How Much Worse Can This Get? (End)

How Much Worse can This Get?

Part II (Conclusion)

Note to Readers: Please read Part I first, because Part II won't make any sense if you don't.

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I didn't know what I was going to do but, I knew I wasn't going home. I took a chance that my friend Butch was still in the office and called her. I was in luck, and I headed to her office.

I have to tell you about Butch. Her real name is Cheyenne Gillette, and she is the Director of IT. She is a retired US Navy Commander. Rumor has it that when she was younger she became the first woman to qualify for the Navy's BUDS school. A torn-up knee ended her chances. She is as tough as nails and not really close to anyone at work. She is an affirmed lesbian and proud of it. She doesn't like to be called a lesbian. Although she did say to me once, "if you're going to call me a lesbian, make certain you capitalize the 'L' but, I much prefer 'queer' as long as you are smiling when you say it."

I didn't pretend to understand any of it, but I was a friend of hers, pretty much the only one she had at work. That happened because one day I saw her being harassed by some Neanderthal outside of the break room. Having had enough, she physically pushed him away as she tried to get away from him. Now I have a live and let live policy, at least I used to, about people's choices and preferences. The jerk had crossed the line and definitely had it coming and much more in my book. When she looked over at me the color drained from her face. She knew she could be in deep shit. A company director pushing an hourly employee is generally frowned on unless you were related to the owner.

I calmly stated, "You know Ms. Gillette he shouldn't have hit you like that. Are you ok?"

She gave me a quick smile and leaned down and whispered something in the asshole's ear. As she walked past me, she stated. "Call me Butch. All my friends do." The asshole was a 'no call no show' for three days. He was terminated and never heard from again.

And that was that. We were friends. I thought I had screwed up when one time I accidentally called her Butch in an executive meeting. You could have heard a pin drop and I thought my career might be over. She never batted an eye. She immediately retorted with, "Ok Sundance." And all was good. If you were a friend of Butch's, you were a friend for life.

"Shit, Sundance, you look like crap!" Sundance had become her standard greeting for me since that incident. "What's going on? There's some office scuttlebutt about lots of drama in your end of the world."

"That's putting it mildly, Butch." Emotionally drained, I plopped myself down into a chair. "I need a place to crash for a while; can I hide out with you and Becky?" Becky was her partner of seventeen years.

"Of course, Jack, I'll have to clear it with her, but I don't see a problem. We have plenty of room. You want to tell me about it?"

I pretty much laid out the situation for her. I didn't leave a whole lot out, but when I told her what Frannie had done, and that I was going to fire her ass, she held up her hand to stop me.

"You can't fire her, Jack. You would be opening us up to a wrongful termination suit at the very least. It could get worse if she says you were retaliating against her for her personal issues unrelated to the workplace. I don't know if she would, but you can't afford to take the chance."

"Bull shit Butch, so she just gets to screw me over, after what she did?"

"Relax, Jack, I have a better idea. Just work out a transfer with Bill for her. I need a new Admin." Butch gave me a truly evil smile. "Give her a raise too. That way she can't say she was being harassed by you. You told me she needs the money, right?"

I couldn't help myself. I returned her smile and laughed. It was the first bit of good news I had, and maybe it would start me towards my recovery on the long road back. You see Butch, had worked here for about five years, and during that time span she had been through twelve, no it must be actually be thirteen, AA's now. And that's not even counting the ones that just resigned when they found out they would be working for her.

The first few she went through tried filing all sorts of complaints and lawsuits. None of them went anywhere because Butch didn't hold anyone to a different standard than she held herself. She kept impeccable records and brooked no-nonsense. Among the administrative staff she was known as 'The Angel of Death,' because, if you worked for her you were a 'dead girl walking.'

That night at their place I had to tell the whole story again for Becky's benefit. Her only response was to constantly shake her head in sympathy. Butch just seemed to get angrier. I was glad she was on my side.

After having wound down a bit from finishing my story, I told them about my conversation with Frannie after Dakota left.

"Oh, that cunt is just going to love working for me, Jack!"

I figured that was going to be a short story.

As I'm a glutton for punishment, I asked them about the 'beta' comment from Frannie. It's a guy thing, right?

Butch rolled her eyes at me. "Of course you are a beta Jack. Jesus, you guys have got to stop watching and reading so much porn! Listen, I know that in the porn world, betas are supposed to wear cock cages, get beaten with paddles, and clean up after their wife's trysts with her lover, but porn isn't real life.

"Do you really want to know what a beta male is? He's a terrific lover because he cares about what his partner wants in bed. He remains faithful and is a great father to his children. He will actually have conversations with his wife that don't involve their sex life. A beta male is very protective of his family. He will actually do the laundry once in a while and pick up after himself. He's dependable and not a control freak. He isn't threatened by his wife's friends or independence. There are a million other things Jack. Frannie wasn't insulting you; she was complimenting you.

"But what about Dakota's alpha gene comment?"

Becky interjected herself at this point. "You're going to have to ask Dakota about that one. You know you're going to have to at some point anyway, if only for your peace of mind. I don't pretend to comprehend her motivations for doing what she has done, but I can understand her thought process."

"What? Are you..."

"Relax, Jack, let me explain by asking you a question. Would you say that Butch is an alpha or a beta?"

"Definitely an alpha."

"You're wrong, she may be an alpha at work, but at home, she's definitely a beta. Why do you think I've been with her for all these years? She is all those things she described about betas when she is at home."

Now that really surprised me. I looked over at Butch. She had a wry smile on her face and was nodding her head.

"That's right Jack, I'm the alpha in our partnership. Butch lets me drive our relationship both in bed and out. She is the alpha, no that's not quite right, she has to be the alpha at work, which allows her to be the beta at home. She needs both to be complete.

"And Jack, the truth is that depending on circumstance, we all move between the alpha and beta personality traits. Unless of course, you are a sociopath."

Butch's eyes were moist. She was looking at Becky in loving admiration. I knew they were soul mates. I remembered similar looks from Dakota. Jesus, I wonder if it's true?

"Men can probably do the same, but generally, women are better at compartmentalizing. My guess is that Dakota was telling Frannie the truth when she told her that she needed both of you in order to be whole."

At that point, Butch got up and went and sat in Becky's lap, and they began kissing passionately. I started to excuse myself and stood up to leave.

"Don't go, Jack." They spoke simultaneously. "We'll behave." And they laughed, embarrassed.

"It's true, Jack, Becky is my soul mate, but she runs things here. How are you feeling about all this?"

It took me a long time to gather and articulate my thoughts. This insight was new, and it made my brain hurt. But I came to understand the contradiction that was my life.

"You know, after listening and watching you two interact, I do believe she really does love me and needs me for that matter. But the problem is instead of being upfront about the life she needed at the beginning of our relationship, she made my life a lie. And she did it for her own selfish reasons. She knew I wouldn't have gone along with it, so to get what she wanted, she lied to me. I will never forgive her for that!"

"So, what's next for you then, Jack? What about your kids? I have to believe that they love you too. And you told us you loved them? You can't just switch that off because of what their mother did."

"I don't know, Butch, I just don't know. I do know that Dakota and I are getting divorced. And nothing on this earth will make me change my mind. I know it's petty, and it might end my relationship with Helena and Sheridan, but I'm going to make Dakota and her lover hurt and hurt bad.

"Out of curiosity, what do you both think about Frannie's role in this mess?"

Becky was silent, but Butch spoke, "I don't know if this makes sense, Sundance, but in a way her betrayal somehow seems worse to me. I mean your wife is what she is. My guess is that for all Dakota's flaws, her actions were driven by her internal idea of love, need, and compassion. But Frannie's disloyalty was devious, calculated, and unforgivable. Leave her to me."

I nodded my head and knew they understood. "I'm going to bed guys, thanks for letting me crash here."

My cell phone had been buzzing all night, indicating a text or phone call from Dakota. I never read, listened to, or answered any one of the more than twenty.

The next day at the office, I worked out the transfer for Frannie. She would start as Butch's AA on Monday. May God have mercy on her soul. In the meantime, she was sent home with pay for the rest of the week.

I was still staying at Butch and Becky's place. I was extremely grateful to them, and they didn't seem to be in any hurry to get rid of me. I had completely ignored all contact attempts from Dakota. What would be the point? I had instructed the security desk not to let Dakota anywhere near the office or parking lot.

I got an unexpected visitor at the office a few days afterward. It was Montana, Dakota's older sister. I guess it was my bad that I forgot to mention Montana to security. Montana had never really warmed up to me, nor I to her, I suppose. When she was around me, she had a perpetual smirk on her face. Like she knew something I didn't type of look.

Since I didn't have an AA any longer, there she was unannounced, standing in my doorway with her trademark smirk. Maybe today, I could wipe it off her face for good.

"What do you want, Montana?" As if I didn't know.

"Can I at least come in and sit down, Jack?"

"Sure, but don't get too comfortable. You won't be here that long." I pointed her to a chair.

"Look, Jack, I know you and me haven't been the best of friends over the years, but please just listen for a couple of minutes, and then I'll get out of your hair." She still had an air of arrogance about her, like she was talking with a wayward ten-year-old. "You know she loves you, Jack, and she will do anything to get past her mistake. Do you believe she loves you?"

I tried my best to stifle a laugh, but it came out anyway. "You know Montana, I actually do believe she loves me, but it doesn't matter. I have nothing but contempt and disdain for her. Anything else? I'm really busy."

"You're an asshole, Jack. You always were. I don't know what she sees in you...."

"Well, at least that's something we agree on, Montana. I don't know what she sees in me either!" I spat it out with as much disgust as I could muster.

"I didn't come to argue, Jack. Since you won't talk with her, she wrote this letter for you." She leaned over my desk and handed me a thickish white envelope.

I took the letter from her. Written across the front in Dakota's handwriting, it read, 'For my Dearest Jack.' I sighed and stood up. With a great deal of flair I walked over to the shredder. I fed the unopened letter into it, all the while staring at Montana. Now I was the one with the smirk on my face.

"You stupid childish little boy Jack! You dumb motherfucker, you are bringing down a lot of hurt on yourself and your family." She was spitting nails as she stomped towards the door.

"Hey Montana, before you go, would you care to tell me about Brockton Bozeman?"

She froze in mid-stride. She slowly turned back to me. "I don't know what you are referring to." Her arrogance was gone, and her voice had a sense of desperation. Her angry façade was crumbling fast.

"I'll bet your husband Troy would be interested in..."

"No Jack, please?" She was disintegrating. "This has nothing to do with Troy. I, I, I was just trying to help Dakota. She truly loves you." Tears were rolling down her cheeks. I think she already knew the end was near for her. "Isn't there anything I can do?"

"You have one week Montana. If you don't tell Troy everything; or if you try to shade the truth in any way about your other life, he gets it all. Every bit of evidence I have, and I have a lot! He's going to get it anyway, but because I'm such a nice guy, I'm giving you a week to see if you can sell Troy on your lifestyle. But, if he doesn't come to me in person by the end of one week and tell me that he doesn't care about it, he gets it all."

"Jack, please, I know you don't believe me, but I do love Troy. He means everything to me." Uh, huh. I've heard that one before. She had gone from an arrogant bitch to a sorrowful child in about five minutes. I actually felt a little guilty for having done it.

"As strange as it might seem to you, Montana, I do believe you. I really do. That's why I'm giving you a week. If I didn't believe you loved him, he just would have received a rather large package at work by tomorrow."

"Jack no, I'm begging you..."

"Are your two boys really his kids Montana?"

"Please Jack, you don't understand, it isn't like you think, please let me explain..."

I guess I had my answer. "You have one week. Goodbye Montana, please close the door on your way out." I started rifling through some papers on my desk. I couldn't look at her any longer. I didn't really know Troy all that well, but he deserved to know.

You see, EH's people had discovered that Montana, who was a couple of years older than Dakota, was leading the same kind of life. Maybe Dakota got the idea from her, or maybe the both of them from their mother, or out of Cosmo. Who knows, it didn't matter. I heard the door close. I picked up the phone.

"Yeah, EH, burn it down."

"Music to my ears buddy, music to my ears. But Jackson, you have to make some decisions here and it won't be easy."

"None of it has been easy so far EH, what now?"

He was very deliberate in his response. "I think the annulment is a slam dunk. With the evidence we have gathered, and Frannie's affidavit, it's not an issue. We have to file your petition with your sworn declarations for the annulment, and then have her served. It's a piece of cake.

"I'm going to make it loud. I will ensure that every interested media outlet gets a heads- up on this. But, if we do this, you are giving up all visitation/custody rights to your kids. You won't have to pay alimony or child support, it would be like the girls will have never been in your life." He paused for a moment. "Unless of course, Dubois and she allowed you visitation, which isn't likely after we burn their carcasses.

"I can't have you going halfway with me on this, Jackson. You are either in it to the bitter end, or we just file for divorce and you walk away a lot poorer for having done so. What's it going to be, partner?"

Shit, it just keeps getting worse.

"Crap, EH, I've got to think about this. I'll get back to you in a couple of days."

"Ok Jackson, but I'm all ready to go right now. Let me know."

I loved my girls. Initially, when I heard that they were calling Dubois Daddy, I was angry at them. Then I realized, for all they knew, they had two daddies that loved them. It wasn't their fault. Who knows what Dakota had said to them?

I honestly didn't know which way I was going to go. I ran it by Butch and Becky when I got home that night. They wouldn't give me an answer one way or the other. I couldn't blame them. I still hadn't decided which way I was going to go. But, because of the girls, I was leaning towards a divorce. Then Dakota made the decision easy for me. She had spoken to Montana. What a shock.

I had stopped for a quick drink after work at the Horsehead Bar and Grill. I had no idea why it was called that. There wasn't a single thing inside that related to horses. But, it was usually quiet and I needed it to wrestle with my thoughts in solitude. It wasn't to be.

My contemplations were rudely interrupted.

"Hello, Jack."

"Dakota."

"We need to talk, Jack. But I want to show you something first. Please come outside with me." She didn't wait for an answer. She just strode towards the door. What the hell, I put a twenty on my glass, waved to the bartender, and followed her.

Once outside, and in the still bright late afternoon sun and after our eyes had adjusted, she pointed towards a Chevy SUV. "You see them, Jack?"

I gazed across the parking lot while shielding my eyes; I saw the asshole Dubois with Sheridan and Helena sitting inside. Dubois had a sour look on his face but he never looked directly my way. He was just staring straight ahead. But I could clearly see my girls. They were staring desperately at me, and they were crying. Dubois started the engine and drove away. God, what had Dakota done?

In a voice filled with venom, she made my decision for me. "Unless you and I come to an understanding right here and right now, Jack; that is the last time you will ever see your daughters. If you divorce me, you know I will get custody. Oh, you'll get visitation rights, but I will do my damndest to make certain that it doesn't happen. I will blame you for breaking up our family. By the time I'm done, they will never want to see you again."

Despite everything that had happened, I was stunned at her hubris. Not for doing it, but for having involved Sheridan and Helena in it.

"What do you want, Dakota?"

"I want us back together, Jack. I want my family back. You just need to deal with the reality of Byron being in my life."

"I know their not my daughters, Dakota."

"Of course they are your daughters Jack. I loved two men and I never knew for sure who the biological father was, but I knew you were the best man by far to raise them."

"You're still lying to me, Dakota. I can always tell when you do."

"I'm not Jack, what makes you think you can tell anyway?"

"Because your lips always move when you lie." It took her a moment to figure it out.

"Jack..."

"Get the fuck away from me, you stupid, vindictive bitch! I'll see you in court." I headed straight for my car. I called EH as I was driving away.

"Go for the annulment, EH. I'm in all the way. Oh yeah, and burn that piece of shit, Dubois too." I disconnected before he could respond.

It was clear to me that no matter what choice I made, she would use the girls as a weapon against me. I didn't really have a choice. It was time to end this. Maybe in a few years, I could somehow make Sheridan and Helena understand.

I had no idea what might happen after Dakota was served, so I moved out of Butch's place and went to a hotel. I had already taken care of all the administrative and financial things. EH was going to serve her with a temporary restraining order. He called it a TRO. He told me it would only be valid for a few weeks, and then we would have to attend a hearing to make it permanent. Of course, 'permanent' in our state meant three years.