Hometown Advantage

My wife Esther and I grew up in the same small town. We dated a little in high school, but we were not exclusive and never went steady. After graduation, she took classes to become a paralegal and I went into the military. My mother could not afford sending me to college. I didn't know what I wanted to do anyway. Military service seemed to make sense. The Army trained me in computer repair. I found out that I was a natural.

When I came home before I was deployed to Afghanistan, I ran into Esther. We went out together a few nights and something seemed to click that hadn't before. Maybe it was because I was extra horny and maybe she was emotional about me going into harm's way. The result was that we made love for the first time. I left and we wrote.

There was a flurry of letters which were mostly mutual confirmations that our recent encounter was not a fling, but a promising start to long-term relationship, i.e. marriage. After a couple of months, we began to discuss things other than how we felt about each other. We described our typical days. She seemed interested in whom I was working with. I soon realized she was mostly interested in any female soldiers I worked with or recreated with and the presence of prostitutes. When I mentioned that Sylvia and I worked closely together, there was a pause in her letters. Her next letter wanted me to clarify if she and I were exclusive or not. Esther came close to accusing me of having an affair with Sylvia. I thought of telling her that Sylvia was a butch dyke and had a girlfriend here, but, instead, I said that I had no interest in any other woman than her. Nor would I risk my health or hers by having sex with a prostitute. That seemed to appease her. For a little while.

We got engaged when I returned stateside and married soon after I left the service. We couldn't afford much of a honeymoon. Esther had just started as a paralegal with one of the local law firms in our hometown. I got a job with the town's biggest electrical business. We were going to wait until we were in better financial shape to start a family.

Since I had experience in working with computers, printers, and iPhones, I specialized in repairing those. I was able to keep busy and was soon turning a nice profit for my boss. The workload was enough that I was able to hire an assistant. It didn't hurt that I was a local boy. People trusted me to tell the truth about what was wrong and whether it could be fixed cheaper than just getting a new one.

I came to tolerate more than an average level of jealously from Esther. My take was that she did not consider herself pretty. Objectively, I think most would say her face was not that pretty, but her body was first-rate. She was not 'bag-over-her-head ugly,' but many of the boys who dated her were more interested in her from her neck down. What I was impressed about Esther was her intellect, her caring for others, her willingness to work hard, and, yes, her body. I tried to make sure I complimented her regularly for traits other than her body, take her out as much as we could afford, and give her cards and gifts at random times besides birthday, Valentine's and Christmas. In a few years, we were able to put enough money away to have a child.

We wanted children while we were still young, so the timing was right. Esther's body turned out to be very fertile. She became pregnant soon after she went off the pill. Esther's pregnancy was difficult for both of us. She gained a lot of weight. She had cravings. She has mood swings. Medication was required for gestational diabetes. I was the convenient target for her bad moods.

Once Esther decided it was time to stop having sex, she also decided it was time for her to assume I was having sex with other women to make up for not having sex with her. My new assistant Cheryl was my most likely playmate according to Esther. Luckily, Cheryl had an older sister who was always jealous of her. That prepared her for being able to handle my wife's slightly veiled accusations of husband-stealing. Cheryl and I just wrote if off as hormone induced ravings.

The birth of our daughter Bonnie seemed to bring things more into balance, but that didn't last long. We shared childcare duties as much as Esther would allow me to. Often my offers of taking care of my daughter were turned down. I felt like Esther thought we were competing for the affection of our daughter. When I did get to play with Bonnie, I would look at Esther's face. I swear I saw jealousy. I began to think she mostly wanted a child because it would be someone who loved her unconditionally. Esther didn't want to share Bonnie with me, her husband and our child's father.

In the next couple of years, I learned to dread social events. Esther and I were both well known since we grew up with most of the people we socialized with. When we went to parties or cookouts, she saw herself as 'mingling.' Esther saw me, however, as 'flirting' when I talked to members of the opposite sex. A night out usually meant a night in the guest bedroom for me because of her anger at my 'fawning over' our women friends. I suggested she seek counseling. That got me two weeks without sex.

Before I get to the meat of the story, let me tell you a little about the town we lived in. It was small - count the stoplights on two hands small. Smallness has its advantages and disadvantages. One disadvantage is that communication can be slanted. True statements flow on 3G networks and rumors flow on 5G. Vicious rumors never totally die. One advantage is that friendships can be so deep that one often has a group who will give you the benefit of the doubt even when you are accused of something horrible. I needed that advantage because I was accused of something horrible.

I guessed that it was about to hit the fan the day when my key no longer opened any of the doors of our house. When I called by wife, Esther, I got a 'number no longer in service' message. I was still not absolutely sure what the problem was until I called my wife's sister, Margie. "You rotten, son-of-a-bitch. Cheating on my sister! I hope she burns your ass to the ground." Although that was a confusing metaphor, I got the idea.

"Margie, I have no . . . " CLICK.

I may not be too quick on the uptake, but I got the message. Now I had to figure out who I was supposed to have had sex with and what made Esther think I had. Then I could try to figure out what to do about it. What I knew for sure was this shit was getting old. Esther was an unreasonably jealous woman. If I didn't stop this nonsense now, I would have to add on an apartment to the doghouse in our back yard so there was room for both me and the dog.

I had tolerated her jealousy because I loved her, and because I told myself she wouldn't act this way unless she really loved me. Now, I was coming to believe that she her lack of faith and trust in me had overcome whatever level of love for me she had.

It didn't take me too long to find out more.

"Ben, why in the world did you cheat on Esther?"

"I'm fine, thanks Mom. Hello to you too. Now what in the heck are you talking about?"

"Don't lie to me, boy. You're still not too old for me to put you over my knee and tan your hide. I saw the picture of you and that whore. I am so ashamed of you. How could you?"

"Mom, I have not been with any whore. I have not even seen any picture. And, by the way, if you tan my hide, can you make a leather wallet out of my hide? My current billfold is tearing up."

"You always were a smart-alec. Let's see you laugh when she hauls your butt into court. You better mend fences quickly. Have you begged her forgiveness yet?"

"She hasn't told me directly what I supposedly did. I tried to talk to her, but she changed the locks on the house and her phone is no longer in service. Her sister almost castrated me over the phone when I called her. Esther doesn't want to talk to me. I'll wait a while to see if she calms down."

Mom wasn't the only one to get the picture. My boss, our pastor, our neighbors, and probably everyone else on our email list. Everyone but me. When I went to work the next day, I was told I was fired. My boss had known Esther and her family all his life. She was like a daughter to him. I was now worth less than the scrum he wipes off his shoes when he comes in the door. Our state had right-to-work laws so an employer can fire anyone at any time for any or no reason. In addition, some of my so-called friends and even family members shunned me. I headed for the motel (there was only one in town).

Esther's sister called and asked for my current address. I figured out why. Later that day, a woman knocked on my motel room door. "Hello, let me guess what you have for me: divorce papers."

"Uh, you're served."

"Thank you, young lady. Have a nice day!" That was probably the nicest greeting she ever had.

I read over the divorce petition. Esther was claiming adultery but had to file for Irreconcilable Differences since Adultery was no longer grounds for divorce. She wanted a 75/25 split of assets, however, because of the adultery. There was a restraining order against me. I was not allowed to see our five-year-old daughter because of alleged mental abuse. Esther had taken all the funds out of our joint accounts and had then frozen our accounts.

In a moment of fairness (some might say weakness), I decided to give Esther one last chance. I called Margie back and told her to have Esther call me in the next hour if she was interested in the truth and preserving our family. Nothing.

This now had gone beyond forgiveness. This was war and I vowed to take no prisoners. My wife was a paralegal. Her firm not only agreed to handle her case for free, they had convinced every law firm in town not to take my case. Disadvantage of being a small town. That was okay. It's amazing what legal advice you can get on the internet. You can also get the legal forms you need for filing all kinds of actions - all at little cost.

Some of the actions I came up with I had never heard anyone doing in a divorce situation. That was no problem. The object was quantity, not quality. I wasn't a lawyer, so I didn't need to worry about getting disbarred. I didn't worry if it was illegal, went through the wrong steps, filed in the wrong place, or was just stupid. I wanted to be a pain in her ass. I orchestrated (and watched from a distance) the following occur one Saturday when I knew Esther was at home:

1. A professionally dressed young lady came to the door of our house. I guess that Esther was expecting the young woman to hand her my counter proposal for divorce. Instead, what she got was a lawsuit for slander because she was accusing me of adultery. Her slander had resulted in my unemployment as well as loss of reputation. I was suing her for $3 million dollars which was about $2,975,000 more than the value of everything she had. Esther looked shocked.

2. Before she could get over that shock, Esther was next given a copy of my report to the local police accusing her of theft. I had been surprised she took more than half of our joint funds. Either she had ignored her attorney's advice or, she expected to get 75% of that amount and taking 100% now and giving 25% back later seemed simpler. According to what I had told the police, my wife had taken my legitimate half of our joint funds without my permission leaving me penniless and was refusing to give any of it back (I had sent a request to Margie's address). The note said she should be expecting to be arrested soon.

3. What seemed to be her biggest surprise was being given a copy of a formal request I had made to the courts to order her to provide her daughter's DNA for a paternity test. I had testified I no longer was sure I was the biological father of Bonnie and proof of paternity would be necessary since she was demanding child support in her divorce petition.

4. Esther was livid at being given a copy of a complaint I filed with Children's Services alleging she had knowingly made a false complaint against me for mental abuse. No evidence other than her word had been used for the restraining order. She was informed I was challenging her restraining order. In addition I had counter-charged her with mental abuse based on the fact that my daughter (according to my wife who said I was the father and needed to pay child support) was not being allowed to see her father as was my right. I said Esther was mentally abusing our daughter and me by her illegal actions.

5. By now, it was just a minor irritant to Esther to be sent the paperwork to formally request her name change back to her maiden name before the divorce. Although she had probably planned on doing that with the divorce anyway, I hoped it would bug her for me to tell her I didn't want her to have my last name anymore no matter what happened in a divorce.

6. Finally, Esther seemed exhausted by the time she was given a copy of my petition to annul our marriage which, if granted, would thereby cancel the need for a divorce.

The local newspaper was desperate for news that would reverse their decreasing sales. My story complete with a summary of all six actions made the front page. Several follow-up stories ran on subsequent days. Small town advantage to me. Disadvantage to Esther.

Of course, some of these actions would have been thrown out as frivolous or would be addressed in the process of normal divorce proceedings, but I didn't give a damn. This is where having the right friends in a small town can be beneficial. My father was a beloved policeman who was killed in the line of duty. My uncle was the head of the police union which my father had fought for and obtained legal recognition. The District Attorney was 'persuaded' by my uncle to treat my legal charges seriously and not to worry about doing anything about them any time soon. Let her stew.

Esther was surprised when a worker from Social Services (It just happened that my aunt was the head of the local office) showed up to do a home study to determine if Bonnie had been mentally abused by me or her mother. The worker was straight out of college and full of Joan of Arc spirit to protect children. Esther was totally flustered by the worker's questioning and could not provide any example of me being mentally abusive. The worker took Bonnie to a room where just the two of them talked. Even at five years of age, Bonnie evidently made it clear she missed her Daddy and said I had never hit her other than spanking.

When asked why she had kept her daughter from her father, Esther told the worker that it was just a part of an assumed custody battle with her husband. When the worker informed her that it could take months to a year to resolve the divorce, Esther was told to expect a finding from Social Services that she had knowingly filed a false charge of abuse (someone had sent Social Services a copy of the restraining order where my wife had legally sworn I had committed abuse) and that she was guilty of preventing her legal father access to his daughter. The worker said she was going to recommend a period of supervision and unannounced checks on her and her daughter for at least six months. My wife promised to contact me about getting visitations started.

A police officer came by the next day and Esther was taken to jail but not arrested. Bonnie was taken to Aunt Margie but saw her mother taken away in a police car. When asked if she stole money from me, she pleaded that she took all the funds to prevent me from doing the same thing in retaliation of her filing for divorce. Esther couldn't provide any proof I was about to do that. She said she also didn't think it was illegal to take the money since it was a joint account. When Esther promised that my half of the money would be reinstated into the accounts immediately, she was released. Her lawyers threatened to sue the police until they were told by the police union that they would have to start the enforcing of policies that restricted police communication with attorneys.

Esther came home to be greeted by another police officer and a nurse with a court order requiring her to allow the DNA testing of her daughter. According to the officer, Esther was in tears. The officer claimed it was a miscommunication that led him to gather the DNA before it was ordered by a court. The police union lawyer argued that since DNA evidence was going to be requested in the divorce proceedings, the officer was only a little ahead of himself. He received a verbal reprimand and a round of beers.

Margie called me. "Call off the dogs, butt wipe. You're destroying my sister. She'll settle for a 50/50 split of assets and joint custody. Satisfied?"

"Not even close. I still am going after her for slander. She got me fired and ruined my reputation." I could tell Margie was surprised.

Margie started to reply, "What has she done to you that . . . " I guess her short-term memory came back.

Judge Hawkins got wind of the storm I was creating. He ran the divorce/family court which I assume he saw as the entry point to getting things under control. Judge Hawkins had known us all our lives and probably wanted to help us both. He saw to it that a hearing was scheduled more quickly than usual.

With a town not known for creating excitement, it was no surprise that a large gallery was gathered in Judge Hawkins's courtroom. Esther had a lawyer from her firm, but I was surprised it was the most junior attorney at the firm. That either meant they thought the case was a slam dunk, or the evidence was so sketchy that they didn't want to waste the billing time of a senior attorney. Meanwhile I showed up by myself.

"Ben, I take it you're representing yourself?"

"Yes, your honor."

"That figures. Okay, let's get on with this. Esther, tell us why you want a divorce."

Her lawyer spoke up. "As you can see by the petition, my client is asking for a divorce due to Irreconcilable Differences. She is asking for more than the typical distribution of assets due to adultery on the part of her spouse. She believes her fair share should be . . . "

"Hold on. Esther, how do you know Ben committed adultery?"

"We have photographic proof, your honor."

"Let me see."

The lawyer brought a picture up to the judge. After examining it the judge said, "Looks like you to me, Ben. What do you say about it?"

"I don't know. I never saw it."

"Esther, didn't you show this to Ben and give him a chance to explain?"

This time Esther spoke for herself. "The photo speaks for itself. There's no way he could explain his way out of it."

"Let's see. Here Ben, take a look."

I examined it. "I agree that's my face. I have no idea who that woman is giving that man with my face a blowjob. I believe I would have remembered it."

"Ben, have you ever cheated on Esther? Remember, you're in my court and I can throw you in jail for lying."

"Judge, I swear I have never cheated on Esther."

"Counselor, I assume you had the photo examined by one of those guys who know how people can make fake pictures."

"We tried your honor, but it couldn't be verified. It's a copy and not an original photo." I knew then that the junior attorney was selected because the photo wouldn't hold up in a court of law. I smiled as Judge Hawkins continued.

"Well, where is the original?"

"We weren't able to get the original. The person who took the picture destroyed the original."

"Esther, where did you get the copy?"

"Someone gave it to me." She looked sheepishly.

"I'm about to get really angry Esther. Tell me who gave you the photo or I'll find you in contempt and put you in jail."

"Monty Freemont."

With that name, I knew what had happened. Monty was an old boyfriend of Esther who had pursued her even after knowing we were engaged. He was trying to break us up.

About that time, Judge Hawkins yelled out, "Stop that man." After a brief scuffle, a couple of deputies detained a fleeing Monty Freemont. "Bring him up here."