I Did It For You

Then the next late realization clicked home.

"She did it with me just before I left for my hunting trip on Thursday; clearly preparing me to expect that I'd gotten her pregnant. She probably would have jumped my bones again as soon as I got home, just to cement the idea that I'd been with her during her ovulation window.

"She took all those guys bareback and would have done the same with me on Monday. God only knows what diseases she's picked up."

My attorney returned her right hand to the top of my left. I'd always thought that a lawyer's handholding of a client was a figurative term, but I appreciated the gentle warmth of her smooth palm on the back of my hand.

"Unfortunately, such sordid details are a big part of this business," she soothed. "And STIs being passed from one spouse to the other are something we're always thinking of. First, to try and keep our clients safe and secondly, coldly, they can play a part in shifting any settlement more in our client's favor.

"But apparently Maeve was also thinking about this issue when she set up her rendezvous. Matt, yesterday after our meeting, I reviewed the trailcam footage you gave me on that flash drive, and I noticed an odd detail near the beginning of several of her...visits."

The only details I was remembering was how quickly my wife was sucking face or cock with each new arrival - I'd put the differences down to whether the guy was new to her or if they'd hooked up the time she'd apparently done this the month before.

"Oh, fuck," I blurted.

"What?" asked Kelly.

"She did this a month ago too. During her last fertility cycle. I still need to get tested."

"Yeah," drawled Kelly. "She admitted to that one too, although she insisted it was the first and was supposed to be the only time. She said she was only able to sneak in one night away from you - some story about visiting a sick sorority sister? - and only met with three guys over the two-day period. When it didn't take, and your long hunting weekend overlapped her next ovulation cycle, she decided to go for more donors to increase the chances that she'd get pregnant this time. Again swearing that she'd go back to being faithful afterwards."

"Until it was time to have a little brother or sister for my bastard child? We'd agreed we wanted at least two and possibly three children." I shook my head, trying to rid it of the soul-crushing thoughts of my dream family lost.

"You were saying something about the trailcam video and how it relates to STDs?"

"Yes," Kelly picked up. "When you watched the trailcam footage, did you notice how she often looked at her...visitors' smartphones soon after they arrived?"

"Yeah, I did. I figured she was confirming they'd actually been invited."

Kelly's face got grim. "Well, it turns out she was checking their current STI and HIV lab results." The disbelief must have shown on my face because she continued with, "Yeah, I know, right? But apparently this community of online swingers, for lack of a better term, are into regular testing, both for their own health and apparently to be able to eschew the use of condoms when they hook up. Since that last part was Maeve's whole desire, she only accepted dates with guys who could provide current test results."

"So," I asked a slack-jawed Frank after I recounted all of Maeve's maneuverings to him that night over pizza and beer, "do you do that? Get tested regularly and carry the results around on your phone?"

"Um, well, actually, yeah, yeah I do. I also still always go in wrapped, but I do have the tests. What you actually do is log in to the lab while your new friend is watching and call up your latest results from the live site. That way you can be more certain that you're not looking at some fake health certificate."

"And if I ever start dating again, I suppose I'll have to do this shit too."

"When you start dating again," he emphasized. "But yeah, I'd recommend it, man.

"I gotta say," he continued. "I'm surprised Maeve's attorney let her give out so much detail right at the start of negotiations."

"Well, that's because she doesn't have an attorney yet. Kelly apparently found her camped out in front of her office this morning and insisting to talk to her right away. Kelly told her again to go get a lawyer, but Maeve was convinced that once I knew the truth behind her actions, that I'd call off the divorce and lawyers would no longer be needed."

"And how's that working out?" he asked wryly.

"Kelly said that until almost the very end of their meeting, Maeve still sounded like she thought her whole plan was so logical and actually showed how much she loves me, that I'd be back home with her tonight."

Frank's response to that was to offer me another beer as we sat in the kitchen of his condo where I expected to be until I decided if I could even keep living in the same town as Maeve, let alone the same house.

23.

A week and a half later I was sitting in the same conference room at the offices of Greene Family Law. This time, however, Kelly and I were sitting side by side on one long side of the table, while Maeve and her attorney sat on the other.

"Mr. Carras, Ms. DeWit," the portly, balding man said as he placed a hand on a package of papers on the table in front of him, "I'm afraid we have two problems here. One, Mrs. Carras is still absolutely committed to saving her marriage to Mr. Carras—"

He paused and quickly moved his other hand on top of Maeve's when she tensed like she was going to start spouting out her love for me again or throw herself across the table to get the hug I'd refused when they'd first entered. Clearly, lawyerly handholding was a real skill, I wondered if they had workshops on it during law school.

When Maeve reluctantly settled, he continued. "Secondly, if in the event reconciliation does prove impossible, this proposed settlement," he tapped the papers, "is entirely insufficient. It claims a 50-50 split but does not include all assets that should be considered as marital, and the spousal support offered is far too low and of too short a duration not to significantly lower the standard of living my client has enjoyed during the marriage."

I felt Kelly's foot tap the side of mine under the table, an 'I told you so' message. I gave a subtle nod of my head, acknowledging my mistake. Well, no, I still couldn't call it a mistake because it was the right thing to do.

"Mr. Philpott," Kelly jumped in, "I hope that you are considering the fact that Mr. Carras has agreed to pay sixty percent of your own fees as part of the assets you are calculating. It also shows a remarkable sense of fairness from a man who has been incredibly wronged. Something that a judge is certain to take note of if we are not able to resolve these issues here and they are left to the court's judgement."

Yes, I really was going to pay for the lawyer working against me. I wanted this damn thing over and done, but because I really felt Maeve was more delusional than cruel, I needed her to be treated fairly. Not fairly as in she still got half of everything I owned, including going forward for some time, but fairly in that she wasn't left having to move back with her parents in Bumfuck, Idaho or into a shitty efficiency in the seedy part of town. But she had still been insisting that she didn't need a lawyer because we shouldn't be divorcing, and even if she changed her mind, on her salary the best she would be able to afford would be some ambulance chaser doing divorces on the side, or some kid right out of law school. So, I had told Kelly to get someone on her case. Not the best guy in town, but someone in the upper 50 percent.

"And furthermore," my deceptively sweet-looking attorney continued, rolling right over Mr. Philpott's rejoinder, "on the subject of quality of life, what about my client's quality of life? You've seen the evidence, Mr. Philpott, what do you think has happened to the quality of Mr. Carras's life, having to picture those images in his mind every night?"

It was a bit histrionic, but Kelly wasn't really exaggerating, I was struggling. I'd already had two sessions with a therapist and couldn't say it was helping yet, but both Kelly and Frank assured me that it eventually would. Ironically, the mental health counseling was covered by my health plan, even if the A.R.T. that would have prevented it being necessary wasn't.

"I'm so sorry, Matty, so sorry," Maeve sobbed. Philpott pressed her hand again.

"Ms. DeWit," the fiftyish man intoned, as if his much younger counterpart still had much to learn. "While I can certainly commiserate with the way Mr. Carras came to learn about his wife's efforts, the laws of our state say those matters will not play a role in the division of marital assets or scheduling of spousal support."

"In the case of an unnegotiated no-fault filing, Mr. Philpott," Kelly snapped back. "But if your client does not agree to the negotiated no-fault proposal that you have in front of you, it is not the proposal that we will be filing if we have to go to court."

She placed her hand on her own pile of papers, one that was significantly thicker than the one Philpott had been referring to.

"This motion for dissolution will be an at-fault filing, with your client's adultery as the sole cause." She pushed the package over to Philpott. "The settlement terms in this one are much less generous than in the first." I saw his hand tremble, as if he wanted to whip it open, but was professional enough to hold back. Okay, I'd gotten Maeve fair enough representation.

"While making the facts of this case public would be incredibly embarrassing for Mr. Carras, I suspect the same might be even more true for Mrs. Carras. Especially since we would be subpoenaing the names of all the participants in your client's multiple infidelities both to testify in court and to take paternity tests for the child she was attempting to conceive by them."

Maeve gasped and then cried out a sound of black sorrow.

"Now, stop right there!" thundered an indignant Philpott. "There is no need to be so ugly and belligerent, Ms. DeWit. You know full well that Mrs. Carras took steps to avoid any such conception, despite her urgent desire to add a child to her and Mr. Carras's family. A desire he strongly shared."

"My child, our child!" I blurted. Kelly not only put her hand on top of mine, she also pressed down on the top of my foot with hers.

"But it would have been ours," cried Maeve. "It would have been ours, yours and mine."

The attorneys quickly agreed to a short adjournment to 'consult with their clients', and Kelly dragged me into her office, while Philpott took Maeve outside for a walk around the parking lot.

24.

"As I was saying," Philpott picked up when we reconvened, "Mrs. Carras was brave enough to take drastic measures, measures forced upon her by her husband's recalcitrance, to ensure that no child was conceived - even though, I must add, it might indeed have been Mr. Carras's own child."

Kelly kept her foot firmly on top of mine, clearly sensing I was ready to jump the table myself and pound my wife's sanctimonious mouthpiece.

My own lawyer switched things up a bit and her next words were softer, more understanding, and they were directed to Maeve.

"We understand Mrs. Carras made a very hard decision to do what was the right thing under the circumstances and Mr. Carras and I both acknowledge the pain she must be feeling from that decision."

Kelly turned her gaze back to Philpott. "Unfortunately, it is not yet medically determined if your client's intervention was actually successful. It came so late that she might indeed be pregnant. The only way for me to proactively protect my client's welfare is to head that threat off at the pass, so to speak."

I snuck a look at Maeve. She was a naturally pale woman, but now she looked funereally gray, and I feared she might pass out and hit the floor.

Kelly carried on. "The no-fault proposal has a provision whereby the paternity of any such child is presumed not to be my client's. However, Mr. Carras will submit to a paternity test to verify that presumption. If we have to go the at-fault route, we'd naturally require the same from any of the possible fathers of the child."

Kelly had intended to add something about, 'If she decides to carry it to term,' but I'd vetoed that. There was enough blood on the table already without twisting the knives.

Now it was Maeve's turn to press on her lawyer's hand; they'd apparently talked about their next move while on the break.

"All that aside for now," said Philpott, "we'd like to go back to Mrs. Carras's first position; that neither of the motions for dissolution be filed. That instead, she and her husband undergo counseling together and work together to find a more amenable solution to resolving their shared desire to build a family together."

Fucking legalese. Fucking lawyers!

"Why couldn't she have done that in the first place?" I nearly wailed. "Why not simply tell me instead of becoming a wanton slut!"

"Mr. Carras!"

"Matt!"

"Oohhhhhh!"

The three voices sounded over the top of each other until I slammed my fist down on the table.

I stared down at the woodgrain and spoke slowly through gritted teeth.

"I am already undergoing counseling," I said. "My therapist says that this underlying question of 'why' is like a sinkhole and that I will not be able to heal until it is filled in, or at least stopped from growing any farther. He suggested that I ask Maeve to join us in a session in the future to address this question. But here we are right now, and I need to know. Why did you decide to bring strangers to our bed instead of simply telling me about a medical issue we should have been able to work through?"

"My client will not—" Philpott started, but Maeve cut him off.

"I didn't want to hurt you by telling you that you couldn't...couldn't give me a baby."

I slowly lifted my head and stared at her, incredulous. "You think my ego is so big and so fragile that I would break down because I have a low sperm count?"

"No, no!" Maeve insisted. "It's just that you're so into your fitness and I didn't want you thinking you were any less of a man."

"Oh, my God. Am I really that big of an asshole?" I asked, wondering if I was so un-self-aware that I'd never recognized such a glaring character flaw in myself.

"No!" she repeated. "I'm saying this all wrong." She took a breath and let it out. "If we could have afforded IVF I would have told you. But we either would have had to go into deep debt or wait years to have the money and we really wanted to start our family now."

"So, for you this was just a sperm donor exercise. It wasn't about escaping the sameness of marriage by being with other men."

"Exactly!" Maeve cried. "Oh, God, you know how much I enjoy sex with you, why would I ever need to go elsewhere for that?"

"So, you didn't enjoy yourself, sexually, with your Daddies?"

She cringed at that last word, but gamely carried on. "Don't you see? Yes, I called them daddies on my page, but really, they were all you, weren't they? So, even if I did enjoy myself, I was enjoying myself with you. Any memories I had would be about doing it with you. Like that Multi-Verse thing in those comic book movies you like. I could add memories of doing it with a younger or older you to the wonderful memories I have of doing it with you now."

"And when you thought back on those encounters, perhaps while nursing the child one of those alternate me's planted in you, it would always be the real me you'd be thinking of?"

She couldn't avoid another grimace at my stabbing words, but carried on with, "Yes, always of you."

I turned my head and looked resolutely at Attorney DeWit. She raised her eyebrows slightly in question. I nodded just as subtly. She reached over for another folder, a folder outlined with a red border, the nuclear option folder. As I spoke, Kelly slowly withdrew a series of photographs and laid them side by side in front of Maeve and her attorney.

"And because you were doing things this way for me, to spare my feelings," I said, "I would never have to wonder, while we made love, if you were actually thinking about being with one of these other men, because this was just a sperm donor exercise."

The 8x10 color prints Kelly laid out had been taken from both the front and rear cameras in the house, plus one I'd snuck in from the video I'd shot while snooping the place Friday night. The first three featured only Maeve's face, blown up to fill the whole frame. They were somewhat grainy, but there was no mistaking the ecstasy of her cum face.

"Because it was just about getting impregnated," I droned on, "I wouldn't have to worry about you remembering tremendous taboo orgasms or thinking about experiencing them again."

I noticed my wife's complexion shifting from gray to green as a picture of her back arching seemingly to the breaking point joined the line up.

"I would never have to fear the day when you asked me to put on a military uniform for some roleplay or maybe to get an exciting tattoo."

A photo of the boy soldier's uniform blouse being pulled open while Maeve licked one of his nipples was followed by a close up of elaborate black and orange stripes going all the way across a man's lower back.

"I would never have to doubt that I was able to satisfy all your desires."

The final photo was Maeve on her knees in the living room, a look of manic glee in her eyes as she grinned hugely at nine inches of tiger tail, standing straight and tall in her two tiny-looking hands.

Maeve's face blanched as she finally saw her actions through my eyes. She barely made it to the waste can by the conference room door before vomiting.

Epilogue.

Our house on Third Street sold quickly, and although we'd owned it less than two years, it had appreciated just enough in value for us to be able to pay off the mortgage and cover some of our relocation costs. I'd left Frank's condo for an apartment more convenient to work, while Maeve had returned to Bumfuck after all. I guess the idea of running into me at Starbuck's was more than she could handle. However, she had been able to move into a small apartment up there, rather than her childhood bedroom. She was not pregnant.

My Ex had also found a decent job that covered a reasonable lifestyle in such a low-cost area. I was glad, because while the alimony payments I'd been making for five months weren't a real strain for me, I was glad to know that she wouldn't suddenly become destitute when they stopped after the sixth and final month. Sure, she'd brought this disaster down on both of us and thoughts of her mad betrayal still easily twisted my guts, but she had been the love of my life and I had no doubt that her remorse and regrets were authentic and just as deeply felt as my own. Her last letter said she was still hoping that we might reconcile.

Not bloody likely, as a Brit friend of mine would say. But still, shedding my anger and despair, actively working at it, was a major component of my own ongoing therapy. Frank and Kelly had been right, regular counseling had indeed gotten me to a point where I no longer thought that I was a tremendous failure whose life was basically over except for another forty or fifty years of dull gray monotony.

One proof of my reviving sense of aliveness was a very interesting double date that Frank asked me to join from one of his risqué dating sites. A fifty-year-old widow and her twenty-five-year-old daughter had wanted to fulfill a very taboo fantasy and after seeing their profile photos, I found that I was more than ready, willing, and able to help out. The fact that the women were Black and swapping with two White guys was part of their taboo, made me feel very good that I wasn't looking for a surrogate for Maeve.