I Deserved to Know

Still I was curious, and I decided that I had to find out what she was doing on her girls' night out birthday without me.

I trusted my wife completely, but I was so confused and curious that she was so insistent on having her "girls' night out" on her birthday without me that I betrayed our trust by deciding to spy on her.

Tuesday evening my friend John and his wife Lisa came over to keep me company while Julie went out with Nicole. I had explained to John that I wanted to surprise Julie by showing up at a party that she thought I wasn't invited to so he and Lisa had actually come over to watch the kids.

They showed up in time to wish Julie a happy birthday as she was heading out. I left a few minutes after Julie did, but I followed her in John's car so she wouldn't recognize me.

I wasn't surprised when Julie drove over to Nicole's apartment and headed inside. I figured they would be coming out in a few minutes to go somewhere so I sat in the car and waited for a while, but after half an hour they hadn't come out so I decided to go try to sneak a peak at what was happening inside.

Nicole's apartment is on the first floor at the back of a complex with woods behind it. It had a lot of windows for an apartment and I noticed that the only light on in any of the windows was coming from the bedroom at the back. If I remembered correctly that was Nicole's bedroom.

Sure enough when I got to where I could look in through the window I found that it was Nicole's bedroom and I had a great view into the room as the blind was open.

The room was empty, but it was the only light on in the place so I decided to sit and wait it out.

I didn't have to wait long.

When they entered the room I almost died.

They were undressing each other as they kissed. I sat completely still unable to move or to speak, or even to think. I merely sat there and watched for the next two hours as my lovely wife Julie and her "friend" Nicole used fingers, tongues, and toys to please one another.

Finally I was able to move and saw that it was 10:30. It looked as if the action was over for now so I crept around to the car and went back to our house. John asked me how my surprise had gone. I truthfully told him that it was a huge surprise thanked them for looking after the kids and they went home. I sat down on the couch to think.

At a little before midnight Julie's car pulled into the driveway. She was home by midnight just as she'd promised.

I didn't let her say a word when she walked through the door. My lips were on hers before she could even mutter a syllable. I carried her up to bed and we made love until about two in the morning. As we lay there I decided that we needed to talk.

"So did you have fun tonight?" I asked.

"Oh yes, you were amazing." Julie said.

"I meant before, with Nicole." I said.

"Oh it was wonderful too. I'm glad you were okay with me going out like that on my birthday." Julie said.

"Oh that's alright, it was your birthday, if you'd wanted to go out and skip my birthday that might be different, but I think you should be able to decide when we celebrate your birthday. I do have one question though." I said.

"What's that sweetie?" Julie asked.

"How long have you been making love with Nicole?" I asked.

"What?" Julie asked defensively trying to push herself away from me.

I held her tight to me with my strong arms.

"It's a simple question. How long have you been making love with Nicole?" I asked.

"Adam, what's gotten into you, let go of me." Julie said.

"Not until you answer my question." I said.

"Adam you're crazy." Julie said.

"Julie, there's no use denying it. I followed you tonight. I was in the tree line behind Nicole's apartment, I watched through the window as you two made love, and yes it looked like making love, it didn't look like sex, how long have you been making love with Nicole?" I asked.

"You followed me?" Julie asked.

"Yes. It hurt me deeply that you would rather spend your birthday with your friend than with your husband, the man that loves you. I see now that you had to choose between the man and the woman that you love and you chose her. I'm going to ask you again, how long have you been making love with Nicole?" I asked.

"Adam...please." Julie said.

"HOW LONG!" I demanded.

I squeezed her to me tighter she grimaced in pain.

"Adam please you're hurting me." Julie said.

"That's just physical pain Julie; my heart broke into a million pieces when I saw you together. If you love me at all you will tell me how long you have been making love to Nicole." I said.

Julie looked into my eyes. I'm sure she saw fire and rage in my eyes but I saw only fear in hers. She pulled her eyes away from mine and looked down at her chest to hide her eyes from me.

"Since we were freshman in college." Julie said.

"So you've been carrying on a lesbian relationship with Nicole since before we even met?" I asked.

"Yes. That's why Nicole was so pissed about us being together early on. We were more than just roommates, we were a couple, but then I met you and...and..." Julie said.

"And you convinced Nicole that you could keep your relationship a secret, that I would never find out about the two of you. Your "girls' night out" was just a cover for going over there to fuck her twice a week wasn't it?" I asked.

"Yes. Adam I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you." Julie said.

"No one ever means to hurt the person they cheat on. Of course you were cheating on Nicole since she was with you first. Get out of here. Put some clothes on and get the fuck out of my house right now." I said.

"Adam please, don't do this." Julie said.

"I said get the fuck out of here. Go to Nicole's for tonight, she won't turn you away. You both need to call in sick to work tomorrow because if you aren't here by 9:00 I'll have you served with divorce papers by the end of the day. Now get out of here." I said.

"Adam please don't make me leave. Please, I love you." Julie said.

"I love you too, but right now I want to kill you for what you've done so for your safety you can't be here tonight. I want you and Nicole here at 9:00 a.m. sharp though because we're going to discuss some things." I said.

Julie was crying uncontrollably as she got out of bed, put on some clothes and left for Nicole's apartment.

I sat up the rest of the night thinking about what I would do when Julie and Nicole got there the next morning.

I got the kids up and out the door to school, they asked where their mom was and I said she'd stayed at Aunt Nicole's for the night and that she said to tell them to have a good day.

When the kids were out the door I walked into my home office, grabbed a cigar and lit it. Julie hated it when I smoked cigars, especially in the house so I made sure to take a nice big puff in every room of the house and blew the smoke onto the furniture.

At a little before 9:00 they walked in the front door. I was sitting in the living room working on my third cigar.

"Adam, this place smells terrible; you know I don't want you to smoke those things inside." Julie said.

"After what I saw last night just try to imagine how little what you want means to me right now." I said.

"Oh Adam don't say that, one night can't destroy everything we have." Julie said.

"One night? The way I see it there's a lot more than one night here, there is an entire relationship of lies and deceit. The one night just brought them all to light." I said taking a big puff and blowing it in their direction.

"Adam, we didn't come to fight with you. I want to know what I can do to make this better." Julie said.

"I'm not sure you can make this better sweetheart. We've been married for nearly 11 years now and we dated for nearly two years before that. Rounding down we have been together for 12 years and during that whole time you let me believe that I was the only person that you loved this way. Then last night I saw you making love to Nicole and discovered that you have been making love to her for over 14 years. I'm not sure there's a way to fix that." I said.

"Adam I..." Nicole started.

"Nicole, I have some things that I want to say before either of you says anything, so just give me a few minutes to say what I have to say. Julie, I have loved you from the moment I first saw you, and I still love you despite what I saw last night. Nicole, I now understand why at certain points during my relationship with Julie you have been especially cold towards me as first I was dating, then I was married to the woman that you love. Believe me, when I saw the two of you together last night I understood real quick how you must have felt quite frequently. Now I have a question for you Julie. Think long and hard about your answer. Would you have ever told me about this if I hadn't discovered it on my own?" I asked.

Julie looked at her hands in her lap for a few seconds; she couldn't bring herself to look at me.

"No, I never would have. I knew it would hurt you deeply to find out and that we'd end up in a situation like this. Adam, you have to believe me this is the last thing that I wanted." Julie said.

"You might not have wanted it to happen Julie, but it was a risk that you took. Every day that you stayed married to me and continued your relationship with Nicole you took the risk that this would happen. The risk was smaller because Nicole knew, but there was always a risk that she would grow tired of sharing you and would tell me." I said.

"She would never have done that." Julie said.

"What makes you so sure?" I asked.

"Because she promised not to." Julie said.

"Ah yes promises. I remember some promises that we made to each other. Nicole was standing right there with us as a matter of fact. Do you remember the promises we made that day Julie? We promised to love, honor, and keep ourselves only for one another for the rest of our lives. Well you love Nicole, by doing so you dishonored me by cheating on me, and you have shared your body with Nicole countless times since that day. If you could so easily break those promises that are so important what makes you think she would keep the promise she made you?" I asked.

"Adam please..." Julie started.

"No. I can see now that you love both of us Julie, but it's painfully clear to me that you love Nicole more." I said.

"How could you say such a thing?" Julie asked crying.

"You loved her enough to let her know about the two of us. Sure you already had a relationship with her when you and I found each other at that party, but when she protested you eased her doubts; you changed your relationship with her so that the two of you could still be together if you were with me. Sometimes to love someone you have to hurt them Julie. You loved Nicole enough to hurt her but you didn't love me enough to hurt me with the news that you were in love with Nicole too. I have loved you completely and totally, you and no other since the night that we met. In that time your love has been split between two of us. It is unfair to me and it is unfair to Nicole for you to try to love both of us." I said.

Julie couldn't speak; she just put her face in her hands and cried. Nicole looked at Julie lovingly then looked at me.

"God damn you Adam. Look what you're doing to her." Nicole said.

"What I'm doing to her? What about me? What about you? I'm sure that it still burns you that she's married to me. Don't even try to tell me that if I were out of the picture you wouldn't be happy." I said.

"That would depend on how you went out of the picture. If you parted ways on good terms where Julie wasn't overly sad or depressed at the end of your relationship then yes I would be thrilled that you were gone. I remember the conversation that you and I had the morning after the two of you got engaged. That morning you told me that Julie needed both of us to be happy. At that time you didn't have any clue of the true nature of my relationship with Julie, but I realized that you were right. I had loved having her to myself before she met you, and when she started dating you I was pissed because I felt like I was losing her. After a while though I realized that while my relationship with Julie had changed, I hadn't lost anything and she was happier than I had ever seen her. It wasn't until she came back last night that I saw anything but a smile on her face when it came to you." Nicole said.

"I'll ask you this Nicole. How did you feel about keeping me in the dark for all these years?" I asked.

"Well, I was in favor of it for a long time. There were times when like you said I was ready to tell you in the hopes that it would get you out of the picture. I realized that if I were the one that drove you out of Julie's life she would never forgive me and would cut me out of her life as well so I never did. Did I ever have regrets or feel bad about it? No. You got to have the public relationship with her and I loved her just as much and only got to have a secret relationship with her." Nicole said.

"I guess I understand that. What kind of future did you see with Julie Nicole? Did you see her leaving me to be with you? Did you see her leaving you?" I asked.

"I guess in my imagination I saw her leaving you for me." Nicole said.

"How would you explain to your children that you had ruined my marriage to Julie to be with her?" I asked.

At the mention of Nicole's children Julie looked up, looked at me, looked at Nicole, then back at me.

"What is it?" I asked.

Julie hesitated for a moment, and then she spoke.

"Adam, there's something that you should know in light of all that has happened." Julie said.

She held Nicole's hand and looked first at her, then at me.

"Julie don't. We agreed that he'd never find out." Nicole said.

"I have to Nicole. I've kept far too much from him Nicole. If I have any chance of reconciliation with Adam I have to be completely honest with him. Besides, even you will agree that he has every right to know the truth in this case." Julie said.

"Are you sure about this?" Nicole asked nervously.

"I'm positive. I won't keep the truth from him any longer." Julie said.

"What truth?" I asked.

Nicole and Julie held each other's hands tightly and they looked into each others' eyes and then into mine. I could see how nervous they were.

"Adam, you are the father of Nicole's children." Julie said.

"That's impossible." I said.

"No it isn't. It's absolutely true." Julie said.

"I don't see how as I have never been with her and I have never given a sperm sample that could have been used to impregnate her." I said.

"Yes you did Adam, you just didn't know it." Julie said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It's amazing what you can use a turkey baster for. I used one to remove some of your semen from my body and then put them into Nicole's body. Remarkably, two out of three times it was successful." Julie said.

"Two out of three times?" I asked.

"We tried to get her pregnant each time you and I were trying to get pregnant. We were successful when I got pregnant with the boys, but not when I got pregnant with Hannah." Julie said.

I was stunned. I almost couldn't speak. My wife had stolen my sperm to impregnate her lesbian lover. How the hell do you react to that?

"This is for real? You really stole my sperm and impregnated her with it twice without my permission?" I asked.

"Yes, it's horrible I know, but I rationalized it by convincing myself that you were giving it to me so I could do whatever I wanted with it." Julie said.

"I...I don't know how to react to this. First I discover that you have been having a lesbian affair throughout our entire relationship and now you tell me that you used my sperm to impregnate your lover. I...I...damn." I said.

I looked at the floor crying. Julie moved over to hold me, but I violently shrugged her off, I didn't want her touching me at that moment and maybe never again.

"Adam, I can only imagine what you're going through right now. We had no right to do what we did, and I am truly sorry. I wanted children desperately, but as you now know I'm a lesbian and I didn't want anything to do with men. One day I told Julie that I wished that she produced sperm because I wanted to have her children and that's when we came up with the idea of using your sperm. We wanted our children to be born of love and if Julie's love for me couldn't give me a baby directly then we considered it our good fortune that she could give me a baby indirectly through her love for you. It was Julie's idea originally to use your sperm, but I agreed to it Adam so any anger you have about this should be split evenly between us and not directed squarely at Julie." Nicole said.

"Adam, what we did was wrong, but the end result was worth it. Derek and Kelly are great kids." Julie said.

My mind was going a mile a minute, I had two children that had been kept secret from me for years. I felt as if I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"I don't blame them. How can I blame them for the actions of their mothers? Do they know about your relationship? Do they call you mom Julie? Do our children know? Who else knows? Am I the last person on the planet to learn of this?" I asked angrily.

"To my knowledge nobody knows Adam. Long ago Nicole and I agreed to keep our relationship secret as long as you and I were together. Now I guess we'll be free to take our relationship public if we choose to do so." Julie said.

I looked at her thinking about all that had happened, and almost without control of my words I spoke.

"Does that mean that you've decided to leave me?" I asked.

"Adam, I thought that you were..." Julie said.

"This situation has put a big strain on our relationship Julie, there's no doubt about that, but I still love you and I still want to be with you if I can. I can see no reason for us to get a divorce just yet unless you don't love me anymore. Do you still love me?" I asked.

"Oh Adam, I love you more than ever. So what happens now that you know about us?" Julie asked.

"I don't know. I really don't. I'm going to request that you not see Nicole for two months. No contact at all; no phone calls, no emails, nothing. I'm not asking you to break things off with her permanently; all I want is two months to have you completely to myself. I've never had you completely to myself at any point in our relationship. I thought I did, but as it turns out I didn't. I think that after loving you unconditionally for so long I deserve to have that chance, even if you aren't loving me unconditionally I would have you to myself during that time." I said.

Julie was about to protest, but Nicole took her hand and squeezed it. Julie looked into Nicole's eyes.

"You'd better take three months. After all the years of lies and sneaking around behind your back you deserve at least three months Adam. And Julie, I don't want you to think about me during those three months. I'll be right here when the three months is over, the only person you need to think about during the three months is Adam, your husband, okay?" Nicole asked.

"Nicole, I..." Julie started.

"No, don't fight this one. I know you love me, and I know you love him, but I've experienced having you all to myself, your husband thought he had, but now he knows he didn't, he deserves to know what it's like to have all of you. We both owe that to him, after lying to him for all these years. I owe that to him for my children even if we didn't have his permission to use his sperm." Nicole said.

"But if I spend that long with just him I might..." Julie started.

"You might decide that he is all you need now, I know. That's a risk we have to take Julie. He is your husband after all, and he deserves to know if you can be happy with only him. Whatever happens I will always love you." Nicole said.