Hypocrite or Cuckold

Well what do you say to that? A smart man would never be in this position, so of course I asked the one question guaranteed to highlight my insecurities. "Is he bigger than me, is that it? You need a bigger cock?" Her eyes teared so fast, she looked away and then turned towards me once again. I promised I would answer any questions but one and I will. But before I do, are you sure, really sure you want to know the answer. If I say he's smaller will it help make things easier? If I say he's smaller would you believe me? If I say he's just a bit bigger how will that make you feel. If I say he's a lot bigger, again how will you feel? Please take a moment and think because if you ask me again I will tell you."

I shook my head in a combination of self loathing and disgust and silently left the table. I thought I heard her starting to cry as I closed the garage door, but I wasn't sure.

Leaving the driveway I had no idea where I was going, my exit had been an unconscious action. Something inside me, took me away before I said or did something I'd regret. Eventually I came to a park containing a small lake. It was just big enough to sail a radio controlled boat on. Still, sitting in the car the water seemed peaceful and served to calm me. I sat there staring vacuously at the lake for close to 5 hours. During that time my feelings ranged from cold numbness, to white hot rage, to fear and love through laughter and pain. When I finally started the engine and headed home I knew 2 things for certain. First I loved Cindy with all my heart and I would do everything I could to keep her mine. Second, I had always believed that sex and love were different and now I had a chance to see if I had the courage to go along with my convictions. God how I hated what was coming next.

As the garage door closed I entered a very quiet house. My first thought was that the fuckin whore had taken off to be with him as soon as I had left. And that was the thought occupying my mind as I entered the bedroom. So it really was a surprise to hear her voice say "welcome back." Looking up she was sitting in our bed, half under the covers with her inviting smile. She patted the space next to her and like every other time she has done that. I crawled into bed with my wife.

With both of us sitting up resting our backs against the headboard, I took a couple of slow breaths and said "Cindy I have made my decision." Hearing this she looked a bit shaken and quickly replied "Steve, there is no need to rush, please, oh please don't rush to a decision that we will both regret." I tried to smile but I don't think it worked because she stopped her fussing. "Last night you talked and I listened. Now I will ask the same of you. Let me finish what I have to say then you can reply any way you like. Agreed?".. "Yes, I agree, but I still wish you would take more time, there really isn't that big a rush." There was for me.

"Cindy, if nothing else I want you know that I have loved you with all my heart." Hearing this she let out a short gasp and appeared to pull back. "From the first day we met through this very moment. There has never been anyone I've compared to you. Yes, I had a brief affair and it truly was only sex, nothing at all like love. Between you and any other woman that I have ever known, there was never a doubt as to who I would choose." I stopped long enough take another breath. "Cindy, my insides are so twisted and have been ever since you told me of your decision to open up our marriage. God baby I'm not sure I can do this." As she reached for me, I pulled back and in a firmer tone "Here is what I've decided. Because the idea of leaving you makes me literally sick, because I love you with all my heart, because I owe you for the hurt I once caused. Because of all this I have decided to do as you have asked. I will knowingly be your cuckold so you can continue your personal exploration. I promise to try my best to continue our life as though nothing has changed. Is that what you wanted to hear my love?" As my eyes filled with water I managed to sob "Does my humiliation and weakness make you happy? Are you happy now?"

Silence.. evolved into a "pregnant pause" ..giving birth to Cindy hugging me, crying.. kissing my cheek and saying. "Yes my love... Yes it makes me happy. I so relieved and happy you aren't leaving me. I am so happy that you love me enough to do what I know is so painful for you. Yes, I am happy that you could love me so much." Then she gently yanked my hair forcing me to look at her and then ever so softly said to me. "I do not think you are weak. I think you are the strongest, bravest and most loving man I have ever known and I love you" a quick kiss. "Believe me when I tell you that I do not now, or have I ever desired to humiliate you. I understand why you said it, but I promise you, no one will ever know, no one will ever respect you less for what I have done, no one." As she hugged me again, she stiffened slightly when I whispered "We will know."

The next few moments were quiet ones as we hugged and sorted through it all. When the emotional waves had settled I separated myself from her and delivered the second part of my decision. "Cindy I believed you when you told me that you love me and your time with him is not a loving relationship and won't become one. So I will be cuckold. However, this commitment on my part is not without some risk and is not an open ended one." Before she could respond I held up my hand and continued. "I do not really know how long I can live with my decision. At the moment I think it will be a day to day challenge. So there may come a day when I wake up and realize I can't take it anymore and just leave. Assuming that day never arises you need to know that I have set a date in mind. A date that should allow you all the time you need for exploration, but regardless where you are in your journey, if that date arrives and you still need to pursue your obsession. I will leave this marriage. Finally, I have told that I am going to do this because I love you and want to be with you. That is my anchor, it is my only hope for getting through this with you. So you need to understand, really understand that if I ever believe you no longer love me, or have become emotionally attached to this other man. The instant I believe either of those things I will walk out of your life forever. Do you understand this? Looking at me, somberly she said "yes, I understand."

"That's it I have nothing left to say." And with that she gently placed her hand on my arm and said, "I know you Steve. You are a good and strong man. I will do nothing that will drive you away from me. But could you tell me the date, the one you have already set? I would like to know?" I leaned in and kissed her forehead, "No, I won't tell. I believe the time to be sufficient and you will have to trust me on that. To be honest I hope and have prayed that you end this relationship long before my end date arrives. So I will not give you a date around which you both can plan an ending. I want it ended sooner not later and will not do a dam thing to contribute to it lasting one day longer. I hope you understand this and realize this is not an attempt to hurt you?"

"Yes my love I do understand. And thank you so very much.. for being you and loving me so much." With that she got up to dab her eyes with some tissue.

Surprisingly, the next week proved pathetically normal. I got up, went to work, came home and everything was as it had always been. Cindy was home, dinner was cooked, the kids were kids and every night Cindy and I went to sleep spooning each other. The biggest problem seemed to be with me. I woke every day wondering if my Cindy was going to get fucked today. And throughout the day something would always trigger a memory and I would either get angry or depressed wondering what she was doing. However, as the days passed and I could not see that anything was going on between Cindy and her other man I started to relax a bit. Maybe they only got together very infrequently. This would explain why I never realized what was going on. This idea was reinforced when life continued as it always had for the second and then a third week. By the 5th week I had decided that everything would be okay, I could deal with Cindy's need to explore.

The following Wednesday I returned home as usual and my beautiful wife was there serving a fine dinner with an inviting smile. Later while sitting in my recliner watching "Modern Family" on TV, Cindy started picking up crap the kids had left on the coffee table. As she bent over, I caught the briefest flash of her panties. All I saw was a hint of soft yellow, and my cock was suddenly straining. Once I realized what I was looking at, I also realized that it had been almost 6-weeks since that dinner from hell. That meant I hadn't been fucked in almost 3-months. Without thinking, I stood up went to her, pulled her up and kissed her. I kissed her like a starving man (I was) who wanted to drown inside her (I did). She responded with passion and moments later we were in our bed.

She placed her hands on my chest and began caressing me with her finger nails. I reached out and pulled her lips to mine. I was so very happy to learn that they were as soft and sweet as I remembered. As we continued to kiss, building our passion (not that I needed much building) my hands started their own exploration. Teasing all of her sensitive points... the tip of her nipples, the soft undersides of her tits...circling her sexy belly button. After lingering long enough to get a soft giggle out of her, my hands continued their southward journey. Encountering the waistband of her panties I started to slip my left hand under the elastic when Cindy's hand gently pulled my hand out.

I broke my kiss and looked at her face. "What's wrong? I thought we were having fun? Don't you want to make love to me?" I saw her smile disappear, "Of course I do? I love you? Every time you touch me I want you to take me. Don't be silly I want you all the time." "Then why did you stop me?" Her smile returned as she told me, "I haven't stopped you lover, I just wanted to delay you? It's been such a long time", "I know" was my quick reply." "I just thought you might like it better if I..." "If you what?"

In reply she just grinned and disappeared under the blankets. Almost instantly I felt her hands on my cock and balls. One of her hands explored, very softly, every crevice, ridge and vein on my dick. The other was doing the same with my balls. An involuntary moan escaped my lips. A brunette topped head jumped out from the covers and asked if I was willing to pursue her idea or if she should stop? With an honest laugh I pushed her head downwards and said "I love you." I think I heard a guffaw, but I couldn't be sure as her mouth was swallowing my dick. After a minute or two of her attention, I knew I was going to blow big time. Believe it or not, as desperate as I was, I wanted to be sure she was enjoying herself too... so I stretched out and started to rub her pussy through those panties... very softly at first and then a bit more firmly. Dam she was really hot.. her panties were soaking... I couldn't remember her ever being this wet. Realizing that she wanted .. No, that she needed this as much as I did caused me to shift my attention from her lips to her pussy. I wanted her to cum with me, so I continued my caresses and began to alter the pressure I was using as well as the location... gentle circles.. around her clit... smaller.. smaller.. faster and faster... then.. a long soft stroke the length of her pussy. I could hear her breathing change .. and increased the pressure. As my fingers sped up... I started to hear soft squishy sounds. With each squish Cindy went a little crazier and I let out a soft gasp. She threw her legs over my head.. and stared diving on my dick. I swear I could feel her tongue wrap around my cock every time she pulled back. At the same time I couldn't just stare and that giant wet spot she had put in front me. She took a deep breath and started bobbing.. God... this was incredible. I could feel my balls starting to spasm, my breathing became erratic as my jism starting spewing into her mouth and in desperate need I pulled my face up into my wife's panty covered pussy and screamed my orgasm into her.. forcing my face into her as my body shook with release.

Before I could open my eyes and tell her what an unbelievably good idea she had, her pussy disappeared and she was off the bed and into the bathroom. A minute later she returned with a warm wash cloth. I thought she was going to clean up my cock so I smiled at her as she came near. I watched as she slowly moved to her knees and proceeded to clean me up... with her tongue. In 24 years she had never done this. Oh she always cleaned up but never with her tongue. Dam maybe her exploration was going to be good for me. What she did next though, confused me. Once she had licked my cock and balls clean... yes my balls. She took the washcloth and proceeded to clean my face. When she was done I thanked her and asked why she had done it. "Why did I suck off? Oh baby, because I love it when I can make you cum, especially that hard?" Chuckling softly I followed with, "I wasn't asking about the BJ, you can give me those anytime you want. No, why did you feel a need to wash my face?" "Oh" her smile flickered "Because as you no doubt could tell I was a very, very horny girl and when I felt your face pressed against me I couldn't help it, I came and hard too. I don't know if you even noticed, well I'd like to think you were a bit distracted." Smiling she continued "anyway, I didn't think you should have to go to sleep with my cum all over your face." And with that she laughed and threw the now cool cloth at me.

Catching the cloth, my eyes followed her as she crawled back under the covers were we were soon spooning. Once again her panties teased me. This time it was the feel of the soft material pulled tight across her ass cheek that woke me as it made but the slightest contact with my sated dick head. Sated? I guess not, with that single touch new life flowed in me. I thought to myself, once in 3-months is definitely not enough. Again my hands started caressing the sexy girl in front of me. Clearly Cindy was not ready for sleep either as her nipples hardened with my first caress. Once again, my hands slid south.. but this time I did not try to slip into her pants, I simply glided over them. Once again I marveled at how wet I had made her and decided that I would show her how much she meant to me.. the same way she had. So I pulled her towards me till she was on her back and kissed her lips. Then I smiled at her and started moving south stopping first to satisfy my need tease each nipple. Then after a very brief reaming of her belly button I headed for my final destination. Passing her waistband.. I placed my lips about an inch above her clit.. pressed my lips to her and exhaled slowly.. letting her feel... my breathe through her panties. As my lips moved below her clit to repeat the process, she wrapped her fingers in my hair and pulled me up to her face. "What's wrong? Want me to stop?" I asked with a smile. Looking at me with a soft almost sad smile "No baby I don't want you to stop, I want to you finish what you started and make me cum with your mouth. You've never forced me to cum that way, but I desperately want you to try tonight." Smiling I started back down only to pulled back to her. "Now what?"

Looking at her, I suddenly knew there really was something wrong so I just waited. I didn't have to wait long. "Steve you know I love you and I know you love me, I really do. I promised you not too long ago that I would answer questions but never volunteer anything. I decided this because I never wanted you to be reminded about "our talk". I also promised you that I would never deliberately humiliate you and I never will. Do you remember these things" A terse "Yes" was my short response. "Unfortunately these two promises are now in conflict so I have to choose." "What are you talking about baby, I just wanted to lick your pussy as well as you just licked my dick." "I know lover, I know. And I am so ready to feel your kiss I could scream. But before you do, you need to know that I'm not clean?" Not clean, not clean, what the hell does I'm not clean mean? Of course, she's on the fucking rag and doesn't want me to go down her. "Cindy, I love you and I don't care if you're on the rag, I am going to suck on your clit until you explode in my mouth just like you made me do." "Lover I would love that but you don't understand. It's not that time of month I'm not bleeding I'm just dirty?" I must have had a stupid look on my face because she sighed and just said "I'm full, my pussy is full right now" I still didn't get? "My pussy if full of cum Steve completely full".

"What did you say" I roared at her. She looked hurt, but her voice held steady. "I'm sorry, really I am but it's true." For an instant I was looking at a stranger. "So you're telling me that you really aren't dripping because you want to fuck me. What your telling me is that your panties are soaked because another man's cum is leaking out of your well fucked cunt. Is that it? Then I assume the blow job wasn't really for my benefit but was merely a distraction? Am I right.. Am I RIGHT? Am I?" I stared at her in anger and disbelief. She took in all my rage and softly replied. "My panties are soaked because I've been dripping like a whore since your first kiss to night. It's been so long since we made love I wanted you so bad. But when you first tried to slip your hands into my pants I realized I was still... still dirty from earlier today and I knew that as much as I wanted you I wanted you to enjoy being with me. So yes, I started to blow you as a diversion, but you saw me, felt me. I loved blowing you. And when you started rubbing my pussy I couldn't stop myself and yes, when you buried yourself in me I came too. That's why I rushed to clean your face. I knew that if I let you go down on me you would realize someone had been there before you. I couldn't let you believe I had tricked you into doing it because then you would have thought I was trying to humiliate you. I want you suck me terribly, more than you know, but I couldn't do that to you. That's why I had to stop and tell you first."

Once again she had completely stunned me, I really didn't know what to say so I just reacted "You don't want to humiliate me, but you keep saying how much you really want me to eat you out. Why, so you can get off watching your pussy whipped husband sucking up your lovers cum?" I must have hit close to home as I her eyes started to tear? "No Steve, that thought never entered my mind. I wanted you to eat me because I was so hot I knew I would cum with the first touch of your tongue and that is something we have never shared before. Secondly, the idea of you going down on my dirty pussy or as you said, cleaning my pussy up with your tongue, isn't about humiliating you. The feelings that well up inside me when I thought of you "sucking up my lovers cum as you called it".. the only thought I had is how much you must love me to do it. To caress me and please me in the most intimate way, being gentle because you know how sore and tender I am. Loving me enough to give that much of yourself. That makes me hot... it makes me explode just thinking about it. No Steve, I didn't want to humiliate you, I wanted it because it fills me with love for you and more importantly because I need to know you still love me."

What the fuck do you say to that? I had no idea. I can't even pretend to tell you why, but I moved closer.. kissed away each tear and whispered. "I love you with all my heart Cindy and if this is the only way I can prove it to you, I will do the best I can." And with that I moved slowly downward. I didn't attempt to tease her this time. When head was down between her legs.. I reached up to her waistband with both hands and as I started pulling them down, she lifted her hips. Once they were off I threw them into a corner without looking and pulled all of the blankets off the bed. She whimpered that she was going to get cold. As my hands guided her legs to open, I looked up at her and said "If this is what you need I want you to see it all. I want you, no I need you to have a clear image that you can carry for the rest of your life. The image of your husband, the man that loves more than anyone else... anyone else. The image of me cleaning up your lovers cum out of your well fucked whore of a cunt. I am doing this, this one and only time, because I want you to know how much I love you. As I saw another tear fall, I dropped down and without any preamble pulled my face into her cunt."