I Knew the Bride

"So, why now bring it up? That was years ago."

"Well I left for school in Austin a couple days later and forgot about it. Then, last month, you treated me like dirt at The Barn. I got pissed and decided to mess you and the princess. Trey obviously didn't know about you two when I told him about it."

"How did I treat you like dirt?"

"I asked you to dance and you acted like I was radioactive or something. Shit, Nick, I've had the hots for you since I was a teenager and you never even ask me to dance. Every time, I do the asking. Then, it's one and done."

"Well Tory Sue, you're a beautiful woman, but I gotta be honest with you and tell you that you're just not my type. I'm not gonna lead you on, maybe screw you, then dump you." I knew the words would sting but thought it best to be right out front with her.

"You're still hung up on her, admit it."

"I am not hung up on Lisa!"

It was as if a light bulb went off in Tory Sue's head. She stared at me with wonder. "You've got to be kidding - after almost three years? You're still mooning over Sandy Abbasi!"

The look on my face must have answered her question, she looked at me with pity.

"Damn Nick, here I was feeling sorry for myself. I can't believe your still hung up on Sandy."

We finished our coffees and ate half the donuts. She was practically in tears as she confessed to that one night at the fraternity house when she got wasted and pulled a train. She wondered if she ever be able to live it down. She wanted to leave town and go where no one would know her, but she couldn't see herself living so far from family.

"Tory Sue, no one I know has seen the video. My advice, be honest with any guy you get serious with, but first off, forgive yourself. One fuck up shouldn't define a person. You were a good, kind girl before you left for the U, and now you're a shrew, people stay away from you."

"That night changed me, Nick. My boyfriend broke up with me that morning and I was stupid enough to think I could drink away my hurt and show him up by screwing one of his fraternity brothers. I was drunk and they used me; after the one guy finished, a second took his place, and before I knew it, five or six guys had been inside me. It's the last time I had sex Nick."

"I'm not a therapist, Tory Sue, I can't tell you how to get well. But inside you is the same sweet girl we used to know. Get help and bring her back."

We said goodbye at her door. I called Bill from my truck and asked if he'd recommend the lady he was seeing for his PTSD to Tory Sue. It's funny how these things can happen. Tory Sue started getting help from Bill's therapist, Bill and Tory Sue started dating and things got serious. Anyone who saw them together knew they'd end up getting married. And yes, Tory Sue told Bill about that night and Bill responded as I knew he would - he gave her a hug, wiped away her tears and made love to her. Tory Sue told me all this, Bill would never kiss and tell, when she thanked me for being such a good friend.

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If anyone questioned how stupid that peckerhead Jimmy Crawford could be, those doubts were put to rest the night he got drunk in some bar and began mouthing off how little time I had left. Too bad one of the guys from work was sitting three stools down as Jimmy vowed I was soon to get my due. Hell - I didn't even know the dumb shit was out of prison until I got a call and a word of warning from my co-worker. The trouble was, now I had to watch my six, waiting for his first move.

I did some asking around, seems both Fred Morton and Jimmy Crawford got out early on some budget saving program to let out guys who weren't violent offenders and were in prison for drug related charges. Crawford had ended up pleading out before his trial went to the jury, pleading guilty to possession if the DA dropped the attempted rape charge.

Fred found Jesus while in prison, Jimmy found the Aryans and now thought he was a tough guy.

I spent the next week being extra cautious, keeping an eye out for Jimmy to sandbag me. Before anything bad happened though, Sheriff Mason, who had his eye out for Jimmy on my behalf, spotted Jimmy's car outside a 7-11. Mason parked his cruiser beside the store, waiting for Jimmy to come out. Imagine everyone's surprise as Jimmy runs out of the 7-11 after robbing the store with a cheap Chinese Saturday Night Special. Mason has the drop on Jimmy as he's halfway into his car. Jimmy gave up, immediately shipped back to the pen awaiting a new trial on all kinds of new charges and would be gone for at least ten years. This time the DA didn't let Jimmy plead out on lesser charges. I could breathe easy, for a while at least.

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I've heard the term, 'life hangs by a thread' somewhere. Maybe it was in that literature class they made me take - back in high school; some Greek king had to sit under a hanging sword, at least that's the way I remember the story. The point is this - one more time my life hung by the thread woven by little things.

It was a beautiful morning, the sun just coming up and it promised to be a great day spent with a fishing line in the water and a beer or three in the hand. I parked at the marina, the first one there, grabbed my tackle gear out of the truck and headed to the boat. As I leaned over the gunwale with the tackle box, I felt the sharp pain in my back. Dropping to my knees, the next thing I felt was the blinding smack of a blackjack at the back of my head. Stunned, I fell face first onto the pier, then someone flipped me onto my back, driving whatever was in my back deeper. Looking up, Fred Morton's ugly mug is leering down at me. In his hand he held one of those military tactical style knives the survivalists all like to carry, the blade near my throat.

"Feel that Nicky? That pain in your back is from a sharpened spoon. Guess where I learned how to make a shank? Thought you should know what that feels like before I slit your throat."

I tried to move, but after the blow to my head I was still too fucked up to make anything but a feeble effort. My mind debated whether to take a chance at grabbing the knife when it became unnecessary as I watched most of Morton's face turn to goo. I had time to grab his arm as the knife fell forward in Morton's lifeless hand, missing me completely.

I was passing out from the pain when Trey came into view. The last words I heard before the world turned black were Trey's, "Hang in their buddy, I called 9-1-1, an ambulance is on its way."

When I woke up, it was obvious, even in my doped up state, that I was lying in a hospital bed hooked up to wires and tubes. It was dark, too dark to see and I may have been alone, it took me a while to understand what happened and why I was alive. Within minutes I fell back asleep.

The next time I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the last thing I saw - Trey's face. What a beautiful sight. I looked at Trey and had to ask, "Are you OK?"

Trey shook his head in disbelief. "Damn, you're lying here back from the dead and you're worried about me?"

"You never wanted to kill anything."

"We'll talk about that later. Let me call the nurse."

The nurse came in, then a doctor. I learned the shank hit my right kidney and they had to remove it. I lost a lot of blood and almost bled out, but except for having to live with one kidney, I should make a full recovery.

As soon as the doctor left, my mom and dad came into the room, followed by my brother and sister. An hour later the nurse told everyone I needed to rest and chased them out. I fell asleep within minutes; maybe the meds helped me sleep.

The next time I woke, Trey and Bill were there. I saw Bill on the phone and within a half hour, Tom came into the room.

"Feeling better, Nick?"

"Don't feel much but groggy. I think they need to dial back the meds."

Tom laughed, "Mr. Tough Guy, as always."

"Wasn't so tough when Morton had that knife to my throat. Thanks Trey." Trey looked embarrassed.

Tom looked over at Trey. "You doing OK, Trey?"

Trey shook his head, addressing Bill and Tom. "First thing out of his mouth," pointing at me in bed, "he asks 'Are you OK?' You guys are too much."

Bill spoke up, "All three of us have taken a life while serving. We all know what it does to you. Some shake it right off; some carry it inside. No one knows how it effects them until that day." We all listened to Bill, knowing Bill was referring to himself, mostly. He never killed another thing after returning from overseas. Somehow, Tom and I got through it. I found out later that Bill spent some time counseling Trey when Trey began having trouble sleeping.

The four of us spent the next hour bullshitting about happier subjects until the nurse kicked them all out and I fell back to sleep.

I wrote earlier about the thin threads our lives hang on, I'll give you two examples. The morning I got stabbed, Trey pulled into the parking lot five minutes after me. If Trey had driven his Tahoe that morning, chances are Morton would have heard the rumble of that big V8 and sliced me open instead of spending the time trying to terrorize me. Turns out that Lisa wanted to use the SUV to pick up garden supplies and Trey was driving Lisa's Tesla. Morton never heard the electric vehicle pull in.

I didn't know it at the time, but Trey had started carrying his .45 two weeks prior to this incident after that whack-job shot up the Walmart in Mississippi. Trey later told me he couldn't forgive himself if he wasn't able to defend his wife and son. Personally, I've never carried a gun when I'm not hunting, but I'm awful thankful Trey had his that morning.

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I was due to be released on Friday, six days after getting stabbed. Doctor Murphy came in, checked me out, read my chart, talked to the physical therapist, and gave his OK for me to go home. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Don't get me wrong, everyone was nice as could be and took great care of me, but the food left something to be desired and you can only walk around the one hallway wheeling your IV stand so many times before going stir crazy.

A half hour before I was set to get the hell out of there, who walks in my room but Sandy Abbasi. This had to be, at most, the third time I've seen Sandy since that day three years prior when she left for Illinois. Damn, she stood at the doorway, gorgeous as ever.

"Hi Nick."

Simple as that, as if three years hadn't passed. We spent the half hour catching up, Sandy had taken a job working with a vet clinic south of Austin. Soon, the nurse came in with the wheelchair. I promised Sandy I'd give her a call. She kissed me on the forehead as I sat in the chair and reminded me of my promise to call.

"Pretty woman." said the nurse.

"Yea, I used to love her." was my reply as we wheeled down the hall. Something hit me hard when Sandy walked through that door, almost like a sour taste in my mouth after biting into a bad apple.

My brother and his wife drove me home. When I opened the door to my trailer, the aroma of Mom's stew greeted me. The place was spic and span, I'm not a messy person but now it was spotless. There were even a few plants here and there, replacements for the plants I already killed off.

My family stuck around for a meal, then two by two, they left me to rest. I pulled my sister aside before she walked out the door.

"Sis, you're on Facebook, right?" I never went on Facebook, so I needed someone to help with what was on my mind.

My sister misinterpreted the reason for my question. "Yea, but don't worry, I didn't post anything about you."

"No, that's not it. I need you to look up what Sandy has been up to - I figure there's a reason why she showed up at the hospital today."

My sister looked at me with pity. "Oh Nick, you mooned over that girl for three years, waiting for her to come home. Now you're going to jump back into that relationship because she shows up?"

I had to defend myself. "Look, I haven't been mooning, I've dated, I've had sex, and I've been busy finishing my AA degree. And you're mistaken, the reason I'm asking you to check out Sandy's Facebook is that it hit me like a ton of bricks today, I have the feeling I've been her backup plan. I need you to confirm it. Will you do that for me?"

Sis looked relieved. "When she first went back to school three years ago, I would check it out once and a while. I stopped when you made it clear no one could say a bad word about Sandy."

"I should have listened."

"Yea, doofus. Listen, Chuck's waiting for me in the car and he's being very patient. I'll be your private eye and get back to you soon. In the meantime, don't do anything stupid. If she shows up here and you propose, I'll never talk to you again."

I gave her a big hug. "Thanks; and thank Chuck. You sure got it right when you married him." My words about her husband brought a big smile to my sister's face.

I did manage to avoid Sandy for the rest of the week. When I didn't call her, she called me and asked if I needed anything. I told her I was all set for now, but I'd see her soon. She was obviously upset by my putting her off like I did, the woman was used to getting her way. Two days after that phone call, my sister called to say she'd be right over with news.

We sat on the back deck after I poured her a cup of coffee, Holly got right to the point.

"Sandy's Facebook was practically empty of any personal romantic photos or news, but it only took a few clicks away on two or three of her friends' Facebook pages to piece it all together. Sandy spent most of the past two years involved with a fellow vet student, Kevin Ferrell. Sandy's best friend had a ton of photos of Sandy and Ferrell at various events - always kissing, hugging, giving each other goo-goo eyes. It looked like they were headed to the altar, then boom, nothing.

"I found this Kevin Ferrell's page and he ended up in Denver engaged to another woman. If I had to guess, Kevin dumped Sandy for this other woman and Sandy's back to claim her rebound guy. Which brings up something else you never knew.

"As I dug into one of Sandy's friend's old posts, I came across a few from three years ago. Sandy got dumped by the guy she was dating just before you met her the first time. Sandy's friend's post wrote about the rotten jerk that dumped her sorority sister, Sandy, when Sandy had to go home to help her mother after her father's stroke."

My sister quit talking, letting me absorb the news. She was being kind, not adding what a chump I've been. After a minute, she broke the silence. "You gonna be OK, big brother?"

"Yea, this just confirms what I've been thinking the past year. I meant what I said earlier, I didn't make a big deal out of it but I've been slowly getting over her for a while. I even thought maybe Dana was the one, then she ups and moves to Dallas."

Holly gave me 'the look', "You ever tell Dana how you were feeling?"

"No, I never got around to it."

"Ever wonder why I call you 'doofus'?"

Boy, could my little sister make me smile. "I was always afraid to ask."

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I could have been a jerk about it, but why not take the high road? After all, Sandy never promised me anything, if I read more into our relationship than she did, that was all on me. So, I called her up and asked her if we could have dinner the following weekend. Sandy sounded excited when she said 'yes'. I had made up my mind that I'd let Sandy know over dinner that there would never be an 'us'.

I picked her up Saturday night and we drove into downtown Austin, chatting about everyday things, the kind of conversation two close friends would have. I choose an upscale spot, quiet with great food and service. A good place to cut through the BS and set myself free.

Sandy went all out, wearing a short red dress that highlighted her beautiful body. Her dark hair was pulled off her face in a French braid down her back. Her makeup was done in a minimalist style, which only confirmed Sandy is a natural beauty. As I looked at this woman, a woman I placed on a pedestal three long years ago, my resolve began to weaken. How could I possibly let this opportunity slip out of my hands when it was so close to being achieved? Sandy obviously wanted to renew our relationship, why not accept it?

I believe Sandy recognized her power over me and as we continued through our dinner, something happened, and at that moment I felt as if a bolt of electricity ran through my body, but instead of hurting me, it caused me to see everything so clearly.

Sandy was in the middle of telling me about her recent visit to one of the local ranches to birth a colt and as I listened to the excitement in her voice, I looked down to cut another slice from my rib-eye. When my eyes raised to look at Sandy, she was still relating the story, but her eyes were focused to my left. It was only for a second, but before she looked back at me, I followed her eyes to see what had held her glaze.

At the table to my left sat two men, both men were looking at Sandy, hunger in their eyes. When my eyes tracked back to Sandy, there was nothing in her manner which would lead anyone to suggest that she'd been caught; in fact, she continued with her story. I looked back over to the table with the two men. They were sharply dressed in expensive suits, obviously well-to-do, their haircuts probably cost what I made in a day.

I pretended not to notice what just happened and looked back down to cut another slice of steak, but in my peripheral vision, saw her eyes move to her right again - there it was. I thought about asking for the check and just getting the hell out of there, but this steak cost thirty-eight dollars and the price didn't include a potato, vegetable or any side, and besides, it was one of the best damn steaks I ever had the pleasure of sinking my teeth into. So, I kept my mouth shut and ate in silence.

Once we finished with the main meal, I asked Sandy if she'd mind skipping dessert and having a drink in the lounge instead. Sandy agreed and we found a table in the corner of the bar, ordered drinks, and I broke my silence.

"Why are you with me, Sandy?"

The question seemed to stun her, she didn't answer, so I continued. "I saw you and the two slicks giving each other the eye. If I thought you were going to spend out dinner date flirting with others, I wouldn't have bothered."

Sandy had the decency to avoid insulting my intelligence by denying what I saw.

"I'm sorry, Nick."

"You don't have to be sorry, just be honest with me. I know all about Kevin Ferrell, I know he's more your type, a guy with money and education. I can't figure out why, if that's who you want, why you're with me."

"Because you're a man's man, you are kind and sweet, and you make me melt in bed."

Any man would love to hear a woman pay him those compliments, but tonight I wasn't going to allow myself to be sidetracked again.

"But it's not enough for you, is it?"

"I wanted it to be, Nick. I did, but I guess I'm a product of my upbringing. My parents practically disowned me three years ago when I told them I was dating a maintenance technician at the refinery, a guy with a high school education. They're snobs, Nick, and they raised me to be the same."

"So, why hook back up with me again?"

"Maybe I was trying to fool myself, maybe I thought I could love you and make it work."

"Until you saw the two suits sitting nearby. Come on, I'll take you home."

We didn't talk on the way to Sandy's apartment, until we pulled up to her door. Sandy squeezed my hand.

"Would you like to come in Nick?"

It was obvious Sandy was offering a night of bliss. Was it in exchange for an expensive meal, to thank me for being such a gentleman as I was being dumped, or because I could offer her a multitude of orgasms? I didn't care what the reason was, I didn't feel like being a human dildo tonight.