Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 080

"Mike." Yuki moved toward him and put a hand on his shoulder. "I want you to keep in mind that whatever is happening here isn't a house problem. If Holly is right, the time lock happens every year and we've never even noticed. If you want to help, I'm with you a hundred percent. But if you want to sit this out, she'll leave and the lock will just end from our perspective. We don't have to get involved at all."

He nodded, then looked at Holly. "At the very least, you need Tink to get your furnace back online, right? If she goes, I go too."

"And me." Kisa crossed her arms. "Last time I stayed behind, everything went to hell and we needed all hands on deck."

"Ah!" Holly covered her ears. "Really, no swearing, please!"

"Bad words make pointy-ears horny." Tink chortled with glee as she moved closer to Holly. "Tink remember special time with pointy-ear, way better than fun with hammer."

"Bad words make you horny?" Lily laughed. "I have to see this."

"No!" Holly's eyes went wide in horror. "Absolutely not! Last time we had an outbreak of naughtiness at the North Pole, it was years before things went back to normal! And bad words don't make us...amorous. They make us mimic the behavior itself. "

"It may be prudent of you to stay behind," Mike said to Lily with a frown. "As much as I'd love to have you with me..."

"I'm simply too sexy for the North Pole." Lily rolled her eyes. "I get it. Wouldn't want to start an orgy with a bunch of children."

"We are NOT children!" Holly stomped her foot and looked at Tink. "We're just petite! Tink, tell her!

"Stinky demon just jealous of small girls like Tink." The goblin threw her arm across Holly's shoulders. "Come. Go fix furnace, find Santa, get presents!"

"I'm coming with you." Yuki looked at Mike. "There will be no objections. Whatever took everyone is still up there, and I'm not letting you go alone."

"Wait." Lily frowned. "I'm not going to stay here and babysit this sled all by myself. If time is locked, I might be here for days while you get shit figured out."

Holly let out a low moan, then pulled a pair of earmuffs over her ears. "Just let me know when you're ready to go," she said in a too-loud voice.

Mike nodded, then looked at Death. "Do you think you could do me a huge favor?"

"Indeed, Mike Radley." The Grim Reaper moved into the driver's seat of the sled, his fiery eyes now glowing green. "I shall make sure nothing happens to Santa's sled. You can count on me."

"I...thought you would argue, but okay. It should be safe inside the house, the geas will keep out any unwanted visitors, and since time is locked..." Mike frowned. Yuki could tell he was trying to figure something out, but had no idea what. "With any luck, we can get things sorted at the North Pole and you both won't have to wait long at all. If we find Santa, he'll have to come here for the sled, which means you'll get to meet him."

Death grinned, the fire in his sockets growing brighter as he picked up the loose reins and held them in his hands. "You can count on me to do the right thing, Mike Radley. You have my word."

Now Yuki was suspicious, but didn't know why.

"Holly." Mike waved at the elf, and she removed a muff from one of her ears. "Can we use the sled to unlock any of the others?"

Holly shook her head. "Whoever is with it when it leaves the North Pole is the only person who stays unlocked. Since I brought it through the fireplace as the lock went up, the field worked on everyone inside your house, but that's it."

"Bloody fucking convenient," Lily muttered. "If this turns out to be a trap, I'm gonna hook that elf's asshole with a giant candy cane and beat her against the wall like a pinata."

Holly's whole face turned a violent shade of purple as she tipped into the wall and dry heaved, frantically adjusting her ear muff back into place. Yuki felt bad for the little elf, but agreed with Lily. With most of their housemates locked in time, it had been dumb luck that Yuki had even been at home.

Last Christmas, the others thought she'd retired to her room for the night. Instead, she had gone on a long walk in the park and had spent most of the night staring at a frozen lake and listening to the ice crack as the sun came up. It had been hard being inside the house, remembering so many Christmases with Emily and the others. There were still moments she felt like a complete outsider, especially since she was the only one who held those memories. Christmas was particularly hard, and the only reason she had stuck around after the snowball fight was to talk to Naia.

"Okay, well, let's make sure nobody else here is caught outside of the lock just to be certain. Team North Pole, I need you to make sure you have everything you need before we leave." He looked directly at Yuki. "You're right that this isn't technically a house problem. Maybe it's stupid, but I feel like I ought to go. I'm a parent now, and would feel like a major piece of shit knowing that I could have helped the big man himself and didn't."

Yuki frowned. Being honest with herself, she didn't want him to go. If she could get away with it, she would make him stay and go in his place. She would use her magic to force his obedience and would find some way to lock him up until she returned.

But then she wouldn't get a chance to see that strength of his once more. It wasn't enough to just remember what she had seen in Oregon. He had devoted the last several months to becoming stronger, to becoming the kind of Caretaker the house now needed. If she hoped to walk beside him, she needed to be stronger too.

"Team North Pole?" She raised an eyebrow. "Are we really doing teams?"

"They're the home team, we're the North Pole team." Mike tilted his head. "Which team are you playing on?"

"Orokana Ningen." Yuki crossed her arms. "You would be lost without me."

"Mike Radley could borrow my compass," Death offered, holding up his gift. "Then you could stay behind. Though I suppose it wouldn't function that well at the North Pole." The Grim Reaper contemplated the compass, then tucked it back into his cloak. "She is right. You would be lost without her."

"Just let me get my coat." Yuki moved toward the stairs.

"Wait." Mike's eyes lit up when Yuki looked at him. "Why would you need a coat? I thought the cold didn't bother you anyway?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, annoyed at his stupid attempt at a joke. They had gotten worse recently, and she knew it wasn't because he had been spending time with the dryad, Amymone. Her love of a bad joke was already legendary, but she was in hibernation. No, it was likely someone else was egging him on, or he had decided that his new status as a father entitled him to sink to a new low in comedy.

"My coat has pockets," she told him. "I can't just pull stuff out of my ass like you do."

This got a genuine laugh from Lily, which brought a smile to Yuki's face.

Up in her bedroom, she gathered up her magical tarot cards and tucked away a few things she thought she might need. As she was about to head back downstairs, she caught sight of Alice sitting on her nightstand.

There was no telling how long she would be gone. She pondered the book for several long moments before picking it up and tucking it away into her coat. It felt heavier than normal, but she refused to let the past drag her down.

🏠🏠🏠

Once everyone was ready, Holly had thrown a handful of glitter over everyone who was going and told them to run head first into the fireplace. Tink had led the charge, her toolbox in hand. Kisa had gone next, followed by Yuki. Mike looked at Beth by the tree, frozen mid-kiss, and set his jaw. Was Beth's magic like his own? Would it trigger his desires, filling him with pleasure until he felt like he would burst as his own magic did the same to her?

"I'm coming back for that kiss," he muttered, then ran through the flames. They parted for him, revealing the dimly lit interior of a building that made him think of a conference hall after a convention. Abandoned boxes and tables lay scattered everywhere as if the inhabitants had simply walked away.

Mike noticed that it was cold. It wasn't so much that there was a chill in the air, but it almost felt like the heat was being sucked from his body through his feet. Each breath sent a puff of crystals into the air, and he even heard Yuki gasp at his side. When he looked at her, she had sprouted more fur along her body to keep warm. Behind them, Holly came through the fire, her eyes gleaming with determination.

The space they were in was a giant dome with large glass panels, making Mike think of a snowglobe. Up above, he caught glimpses of the Northern Lights frozen in place across the night sky while snow swirled around the building. He had so many questions about how the time lock worked. Clearly there was a limit to the field around the North Pole, but was it just time on Earth that was frozen? Or was it the whole universe? How could he even see light from distant objects if it could no longer travel to his eyes?

"Hey." Kisa gave his foot a playful kick. "You're making the face again."

"Yeah, sorry." He walked away from the fire, then looked back. It was a gigantic fireplace with hundreds, possibly even thousands of stockings all along the top of the mantel. The names stitched into the stockings were mostly whimsical or Christmas related. The white marble floors beneath were decorated with silver inlays that looked like snowflakes, and he could see the fire's reflection in its smooth surface.

"I just want to point out that some of these are stripper names." Kisa approached one stocking and tapped it. "Candy? Star? Or what about this one?" She pulled the stocking down and held it up for Mike to look at.

"Crystal. Okay, point made." He felt a push as Holly shoved past him and snatched the stocking from Kisa.

"Don't touch these," she warned, then put Crystal's stocking back. "This is essentially our mail system, and each elf knows where their stocking is. Don't mess with them."

"Sorry, Holly." He looked at Kisa. "Let's keep our hands to ourselves for now."

Kisa snorted. "Speak for yourself." She moved to his side and leaned into him.

"Oh, sprinkles." Holly hugged herself, rubbing her arms. "The furnace has been off for too long! Much longer and this whole place will freeze!"

"Well, I guess we should head there first." He gestured for Holly to lead. Instead, Tink took point and walked across the large room over to a set of golden elevator doors.

"Tink remember," she proclaimed proudly. "Furnace this way."

"It's fucking cold in here." Kisa grabbed Mike's arm and hugged it. "You're way warmer than this coat I grabbed."

"That's not how heat transfer works," he replied. "I'm wearing layers and so are you."

"Maybe it's a mental thing." She closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against his bicep. "You warm me from the inside."

Holly watched the two of them with her mouth slightly ajar. Mike noticed that the frost that formed in front of her mouth often sparkled as if filled with glitter. What sort of creatures were the elves of the North Pole? Emulating naughty behavior seemed a little silly, and he wondered if they had been created that way.

Tink pressed the button outside of the elevator and bounced on the balls of her feet. She wore a tiny pair of fur boots that she had made from a pair of Uggs that Beth had given her.

"So this place is usually busy?" he asked.

Holly nodded. "When Santa leaves to do his deliveries, there's still work to be done. But a huge party starts and we spend weeks celebrating while he does his deliveries while the world is frozen. This place should be full of elves right now."

"Weeks? Is that how long Santa takes to deliver everything?" Mike asked.

"At least. We think it might be longer for him, but nobody knows for certain. How do you keep track of time when, well, you can't?" She smiled sadly. "It's kind of scary wondering what happened to everyone."

Mike wrapped his arm around Kisa and squeezed. "Trust me, I know that feeling all too well." He couldn't help but think back to what had happened in the spring, when he had left home and the apocalypse had almost started on his lawn. If not for the entire world being frozen in time right now, he wouldn't have even considered coming. "So time freezes like this every year? Is it something Santa does himself, or is it some kind of magic artifact?" He really hoped it was something simple, like a switch that could be flipped, though he supposed finding Santa was a priority.

The elf shrugged, then hugged herself. "I've heard rumors both ways, but I try to ignore workplace chatter. It's easy to get sucked into gossip."

"Elves gossip?" Yuki was standing off to the side, peering down a long hallway. "Doesn't sound very, well, nice of you."

Holly frowned. "It's not like human gossip. We focus on stories, or things we've heard around the Workshop. It's never meant to be derogatory, if that's what you're getting at."

"Like who's dating who?" Kisa had one arm around Mike's waist now. When she spoke, Holly jumped as if startled.

"Wow, I forgot you were even there!" She shook her head in astonishment.

"I get that a lot," Kisa grumbled. She hooked her fingers in one of Mike's belt loops and pulled. "You don't forget I'm here, right?"

"I never do." In fact, Mike could have her stand anywhere in the room while closing his eyes and he would know exactly where she stood. He wasn't sure why she needed the reassurance, but was happy to give it to her. "You doing okay?"

"Place gives me the creeps," she said. "Has a bad vibe. Reminds me of when I was homeless."

He gave her another squeeze. While most of her memories were gone, she did have more than a couple regarding her time on the streets. Sometimes she would have a random one and share it with him. He had spent a few months trying to use what little she knew to piece together who she might have been when she was human, but there had never been enough information.

"Should the elevator be taking this long?" Yuki was watching Tink, who was zoning out in front of the doors. Mike wondered if the goblin was still drunk, because she stuck her tongue out at Yuki, let out a belch, and then pulled her goggles over her head before forcing the door open.

"Well?" Holly bit her lip, then moved behind Tink.

"Bad news," Tink informed them. "No power." She took a step back and let the doors shut. "Maybe take stairs?"

"Ugh, no!" Holly grabbed at her braids and pulled them tight. "Stairs aren't really a thing! The elevator is magic, it only looks like it goes up and down."

"Focus on the solution, then." Mike put a calming hand on the elf. "Is there someway to restore magic to the elevator?"

"Maybe, I don't know." Holly groaned and leaned against the wall next to the elevator, then slid down until she was sitting. "I don't know how these things work."

"Let me take a look." Yuki sighed and pulled the elevator open, then summoned a handful of foxfire that transformed into an orb. She tossed it into the darkness where it hovered in place, illuminating the shaft. "I see some summoning runes. With a bit of work, I could make the elevator come here manually. Will take some time, though."

"Sounds like a plan." Mike looked at Holly. "Is there somewhere nearby where we could sit, or maybe warm up? Feel kind of dumb just standing here."

"Don't go too far," Yuki cautioned. She had summoned a sword with one of her tarot cards and was using it to scratch something along the side walls of the elevator shaft while Tink held the doors open. "I want you close by in case something happens."

"I know somewhere." Holly gestured to a nearby doorway. "It's the Cocoa Lounge. It would be a great place to get some hot chocolate. In fact, I wonder..." She walked toward the double doors and pushed them open. Mike made to follow, but looked at Yuki first.

"Should be fine," Yuki said. "Just stay in the front area and don't go looking for trouble."

"Loud and clear." He walked into the Cocoa Lounge with Kisa right behind him and did a double take. The lounge itself was the bastard child of a hotel bar and a Christmas party. Gaudy decorations were hung from the ceiling with care, and the walls were plastered in Christmas cards.

"Those are real," Holly said, seeing where Mike was looking. "When they get lost in the mail, they come here. We change them every couple of months."

"Interesting." He moved toward the closest wall for a better look. The cards weren't organized in any meaningful way, and they were written in different languages. "So all these people celebrate Christmas?"

"Sort of." Holly pointed toward the corners. "Santa is really big on traditional giving, it's just that Christmas is kind of his thing. If you look up there, we have some Kwanzaa cards as well as Chanukah. It's never meant to be a competition, the staff likes to keep them organized by holiday so we can see them all together and appreciate the spirit of the holiday season."

Mike squeezed into a booth, then pushed the table away so that he could comfortably fit. Based on Holly's dimensions, he supposed eight elves could sit there. "If Santa is real, does that mean that the Easter bunny is real?"

"A rabbit that poops eggs?" She shook her head. "Sounds kind of silly, doesn't it?"

"That wasn't an answer," Kisa replied.

"You're right, it wasn't." Holly winked and disappeared behind the bar. It sounded like she was rummaging around, then she stood with a smile on her face. "Aha! The cocoa lines are still warm! I can make you a drink if you'd like."

"Please." Mike watched Holly move around behind the bar, then turned his attention to the front window of the lounge. From where he sat, he could see Yuki and Tink working on restoring power to the elevator. If the cocoa lines were still warm, then everyone couldn't have been gone too long, right? "Holly, does this place have an intercom system?"

"We do." She sighed and put some mugs on the counter. "And Tinker is the reason why."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You see, the furnace has an enormously large set of vents that direct heat everywhere at the North Pole. She was doing things in the vents that triggered Naughty Sickness in multiple places at once. We realized that an intercom could have been used as an early warning system."

Mike chuckled, wondering what sort of trouble the goblin had gotten up to. However, he went back to the idea of an intercom. What if an evacuation had been ordered and Holly missed it? Maybe if they could get to the control booth, they would find some answers.

"Hey, a jukebox!" Kisa jumped to her feet and moved toward the jukebox. It was carved out of dark wood and full of small vinyl records. She examined it and started pushing the buttons.

"Yeah, won't work." Holly hung her head. "The lights are self sustaining for emergencies, but that thing runs on the same magic that the elevator does."

"Are you sure magic isn't just elven for electricity?" Kisa moved behind the jukebox. "Shit, never mind. No plug."

When Kisa swore, Holly dropped the mug she was holding, which shattered on the floor.

"Oh, fudge!" Holly scowled at Kisa. "I'll be back, I need a broom."

The elf disappeared into the kitchen, and Kisa looked at Mike. "Hey, come check this out."

"Check what out?" He stood and walked to the jukebox. The names of the songs had been written in perfect penmanship on each button, and it was no surprise that they were all Christmas related.

"She said it runs on magic." Kisa threw him a mischievous look, then grabbed him by the hips and pulled him against her. On her tiptoes, her head was at the base of his sternum as she flattened her body against him, using one of her hands to tease his cock through his pants. "C'mon, let's see some sparks."