I Know Who You Are

"I'm so sorry, Teagan. There is definitely a story there. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it though."

He chugged down the wine and walked towards the door. I asked, "Why the same piece of a song over and over? I know you know plenty of songs..."

He cut me off by saying, "It's not playing them that's the problem. It's writing them." He gave me a fake smile and quick wave and was out the door.

I shook my head and said to myself, "God damn Lindsay Taylor." What did that bitch do to him?

***

I was at the counter of the music store a couple of days later. I hadn't heard from Smith and hadn't really expected to either. I felt horrible and was afraid to knock on his door again. I hoped for three days that he would reach out to me. He had my number. He knew where I lived. There was nothing.

"Can I help you?" the clerk asked.

"Yeah, I need a book about songwriting. Like how to do it."

"Songwriting, huh?" he asked. "Words or music?"

"Crap, I don't know. I guess music. I have a friend that plays the same thing over and over again but doesn't finish it. Like he doesn't know what to play next."

"Okay," he said. "Try this one." He walked to the rack and came back with Songwriting For Dummies."

"Thanks," I said and paid for the book. I knew a professional songwriter like Smith would know how to write a song. I wanted it to be an icebreaker, something funny between us. I hoped it would get him to talk to me again. I didn't want to be pushy, but I wanted him to know I was still there.

The book was too big for his mail slot, so I left it leaning against his door and rang the bell. I hurried back through my garage like a kid who played ding dong ditch and I suppose I did do just that. I waited in my kitchen for my bell to ring, but there was nothing.

Suddenly my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number and hoped it was Smith.

"Hello?"

"I know how to write them. I've written some pretty good ones before."

I laughed, "Like every one of them in that songbook I bought you? I felt like such an ass when you were standing at my door. I had no idea you were my neighbor."

"Really?" he asked. "I figured you knew who I was and giving me her songbook was meant to make me feel bad."

I gasped, "I would never want you to feel bad. Well, I wanted to hit you for being a jerk that night, but I had no idea I lived next door to the man that wrote some of my favorite songs."

"You like my stuff?"

I laughed. "I never knew who wrote what songs before, but my friend googled you when I realized you were Smith Carlisle the first time I saw you in the coffee shop."

"Yeah, about that. Sorry to run away like that."

"No, that wasn't the first time. It was a couple of weeks earlier. You didn't see us, but we saw you. I just thought you were a familiar looking handsome guy. Then they called your name and I put it together with seeing you on television once."

He laughed. "I hated doing that show. I'd rather be behind the scenes and not in front of the camera. My girlfriend at the time thought it would be good for my career. I honestly couldn't see how but we do stupid things for love sometimes."

"Have you eaten dinner yet?" I asked. "I could make us some?"

I heard him take a deep breath, "I can't..."

I cut him off, "I can't think of a reason not to either. Come over when you're ready. I'll make something that would have been in your cart."

I hung up before he could say no. I hoped he would come over.

***

I just finished the stir-fry when my bell rang. I smiled and checked myself in the mirror before opening the door for him.

"I'm glad you came."

He smiled; it was the fake one again. I sighed.

"I wasn't gonna, you know. There's just something about you that draws me in."

I laughed and said, "My dad calls it my superpower."

He stepped in and asked, "What's that?"

I took his leather coat and scarf, and said, "My ability to make men do whatever I want. Well, at least him."

He laughed and said, "I'd love to see if that works when you have a son."

He turned red and I laughed at his embarrassment. "Come on in, dinner's ready."

"What are we having?"

"Shrimp stir-fry."

"Oh! I'm allergic to shellfish."

I gasped. He nodded. I handed him his coat back.

"Okay, we're going out then," I laughed.

He smiled but then hesitated. "No, I can't do that I'm..."

"Broke? Okay, I'll pay. Don't worry about it. I walked towards my garage and started getting into my car.

He opened the door and said, "I'm not broke."

I laughed and said, "Get in, you can buy then."

I started the car and watched as he tried to figure whether to run home or get in my car. I almost laughed when I saw him take a deep breath and walk down the steps.

***

"So," he said after we ordered our meals, "you don't give up on much, do you?"

I shook my head as I swallowed my wine. "Never have when I wanted something bad enough."

"Why do you want me? Is it because..."

I got pissed and cut him off, "If you dare say it has anything to do with who you are, other than my jerk neighbor that plays his piano too loudly, that glass of wine will be in your face. I'm no gold-digger."

"Sorry," he said moving his wine farther out of my reach. I laughed.

"Smith, you're a handsome guy. I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell you that, and I like you. The guy I like is the one that drinks cheap wine and steals shopping carts."

He smiled, "There's a story there too."

"There's a lot of stories with you, aren't there?"

He nodded. "I'll tell you that one."

I sat up straight and made a show as I leaned forward to give him my rapt attention.

"When I first started out, I didn't have any money. I liked wine so I bought cheap wine. That was the best cheap wine I ever found and well, I always drank when I wrote songs. I was drinking that as I wrote all of my hits and every other song that wasn't a hit."

I nodded, "So, it's like your mojo or something?"

He laughed, "As you can hear, not anymore."

"I never hear you playing other stuff though. Always that same thing."

He frowned. "I have a quirk. A psychiatrist would probably call it something more than a quirk, but I've never been able to abandon a song once I start one. Believe me, I've written some pretty crappy stuff just to be able to move on and start a new one. Sometimes, I'll pull good bits of those bad songs later and write something different, but once I start I have to finish."

"So, write something shitty so you can stop playing that song," I said as if it were obvious.

"You've heard what I'm playing. Do you think it's good or bad?"

"I thought it was fantastic until the fiftieth time in a row."

He nodded. "I just can't bring myself to complete it with something bad. It's so good of a start, I've almost ruined my career trying to finish it."

"Maybe you do need a shrink," I teased.

"Tried it. She put me on different kinds of pills, but nothing worked. She finally gave up and said I needed to find a way within myself to finish the song get a different job."

I shook my head. "What caused it? It seems like you were on top of the world before this."

"I guess I was, until I wasn't."

We were interrupted by our entrees being set down. We never picked that conversation back up.

"The salmon's good," he said changing the subject.

"It is. Sorry about the shrimp. I feel silly."

"Why should you? You had no idea."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"So, Teagan. How come a beautiful woman like you is chasing a past his prime songsmith."

"I'm not chasing you. I knew you liked me, otherwise you never would have talked to me at the store."

I could tell that made him think. "I guess you're right. I don't usually talk to anyone. I did find you attractive, I remember I was shocked that I spoke to you. Maybe it was something subconscious that drew me to you."

"Maybe it was my superpower."

We laughed and he said, "You're hard to ignore. I'll tell you that."

"So, this won't be a first and last date then?" I put out there softly.

"This is a date then, is it?"

"Sure. Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy. Girl and boy go out to dinner. It's the textbook definition of a date."

He frowned, "I don't know that you want to date me, Teagan. I'm not ready to..."

"Perfect. I'm not ready to stop seeing you either," I said.

"Why do you do that? You cut me off before I can..."

"I cut you off before you can say no."

"Right."

"That's why. I don't like no. I especially don't like it when I can tell you don't really want to say no."

He sighed, "Excuse me, I need to use the men's room."

I watched him walk away and grabbed my phone. I texted Abby, "V-day plans are off. I'm gonna have some of my own."

"Bitch! Who?" she replied.

"My neighbor."

She called and I answered, "Yes, Abby?"

"The old lady and her granddaughter don't count."

"No, my other neighbor."

"The jerk? How..."

"I'll tell you later. He's coming back. Bye."

"Everything okay?" he asked as I shoved my phone into my purse.

"Everything is perfect."

"Would you care for dessert? Or a digestif?"

I giggled, "I've never had a digestif. What is it?"

"A drink to help digestion. Allow me to order for us?"

"Okay, I trust you."

"Oh, you shouldn't do that," he joked. The waiter approached and he ordered, "Two of your best Tawny Port and we'll share a piece of the chocolate chip cheesecake."

***

I pulled into my garage and asked, "Would you like to come in for some coffee?"

"No. I'm gonna head home."

I shook my head and took his hand, "Thank you for dinner. This was the best first date I've ever had."

"Teagan, I..."

I shut him up with a soft kiss on his lips. "Don't overthink it. I'll go as slow as you need."

He tried to hide the smile, but I caught it. "I'll see you around, Teagan."

I shouted to his back as he walked away, "If you don't call me by Saturday, I'll be ringing your doorbell."

He waved and kept walking. He had no idea what he was in for with me.

I walked in the house and called Abby.

"Spill it. Every single detail," she shrieked.

"My neighbor is Smith Carlisle."

"Get the hell out of here!"

"Yep. I was shocked. I bumped into him at the grocery store and then the coffee shop again. Would you believe he ran away after I gave him my number? He gave me some line about not dating and didn't even wait for his coffee."

"So how did you end up going out with him?"

I told her the rest of the story and she was suitably shocked.

"He sounds like a basket case," she said.

"He's got some issues; I'll give you that. That bitch really did a number on him, and I still haven't got that story yet."

"Lindsay Taylor?"

"God damned Lindsay Taylor."

"Be careful, Teagan. He sounds like a heartbreak waiting to happen for you."

"Don't you think he's worth the chance?" I asked annoyed.

"Just for his looks, sure, but that was before you found out about his issues."

"I don't care. I'm giving him a chance."

"Good luck, chickie."

***

Saturday came and I hadn't heard from Smith. I didn't think I would, I even thought he might be playing a game with me. So, I cleaned the house and kept busy all day until five o'clock. I was about to shower and go to his house, but my doorbell rang.

I panicked. I looked in the mirror and saw sweaty, disheveled hair, ratty sweatshirt, and ugly sweatpants. My bell rang again, I had no choice. It was answer it and have him see me at my worst or don't answer it and have him think I was avoiding him. I couldn't let him think I was avoiding him.

I hung my head and opened the door.

"Hello there," he chirped as he looked me up and down. "Kinda underdressed for a date aren't you?"

I looked at him like an idiot. "Huh?"

"Didn't expect me to show up unannounced so early for our date? Crazy, right?"

I stepped to the side, and he walked in.

"So, are we not going out?" he asked with a cheeky grin.

"You could've texted me, jerk."

"Where's the fun in that?" he asked.

"Okay. Give me a minute to shower and get dressed. Make yourself comfortable."

I ran up the stairs and hustled through my shower. He was dressed Country Club chic again, so I tried to match him and figured we were doing casual dining.

When I walked downstairs, he was looking out my back window.

"I'm ready," I sang, as I walked through my great room.

"Okay, relax for a bit. Our reservation isn't until 6:30."

I slapped his shoulder, "You, jerk. Where are you taking me?"

"Wildfire. Ever been there?"

"Yeah, my mom loves it. Daddy takes her there for her birthday and their anniversary every year. Well, anytime mom wants a nice meal out."

"Daddy?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, my father," I answered annoyed. He shook his head and walked into the kitchen.

"Smells great, you were cleaning when I came?"

"Just finished, actually." I watched as he walked through my kitchen almost as if inspecting it.

"Your home is very clean. I like that."

"Isn't everyone?" I wondered what he was doing. Was it some sort of audition? Test?

He laughed, "No. Lindsay was a slob. It drove me crazy sometimes."

His demeanor changed. I knew I had to avoid talking about God damned Lindsay Taylor, it ruined his mood.

"Hey!" I chirped.

His eyes snapped up.

"None of that BS. You're with me tonight, not God damned Lindsay Taylor. I'm not her."

He straightened, walked to me, and kissed my cheek. "No. You're nothing like her as far as I can tell so far."

My cheek was warm from his lips. I reflexively lifted my hand to that spot as he walked past.

"Let's get going. I could use a martini," I said.

He laughed, "Martini, huh? Not some fancy drink with six ingredients?"

"Nope. I'm a simple girl. Vodka martini with a twist."

He nodded. "We have that in common too. I hate olives."

"Yuck," I said as he took my hand and walked me to his garage.

***

I cut into my perfectly cooked filet mignon and asked, "Smith, with this being our second date, can I assume we'll go out next weekend as well?" The next Sunday was Valentine's Day.

He frowned. "Sure, but I don't do Valentine's Day."

I saw the sadness and I wanted to kill that country fried bimbo for making him that way.

"She's your past, Smith. You have to let her go. I'd like to be your present, and hopefully your future too."

He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling then he gazed into my eyes with an intensity I'd never seen from him. "I like you, Teagan. You're smart, beautiful, hell, you're someone I could talk with all night, but I'm not ready to be in a relationship. You have to..."

"Snap you out of your two-year-old fog of depression? You got it. I'll be the girl that shows you that blonde bimbos with fake tits aren't what you need."

He snorted. "They were real."

"I don't care. Looking at what she did to you, if I ever see her, I'll cut 'em off and make her get fake ones."

"Wow. You don't like her do you?"

"I loved her until I read that you broke up with her. She must have done something horrible to you."

He nodded. "I forgot you googled me. The whole story isn't out there though. We've never told anyone what happened."

I took his hand and asked, "What happened? What did she do to almost break you?"

He squeezed my hand and said, "Not tonight. I'll tell you, but I don't want to ruin our date. Thinking about it puts me in a bad mood."

"Okay. I'll let it go."

"Good," he smiled.

Our date ended with little fanfare, and I got a chaste kiss on the cheek at my door. The mention of her had cast a pall over the rest of the date and ruined his mood.

***

I woke the next morning to the sound of Smith playing the song again. I sighed as I made my way downstairs to the coffee pot. I wished he would give up on it, it was obvious that it bothered him. I can't believe something so small had stopped his career in its tracks.

I poured my coffee and sat in my recliner. It was the best spot to hear the song playing. His piano must be nearest my wall there. I closed my eyes and wished he were more...I don't know...normal?

That's such a bad choice of words though. Aside from his OCD, he was the perfect man. Outside the house he was as normal as anyone else, why should I say I wished he were normal. Who's to say I was normal?

I used my phone to google him and was shocked at the number of hits he wrote. There was a YouTube video that showed him playing piano for God damned Lindsay Taylor on a television show. I clicked the link and watched them play one of my favorite songs.

It started out with his beautiful piano playing, then the acoustic guitars joined, followed by the violin quartet. His smile was panty-melting—it was obvious he was in love as he watched her sing his love song. I realized he must've written it for her. Then his face changed in the background as the camera focused on Lindsay walking along the stage.

She had stopped next to one of the guitar players and was leaning back onto his shoulder as she sang. That bitch was touching another man as she sang Smith's love song for her.

I watched horrified as the guitar player seemingly innocently turned his head and whispered something to her. Her eyes lit up and she subtly nodded her head. I saw Smith staring at them, his eyes were black as coal. The scowl on his face couldn't be hidden. I did notice the camera never did a close up on him again.

Was that it? Had she cheated on him with one of the guys in her band? It was bad enough that she was clearly flirting with that guy on national television, but did they take it farther or had she already betrayed him and that was when Smith realized something happened?

I looked at the title of the video and gasped. It was Valentine's Day two years ago. There was a break after the song where the host talked to Lindsay. When they finished, another song started, but it wasn't Smith on piano.

I guessed Smith must have stormed off leaving a back up to take his place. I wondered what happened after that. I knew he wasn't ready to talk about her yet, so I wasn't going to ask. I googled their breakup and there wasn't a single rumor about the reason. Nothing about her cheating. Nothing about him walking off that stage. They must have had amazing PR people to block all of that. All there was, were interviews where she said she wished he hadn't broken up with her, and one interview with him saying he would always love her, but they were going in different directions. He said he didn't want to hold her back.

That was surprising. She was one of the biggest Country acts in the world when they broke up. He wasn't holding her back; he was lifting her up. When he left, she struggled to stay on top. After her last album bombed, she reinvented herself as a Pop singer, but her preview single sucked.

***

For the rest of the week, we texted every day and talked a few times. Nothing Earth shattering, we were getting to know each other. Well, he was getting to know me. Our talks were generally about my life, and he got to know me, while I tried to figure him out. He just wouldn't open up to me.

He ended up going out of town on Friday and Saturday, so when Valentine's Day came, I hadn't seen him for a week. I was going to change that.

He said he didn't want to do Valentine's Day, so we wouldn't. That would not stop me from seeing him though.

I rang his bell at seven in the morning. I had three bags of groceries and a plan for the entire day. When he opened the door, I could see that he was in a bad mood. I ignored it and pushed past him into the house.

"What's all this, Teagan? I told you I don't..."

"I don't want to go another day without seeing you either. You're so sweet," I said then kissed his cheek. "In case you were worried about it, this isn't a Valentine's Day thing. See?" I asked pointing to the counter.