Homebound Ch. 01

Eventually, things quieted, and I crept down the hall, peeking my head in his bedroom. He was asleep, so I went back to my room and slept restlessly.

The next morning, my mother and father were already at the church with Kayla as I'd slept in. It was unusual for my mother not to rouse me to get going with her. I found Matt standing in the kitchen, his wheeled suitcase by his side, the suitcase he got hammy downed from Mitchell for our last vacation to Florida. "Where are you going?" I asked.

He ran his fingers through his hair and blew a breath out. "I'm leaving."

"Why? Where?"

He propped his elbow on the counter. "Mom and Dad threatened to send me to some fucking de-gaying camp or they were going to kick me out." My jaw went slack and I had to sit on the tall stool beside the kitchen island.

"They can't do that."

"They can threaten me all they want but I'm eighteen so I'm out of here," he huffed before taking me into his arms and hugging me.

"What about school?"

"I'll just get my GED. Don't worry about me; I've got friends who can help me out and thank god because I know mom and dad will close my bank account first thing tomorrow."

I didn't know what to say. I walked him to the door soon after his admission because he didn't want to see our mother again before he left.

A car was parked down the road, idling and evidently waiting for him. A thick cloud cover hung low in the sky making his departure that much more ominous. He gave me another hug and whispered, "Just make sure you wait to come out until after you're out of the house."

It was as if Matt never existed. The pictures of him around the house were suddenly gone, the portraits with him in them removed and any remnants of him were put away. The fear that filled my heart was suffocating. By the time I'd finally heard word from him, eight months had passed and I thought the worst. It was a Sunday morning, my parents and Kayla at church and I had the house to myself. The only reason my mother allowed me to skip church was due to a school project I needed to do. The phone rang a restricted number and I answered it without hesitation.

"Hello?"

"Rachie," Matt exclaimed. I gasped and looked outside at the driveway to ensure my parents hadn't come home early before I headed to my phone with the cordless phone.

"Matt. Are you okay? Where are you? What's going on? Do you need help?" I babbled into the phone and heard him chuckle.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know I'm okay and I'm getting by well enough." He went on to tell me that he got his GED and a couple of friends were letting him stay with them in Seattle. He had a job, a crappy one but he was making money and he was happy. I could hear that in his voice and I felt a pang of jealousy. Before he let me go, his tone became serious.

"Rachel don't tell them about yourself. Not yet. You deserve to go off to college and not struggle. I'm happy but I'm not going to lie and tell you this is easy. If I didn't have Greg and Brandon, I'd be on the streets. So, please stay and let mom and dad help you through college. And watch out for Kayla."

I wondered about his words long after we concluded our call. His concern for Kayla was fueled by the fear she would turn into one of the other women in the church, bound by their husbands and having no real purpose in their lives other than bearing their husband's children and being a devoted wife.

*

"I met someone," Kayla whispered, her cheeks a brilliant red. I smiled despite the internal battle I was fighting with myself. At that point, Matt was the only one within our family who knew who I truly was and he'd kept to his word not to tell a soul, not that anyone other than me talked to him.

"You did?" I absently wondered if maybe Matt picked up on some indication that our kid sister was going to be just like the two of us. It was like a sick fate of karma for my parents, the conservative, outspoken homophobes, to have three out of five kids end up queer.

She nodded. "Yeah. Her name is Kendall. That's why I kind of freaked when you snuck up on me this morning. I was texting her about this. She inspired me to tell someone, to come out to someone I trust." Kayla was still blushing, and I patted her shoulder.

"I feel honored that you chose me," I said honestly.

I wanted to tell her she wasn't alone, that we shared the same secret. She didn't talk to Matt because our mother wouldn't allow it and she didn't want to piss our mom off. The powerful matriarchy who we didn't want to anger because she almost died and never let us forget. Even our father feared her wrath and the guilt that followed.

"Please don't tell mom," she added. I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Are you kidding me? She'd probably have a heart attack." I touched her arm and smiled.

"Thank you for telling me. You have no idea how brave you are."

"I'd love for you to meet her," she added as I put the car onto the road and I smiled.

"I would like that a lot."

As I drove her home, I felt like such a goddamn hypocrite. Here I was telling her how brave she was and that I accepted her when I didn't even accept myself. For some reason, I thought of Jo again. It infuriated me.

We stepped inside the house and I could hear our mother coming down the stairs, her tiny heels clicking on the hard steps. "Oh, Rachel, are you going to stay for dinner?" Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, her long skirt swishing around as she approached us.

"Hi, mom," I said as she hugged me. "I wish I could stay but I've got a date tonight." It was a total lie of course but it placated my mother's expectations on having a boyfriend.

And it worked. She beamed and grabbed my shoulders.

"That's wonderful! When do we get to meet this handsome fellow?"

Well, crap, how about never? I feigned a smile and felt myself blush. "Soon, mom. I want to know he'll be a right fit before I introduce you to him," I offered. I'd been 'dating' off and on for years, always using the excuse as the guy wasn't wholesome enough or wasn't a good fit for our family values. My mother ate it up. In actuality, I'd been in one serious relationship with it ending due to my closet status.

"Okay. I do hope you find yourself someone soon, honey. You aren't getting any younger and it's our duty as women is to bring more of God's children into the world." Kayla rolled her eyes and quietly excused herself.

I cringed inside as I said goodbye to my mother and headed to my empty condo. My mother was lenient in the eyes of the church of Mormon toward how she allowed her children to live. She may have disagreed with Kayla dressing in jeans and tee shirts, but she didn't force her to wear dresses or skirts like a lot of the members in the congregation.

Although I joined her during church most Sundays, she didn't blow a gasket if I couldn't attend. She didn't allow cursing in the house nor caffeine, and she held her strong beliefs against homosexuality and premarital sex and dating. I sincerely think this is the only reason she allowed Kayla to go out for sports in high school, as it left her less time to delve into the dating scene and potentially becoming intimate with a young man. Well, little did she know, she didn't have to worry about that.

It had been a week since I'd seen Jo and her face crossed my mind at least once a day. I thought about going to the club but didn't want to push my luck going more than once a month. God forbid someone from the church see me going in and relay the information back to my mother. I couldn't afford my mother ex communicating me, especially after Kayla came out to me. I had to stick it out to protect my baby sister from the potential harm our parents and the church would put her through.

The farmer's market was bustling with people as it had been the week prior and I meandered around, eyeing around for that Latina beauty who I couldn't stop thinking about. I passed by a floral display, taking in the pleasant aroma of lavender and rose.

And then I saw her.

Jo was standing in front of a booth selling leafy greens, a grin on her graceful lips and her hands moving vivaciously as she spoke.

My heart fluttered in my chest and my breath caught in my throat. What the hell was wrong with me? I'd never been so attracted to someone, the overpowering pull yanking me toward her with such ferocity I couldn't stop myself. She was speaking Spanish to the young man behind the stand, her hands moving with each statement. Her dark hair was tussled and not up in the faux hawk she wore the night we were together. The short-sleeved shirt she wore showcased her beautifully sculpted biceps that rippled with each movement of her hands. Tight bundles of muscles were visible where her thighs weren't covered by her board shorts. I stood beside her with apprehension, not knowing what to do to get her attention.

The young man across from her faced me and he met my eyes before motioning for Jo to look. She turned her head, her eyes locking onto mine and I gasped at the feeling it elicited in the center of my chest. "Hi," I whispered.

"Hey, Rachel," she said, her tone neutral.

Either she felt the same undeniable attraction as I did and hid it well or she was uninterested. At least she remembered my name. Her eyes stayed on mine longer than normal interaction warranted, and I wanted to touch her. I wanted to kiss her soundly on the lips, right there in the middle of the crowded market. "How are you?" She touched my arm and her fingertips sent a shiver through my body. Her hazel eyes watched me while I formulate an appropriate response. I wanted to tell her the truth; I couldn't stop thinking about her. But, I didn't want her to think that I was a weirdo.

"I'm good." I wanted to say more and planned on such until the young man said something to her in Spanish.

"Just a second. I'm going to help him with some boxes but I'll be right back," she said before turning and heading behind the table where a pickup truck sat parked. Watching her lift boxes was the most erotic thing I'd witnessed, aside from her consuming my core. My cheeks blazed at the recollection of her between my legs, tongue igniting every cell of my body, causing me to writhe and nearly lose my voice from screaming in bliss. Someone behind me cleared their throat and I turned to see one of the members of my mother's congregation staring at me.

Crap.

"Hey, Rachel! How are you? I've missed you at service these last couple weeks." The tall, lanky Elder of the Church stood before me and I quickly let myself get immersed into conversation, moving as we spoke so I would be as far away as possible from Jo. The last thing I needed was one of the elders telling my mom I was conversing with an obviously gay woman and I honestly didn't know if I would be able to stop myself from kissing her. That would be bad; very, very bad. God, I was such a damned coward. In reality, I was happy to have a distraction to pull me away from coming face to face with the stranger I was developing terrifying feelings for.

****

Josephine Daniela Vasquez

"Mucho gracias, Jo," Jose, the vendor said to me as I plopped the last box behind his table.

"No hay problema, de nada," I replied, dusting the dirt from my hands on my shorts as I scanned the area for Rachel. My heart sank when I realized she was gone. What the hell? Had I been crazy to think her eyes held that sparkle of longing in them? I sighed, resigned and disappointed. She had stepped up to me, her eyes wide when they met my own and she looked like a fearful rabbit in front of a fox. The sensual seductress from our night together was replaced by a timid, flighty woman. If she hadn't walked up to me, I would've assumed it was just a doppelgänger.

Fuck, she was beautiful wearing a white tank top and flowy knee-length blue skirt. Blue was her color, I noted. Her blond hair was loose over her shoulders such as it was the night we spent together, and I wanted to run my fingers through her locks, pull her to my face and kiss her. I wanted a lot more than that. I hadn't stopped thinking about her since my walk of shame and felt like a fucking idiot for not staying in her condo. Now, I moved around the farmer's market, my eyes searching every face, every nook and cranny for her beautiful emerald eyes. I came up empty a half hour later, concluding that she was gone and so I left.

I had only a few more days until my first day of work and this kept my mind off Rachel briefly. I hated that I didn't even know her full name. I considered going to her condo but felt like that was way too creeper status and decided against that option. Maybe I'd see her at the farmer's market the next week or in town.

I had dinner with Alejandro and Ana that evening. We sat around the small table in the dining room, the siblings speaking and me just simmering in my quiet. I was so disappointed I hadn't been able to reconnect with Rachel. There was this desperate need to be around her that I couldn't shut down. It was ridiculous. "Jo, what's up with you?" Alejandro finally asked.

I shuffled in my seat, shoveling a bite of rice into my mouth and I tried to avoid his concern. "Nada. I'm just excited to start work." He snorted and shook his head.

"Who the hell gets excited to go to work? You're a strange one. You want to go to the club with me later?"

"Nah, I need to take a run and do some lesson plans or I'm not going to be as excited to start the school year." We cleaned up dinner and I went for a run. The hope of seeing her in passing was strong but I didn't see her. It was hot even as the sun settled below the horizon, so I jogged down the hill and took in the shimmering moonlight spreading over the bay.

Fortunately, there was a pleasant breeze pushing off the water and I closed my eyes. The image that popped into my head was Rachel and I cursed. Why the hell could I not stop thinking about the woman? It enraged me that I was so distraught over a woman I had one night with, my thoughts brimming with her face, her lips, her voice. My twenty-minute run turned into an hour, rounding the city streets and down a wooded path. The sharp scent of pine hung heavily in the air, mixing with the damp earth from the fog spreading across the floor of the woods.

When I finally headed home, Alejandro was already gone, presumably at the club and Ana was in the living room reading. Her head tilted up when she heard me come in and she smiled. Ana was gorgeous and a wonderful person. She was a year and a half older than Alejandro and I and straight as an arrow. She was like the big sister I never had and I appreciated her kindness and wisdom.

"Hey, how was your run?" she asked and I shrugged, wiping sweat from my brow. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she patted the couch. I sat beside her. "You seem a little lost in thought these past couple days. What's going on?"

"Well, I'm a little nervous for the school year to begin. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but it'll be different this year. I'll have the same students the entire duration and what if they don't like me?" I shrugged again and held up my hands. I threw her a sheepish grin and she nudged my arm. I couldn't tell her the truth. I couldn't tell her that a strange woman was on my mind constantly and I was having weird dreams. Ana was an understanding person but even she would think I was going over the deep end.

"Not like you? Come on, Jo. They'll love you. The kids around here are great, and I've never received any crap for the color of my skin or for being Latina. We're in a safe little pocket here and you have nothing to worry about."Easy for you to say, I thought,you teach Spanish.

I was surprised she knew exactly what I was referring to. I feared racism. I've dealt with my fair share, as I've said, and I was over my fighting days. It's not as if I was going to punch out a shitty little teenager for calling me a wetback or something but I wanted a warning if it were a possibility. In Seattle, it seemed to be hit or miss by the school I was working at that week or that day. If I had a bad interaction, student or faculty alike, it was nice to know I wouldn't have to deal with the person on a daily basis for the remainder of the school year. "All right, I'll take your word for it," I said and stood. I bid her goodnight and hurried up the stairs to shower.

Of course, my mind went back to Rachel once I was alone. I hadn't gone to the club because I wasn't sure how I'd react if I saw her dancing with someone else. The thought of it alone provoked a nauseating amount of jealousy that I had no right to hold. She wasn't my girlfriend.

Fuck, I didn't even know what her favorite color was or what she did for a living. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I couldn't stop thinking about her alabaster thighs against my cheeks as I devoured her. Her voice echoing in my head Don't stop, Jo, and I quickly got dressed. I wanted to touch her again, taste her lips, feel her caress and tug her hair. After I was dressed, I locked my bedroom door and I threw myself on the bed, staring up at the plain ceiling as I tried to redirect my thoughts.

It didn't work, so I closed my eyes and saw her emerald gaze staring at me. Goddamn it, I was truly infatuated with this woman. I opened my eyes again and wished she were in my bed with me. The thought sent a wave of arousal through me and I grasped my breast as my other hand slid beneath the edge of my shorts, my breath catching as I inched closer to my pulsing need. My nipple peaked my tee shirt and I squeezed it, causing a shiver to run through me. I let go of my breasts and used both hands to unbutton my shorts before ripping them off along with my boxers. Yes, I wear boxers. They're much more comfortable than fucking panties. Don't judge.

I tentatively touched my slit, my lips wet with the memories of Rachel beneath me, the feel of her skin on my palms and the taste of her desire in my mouth. I moaned as one of my fingers toyed with my clit, moving lower to push into my heat. My hips moved up and I added a second finger, my other hand pinching my clit. A bead of sweat ran from my forehead down my temple and I was chewing on my lower lip. The image of her above me, touching me, igniting an all-consuming fire within my depths played through my head. Her mouth on my neck, her fingers deep in my pussy while she thumbed my clit.

I groaned, pumping into myself faster, closing my eyes so the fantasy continued. Hovering over me, the heat of her thighs against my own and her fingers pumping into me. Her teeth capturing the skin of my neck, her breath hot on my earlobe. Come for me again, Jo, she had said to me during our night together.

I felt myself tighten around my fingers, my nectar spilling over my hand as I reached my crest, my hips shamelessly bucking and my breath halting as it took me over. I bit my lower lip hard to keep myself from uttering her name on the summit of my climax, my body writhing at my own ministrations and I inhaled sharply. I pulled my blankets over myself and felt hollow suddenly. I was wrecked. I hardly knew this woman, but my heart was telling me otherwise.

******

Rachel Emily Moore

My condo was quiet when I stepped inside and I sighed as I closed the door. The interaction with my sister followed by my mother's not-so-subtle hint of wanting to meet an imaginary man the last time we spoke had me tense. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't come out, especially not now after Kayla entrusted me with her own secret.

If I came out, my family would surely excommunicate me, thus removing me from Kayla's life. She needed me now more than ever, with the mounting pressure from our mother and the threat of her sexuality reaching my mother's ears. She was nine months away from her eighteenth birthday, keeping her stuck within the confines of my parents' wishes until then. What the hell was I supposed to do?