Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 022

Lily. The thought of her came unbidden, triggered by his own memory of how they had met. Trapped inside a dream, and surrounded by the ocean of his mind. He wondered if she was doing okay. Shaking his head, he shifted his thoughts to Tink and Abella, who needed him now. He didn't know if Sofia would ever apologize for getting them into this mess. Then again, if he had come with them, maybe he would have fallen prey to the traps in the Labyrinth. In fact, if not for the faeries, he would probably have died long ago. Whatever they had done to make Emily so mad, they didn't deserve to be locked up here.

The glowing gemstone illuminated a large chamber beneath them. Piles of treasure had been shoved in the corners like junk, chests of coins and gemstones alike. Several areas below them contained long tables with implements that made Mike think of a mad scientist's laboratory. Scanning the ground, he noticed the chamber seemed to be equally divided in two. The other half had a large structure toward the back. It looked like a miniature version of a pagoda, maybe something that would be seen on a mini-golf course, about twenty feet tall. A long table covered in food made Mike's stomach grumble in protest. He felt like he was looking into someone's dining room.

"There," Sofia said, elbowing him and pointing. At the end of the table was a small metal cage. Huddled inside it was a green figure, legs pulled to her chest, her face buried in her knees.

"Whoa!" Sofia's strong grip pulled Mike back into the tunnel. Without realizing it, he had drawn the dagger, sliding through the hole before them. "I know you're feeling heroic, but it's a twenty foot drop from here."

"Take us down there," he whispered. Blue hopped off his shoulder, walking in front of him. The tunnel they were in dipped down in several locations, and Blue had taken him to the one that had sunk lowest. It was fifteen feet to the ground. Mike picked her up, putting him back on his shoulder.

"I'll lower you down," Sofia said. Squirming backward, he grabbed on to Sofia's hand. The cyclops held tightly to him, lowering him from the opening. She moved farther out, his feet on the smooth wall. He was about six feet up when he let go, landing in a crouch, his heart pounding. Sofia pulled herself back up, disappearing into the darkness.

The chamber was huge, and Mike moved across it, seeking shelter behind piles of gold. Moving closer to one of the tables, he saw a crystal orb on a pedestal sitting next to a gem encrusted wand. Moving across the gap in the middle, he moved closer to the cage, his eyes on Tink. She wasn't moving, and it wasn't until she sighed that he felt a tremendous load off his chest.

Moving closer to the food table, he saw Tink lift her head, her nose in the air. Sniffing around, she turned to face Mike, who was almost twenty feet away. A large smile broke out on her face, followed immediately by a frown.

"Tink hates the Labyrinth," Tink whispered. "Tink wants to go home and never come back."

"I'm working on it." The door itself was padlocked shut. After a few quick cuts with the knife, Mike pulled the whole mechanism free, setting it down on the table. Tink pushed the door open and threw herself into Mike's arms.

"Tink so happy to see goblin husband," she whispered. "Snake lady try to make Tink do a bad thing, get mad when Tink refuse."

Snake lady? Mike thought about the large snake skin they had found. "Okay Tink, we can go after we get your goggles."

"Snake lady has them." Tink shook her head. "Husband can't talk to snake lady. Snake lady has bad magic."

"Seems like everybody does, these days." Grabbing Tink's hand, he led her away from the table covered in food, his stomach growling in protest. They needed to get out of there as quickly as possible. Squeezing Tink's hand, they ran across the middle of the room toward where he had come in.

Braziers all around the room lit themselves, casting away the shadows. Mike and Tink slid to a halt when they saw the minotaur now blocked their path, his fierce eyes locked onto Mike. Mike pushed Tink behind him, drawing the dagger. The minotaur held a small bag in one hand and his axe in the other.

"I don't want to hurt you," Mike said. "We just want to leave."

"Hmm." The minotaur let out a snort. "You may not leave without her permission."

"And you do not have it." The voice was powerful, filling every portion of the room. Mike felt Blue grab tightly onto his ear, letting out a tiny squeak of fear. Looking all around, Mike froze in place when he realized the walls were moving. Something large was circling the room, scattering gold coins and treasure chests everywhere. Clutching the dagger, Mike stared in awe as the head of the snake appeared, a golden crown upon its head. The flattened hood spread out as it sat upright, regarding him from nearly twenty feet above. A tongue the length of Tink flicked out at them, tasting the air.

Opening its mouth, it spat out a crumpled figure on the floor.

"Sofia," Mike whispered. The cyclops was motionless, but still breathing.

"Troublesome little mortals, snooping around my chamber." The voice came from the snake, though its mouth was motionless. The voice was feminine, with a very thick accent. Circling Mike, it stared down at him. "You have sent a small army in to retrieve my treasure, haven't you Caretaker?"

"We came to retrieve what is rightfully ours," Mike said, his mouth and throat suddenly dry. "We have no interest in your belongings and would prefer to leave you in peace."

The snake chuckled. "Isn't that what all intruders say? We didn't mean it?" The snake's body kept going, winding its way around the chamber. Mike couldn't see the end of it. "I suppose if I just give you the goggles, you will be on your way?"

"Yeah. That's the gist of it."

"Ha!" The snake's mouth opened this time, revealing three foot long fangs. "So I hand over a Divine Object and you will walk away, never to darken my doorstep again. Such generosity would not paint me well."

"I... I don't want a Divine Object. Just the goggles. Because they are Tink's."

"Hssssss." The snake contemplated Mike. "You really have no idea about anything. Let's say I let you leave. What then of your friends?"

"My friends?" Mike looked around. The minotaur walked over to the long dining table Mike had been at, grabbing ahold of something Mike couldn't see. With a flourish, he pulled free an unseen cloth. Beth and Abella sat at the table, staring straight ahead. The minotaur folded up the garment, parts of his body invisible behind it. Opening the bag, he pulled out a small glass jar with a pair of glowing lights inside. Red and Green banged their hands against the glass.

"Yes. Your friends." The snake slithered up to the table. "They were so kind to follow Asterion here. After a lovely chat, they have decided they would prefer to remain. I'm sure I could find some use for them."

"They would never agree to that." Mike moved cautiously toward Sofia. Seeing no reaction from the snake or the minotaur, he knelt by her side. "Are you okay?"

"I feel so gross." Sofia stared into the distance, her eye blinking rapidly. "But she didn't hurt me. I... just can't move."

"What about the others?" Mike looked up at the snake. "What's wrong with them?"

"You will find out soon enough." The snake was slithering again, moving behind the large pagoda in the corner. Large flaps of fabric cast eerie shadows as she disappeared behind its folds. "First hand."

The snake's body continued moving behind the pagoda, but never came out the other side. Instead, Mike watched the shadows condense themselves down into a slender form that casually walked across the back wall. Emerging from behind the pagoda was a woman with dark skin and a kimono. Long, dark hair was topped with a tiny golden crown.

"I was a fool to be lured here by the last Caretaker," she said, walking toward him. Her features were exotic, maybe Southeast Asia somewhere. It wasn't until she came closer that he realized that portions of her skin consisted of scales making the same patterns he had seen on her snake body. "And I would be a fool to allow you to trap me in the same way she has." Her green eyes lit from within, her whole body surrounded by magical energy. Mike felt all the muscles in his body freeze up. "I know that part of the nymph's soul resides in you now, and in the past it prevented me from overtaking my captor. But when it comes to magic, there is always a way." The goggles appeared in her hands. "Only the goblin and the Caretaker can use these. And since she has refused, I will make you do my bidding."

The sickly green aura that had covered her blew across the room, encircling Mike. He felt it seeping into him, his skin itching all over. All he could see now were her eyes, those beautiful, emerald orbs, expanding to the size of the room, pulling him in. He wanted to kneel before her, worship her, do anything she said, to treat her like the Queen that she was!

The moment passed. Like a sudden bout of heartburn, the sensation faded, and Mike felt the room snap back into place, the memory of those golden green eyes fading away.

"Husband?" Tink asked, pulling gently on his fingers.

"Tink." Mike looked down at her. "I think she's going to cast a spell on me."

The woman stared at him, her exotic features blank for several seconds before twisting into anger. "How?" She asked, her hands balling into angry fists. "How did you evade it?" Her voice filled the whole chamber, shaking loose a few coins that spilled over to clatter on the floor.

"Evade what?" Mike shivered. The room was so cold all of the sudden. "It looked like you were going to cast a spell on me."

"A spell of obedience." Scowling, she looked at Tink. "The goblin I understand. Her head injury is unique, and spells are never one size fits all. But you. It should have worked. A human soul with just a touch of nymph attached. I spent the last couple of years working on the spellcraft to make it work."

Cecilia left a mark on you. Naia's words echoed in the back of his mind. He thought back to that night with Cecilia in the cave. During his own climax, she had temporarily become human. All magic came with a price, and now he wondered what it was that he paid. "I guess I'm a little more complex than that." Looking at the minotaur, then back to the woman, Mike shrugged. "So I guess this means you can't cast that spell on me."

She summoned a giant ball of fire in her hand. "I have other ways of making you do my bidding."

Mike swallowed hard, fighting to keep his face straight. "You know, you're probably right. However, did you know that there are better ways of getting people to do stuff for you?"

The fireball hovered menacingly. "The new Caretaker thinks he's crafty then? Okay mortal. Let's hear it. What sort of trick will you attempt?"

"Well, you have my friends and me captive. Apparently you need me to use those goggles for something. Did it occur to you that you could just ask? Or maybe we could come to an agreement?" Mike shrugged. "It feels like there's an awful lot of hostility in this room. And I heard you say that the last Caretaker trapped you. Why? Are you dangerous?"

The woman stared at him in disbelief. Several seconds of silence passed. "Are you not cowed by my very presence? Do you not fear what I could do to you?"

"I was almost eaten by a plant last week, and I have a witch outside my house trying to break apart the protective enchantment that protects this place. To be honest, I'm more worried about what you have planned for my friends." Mike's eyes narrowed. "I thought I was coming here for a fight. We came here because we thought the minotaur had sticky fingers. But you? Well, you just seem angry. Angry at me. What have I even done to you?"

The woman held her breath for a moment, the ball of fire suddenly disappearing. "You really have no idea who I am? Or what my purpose is?"

"Nope. The only reason we are even here is because we were trying to help a friend who had been possessed." Yet another thing that sounded unbelievable, but that was the new normal. "Your minotaur ambushed Tink and took her goggles."

"Stupid cow fuck," Tink muttered from behind Mike. Mike placed his hand over her mouth.

"He did so at my request. I have great need of the goggles' abilities." Shaking her head in disbelief, she threw her hands out in exasperation. "It seems that perhaps a discussion would be best." She nodded at the minotaur. Asterion took Beth and Abella by the hands, gently leading them toward Sofia. He casually slung the cyclops over his shoulder before disappearing into the pergola.

"Where are they going?" Mike asked.

"I believe your kind has a word for this. They are... insurance." She approached the table. "Come. Sit. Eat. Like you said, maybe we should talk."

Mike gazed at the giant table covered in food, his mouth filling with saliva. "Well, I think it is only polite to start with names. I would prefer that you call me Mike, not Caretaker. And you already know Tink." He grabbed the goblin's hand, leading her back to the table. "I hope the two of you didn't get off to a poor start, putting her in a cage and all."

"It was, what I thought, a necessary precaution." She sat across from them. "You may call me the Lady of the Labyrinth."

"I thought maybe we could dispense with titles. Be less formal, friendly even." Mike grabbed an empty plate and loaded it with what looked like pot roast, stacking it high with cheeses and other foods. "And where did all this food come from? It looks like you were ready for a feast."

"Just because your friends are under my thrall doesn't mean I was going to give them moldy bread and water. I may be a lot of things, but a bad host I am not." She picked up a goblet full of wine, swirling it with a twist of her wrist. "And since you want something less formal to call me, you may call me Ratu."

"Ratu. That's a pretty name."

"Thank you." She smiled over her goblet. "I picked it out just for you."

Mike finished making his plate, then slid it in front of Tink. "Eat up, I know you're hungry." Tink threw Ratu a dirty look, then obeyed, grabbing a handful of biscuits while Mike filled up another plate for himself. "Tell me how you came to be here and what your job is, Ratu. The more I know about you, the more I think we can understand each other."

"Okay." She sipped from her goblet, then set it down. "Let's start with the Labyrinth. It has been here far longer than I, and Asterion has been here just as long. This room used to be where the most dangerous magical artifacts were stored, but that is no longer the case."

"I thought that was what the Vault was for?"

Ratu smiled demurely. "Perhaps an analogy that a human would understand. The Vault is where you would store guns that are illegal to own. The Labyrinth is where you would keep your bombs and missiles. The magic items that were stored here were some of the most dangerous objects ever conceived by man or myth. The previous Caretaker, Emily, brought me here for the singular purpose of studying these objects. I am well versed not only in the creation of such things, but their destruction as well."

"Are you a dragon?" Mike asked. "I hope I'm not being rude, but you have a treasure chamber, and you seem very powerful. The giant snake thing doesn't hurt either."

"I am not a dragon, though I was mistaken for one once." Stretching her neck dramatically, the scale pattern flashed all the way across her skin. "I am a naga from Indonesia. I came here because Emily promised me a safe place to live. In some ways she delivered on that promise, but in others, I have become a prisoner."

"Tell me more." Off to his side, he could hear Tink stuffing her face. "While I'm familiar with the act of bringing magical creatures here, I'm not sure how this became a prison for you."

"Neither was I, at first. You see, the reason Emily brought me here was to dismantle what she deemed the worst of the worst. Seven artifacts, each one scarier than the last. The more powerful the artifact, the harder it is to destroy."

"I don't get it. The Geas seems super powerful, but that woman outside was able to make serious progress in a matter of hours."

"I wondered about the banging down here. The Geas, in a way, is just the shield. Now that you are the Caretaker, you must find a way to wield the sword. Bang on any shield long enough, and it will finally give." Ratu set her goblet down. "The objects I was working with, however, were like barely contained wildfires."

"Such as?"

"I would prefer not to say for reasons that will become clear. Another analogy. The Ark of the Covenant. You have heard of this, yes?"

"Indiana Jones?"

Ratu gave him an odd look. "No, it was created by Moses at the instructions of the Hebrew God. A powerful magical talisman that brought grave misfortune to anyone it considered an enemy. Fires, floods, boils. In the hands of the believer, however, it could confer divine blessings.

"Consider this. Magic is like energy. It cannot be destroyed once harnessed. If you were to take apart the covenant, destroy it, what sort of magic could you gather from it?"

Mike pondered this, chewing on a hunk of cheese. "Would it matter who took it apart? An enemy versus a believer?"

"It would. And the intent would matter to. If an enemy were to destroy it, they could end up with magic capable of bringing catastrophic ruin. If done correctly this magic could also be gathered in such a manner to create a divine object capable of bestowing blessings."

"Then why bother destroying the ark? If you are going to harvest the magic anyway, then why not keep it the way it is?"

"Because you have destroyed another object and harvested its magic. You are now assembling magical ingredients of the highest quality, potentially building a weapon that has no business existing. So when you destroy a magical item of such a nature, you must find somewhere to put that energy so that it cannot be used in that manner. And this was where my problems began."

"How so?"

"I come from a race of semi-divine beings. Not quite god, not quite mortal. As such, we can be bound by the rules of both. Emily asked me if I would be willing to dismantle these three objects she had acquired in order to rid the world of them. In exchange, I could leave my home, which was rapidly becoming developed and polluted and then live here.

"It was all in the wording. She promised me that I could live here in exchange for dismantling the seven items for her. She even provided me a vessel to channel the magical energy into. Once I began living here, I was bound to fulfill my promise. I told her I would not rest until I had done what she asked, making the world a safer place. What I didn't understand was that my desire for a more peaceful existence would blind me to a certain inconvenient truth."

"She wanted those objects broken down for a reason, didn't she?"

Ratu nodded. "I mainly suspected that something was up when she brought me here through a one way portal, not the house. The others had no knowledge of me, and I seldom had visitors. Emily checked on my progress at first, and I realized that the vessel she had given me was built for something far more sinister."

"What was the vessel?"

Ratu contemplated Mike for a long time, then shrugged. "I suppose it won't hurt to show you. You see, once I found out Emily was no longer alive, I found a way to siphon the magic off of the artifact and create that tiny sun over our heads. Until a year ago, all I had were the torches." Reaching into her cleavage, she pulled out an ornate key. It was an antique, and the gaps in the key were filled with three different gems. Two of them had cracked, but the last one was flawless. "Often, we discover that magical objects are an extension of their physical form. The ark was for worship, and was built as such. This key was designed to unlock a door. However, with the power of these three stones, it was going to unlock something else."