Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 061

"What noise?"

"Ever since you've moved in, I've had to call the cops multiple times because of the noise at your house. Like last night's party, for example."

"Um..." He thought back to when Tink had knocked holes in the walls, and when everyone had shrieked when the scarabs had flooded the upstairs hallway. The women of the house had reacted in different ways, which was why the third-floor hall had frosted over, and there was one broken window on the second floor where the fairy girls had started their own bug rodeo. Though the home had leaked noise on more than one occasion, it had only been during far greater battles than home extermination, and those had been outside.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." Murray pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it over. "I've spoken with my attorney. On his recommendation, I am letting you know that I intend to sue if you keep it up. I am losing valuable sleep and it is affecting my job performance. I also don't appreciate all the extra foot traffic you've brought to the neighborhood. This is supposed to be a nice place."

Mike took the paper. It looked like Murray had taken a picture of a computer screen displaying the local noise ordinance with his phone, then printed that image out with the remnants of a fossilized ink cartridge.

"Well?" Murray asked, looking quite satisfied with himself. "Do you agree now that we have a problem?"

Mike folded the paper and stuck it in his back pocket. He had once stabbed a demon in the head before collapsing a pocket universe on it. There was also the time he had fought witches in the front yard, or even the incident with Titania, queen of the fae. While Murray posed very little threat to him in pretty much every way, he definitely wanted the man off his lawn. The last thing he needed was a nosy neighbor. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll try to keep it down."

Murray, looking very satisfied with himself, straightened his sweater and left.

Mike watched him go, then pulled the paper out of his pocket. He would have Beth look at it later. While he didn't necessarily feel like dealing with a court battle, she would know exactly how to handle it.

And what of Murray's strange behavior? His King Theoden impression clearly wasn't an act, which warranted a proper investigation. Next time he spotted Lily, he would see if he could convince her to spy on him. If nothing else, the succubus could hop into Murray's dreams tonight and take a peek around to see if anything was amiss.

"It's always something," he muttered, then stuck the paper back into his pocket. Despite the incident with the scarabs, it really had been too quiet lately. Taking a deep breath, he looked at the gathering of people in his yard and crossed his fingers.

Hopefully it wouldn't get too crazy.

The Labyrinth beneath Mike's home had seen better days. Enough progress had been made with the repairs over the last six months that Beth was finally able to traverse it on her own without a sturdy pair of hiking shoes, but it was still treacherous to walk in some areas. The shadow, a nameless menace with magical powers, had used a magical text called the Grimoire to take a shortcut to the middle of the Labyrinth, where he had encountered the naga Ratu.

The battle had not ended well for the naga.

Upon arriving at the naga's lair, Beth saw Ratu sitting on a large, soft chaise lounge beneath a modified sunlamp. Though Ratu had survived the attack, her recovery had been agonizingly slow. Currently, her upper torso was that of a human, and her lower body was the long slender form of a cobra. Her snake skin was shedding, and she had apparently convinced the fairies to help her out by scraping it away with stones that looked like pumice.

"Ah, you're early." Ratu put down the magical text she had been reading. The book shimmered momentarily before the cover expanded and sealed it shut. "I wasn't expecting you until later."

Beth felt the heat rise in her cheeks. Originally, she had planned to arrive early and perhaps mess around a bit with the minotaur, Asterion. He was a couple hundred pounds of muscle wrapped around a gentle soul. He also had an enormous cock of which Beth had become quite fond.

Sneaking away to a hidden part of the Labyrinth for a quick fuck was definitely Beth's idea of a fun time, but no amount of lube or foreplay would be able to help her with an issue that had developed earlier in the week.

"I ended up with some extra time on my hands," she offered. "It's looking better down here."

"The rats have been a big help." Ratu let out a sigh. "Can I get you some tea or something?"

"No, please. Stay where you are." Beth sat on a nearby chair and appraised the naga. The scale patterns that shimmered across Ratu's skin had finally returned, and her fangs were a normal size now. Still, she looked paler than normal, and whenever the naga shifted, she winced. "Guess you and the Labyrinth are going to need more time."

Ratu nodded. "The magic I used to survive was not a spell to be taken lightly. I essentially became one with the earth as much as possible without losing myself. My recovery is speeding up, however, and I expect to be in good health in the next few months. Maybe then I can tackle the secrets of the Grimoire."

The Grimoire was a book of magic bound in leather with an apple on the cover. The house had been attacked on multiple occasions based only on rumors of the book's existence. During the most devastating attack, Beth had managed to take it back from the shadow just prior to his untimely demise. For now, the Grimoire was being held in a safe place where nobody could get to it—inside the belly of a friendly mimic.

A centaur wandered over with a silver platter that contained a pitcher and some cups. The centaurs were amazing healers, but Ratu had demanded that she herself oversee the repairs to her home. At the moment, a small team of them occupied the naga's lair and did their best to help.

"So, what's new with you? It's been a couple of weeks since I've wandered down here."

"Not much, I'm afraid. Much of my research was destroyed. What little I have left is either a complete mystery or merely parts of a larger puzzle. Some of the artifacts I had in storage were also destroyed, so now there's wild magic down here." The naga frowned, then shook her head. "It's a little bit like the scarabs from last night. Magic is bouncing around everywhere, just looking for a new home. I've had the rats bring me plenty of replacement items, so if you see random objects lying around, that's what those are for, and you should definitely not touch them."

"It's not...something I should be worried about, is it?" Beth suddenly felt like she had exposed herself to danger by coming here.

"It's very rare for enchantments to be able to cross from objects to living tissue. Based on my research, you shouldn't see any harmful effects." Ratu frowned. "However, one of the destroyed objects was something Dana brought me to reverse her curse. It was a terrible loss."

"Oh." Beth wasn't sure how to respond to that. Ratu and Dana had been working together to find a way to undo her curse. Dana had been killed by a necromancer, who had then fused her soul to her body. Unable to ever truly die, her eternal destiny was locked to her new zombie form, which presented some serious ramifications if the spell could never be undone. Dana had gone on a long trip to hunt down some magical items that could reverse the spell, but the trip was a mixed success when she couldn't find them all.

Beth was certain the news would be devastating. "Does she know yet?"

Ratu shook her head. "She doesn't. My hope is that the enchantment from the flask will eventually find a new home and it won't be an issue. Even if I still had the flask, I'm in no condition to pursue a cure for Dana's plight. I haven't been in a state like this since—"

The naga paused, then frowned. "Never mind. Anyway, now that you're here, I have a favor to ask." She reached into the pocket of her sleeve and withdrew a crystalline vial. Inside, a black liquid sloshed around.

Beth recognized it immediately. Some time ago, a demon had imprinted a part of his soul onto hers as a way to control her. After Mike destroyed the demon, the demon's soul fragment had tried to take over her body. Ratu had built a device to filter it out, and then bottled up the resulting ooze.

"What do you want me to do with that?"

Ratu held up the vial and gave it a shake. It was like staring into the void, for light didn't reflect off of its contents properly. "I've been racking my brain to try and figure out why the shadow tried to take this from me. I can think of several reasons, and none of them are good. After much deliberation, I've decided that I would like it stored away in the Vault. I'm in no condition to destroy it, and need it kept safe."

Beth nodded, and took the vial. "Out of curiosity, why didn't you stick it in the Vault sooner?"

Ratu groaned in disgust. "My own stupid ego. I've been holding onto it ever since I could move around again, thinking I was the best person to keep it. However, last night, some of that wild magic attached itself to a robe I was wearing, and the fabric itself tried to strangle me. In a better state, I could easily manage an aura of protection, or detect the presence of magic. But...I'm not in a better state. If I can't even protect myself from an angry robe, then I definitely can't handle anyone who would come looking for that."

"I'll take care of it." Beth slid the vial into her pocket. She could feel an ominous chill where it rested, and wondered if it was a psychosomatic reaction or something more sinister.

They spent the rest of their visit discussing various things, but primarily Beth's spiritual health. Ever since the incident with the demon, Ratu had done frequent checkups to ensure that there were no lingering issues with Beth or her soul. Beth helped Ratu rearrange some of the magical artifacts she still had stored. This was usually a job for Asterion, but these objects had been damaged and required a more delicate touch than the minotaur could provide.

Once she had finished her visit, Beth left the Labyrinth and was led by a rat to a shortcut that took her directly to the house. The rats had chewed a portal in a small alcove that led her to the servant's quarters on the second floor. The servant's quarters had been hidden behind a false wall, and could only be opened by the rats on the inside. While this was a perfectly good shortcut to the Labyrinth, Beth preferred taking the magical door in her closet. It was the atmosphere of mystery that she craved, watching that long stone corridor appear where there should be wooden walls, feeling the cold breeze on her face from the caverns below. Seeing the ceiling disappear in darkness above as the Labyrinth was revealed by the glittering lights on the stalactites above.

That, and Asterion could meet her at the entrance to the Labyrinth. A typically surly character, watching his eyes light up when he saw her always made her day. She frowned at the thought of what had happened earlier. It was a problem that had occurred in the past, typically after some rather intense rounds of self-pleasure with her larger dildos. A quick medical search online revealed that it was either simple bruising, vaginitis, or she was dying of cancer. There didn't seem to be anything in between.

Truthfully, it was most likely her current sex life. While she absolutely adored the time she spent with either Asterion or Suly, both of them had abnormally shaped cocks that pushed her physical limits. No amount of lubrication would rectify the resulting problems concerning bruised inner tissue.

It reminded her of the time one of her bigger dildos had slipped free of its mount during a rigorous session. Upon popping free, it had remained inside her when she had tried to sit up to see what had happened, forcing the toy even deeper. The resulting pain had been horrendous, and it had been several days until she had felt comfortable doing anything again.

She made her way down the stairs and then to the kitchen. Just past the pantry was an unassuming door with a concrete set of stairs that went down to the basement. Sofia was busy making more pastries, but paused when she saw Beth by the stairs.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Putting something in the Vault for Ratu," Beth replied. "Can you come with?"

It was a general rule that nobody should go in the Vault alone, and she had known that Sofia had been baking since early this morning.

Sofia nodded.

The basement was cold. Up until last night, the only thing down there was an enormous freezer in which Sofia kept prime cuts of meat. Now, though, there was a large opening across from the freezer. Beth pulled a piece of chalk from beneath the freezer and drew a door on the wall, then knocked on the concrete. Shimmering lights appeared and formed straight lines, revealing a magical door that opened with a creak.

The air of the Vault was supernaturally cold, and Beth chased the shadows away by flipping the light switch. The room was large, and looked very much like a thrift store, except the objects contained within its walls could potentially kill.

She was careful not to touch anything as she made her way to the back. There was a glass display case where Jenny used to be stored. It was a perfect home for the vial.

Once the vial was in place, she turned around and paused at the sight of a painting that had been wrapped in paper. It sounded like someone was whispering from the other side, and she shook her head in an attempt to dislodge the sound. The room suddenly felt like it was closing in, and she took a few steps toward the door before losing her train of thought and wandering elsewhere.

It wasn't until she had crossed the room and was about to put her hand on the painting that she received a powerful smack from a long wooden spoon on the back of her hand. Yelping, she yanked her hand away and saw that Sofia had hunched over to step inside the Vault.

"That one's really nasty," she said, then helped guide Beth out of the room. "Painted by a man who had gone insane and killed some people. Anyone who sees the painting becomes haunted by dark figures until they die."

"Wow, seriously?" Beth rubbed her hand, and then pulled the Vault shut. As the seals engaged, the chalk vanished.

Sofia nodded. "A very unpleasant mess. It was actually in the Library's Restricted Section for a bit. I gave it to a previous Caretaker for safe keeping. Despite being miles away from the information desk, I could hear the damn thing whispering from time to time."

"That's seriously creepy. So, what haunts it? Ghosts? Demons?"

"Demons would be the best word." Sofia started up the stairs. "At least, as far as you know them. Demon is kind of a blanket term, like alcohol. Can apply to many different things that share similar properties."

"I thought all demons were the same?" Beth stopped to peek in the room where the scarabs had come from. The middle of the room had an empty pedestal and the ground had been swept clean of the pottery shards they had found. The working theory was that the scarabs had been trapped inside of something that had broken. Of course, this could have been something that broke yesterday or a decade ago, it was impossible to tell.

But when Beth looked at the smooth walls, she caught just a hint of color smeared around the room. She wondered if there hadn't been something painted there that had been worn down over time by scuttling legs.

Sofia laughed behind her. "Yes and no. There are plenty of things that call themselves demons but aren't. Biblical demons are the ones everyone is most familiar with. Ones like Lily and Oliver. These are angels that have fallen from heaven itself. But many religions have demons of their own with different origins."

"I see." The answer itself made sense, but opened the floor to a lot of questions. Beth turned away from the room and started up the stairs behind the cyclops. "So, it's really just a matter of nomenclature. Something nasty and from a dark place must be a demon?"

Sofia nodded, closing the door behind them. Back in the kitchen, she turned on the sink to wash her hands. "That's one way of looking at it. Categorizing demons is a tricky business, because one of the defining qualities usually involves devouring a human soul."

"Not a lot of those just lying around, right?" Beth pointed to a pastry. "May I have one?"

"You may." Sofia had pulled some dough out of a large bowl and was kneading it. "And thank you for asking."

"I'm not a child." Beth picked up the flaky pastry and bit into it. There was a type of jam inside that made her think of strawberries. "This is really good."

"Thank you." The cyclops smiled.

"So, a follow up question. If demons can exist from different religions, doesn't that mean multiple religions are valid?"

Sofia laughed. "Ah, the eternal question. Which religion has it right? Well, in a way, all of them."

"But how is that possible?" Beth asked.

"Simple." Sofia set the dough down and put her hands on her hips. "Don't trust everything you read. Each religion has its own agenda, for better or for worse. And when you rely on a human, of all things, to remain unbiased while passing the information along, you're bound to get a few mistakes, some personal interpretations, maybe even a few exaggerations, opinions, etc."

That explanation made sense. She and Mike had done a ton of research into the afterlife and the underworld in an attempt to traverse it and get Cecilia back from the faerie realm earlier the previous year. Notes had been made about multiple gateways that could be found there, and the destinations were often unpleasant.

"Is there a text that has it right?" Beth asked. "One that only contains the truth?"

Sofia grinned. "If there is, I certainly haven't seen it. As a reader, it's our job to question what we are reading, to learn how to read behind the lines. Just because it's been put in print doesn't make it trustworthy, no matter how hard we want to believe." She picked the dough back up. "You have to remember I was raised when the Greek gods were still kicking about. I've lived in a society where people could commune directly with the gods themselves."

"Whatever happened to the gods?"

Sofia shrugged. "Great question. It's interesting how some gods simply disappear, isn't it? Best as I can tell, they all just kind of vanished one day. Were they hunted? Did they just leave? Or did they rely on belief to continue existing? I really don't know. Maybe we were never meant to know."

Beth watched Sofia with the dough, and a giant grin crossed her lips. "Would you like some help with this?" she asked. "I would love to talk about this stuff some more. What were the gods like?"

"Most of them were major assholes," Sofia said. "Wash up and I'll tell you."

Mike counted almost thirty centaurs in the front yard. Though the moon tribe lived in a magical greenhouse behind his home, they used a shortcut that the rat king had built to come directly to his front yard from the middle of their village. Though he didn't know all of their names, he recognized them as the men and women who took care of his yard. It was something he had never asked them to do, but was aware that it was a thank-you for rescuing them from persecution in their former land.

He was disappointed to see that their chieftain Zel was not among them. He rarely saw her anymore, but understood why. The centaurs had spent most of the winter mapping out the vast jungle where they lived, and had been working on an expansion plan, which required Zel's full attention. The topography of the area allowed for some phenomenal agricultural opportunities, but they needed a central location for that. Over the winter, Mike had managed to bring in some livestock for the centaurs to raise, and what had once been a small collection of yurts and hay had become a full-fledged village. The tribe was flourishing, and though he missed his friend, he couldn't be happier for her.