Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 025

The gargoyle flicked a snake head off of her shoulder, then flared her wings out. This scattered snake chunks everywhere, and Lily (who stood nearby) cried out in disgust.

"Rock beats slithers." The gargoyle grinned, and LIly groaned. Kali saw movement back at the house and turned to see that the goblin had pushed open the garage door. Out came a woman and Mike on a horse.

No. It was Mike riding a centaur, his arms wrapped tight around her midsection. She raced past Kali, taking a wide turn to leap over Sebastien, her hooves caving in his skull. The homunculus collapsed into a pile of sand, the grains vibrating as he struggled to pull himself together. He had warned Kali that the regenerative properties of his homunculi would be slower with his presence spread so thin.

"After them!" She yelled the command with her mouth and her mind. The snakes shifted directions, but couldn't keep up with the centaur. She looked into the maelstrom above, commanding down bolts of lightning to chase them. The centaur was now dodging back and forth, Mike tilting dangerously from side to side. The Sebastiens chased after her, but one of them got captured by Lily who tangled up his feet with her tail. She had returned to adult size, but now wore a mixed martial arts outfit replete with hot pink gloves. She forced Sebastien to the ground then used an armbar hold on him, stretching his arm backward until it cracked. He exploded into a small sandstorm, reforming a few feet away.

The world cracked open up above, a hole finally forming in the Geas. Through her multi vision, she could see the storm clouds escaping into the real world, the guy mowing his yard running inside in alarm. She commanded the snakes outside to return -- she needed them by her side.

The Iwa cried out in agony. The cyclops had slowly retreated from it, and the spirit was now close to the gargoyle. Still covered in the blood of the snakes she had crushed, she put the being into a head lock and smashed her fist repeatedly into its face. The cyclops speared it from behind with her blade, the finishing blow causing the spirit to flee back to its plane of existence, its contract with Kali officially broken. The smell of damp mud and ozone filled the air.

"No." Kali's voice was barely a whisper, and she pulled two more heads from her necklace, summoning the dangerous Iwa trapped within. How had this happened? Somehow, despite her planning, she hadn't been prepared for Mike's counterattack. To her left, she caught Sebastien running along the fence, but was more preoccupied by the kitchen plates that were now whizzing fast enough through the air that they were punching holes through Sebastien, scattering sand everywhere. Mike had somehow organized these creatures into a well oiled machine, their antics keeping her attention off of the spells she was casting.

She cast away the angry Iwa, commanding them to take Mike down. They rocketed through the air, the gargoyle tackling one in mid-air while the other moved past. She commanded the winds to pick up, the turf around her ripping into the sky. The gargoyle rolled across the yard, attempting to punch the spirit to death. The cyclops moved to help, so she set the lightning on her once again.

A funnel cloud had formed, the swirling mass threatening them from above. Kali used her magic to hold it back. The storm was meant as a battery of power, and if the funnel fell, it would ruin everything. Shingles ripped off of the roof, spinning through the air.

"Fuck!" One of the Sebastiens in front of her had exploded into sand when a car tire blasted through him. The other Sebastien was running toward the porch, holding his cane like a sword. At the car, the goblin was busy removing another tire for Beth to throw. Beth was busy pirouetting, her pointed fingers guiding shingles down from the sky.

Where on earth had she obtained the ability to do that? Kali opened her third eye even wider, gathering her snakes around her. With Sebastien occupied, she monitored the heat signatures of the combatants all around her. Nobody would be able to get close without her seeing them coming.

Summoning up a wicked wind, she was able to deflect the next projectile that came her way. The crack in the sky was already shrinking, her attention pulled away for too long. Grabbing the last two shrunken heads from her necklace, she threw them to the ground, commanding the spirits within to protect her. The gargoyle had stuck her hands inside of the monstrous maw of the spirit she had been wrestling with, then ripped it apart. The cyclops was fighting Sebastien, who had drawn a sword out of his cane. Sebastien had decades of sword mastery, yet the cyclops easily dodged his attacks, slashing away at his limbs.

The gargoyle was headed toward her now, and one of her spirits met it head on. They snarled and rolled across the yard, tearing up the turf beneath their slashing claws. Lily was trying to fly toward her, but the wind tossed her out of the sky, causing her to crash into Beth. The goblin swung a small club at Sebastien's knees, causing his legs to explode and send sand everywhere.

The centaur had reached the far side of the yard. Pinned in by the fence, her back hooves lashed out and knocked the spirit chasing her to the ground, and she galloped away. Undeterred, the spirit managed to grab Mike by the back of his shirt and pull him off the centaur.

Finally. She sent the mental command to the spirit not to kill him. The spirit obeyed, pinning Mike to the ground so Sebastien could reach him in time. He drew his blade, pressing it against Mike's chest.

"Everyone stop, or I'll..." Sebastien's eyes grew wide as Mike's body unfolded. Arms and legs covered in blades whirled around, reducing him to a pile of sand. Kali's mind jumped into a snake long enough to see that this Mike was, somehow, simply a mannequin dressed in his clothes.

"Where? Where is he?" Her consciousness spread out across the yard, her remaining snakes swiveling their heads. The rain had grown thicker, the melee being lost in the thunder. Frustrated, Kali called down the lightning, aiming for anyone emanating heat. The cyclops was able to dance away, quickly returning to the porch. The goblin had pulled Beth to safety, and the centaur took shelter back in the garage. The gargoyle had pinned the spirit to the ground, and Lily was caught in a vortex of wind that caused her to tumble through the air.

"Where! Where are you?!?" Colored runes appeared all across the yard, focusing on a point twenty feet in front of her. The ground split open, revealing a large stone sundial that rose from beneath. Giving up on her snakes, she looked to the skies, wondering if he was about to descend from up above. Where was he going to come from?

The remaining Sebastiens looked to her for guidance, pointing at the sundial and yelling, their voices lost in the wind. She turned around to see that another Sebastien was running toward her, his head bowed low. The crack in the Geas had grown even smaller, and the storm was beginning to rage out of control up above. The situation was devolving quickly, and she still couldn't figure out what Mike had planned for her.

Sebastien ran past, dodging the lone Iwa by her side, then put his hand on the sundial. It suddenly occurred to her that this Sebastien didn't carry a cane, nor did he have a mustache. Her jaw dropping in surprise, she sent the spirit barreling toward him, to stop him at any costs, and was shocked when a banshee stepped out of his body, her hair wild and her blank eyes wide with rage. She let loose a scream that could be heard above the roar of the storm, a scream that tore the Iwa to shreds. Kali grabbed her ears in pain, desperate to block out the sound.

"What?" She was in disbelief. What had just happened? She commanded the snakes, the remaining spirits, anything, to stop him.

Mike lifted his face, his lips blue with from the cold and his goggles aglow with runes of their own. "It's time for you to get the fuck off my lawn." He grabbed the sundial and gave the whole thing a twist, and Kali felt the whole world get yanked out from under her.

-

The plan had been complicated, but Beth has spelled it out masterfully. After activating the first rune, Mike needed to cross the yard to get to the pedestals under the lions where the other runes were hidden. It was decided that Lily would divert everyone's attention long enough to set up the next part of the plan, which involved having the mimic become a mannequin dressed like him. Naia had taken Dana, imprisoning her in the fountain in case she went feral. The fairies then used their magic to turn Mike's clothes white, to make him blend in with all of the Sebastiens running around. He had held on to Zel's side, his body hidden from view when they had burst out of the garage, praying he could hold on long enough to fall off just past the bushes.

The true genius of the plan had been allowing Cecilia to hide inside of him, the cold from her magic masking his presence from the snakes. While everyone's attention was on the mimic and Zel, he had moved across the yard and had activated the next two runes. With the goggles on, activating the runes was much like trying to catch a specific bee from the hive. His fingers dodged dangerous magic to touch the right ones, their magic falling into the dirt and gathering at the center of the yard. Running past the vodou priestess, he grabbed the sundial, feeling a surge of power through his arms.

"It's time for you to get the fuck off my lawn." He twisted the stone, sending a wave of magic across the yard. Kali flew through the air, crashing to the ground next to the large snake that watched over her. The lions on the entryway leapt down onto the grass, their manes ablaze with blue fire as they chased down Sebastien and swatted him into nothingness. The remaining spirit tried to flee, but was torn from the sky by one of the lions. Kali struggled to stand, the other lion approaching her quickly. It stopped only long enough to quickly eat the anaconda, then pounced on the priestess.

Kali was abruptly yanked away from the lion, her body pulled across the lawn and out onto the street by hundreds of shadowy arms. A dark figure in a black suit snatched her out of the sky, kneeling to set her down on the wet asphalt. Up above, the storm broke itself apart, rain falling across the yard. The figure stepped right up to where the grass started, but did not cross. Mike thought that the man was black at first, but realized quickly that the light seemed to bend away from him, his middle eastern features hidden away in the shadows. Even the rain itself bent away from him, leaving him dry.

"I see that we have failed once more." His voice was pleasant, but somehow sucked the warmth out of the air. Mike, still frozen from having Cecilia riding shotgun inside of him, somehow felt colder even hearing it. The stranger shook his head, his dark curls unmoving.

"And who are you?' Mike asked.

"You may call me Amir. If you would like to invite me in, I would be happy to speak with you."

"Do you think I'm dumb?" Mike fiddled with the goggles, trying to look at him with different settings. The goggles could see so many different things, and right now, they told him he was looking at nothing. No heat signature, no heartbeat. He may as well be looking at open air. Even the stranger's magic was somehow invisible to him. "There's no way in Hell that I'm inviting you in, and I am not giving you my house."

"I don't want the house. I only want what is mine." His eyes finally fell on what he had been looking for. Lily had bounced off of the stone wall and was currently fighting her way free from what was left of the same hedge Mike had hidden behind when he fell off of Zel. Her eyes had gone wide in terror, and she fought to free herself.

"Nothing here is yours."

"I beg to differ." His eyes locked on Mike. "I will offer you a one time deal Mr. Radley, but you will only have moments to make it, so please, hear me out. I am a patient man. I am patient enough to simply wait until you have passed away, leaving this place to the next Caretaker. I am patient enough to convince the others that this fight we have with you is not worth the toll it has already taken on my colleagues. I am patient enough to admit defeat, and return again when you have been long dead in the ground.

"However, I have no patience for disloyalty. That succubus belongs to me, and I will have her back. Hand her over to me, right now, and we will go away." Though his face was dark, his teeth were bright, making him look like a sadistic shadow.

Mike watched the man, then looked at Lily. She had managed to fall out of the bush, her dark eyes on the stranger at the edge of his yard.

"I don't know that you really have any bargaining power," Mike said. "With this sundial, I can keep you out of here for the rest of my days."

"Indeed. But you will be under house arrest. I will wait for you to step away, and I will kill you. A lifetime of being stuck in that tiny little home, wondering when we will try again. Paranoia at every hour of the day. Or you could return my property and have your freedom and my word that we will never bother you again. It seems to me that you are getting the better end of the bargain."

"Mike." Lily's voice shook. "He means it. He won't just kill you either. He'll make you suffer.."

"What? Do you want to go back with him?"

"She does." The stranger held out his hand. "Even if she doesn't know it. Give me her ruby and I will take the others from here and leave you in peace."

Mike chuckled. "She and I have a deal. She can't break it."

"But you can." This time, when he held his hand out, Mike could see the shadows clinging to him. It was like he had been poorly photoshopped back into the real world, the extra dark lines around his body the main indicator. "Now hand her over. I won't ask again."

Mike sighed. He walked to the edge of his yard, the stone lions moving at his side. They were an extension of his mind, but he knew they could not go past the boundary of the house. When he was about ten feet away, he stuck his hand in his pocket. The stranger's smile grew impossibly wide.

"You know what? Maybe she is too much trouble." Mike frowned. "Wait, hold on." He pulled his hand out of his pocket and felt around on the outside of his pants, then looked around. "That's so strange, where did it go?"

The smile faltered. "What happened?"

"Well, sometime between yesterday and today, I ran out of fucks to give." Mike grinned sheepishly. "Guess you're just going to have to be patient enough for me to grow a new one, or something."

Amir's eyes narrowed, and the ground shook, but Mike held his ground,his eyes never leaving Amir's. The rain had finally stopped, and the sun was coming out above them.

"You are a dead man, Mike Radley." He knelt down to pick up Kali. "You should have taken my offer."

Mike felt that cold feeling in his gut, but he was ready for the attack. An arm made of shadows quickly crossed the space between them, seizing him by the collar of his shirt. Mike's arm swung up, the dagger clutched tightly in his fingers, and he severed the shadow limb. It tumbled onto the ground and shattered, freezing the grass around him.

"Do you want me to check my pockets again, Amir?" Every fiber of his being told him to run away and hide, to flee from this man, but he felt it deep within his being, that voice of reason that said if he turned his back now, Amir would kill him.

Amir chuckled. The shadow arms lifted Kali, cradling her like a child.

"We have no more to say to each other." Amir walked backward onto the street. Someone had left a large, ornate rug just sitting on the asphalt. Mike's jaw dropped when it lifted Amir and Kali into the sky and flew away, Amir's dark eyes never leaving his until they were gone.

"Mike." Lily was at his side, her hand on his arm. "You should have given me back. Now they'll never stop. He'll never stop."

"I don't expect that he will." Mike let out the breath he had been holding, his limbs suddenly heavy. "Dude scares the shit out of me. Shadow arms and a flying carpet? What the actual fuck?" Mike looked at his front yard. "Shit. It's going to take days to fix this."

Lily laughed. Mike liked the sound of it.

-

Satisfied that Amir wasn't going to show his face again, Mike set the lions back on their pedestals. They assumed their original form, simple stone statues, once up there, but he could feel their magic burning in his blood still. The sundial had rotated slightly - of all the magical artifacts he had seen so far, he found it ironic that the most powerful defensive magic he had seemed to function like an egg timer. He had only partially twisted it, so he paused long enough to twist it the rest of the way.

Twenty four hours. In the next twenty four hours, he would have to twist it again to keep the lions activated. Part of him secretly hoped that the Society would show back up, magic blazing, only to get snuffed out for good in the middle of the night.

Celebrations were brief. Tink took the goggles from Mike then swatted him on the ass before inspecting the damage to the house. Sofia was using the garden hose to wash the blood off Abella, and Beth sat with Cecilia on the front swing, her head in her hands as she woke back up. Lily had vanished shortly after Amir had, and he hoped that wherever she was, she was doing okay. The mimic was still in the yard, a macabre scarecrow with one of his favorite shirts torn to bits. He picked it up and carried it through the door. Not knowing where else to put it, he leaned it against the wall.

He walked through the house into the back yard. Dana and Naia sat in the middle of the fountain. Dana was smiling, but still looked sickly.

"That was quite the commotion," Naia said. "But it's gotten pretty quiet. I take it you activated the defenses?"

"I did." Mike sat on the edge of the fountain. "The lions made very short work of the situation."

"And they'll attack anyone who steps onto these grounds with ill intent." Naia smiled, her memory of the home's defenses restored. "I wish I could have told you sooner."

"It's all part of the journey, isn't it?" Mike thought back to the last couple of days. Maybe it was a weird thing to think about, but he felt almost like every challenge was part of a path that had been set before him. He briefly thought of his vision, moving game pieces across a board, then dismissed it. He was ninety percent sure it had been a hallucination, a dream that had chased him into the real world. "And you? How do you feel?"

Dana shrugged. "I don't feel like I'm going to tear your face off, but I don't feel good either. Kind of cranky mainly."

"I am so, so, so sorry you got pulled into this. You need to tell me what it is I can do to help make this right."

"She still needs something from you," Naia said. "She's operating on borrowed time. The blood is rapidly wearing off."

"I haven't forgotten." He let out a sigh. Dana was avoiding his gaze, her fingers drawing shapes in the surface of the water. "But I'm getting the feeling that there's more to the story."

"There is." Naia moved by Dana's side. "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

"Zel originally gave me a potion she had made, which was far better than the blood. She said that your sperm was in it, and I wanted to think it was gross, but I was so hungry that it really didn't matter. Anyway, Zel has a theory that if I were to eat your... fluids straight from the source, the effect would be magnified."

"And?" He could tell there was more.

"I've never been with a man before. This isn't a naïve virgin thing, this is a lack of interest thing. You're the first guy I've even been attracted to, and Naia explained to me that part of that is her fault. But honestly, I'm not super into you. Or men, in general." Dana let out a long sigh. "So in a way, I've kind of traded one prison for another."