Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 075

"Based on what, may I ask?"

Eulalie shrugged. "The internet, which I admit isn't always accurate. Certainly it doesn't help that my only exposure to it is how it's portrayed in movies and magazines. Pregnancy has always fascinated me. Can you imagine having a living thing inside your body? Moving around, displacing your guts. My mother said that she felt something similar, but those were eggs developing, not a baby, so I imagine it's different."

Sofia paused for a moment, her hand on the wall as if leaning on it for support.

"I'm not certain how, but did I say something wrong?" Reading body language had always been difficult for Eulalie. Her father had been largely unreadable, a man who preferred to stew quietly on things. Her mother and sister were easier, but only because they shared morphology. Sofia's larger-than-normal size was easy to relate to Bigfoot, and right now she stood like her uncle would when coming across a dead animal with a hunter's arrow in it. Uncle Foot wasn't opposed to hunting by any means, but the idea that someone had shot the animal and allowed it to wander off and suffer was something that hurt him deeply.

"It's tough to talk about, but if I've learned anything about you, it's that you won't just let it go." Sofia turned around, her cheeks red and her jaw set. "When I first came to the Library, I wasn't a librarian. Not a full-fledged one, anyway. More of a volunteer."

Eulalie nodded, urging the cyclops to continue.

"My job was to read books to the children. There were so many of them, from all kinds of races." Sofia turned to the nearest window and looked outside with her hands on the sill. "I loved children, wanted to have some of my own one day."

Eulalie almost interrupted, wanting to point out that Sofia didn't seem like the maternal type. In the silence between words, it dawned on her that this would be the worst thing she could say. Data was easy, but people were hard. She liked Sofia because the cyclops reminded her a bit of her mother, and was generally easy to read. Only having one eye seemed to limit her facial expressions, which was also something she preferred.

"When the Order came to the island of my people, nobody was spared. Founded by the more peaceful members of my species, it had become a cultural center for man and monster alike. This was a line they could not tolerate us to cross." She wiped a tear from her eye, then gritted her teeth together as if in pain. "They killed everyone they could find, regardless of age. The Order can hide under the pretense of keeping the peace, but I've suspected for many centuries that their real target was the Library. They didn't expect it to be so well defended, nor the nearby community to be ready to fight back."

"That's horrible." The thought of any thinking creature deliberately targeting children made Eulalie's blood boil. She had been online long enough to encounter all kinds of child predation, and had even strongly debated traveling a hundred miles to rip the head off of one in Bend, Oregon. After an argument with her father, she had settled on outing him to the authorities, which was far less satisfying than pulling his spine through his asshole would have been.

Sofia shook her head. "I was in the village during the initial attack, but ran to the Library to defend it. The Order was attacking my village, and I knew that many of my people would be there to protect it. When I arrived, the first place I ran to was the reading room. There was a man there, a knight of the Order, standing over the bodies of children. I was so surprised to see him there, to see their bodies, that I barely reacted to the vision warning me of injury. He tried to run me through the belly, but I was able to jump out of the way. What was supposed to be a fatal stomach wound became..." She sighed. "I took his sword, and then his life. When I left that room, I thought that I was dying. I was a woman possessed, and killed over thirty of the bastards before they fled. When all was said and done, me and a few others locked the building down, breaking its link with the island so they could no longer attack it. My wound was treatable, but the scar tissue, it..."

Eulalie put her hand on Sofia's. "I'm sorry," she told her.

The cyclops nodded, then wiped another tear from her eye. "I gave up on having a family long ago, much less children. The house, though, it has given me purpose outside of being the Librarian. I enjoy every minute of it, even though my job suffers."

"You can't just hire more people to help you? I mean, you are in charge."

Sofia chuckled dryly. "I haven't really had the opportunity to do so. When only a handful of people even know you exist, it's kind of hard to get the word out. People don't age in the Library, and humans are prone to seeking immortality that way. Once they learn that they will age if they leave, they slowly go mad, counting each precious second outside of the Library's walls. Apparently books aren't enough to keep most people happy, so they inevitably stay away too long, or go insane and must be removed."

"My mom loved books. I bet she would have been very happy there. She even used to be a librarian, but never talked about it much." She smiled, thinking about her mother. If you could only see me now, mom. I'm making so many friends!

"Do you love books?" Sofia asked. "Maybe you want a job?"

Eulalie shrugged. "I don't know. The whole reason I became an internet nerd was books couldn't be published fast enough. I wanted to experience the world through others, for all the typical reasons." She scurried up the wall as if to illustrate her point. "I'm afraid I've always been more into audio and visual media. Movies, music, that kind of thing."

"Maybe the Library needs a modern touch." Sofia smirked, then looked at the stairs to the next level. "But perhaps we should get back to why we are here."

"Magic weapons!" Eulalie rubbed her hands together in anticipation as they continued up the stairs.

When Amymone had informed them that there were magic weapons stored in an otherworldly tower, Eulalie had actually gotten down on all of her knees and begged to be told more. Decades of fantasy books, games, and Dungeons & Dragons campaigns had instilled in her an absolute love for magic. She had seen her uncle do small things with it, like commune with trees or portal hop. In reality, he was more of a druid than a sorcerer or wizard.

Her mother had often told them about the magic she had seen members of the Order use. It was both terrifying and exciting to know that magic not only existed, but was apparently some huge secret. It was the main reason she had gone to work for the government. There was always the hope of discovering that the US government was stashing magical books in the Library of Congress, or maybe even a wizarding school at Area 51.

"I'm hoping for a flaming sword," Eulalie declared when they found themselves outside of the armory. "One that ignites when you say its name, or something fancy in elvish. It's way cooler than a sword that can fold itself up, no offense. Grew up with one, but we used it mostly for chopping wood."

"Elves are dicks." Sofia gazed cautiously at the entrance. "Ratu warned us that this stuff is bad news, so please don't just grab the first thing you see. We have a purpose here."

"I know, I know." Eulalie rubbed her hands together. "Find weapons that we can potentially use once Mike returns. Categorize them based on strengths and weaknesses so that we can form a...wait, elves are real? Are they like the ones from Lord of the Rings?"

"It's a rather generic term which can refer to lots of different creatures. But yes, they're all dicks." Sofia frowned. "Wait, I take that back. There is one curious exception to the rule."

"Who are they?"

"Let's just say that they're the epitome of nice." Sofia inspected the door. "Yuki and Ratu had a magical lock installed here, give me a second." She pulled out a crystal ball from one of her pockets and held it up. "Ratu?"

The naga's face appeared. She was soaking in a hot bath.

"Move me a little higher," Ratu said. Sofia lifted the ball, and a thin beam of blue light came from the crystal ball and struck a hidden rune just to the left of the doorway. The rune sent out a ripple of energy that caused another set of hidden runes to appear and then vanish.

Eulalie skittered about with anticipation as Sofia opened the door.

"Velvet's never gonna believe this," she said as she shot through the door and looked around.

It was an armory, lit from above by skylights. The dark corners of the room were illuminated with torches that burned brightly without generating any smoke. Much of the room looked damaged, but a few items were locked up in display cases that were up against the wall.

There was a loud thud as a mace lifted off the ground and slammed into the glass of its display case. Eulalie ran up to the case and danced around it with her hands over her mouth.

Several thick chains held the mace down, but it was able to thud against the edges of the case. She put her hands against the thick glass out of curiosity and was surprised when the mace moved away from her.

"Check this one out." Sofia gestured at a glass case full of water. When she walked close to it, it transformed into a replica of her sword, then shifted into a staff eerily reminiscent of the one she carried in the Library.

"Made of water, changes shapes..." Eulalie bit her lip. The data was there, she just couldn't put it together fast enough. It didn't help that her knowledge base was polluted with video game references.

"The legendary weapon, Varunastra. It can be anything you want it to be."

"Should we take it?"

Sofia grimaced. "Well, about that. It certainly seems accommodating, but if you aren't deemed worthy enough to wield it, it's supposed to kill the wielder. Maybe."

"How does it 'maybe' kill you?"

"Legends say it destroys you. Not technically the same as killing, so there's room for interpretation."

"Maybe it'll log into my social media and spout a bunch of racist shit." Eulalie wandered over toward the case and pressed her hands against it. The water bubbled and then turned into a net. "You'll never guess my password," she whispered dramatically.

The mace continued its incessant banging as they examined the rest of the room. There were other weapons of unknown origin, but the one that caught her eye was a sword with a hooked blade built into it.

"Any ideas on this one?" she asked.

"Hmm." Sofia frowned at it. "Shape rings a bell."

"Looks really sharp." Eulalie inspected the edges of the case. "There's no actual lock on these. How are we supposed to get in?"

The thudding behind them became even louder, and she turned around to see that the mace had gotten itself twisted up in the chains. The heavy links were crashing against the glass as the mace tried to rotate and free itself.

"That one really seems like it wants some attention." She looked over at Sofia. "Thoughts?"

"Weapons that have their own desires are almost always bad news." Sofia looked back at the hooked blade. "I'm starting to think that we might not be able to use anything here."

"It's all a matter of perspective." Eulalie looked at the sword, then ran her fingers along the case. She tapped her fingers on the glass, then wrapped her fist in spider silk.

"What are you doing?" asked Sofia.

"Just a little percussive maintenance." Satisfied that her hand and forearm were protected, she slammed her fist into the glass. It cracked after the first blow, then shattered on the second. Smiling in delight, Eulalie pulled the blade free and gave it a test swing.

"Please be careful with that," Sofia cautioned.

Eulalie inspected the sword. "It's insanely light. Feels like I'm swinging a dowel rod." She moved toward a broken case and swung the sword.

It was almost a casual gesture, but the blade passed through the case with ease. Stunned, she took a step back and examined the sword once again.

"Oh, wow, I think I know what this is." Sofia took the sword from Eulalie and turned it over in her hands. "I'm actually surprised to see it still exists. Gaia forged it so that one of her sons could overthrow Uranus. The sword was lost for some time, and it's been rumored that Perseus used it to behead Medusa. That's the last anyone heard of it, to my knowledge."

"Well, great! If it's sharp enough to cut a god, then it's probably perfect for what we need." She took it back from Sofia then looked around. "You don't happen to see a scabbard for it, do you? Feel kind of dumb just walking around with it."

Sofia shook her head. "This room's a mess. If there's a scabbard here, it's long gone."

Eulalie held the sword up and grinned. "It doesn't have a name, does it?"

"That's arguable, actually. Scholars call it the Harpe." Sofia walked over toward the door. "We should have Ratu examine it to make certain there aren't any surprises, though."

"Solid plan." Grinning, she swung the Harpe a couple more times and followed Sofia. She was about to step through the door when she felt a touch at the back of her neck.

Lala. The voice was barely a whisper, and she wasn't entirely certain she had heard it. It sounded like Velvet, and she was suddenly taken back to hours around the game table, her sorcerer and Velvet's ranger traveling the realm and defeating monsters. How many times had their characters found themselves in a magical tower? Whether fighting monsters, defeating an evil wizard, or just rescuing a prince, there was always a theme, a method to the madness.

Unsure why the memories were coming to her, she looked around the room. It had been ransacked, many of the items destroyed or left behind. What was the theme of this place, what secret had it held?

"Everything okay?" Sofia watched her from the hallway.

Eulalie looked around the room, expecting to see someone moving among the shadows. The room was quiet, save for the frantic rattling of the chained up mace.

"Tell me again about this tower." She walked over toward the display case with the mace. "It was that shadow guy who owned it, right?"

"That's the theory. This tower was part of his property, the rest of it is trapped in the Underworld. We think this was his private stash of weapons."

"He was a magic user, right?" When she placed her hand against the glass, the mace went still once more, as if watching her. An evil wizard with a stash of magical weapons. This room had a secret, she just knew it.

"On top of being a manipulative bastard, yes." Sofia moved to the center of the room and crossed her arms. "Without knowing his name, we couldn't do any research into him. Why do you ask?"

"It just strikes me as odd. On the one hand, you have this powerful sorcerer who is hoarding magical weapons, right? But I don't think he ever planned to use them. Take Varunastra over there. Supremely powerful, so why not use it? Paranoia. Can't risk destroying yourself for a fancy poking stick. Now the sword, it's nice and all, but useless in the hands of someone who doesn't know how to use it."

"I guess. Where are you going with this?"

Eulalie held up a hand for silence as the web spread out in her mind. The shadow had collected all these magical weapons, but had no intention of using them. Why? Because he couldn't. No, this wasn't a collection of weapons to be loaned out to his lackeys, or even used by him. Maybe these items held value, but what was money to a powerful sorcerer? Perhaps he meant to study them, to unlock their secrets? Or maybe...

"I think these weapons weren't for him to use," she said. "I think he kept them because he was afraid they would be used against him. Master manipulator, right? The shapeshifter is powerful, but it would kill him. The sword was just a sword, but sharp enough for a god is sharp enough for a wizard."

"Good points, but I'm not sure where you're going with this."

Eulalie pressed her hand against the glass and stared at the mace. The head had a looping design that was weathered with age, and the patina had been worn off in spots that could reach the glass. The links of the chain were thicker than her fingers and looked to be made of a black metal that she didn't recognize.

"Are you alive?" she asked while tapping on the glass. "Tap twice if you understand me."

The mace hovered in place for a moment, then tilted toward her hand and tapped twice.

Eulalie grinned, then whispered, "Secret's out, you shadowy fuck."

"I have serious doubts about the wisdom of--" Sofia gasped mid-sentence as Eulalie swung the Harpe of Perseus into the case, slicing cleanly through the wood and glass. The chain links parted easily, and the mace lifted into the air, toppling the display as it hovered in the middle of the room, bogged down by the remaining chains.

The mace spun about, causing the chains to rattle, then flew through the skylight, causing the glass to explode outward.

"Oh." Eulalie grimaced. "Well...shit."

"Shit? That's all you have to say is shit?" Sofia was yelling now as she pointed at the skylight. "You just released a potentially bloodthirsty magical weapon on an unsuspecting populace, and that's all you have to say for yourself?"

"Look, I thought maybe it would be grateful. Why lock up a sentient weapon unless it disagreed with the shit you were doing?" In hindsight, her enthusiasm had gotten the best of her.

"Because maybe it's chaotic and just wants to smash everything!" Sofia stormed off toward the door. "We need to fix this, and quickly!"

Eulalie followed behind the cyclops, careful to hold the sword up. She didn't dare to hold it at waist height; she feared cutting one of her legs.

They ran down the stairs, followed by a retinue of rats. Once outside, they saw the centaurs pointing at the sky as the mace did whirling loops around the apex of the tower. Zel was shouting commands, urging the others to get to safety.

"What the hell is that thing doing?" Sofia shaded her eye with one hand.

The mace slammed into the tower a few times, knocking loose the chains attached to it. One of the chains dropped onto a large planter and shattered it.

Centaurs cried out in alarm as the mace swooped down on them. Eulalie stuck her sword into the soft dirt of a nearby planter and sprinted up the stone wall of the exterior, her eyes locked on the mace. The mace swung by several centaurs, but always pulled up at the last moment.

When it came near the tower, she leapt for it, both hands clasping the handle. In response, the mace shot upward.

I didn't think this through. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she held on for dear life as the mace carried her into the clouds. Mist formed on her hands and body, and she used her spinnerets to put together some sticky webs that she looped over the head of the mace to give her a better grip.

The weapon swooped down, and she twisted her body to cling to it with her feet. In the valley below, she could see distant centaurs pausing to watch, but her main concern was on the horizon. A vast ocean greeted them, and she watched in horror as the coastline receded behind them.

"This is a terrible way to say thank you," she shouted at the mace, then smacked the palm of her hand on its head. "Take me back right now or I'll have you recycled into a prison toilet!"

Laughter bloomed in her mind as the mace did a sharp turn in the air. She twisted herself around so that she could see where they were going. By her estimates, the magic weapon had a top speed of maybe fifty miles an hour.

Centaurs along the shoreline watched in horror as the mace descended toward them, hovering almost forty feet overhead. Their horror filled faces made Eulalie frown, and more than a couple reached for their bows as she shot past.