Once there, we were given a chance to go grab any personal items we might want. Amen! I grabbed my cellphone and wristlet clutch.

When I checked my phone, I had messages from Bill, Kaley, and, of course, mom. I read hers first. Most of them were her wondering if I was okay, and after not replying, she must have figured I didn't have my phone on me and I was safe. Her next-to-last text encouraged me to do well when it was my turn to perform. Her last message had been sent about the time I finished performing and said, 'I am so proud of you, honey! You were perfect tonight! I love you so much and can't wait to see you... Love you!'

The lump in my throat hung heavy, and had it not been for Michelle saying we needed to get going, I probably would have lost it right there. As we made our way to the banquet room, I scanned the other messages, which were pretty much the same as mom's 'Are you OK?', 'You were amazing!', and 'That was masterful...' from Bill.

Someone laughing pulled me from being so focused on the text messages on my phone. The mood amongst those gathered in mass outside of the banquet room seemed pretty good between those who made the finale and those who didn't. Everyone was being super supportive, laughing, and complimenting one another, and it all felt genuine - that was a huge relief. We didn't need any catty crap to dampen spirits before jumping into this 'Meet and Greet'.

The finale would end up being the two guys, Dana and Wyatt, competing against Michelle, Carlie, and Lisa - the last contestant to make it after I was announced. I barely remember her being announced while on stage and felt a little bad about that. I made sure to congratulate her before we left the stage area to come interact with our newfound fans.

I thought about what tomorrow was going to entail, and the truth of the matter was that I would have my work cut out for me. Unless any of the other five contestants flubbed up big, and I nailed perfect tens from the judges on my last song, pretty much my chances were slim to a long shot of winning this thing. It didn't mean I wasn't going to try and kick ass tomorrow night, but I was already preparing myself for the reality of the situation - these finalists were immensely talented.

"Alright, let's go...," one of the stagehands said, opening the door to the banquet room.

As we entered, those gathered began clapping, and a few were cheering for their favorites from the show. It was humbling, to say the least, and a shock to see so many people had gathered!

The PBS cameras were inside the doors to capture our reactions; boom microphones were not likely to capture much said between us due to the boisterous and very loud greeting we'd just received. As we made our way through the crowd, people reached out to touch us, making quick comments like, "I really loved your performance..." and "You're such an amazing singer..." and of course, more than a few of us got the "You are so hot..." or "OMG! You are beautiful!" type of comments.

I smiled a lot, tried to shake people's hands rather than allow them to just put their hands on me randomly, and even hugged a few kids who couldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen and espoused their love for me as their favorite singer. Others from the show were doing much the same: thanking people for their support, pressing flesh, and smiling a lot. I don't think anyone thought it would be like this.

When we finally made it to a long table set up for us to base our meeting with the gathered audience, there was already a huge line of people waiting to get their couple seconds with each of us. How insane is that?! I wondered why they didn't set this damn table up when we entered the banquet room!

Be polite... Smile... Breathe...

Wednesday, March 28th, 11:46 p.m.

A crowd of people hadn't gotten the memo that there was a line and that the sponsors of the show wanted people to get in for a chance to meet the contestants. The stage staff did their best to impart that message without pissing anyone off; it worked out, but I'm sure the audience was as confused as we were as to why they decided to run this part of the show like this.

It probably would have been much easier to just let us mingle throughout the banquet room. Maybe they didn't want anyone sneaking out early? Wyatt pointed out that the reason was likely the PBS camera crews. He got a couple head nods in agreement. They wanted to keep us contained for their filming.

As soon as he finished saying that, I heard my name called and snapped my head towards the end of the table, away from the beginning of the line of those waiting to meet us. I pushed my chair out and rushed to the end of the table. I didn't make it to my mom before I was sobbing...

"Hey, hey now... It's okay," she said while hugging me, pushing me away while holding my shoulders. "I am so proud of you."

I lost it even more after she said that, and through convulsed waves of sobs, I tried to hug her even tighter. Bill was patting me on the shoulders, reassuring me, and when I looked up, I could see Charles wiping a tear from his eye. Kaley held back a couple seconds to let mom and I have that moment, then jumped in and hugged both mom and me.

I'm sure it would look as heartfelt as it was to me on film, because right there to catch it all was a PBS camera. At this moment, I could care less what anyone thought about it.

"Brea...," someone said behind me, "Gotta get this going; I'm really sorry..."

Mike, the stage manager, looked like he was in pain after asking me to wrap this reunion up. I understood, but it didn't make it easier to let Mom go. She assured me she would be right there, pointing to a spot close to where I would be sitting. I smiled, and she wiped the last of my tears away.

"Go, people are anxious to meet you."

I hugged and kissed her, hugged both Bill and Charles, and squeezed Kaley's hands before rejoining the other contestants... OMG! What a roller coaster this night has been!

Thursday, March 28th, 12:59 AM

We could all see the end of the line of people wanting to meet us, and was that ever a relief! I had signed no less than fifty programs from the show, sixteen t-shirts sold with the logo for the Grand Cayman hotel and the Transgender Day of Visibility event (I needed to get one of those), and two forearms, which was kind of weird.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one to get propositioned, though the presence of the PBS cameras probably kept that to a minimum. My mom would have interjected if someone got stupid with me, and she would have had no problem chasing them off. Luckily, that didn't happen!

The most common question I was asked was, "How did you come up with that arrangement?" I answered the same every time: "I didn't, Bill Carter did - he's right there." I pointed towards Bill behind the asker.

He got to talk with a few of those from the line also - I think he enjoyed the attention - until he left to check on Charles in the casino around 12:30 PM.

The other most frequently asked questions dealt with how long I had been singing and whether I had considered performing professionally. The answers were "Since I was eight, for church..." and "No, I'm not good enough for that..." That last answer got me more than a fair amount of complaints, but its how I felt. I was happy swimming in my little fish bowl that was the San Diego amateur club scene, and these people needed to realize I sang for fun, not as a career or to make money.

When the last couple people had gone through the line of contestants, I was so done. I had maintained my 'thankful for your support' composure, though it was a struggle to continue doing that after the first hour.

I had gotten a few questioning looks from my mom when I didn't sound accommodating or answered a question hastily. I know she was expecting me to be gracious, since these people had waited patiently for a couple seconds of my time. I most enjoyed speaking to the kids, and there were no less than a couple dozen who were Trans and had seen the show. I complimented their parents for supporting their children, which made my mom smile every time.

Of course, how any of us were portrayed would come to light in the PBS filming of our interactions with the crowd - editing it could make us look bad if not done with a caring hand. How many times on American Idol, Survivor, or whatever reality show did they sway the audience's opinion of someone through editing? Augh! I hoped I came off as supportive and not a bitch.

"Thank you everyone," Karen Cole said to the maybe forty people who remained in the banquet room milling around. "We look forward to seeing you tomorrow night for the finale. Thank you... Have a wonderful rest of your evening."

There was weak applause in reply to her closing of this portion of the show, and half the crowd headed slowly towards the exit as the other half met up with their supported contestant. Mom and Kaley congratulated me for holding it together.

"I couldn't have done that," Kaley said. Mom looked at her for a moment and assured her she could have.

I told them I was going to go change, and then we were going to get our dance on. Mom declined, saying she would come by at 9:00 AM to get me for breakfast and told me not to stay out too late. We hugged, and Kaley and I watched her leave. Kaley said she'd meet me in the lobby and to hurry up because if Bill found out I was going to the club instead of bed, he would be PISSED!

Augh... She was right! Sneak out of here quickly! I saw Dana heading toward the entrance we'd come in, gave Kaley a quick hug, and hurried across the banquet room to catch up to him.

"Hey Brea," he said when I caught up to him in the hallway just outside the banquet room.

"Hi..."

"You were awesome tonight, and until Wyatt sang, I had you down as the one to beat."

"Oh, I... Thank you. Wyatt certainly killed it, but so did you," I protested. "I'm pretty sure it was Wyatt, then a tossup between you and Michelle," I said, smiling.

"Yeah, well, I don't know about that," he said, holding the backstage entrance door open for me.

I entered with him right behind me.

"You going to the club? There's supposed to be a couple tables there for us...," I asked, though it wasn't the question I really wanted to ask.

"Nah, I think I'm going to call it a night."

Why couldn't you have said, 'Yes, I'm going to find Tyler and meet you there.'?

"I didn't see Tyler; was he at the show."

And there was my ask. I held my breath, literally, waiting for him to answer as we reached the door to my dressing room.

"Think he's with Jennifer... He sent me a text after the fire alarm, and since I'd already performed, he said he'd see me in the morning," he replied, not reading anything more into my question than maybe my being curious about him and his brother going to the club.

Of course the next question should be, 'Who's Jennifer?', but I didn't want to tip my hand, but I felt a flutter in my gut.

"Does he know about everyone meeting in the club tonight?"

Okay, you are sly, sly, sly! I thought as soon as I asked. Maybe Jennifer was just a friend?

"Jen doesn't dance," he chuckled. "More likely they're off trying to find some twenty-four-hour chapel to get married in," he said laughing. "They're not the brightest couple, so maybe they're getting matching tattoos," he laughed a little harder at his comment.

Wha, what?! Married?! Had I missed something?

"Are they engaged," I asked quickly, hoping it sounded like an innocent question as my skin got very cool all of a sudden and my heart felt like it was ripping.

"God... I wish they weren't, but those are the breaks. They've been on and off for the past six months. They got engaged last year around Christmas. I'm pretty sure her dad wasn't happy about that. She's nice, but a bit scattered for my liking."

I was hearing everything he was saying, but I felt like I had just had my heart stomped on. I moved my hand absently to the doorknob of my dressing room and pushed it. When it didn't open, I turned the knob, then pushed the door open, saying, "Well, we're going to miss you at the club...," and I entered the room without looking back.

I didn't care how I sounded at this point or if he had even the slightest hint that his fucking brother was engaged. My fucking night had been ruined and Tyler was a goddamn cheating sack of shit!

Thursday, March 29th, 1:32 AM

My phone vibrated, and I turned it over, looking at it through blurry, tear-filled eyes. It was a text from Kaley, 'Hey, I'm out... Not feeling good. Cheese from the banquet room? You good?'

I stared at the text, wondering what to say. I'd already thrown up and was feeling queasy still, but it had nothing to do with the food at the 'Meet and Greet' - though I didn't have any of the cheese, just some chips. I could use someone to talk with and considered asking if I could come to her room, but passed.

I typed, 'OK, it won't be the same without you!' I added a frowning emoji and hit send.

She replied quickly, 'Talk to you later. Have fun and stay safe. Love ya!'

I replied that I loved her too and set my phone down. I was alone again, alone with my doubts and the thoughts of last night with Tyler. The tears started to flow again, and that sick, sour churning began again in my stomach. You mother-fucker! You fucking asshole, piece of fucking shit... Breathe...

What happens in Vegas is going to blow up in your face if I see you! God damn you! How do you do that shit to me when you're fucking engaged?! How do you reason that it's okay to fucking toy with me like that, to use me?!

I felt like puking again, but it would be dry-heaves at this point. Fuck you, Tyler! Fuck you, you fucking loser! The needle had moved slightly from hurt to a mix of hurt and a flaming angry, pissed-off bitch. I prayed I ran into him and 'Jennifer' before I left Vegas... Fucker!

Thursday, March 29th, 1:58 AM

I'd had enough wallowing alone in the dressing room, so I quickly finished changing. I wanted to beat the shit out of Tyler, but that would probably have to wait. I needed to get out of here, or I was going to sink deep into a dark place with little hope of climbing out. Yeah, for self-mental mutilation! The plan, as I exited the dressing room, was to get a long shower and crash hard in my...

"Hey Brea..."

FUCK! I literally jumped and spun around to see Wyatt coming my way.

"Hey! You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing back here," I asked.

"Oh... Sorry about that. I was changing," he replied, confused, like he was questioning his answer. He looked me over like something was up and asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired," I replied, hoping he'd go his way and I'd go...

"Ah, are you sure about that? You know I used to know a little bit about make-up back in the day and," he said that while moving his hand in front of his face, "Are you sure you're okay?"

Of course he knew about makeup, at some point before transitioning, he probably did the makeup thing daily. Augh! I did not want to get into this with him.

"Tired and stressed, I'm good..."

As soon as I said that, I could feel the tears forming, the shallow breaths, the strained control of my voice - all that coming on too quickly to control.

"Whoa... Hey, hey now," he said, reaching out to put a hand on my shoulder, then just gave in and hugged me.

I couldn't help but lose it fully right there in his arms.

"Let it go, Brea...," he encouraged, patting my back softly as I just stood there sobbing quietly.

After a minute, I'd gained a little composure, and he let the hug pass, moving his hands to my hips.

"I'm sorry...," I croaked, trying to get control of my spiraling emotions.

"No worries... Is there anything I can do? Who can I kill for you?" he asked with a little chuckle, trying to get me past whatever was bothering me by joking about taking out my antagonist.

I smiled half-heartedly and said, "If it were only that easy..."

"Could be," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Well, maybe not... But there's plenty we could do to mess someone up," he said, smiling.

"Thanks, Wyatt...," I replied as he stared at me intently, as if he were contemplating something.

It was an awkward moment for someone I felt comfortable around, even though I barely knew him. I wished I could read minds...

He let my hips go and took a step back. "You know what you need?"

I looked at him, confused, "What?" I tried smiling, but it didn't stick.

"A drink and some dancing! What do you say? You're already dressed for clubbing. Let's go throw back a couple and get loose on the dance floor. Come on!"

I shook my head, 'No', but he pressed, "Look, want to feel better? Lift your spirits? Drink some spirits and let that body go on the dance floor. Trust me, I'm not a doctor, but I could play one on TV."

I couldn't help but laugh. I had planned on going back to my room and crashing, but the thought of being alone with my doubts and beating myself up until I finally fell asleep wasn't very appealing. No matter how much I told myself that wasn't the way the rest of this evening was going to go, it was how it was going to go. Maybe I did need to let loose, get a different perspective, blow off some steam, and not think for once... I looked at him, and he tilted his head.

"Mmmmhum, you know you want to go dancing."

"Fine... Let's go...," I said with a bit of resolve, though not with much confidence, "I could really use a drink."

"You want to touch up that perdy face first," he said, smiling.

"Yeah, I probably should..."

Thursday, March 29th, 2:16 AM

We were ushered right in after checking in with the club's gatekeeper. At the table reserved for us were Michelle, Lisa, Janet, and a few other contestants with either fans from the show or their significant others.

It was impossible to hear anything over the thumping bass and music playing, so our introductions were basically a wave and lips moving - my trying to lip read was in vain. When the cocktail waitress came over, I had to speak in her ear to get my order for a rum and Coke. Wyatt did the same with her, and I wondered what he ordered because she was talking a lot in his ear for just a drink order.

When she left, he leaned over and grabbed my hand, saying, "Dance with me!"

I shook my head, 'No', but got pulled to my feet and followed him to the dance floor. I wasn't fighting the invite very hard, especially with a club mix of Bruno Mars 'Uptown Funk' playing, and truth be told, I liked dancing. I never did much when I was younger or in public, but I did plenty of it around my apartment, mostly when cleaning.

We made our way to the center of the packed dance floor, and I just went for it. Wyatt did the same, and who'd have guessed that he was a very good dancer, given his country persona. He had rhythm and certainly knew how to move his body! A few times he took my hands and spun me around. I laughed a lot, and so did he.

We sang to each other parts of the song we knew: 'I'm too hot... Call the police and the fireman. I'm too hot. Make a dragon want to retire, man, I'm too hot... Bitch, say my name; you know who I am...' and it was so much fun - but probably good people couldn't hear us!

I certainly wasn't exactly dressed for clubbing, though Wyatt had said I was, but I probably looked cute enough in white jeans, a loose-fitting black silk blouse, my hair in a ponytail, and a pair of flats. Fuck it! I didn't care what people thought about me right now! I hadn't even had a drink yet and would happily give the world a big dose of my middle finger if they didn't like what they saw!