Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 053

"Why break a piece off before giving it to me? Because she needed it for something else! Yuki, where is the wardrobe key?"

Yuki's ear twitched, and she pulled the key off of a silver chain around her neck. Mike had given it to her when she moved in as a reminder that he would never lock her away in her tower again. She handed it over to Ratu, who held the keys next to each other.

"It's the same material," Ratu explained. "Emily knew what the key could do and used a part of it to make the locking mechanism of the wardrobe. We have all three pieces right here already."

"Um, Ratu? I'm no expert at puzzles, but they aren't going to fit together like that." Mike picked up the last piece and held it out. "So what's next?"

"That's easy. The key was already broken, but the magic is intact. I bet I could get it to go back to its former shape with no problem in a day or two. Then you can unlock the gate and...and...whatever you're planning to do next."

He chuckled. "Yeah, well, that's the next part of the puzzle, right? We need to figure out what comes next, so I think I need to speak with our resident librarian. And potentially Lily, if anybody spots her." Again, he wondered if it would be a good idea to get everyone on a cellphone plan. Could a cellphone survive a shortcut through Hell? He could always get Lily an old Nokia.

"Well, if you have no further use of me, I will be off." Ratu scooped up the key pieces and stuck them in her sleeve. "Yuki, could I get your assistance setting up my crucible? Your magic will save me some time, though I suspect that this will still take me at least a few days to accomplish, so unless it's urgent, I suggest you wait until you hear from me." She walked past and Yuki followed. Tink's head had fallen forward, and he gave her a gentle shake.

"Why don't you go take a nap," he suggested. "The house can wait."

"Hmm?" Tink shook her head. "Maybe husband right. Go find place for good sleep." She yawned again, revealing all her teeth. "Husband call if need Tink?"

"Always." He watched her leave and turned his attention to Jenny. "So what have you got going on this afternoon?"

The doll shrugged.

He put his hand down near her feet. "I've got some research to do if you want to come keep me company?"

The doll walked onto his hand and he carried her back into the office. Death had already proudly displayed the map that Mike had drawn up above the desk with a single nail, which caused him to laugh.

He sat down at the desk and opened the drawer to pull out a few pens and some paper, which he handed over to Jenny. The doll picked up one of the pens and started scribbling while he continued to read through the books Sofia had gotten him. Through the ceiling, he could hear the sound of music being played, something classical by the sound of it. It seemed to help him focus on the words in front of him, and he smiled.

Now that he had a solid lead on getting to the Underworld, he needed a plan. But what? And what waited for him just beyond the gate? Kisa had seemed quite shaken up by the experience, but this also made him think of another problem.

The shadow.

Lily had mentioned that it was waiting for him in the Underworld, and now Kisa was telling tales of being asked to steal from someone. He felt like it wasn't much of a leap to assume that Emily was trying to steal something from the shadow, and he had a good idea what it could be.

A piece of her soul.

Driven mad by handing it over to the shadow, Emily had spent the last few years of her life pursuing something, and he had no idea what that thing could be. Short of asking her about it, there simply wasn't any way of knowing what had happened.

"Hey." He looked over at Jenny, who had doodled something horrific. It looked like a child's rendition of a witch being burned at the stake, and a figure similar to Jenny stood off to one side with a big grin on her face. "Do you have any ideas about this shadow person? Or what Emily was up to?"

Jenny paused in contemplation as if thinking, and then drew a quick picture on a fresh sheet of paper. The ghost likely didn't have the energy to speak to him directly, which meant he would have to wait. It took her a minute, but she had completed a silly version of what the shadow looked like, then wrote the word BAD above it.

"Yeah, I figured. Any idea where he came from?"

Jenny scribbled again, then stepped away for him to read. He felt a chill run down the back of his neck.

VAULT

"He came from inside the Vault?" It was an incredulous idea, but that room was full of dangerous objects. Perhaps Emily had gotten her hands on something that allowed him to cross over, or even attach himself to her.

Jenny underlined the word several times, then dropped her pencil.

"Damn."

He pondered the implications of this and was interrupted by the sound of someone coming in the back door. By the sound of it, it was Beth and Quetzalli, and they were walking toward the stairs.

He moved to intercept them. Beth looked disgruntled, and Quetzalli was discussing in great lengths how clouds were formed in the sky.

"Hey, both of you. Quetzalli, I need to talk to Beth in private, do you mind?"

The dragon paused mid-sentence, her hands held a couple inches apart. Miniature lightning bolts were bouncing between her fingertips, filling the air with crackling sounds.

"I'll tell you more about storms later," Quetzalli said. "It's probably for the best. Cumulonimbus cloud formation is far more complicated than cirrus cloud formation, and you probably have a lot to think about." She gave a wave and headed upstairs.

Beth watched her leave and then followed Mike back to the office. "Thank you," she said with a quiet tone. "I learned more today about weather patterns than I care to ever know."

Mike grimaced, then pointed at the spare chair by the desk. "I really do want to talk to you about something, but now I'm curious. What even started that conversation?"

Beth sighed. "Sully and I had plans to go for a walk today, but decided that the front yard was a bit small for it, so we went to the greenhouse. Well, Quetzalli was there with Dana, and she ended up joining us on our walk."

"Oh. I'm guessing it wasn't as relaxing as you were hoping?"

She shook her head. "Dana was attempting to fix her drone issue for the centaurs. Quetzalli was actually helping her for a bit, something about electromagnetic interference, but Dana ducked out saying that she needed to replace a rotor, and that's how we ended up spending our morning. Walk was still nice, but hard to get a word in."

"Hmm." Mike looked at Jenny, who was once again scribbling circles on the paper. Life in the house was becoming quite the juggling act when it came to everybody's needs. How had Emily found the time to travel the world in search of other creatures to come live with her? "Tell you what, I'll take Quetzalli tomorrow. That should give you plenty of time to yourself. But I'm going to need something from you in the next couple of days."

"Oh?" Her interest piqued, she leaned forward against the desk. "Like what?"

He explained the discovery of the gate and how Ratu was working on making a key to let him in. "So, in short, it looks like I'm headed off to the Underworld in the next few days."

"Do you need help with your research?" Beth asked.

"No, I have Sofia helping me. I actually need something from my lawyer."

"As long as it doesn't involve another discussion with the faerie queen, I'm all ears."

"Actually, it's something way easier than that. I've been thinking a lot these last few days, ever since the incident with the queen. When I look around this house, I feel like I'm in the middle of a storm just waiting to happen. Emily was involved in some weird shit; the Society, or whatever is left of it, is still out there; and only god knows what is waiting for me around the corner. I'm trying to treat this more like a chess match now, maybe move my pieces the way they were meant."

Beth nodded. "I know how you feel. My life has never felt so out of control. Trapped in a mirror world, seduced by faerie magic, soul spliced to a demon. I don't even get to brag about these things at my next high school reunion."

He chuckled. "I doubt anyone would even recognize me at mine. I transferred to my last school halfway through my senior year."

"So what do you need from me?"

"I need you to help me draft my will."

Beth frowned. "Okay, that's not what I expected you to say."

"Well, hear me out." He let out a long sigh. "So many of my problems were caused by my predecessor, and the geas hasn't helped me by shielding memories from everybody. And here's the other thing. The geas activates when the current Caretaker dies, right? Well what happens if I take two steps into the Underworld and somehow trigger the spell? Like, do I qualify as dead, or does the geas keep operating? I really don't know."

"Hmm. I see your logic. I guess there's really no way of knowing." She tapped her fingers on the table. "Damn, that would be pretty bad, wouldn't it? You would step through that gate and this place would shut down until next of kin could be found."

"And everyone inside would forget. This whole thing is about memories, Beth. It isn't just that the home closes up, it's that we all forget each other as well. Would I forget everyone? I really don't know."

"Wow." Beth leaned back in her chair and contemplated the ceiling while twirling her hair. "I guess there's always the fact that you might actually die while on this trip of yours, if we're being honest about it."

Mike gulped. "Yeah, there's that, too. It's not something I like to think about, but it's possible that it could happen."

"Okay then, estate paperwork is fairly standard. I could have something ready for you in a couple of days—unless you need it right away?"

He nearly laughed. He could tell from the way she asked that she was hoping he didn't need it right away, no doubt exhausted from her morning with Quetzalli.

"No need. Jenny, can I get one of those papers, please?" He looked at Jenny, who was busy doodling a storm cloud. A piece of paper near her foot moved toward him, as if pushed by an invisible hand. He trapped it under his left hand and grabbed one of the spare pens with his right. He scribbled a quick sentence and then signed his name and dated it, then slid it across. "I'm sure this is perfectly legal, since I did it right in front of you, but if you could please have it converted to fancy lawyer speak, that would be great."

Beth picked up the paper, her eyes sliding across the text. He could see the slight tremor in her hands as she lowered it to look him in the eyes. "You can't be serious."

"I am dead serious," he said in his best Death voice, then spoke normally. "I want to leave everything to you and Dana. You both live here already, which means if something happens, the house should remain as is, and nobody gets locked away. You both become Caretakers, I imagine, but that's something you'll have to figure out with Naia. I have no next of kin that I'm aware of, and I'm fairly certain the law doesn't recognize goblin marriages as legally binding, so Tink is out."

Beth's face had clouded over, and she read the paper again. "You really think that Dana and I can handle it?"

"I think you could handle it all on your own, to be honest. You know everybody, and they respect you. This decision feels right and is the best way to protect the house. I don't want the next Caretaker to make Tink live in the garage again, or to force Jenny back into the Vault. So much progress has been made, and I want it to remain, and that's why I chose you. I believe in you, Beth, even if you don't believe in yourself anymore."

He sighed. "I know you've been struggling with what happened with the queen. And maybe even Oliver, too. I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend about it, and I think part of that is because of who I am. When I see the others, I feel an immediate responsibility to do everything I can for them. Maybe that's who I am, or maybe it's the house, I don't know. I share souls with half of them, so they're like an extension of who I am.

"But you? You're different. I knew you briefly before this whole mess, and I've always just thought of you as someone who got sucked in, just like me. You seem like this woman who is so far beyond anything I have ever accomplished. Smart, strong, and definitely loyal. You could have bailed long ago, or even sold us out to the Society when things got hard. But you didn't. You've fought alongside us, forgiven the others when they were wrong, and, well...you just fit in here.

"I guess I'm trying to say that if anybody asked, I would explain that I felt like you would be far better at this job than I ever was. I think you would be better at most things, actually. So when I see this strong, fierce person come down on themselves, I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to say to help them feel better. We all make mistakes. I'm certain I'm destined to make several more. And it's lame to say this, but I kind of figured that you didn't need my help. We might live together, and even be friends, but I just felt like you were so much closer to some of the others that they would do a far better job at it then I would."

Beth was quiet, her eyes alternating between him and the paper. When she broke the silence, there was a slight hitch in her voice. "I felt like I let you down. I used to be so good at my job, and things started falling apart for me. Some of your stuff got auctioned off, I almost got you killed a couple of times, and the ordeal with the faerie queen was so disheartening. I sometimes dream that we're back there, and she tells me to do horrible and embarrassing things, and I happily do them because I'm under her thrall again."

"I've been the reason for your abduction, near death, possession—for so many things. I try to live with these mistakes as best I can in the hopes that I don't make them again. But it's definitely hard when I feel like so many people are out to get me." He forced a grin. "It isn't paranoia if they really are out to get you."

Beth let out a laugh. "That's the truth."

"If you ever want to talk about the faerie queen, I'll do my best to listen." He put his elbows on the desk and rested his chin on his hands. "I've been through enough therapy that I can at least sound like I know what I'm doing."

"That won't be necessary. The therapy part, anyway. Just talking is nice, though. Especially now that we aren't in the middle of a life-or-death situation."

"Yeah, it's something new I'm trying."

Beth pretended to scratch her eyebrow, but he saw her wipe a tear out of her eye with her thumb.

"And Dana?"

"Dana was never declared legally dead, so still has all her rights. Ratu thinks that she can fix her, and I think she would make a fine Caretaker as well. She's probably the only one Lily would listen to, really. Also, feeding her might become a problem, but I know you would be up to the task of finding a solution. I think of her mainly as a backup plan. If something happens to me and you, then she will be ready to keep the ball rolling. No more mysterious inheritances, no more memory wipes. So...do you have everything you need?"

Beth nodded and held up the paper. "Yeah. I can start working on it tonight."

"Good." He smiled. "We've got time, and I'll try to keep Quetzalli out of your hair. Oh, and is Sullivan still in the backyard, or is he back out front?"

Beth shrugged. "I imagine he's back out front, tending the roses. The centaurs let him do that, and he really enjoys it."

"I bet." He stood. "I need to ask him something. Need anything else from me before I'm off?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Tell me if that changes." He walked around the desk and was at the door when he heard her speak again.

"Mike?"

"Yeah?" He turned to look at her.

"Thank you. For still believing in me."

He nodded and left her behind.

When he stepped onto the front porch, he looked over at the empty swing and sighed.

"Soon," he said, then looked across the yard. It didn't take long for him to make out the pale features of Sulyvahn kneeling behind one of the bushes. When he walked up to the dullahan, the man stood and gave him a small bow.

"M'lord," he offered as a greeting. "And to what do I be owing this pleasure?"

"I've been thinking recently," Mike replied. "About a lot of things. This house, the people in it, my place in the universe. You know, the small things."

"Aye." Sulyvahn snipped a stray twig off of the bush. "And have ye found yer place, m'Lord?"

"That's still a detail I'm working on. However, I've also been thinking about where you fit in."

Sulyvahn said nothing, his attention on the bush.

"I was wondering if you would like to come inside and talk about it?"

The dullahan looked up, his dark eyes unreadable. A small grin formed, then turned into a crooked smile. Though the dullahan's eyes were the darkest black he had ever seen, for just a moment, he thought he felt a trace of Cecilia in them.

"That be a fair offer, but the weather is nice and it's a few more roses I be having to tend yet. Could we be having our talk out here, instead?"

Mike looked up at the clouds above. The sun was shining, and a pleasant breeze had scattered the scent of flowers across the yard. It really was a beautiful day, and maybe it would be a good time to stop and smell the roses.

"We sure can," he said, then picked up the dullahan's bucket and held it out so that Sulyvahn could toss in a trimming. After all, he may as well help out a little.

Cecilia had been staring at the sky for most of the morning, watching the pixies weave in and out amongst each other as they delivered messages to the visiting delegates. The scenery never changed, which meant there wasn't much to watch most days. Boredom was a new feeling for her, but she knew better than to show it.

The queen was holding court, and was currently scolding a group of dwarves for digging into a hillside and pissing off a slumbering wyrm. The dwarves were upset because the wyrm ate a few of them and were now demanding the queen's involvement.

The faeire queen wasn't having it. The dwarves had trespassed on the wyrm's territory and were clearly at fault. She sent them away with a promise not to cook them up as a stew for the wyrm for wasting her time. When she sat down, she cast a weary gaze over the congregation.

"Despite hundreds, if not thousands of years of life, I am constantly surrounded by squabbling children. If only I could tell them to grow up, but alas." The queen sighed and looked over at Cecilia. "How are you feeling today?"

"Lonely, bored and frustrated, Your Majesty." Cecilia shifted in her seat, causing it to sway.

"Your dear, sweet Mike is sure taking his time."

"Through no fault of his own. Time flows differently here." Cecilia was tired of this game. Once every few weeks, the queen would mention that Mike had yet to return, but Cecilia knew better. She was more afraid that one day, the queen would come to her and tell her a hundred years had passed and Mike was dead and gone. Then the taunting would end, and she would likely have her freedom.

If the queen was in a good mood, that is.

"As it does. No matter. You know what will happen if he dares to show his face here again, don't you?" The queen looked at her, her eyes sparkling.

"I do." Cecilia frowned. The queen had spent countless hours regaling her with all the things she wanted to do to Mike should he return, but the general gist of it was that she had no intention of letting him leave with what he wanted. She had yet to divulge her specific plan for handling Mike Radley, but Cecilia had no doubt that it was devious.