I Love You (Jag älskar dig)

"I go travelling several times a year," I replied, "it's so easy when you've got rail and ferry links to Europe. I have been to Kiruna once but it was in the summer."

"So," she reached out and touched my cuff, "if I suggested a trip to Kiruna you would come too?"

"For sure," I nodded.

"She's right about you."

"Who?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Laura," she replied, "she said you were the person I should have married instead of Gustav, which is a circular argument because if I hadn't married Gustav I wouldn't have met you."

"She said that about me? She hardly knows me."

"Laura did a psychology course in college. She graduated in the top ten percent, she reads people the same way people read books. If she says you're the real deal then I accept her diagnosis," she nudged my leg with her foot, "just don't get a big head about it okay?"

"Okay," I glanced out the window again.

The rain was bouncing off the road and I found myself drawn to it at the expense of everything else around me. Her admission had startled me because I hadn't thought I'd had that much of an impact on Laura. I was roused from my reverie by the touch of her hand against mine. She cradled my hand for a few moments and then I turned my hand slightly and she moved it forward slightly so that now her hand covered mine.

We sat like that for some ten minutes or more, I'm not even sure of the exact time but the rain was easing a little when I finally looked at her.

"I want you to know something," her voice was low, "irrespective of how things pan out between us, I always want to be your friend even if we only see each other twice a year."

"You would see me twice a year?"

"Christmas and your birthday," she squeezed my hand, "the rain is not so heavy."

"Do you think we can make it to the station before it gets heavy again?"

"Now that is the question of the moment," she released my hand, "shall we?"

As it turned out, we were caught out some ten minutes later as we drew nearer the station at Gamla Stan but fortunately I had my umbrella. It's one of those essentials you carry with you in Sweden at certain times of the year and because she'd forgotten hers, she had to snuggle up to me. It brought back happier memories of other girlfriends and even my ex husband before things went bad. We dawdled, pausing to look through shop windows and I felt something slipping away like an old grey blanket that had kept me safe and yet confined. Her eyes lit up at one shop that sold antiques, or so they claim, I think the only antique item was the old deep sea diving suit that is used to lure tourists into the store. When we eventually reached the station she slipped her hand into mine and rubbed the back of my hand absently. I was almost oblivious to the other people on the platform.

"Your place or mine?" Annie murmured.

"I have more alcohol at my place," I replied, "along with other interesting things."

My apartment is small but thanks to some careful rearranging, I've managed to create the illusion of space by keeping the middle of the main sitting room clear of furniture. The L-shaped couch takes up two walls with a desk and bookshelf taking up the opposite corner. Directly opposite the couch is a wall-mounted television set and the stereo I inherited from my mother. I don't have a lot of vinyl records but it seemed a shame to waste it and she quite likes her own digital system.

This was the first time Annie had ever been to my place because we'd always met up at her place or at a café in town. She seemed almost transfixed by my black and white portraits of famous film stars from the golden age of Hollywood. I have the one of Marilyn Monroe in a white dress, a Judy Garland picture and two of Jane Russell, and smaller pictures of Jayne Mansfield, Diana Dors, Doris Day, Sophia Loren and Brigitte Bardot. She travelled the length of the wall, noticing the way I'd hung them in an elongated diamond pattern with the largest pictures at the points. In the centre was the only colour portrait, Julia Roberts and your eyes are naturally drawn to the colour. On the adjoining wall were a series of Swedish advertising posters. Absolut Vodka, Hälsa Highlights, (a hair conditioner), Pressbyran, (our version of 7-11), Husqvarna (cycles), and several others.

"Interesting choice of artwork," she ran a hand through her hair, "I've been looking for decent pictures for my apartment," she pulled the coat down her back, "it might make it feel less like a temporary place and more like home."

"I like pop art," I moved up behind her, "you would think someone who works in an art gallery would have modern art."

"I hate modern art," she smirked, "I always think it should come with arrows on the side, this way up. I look at modern art and all I see are triangles or circles and everyone thinks the painting is ground breaking. An architect or even a child can do the same thing."

"It's all in the eye of the beholder, so they say."

"That's just a cop out for someone who just can't paint."

"I agree, absolutely but I can't say that in public because of my job," I surveyed my 'collection,' "but here I have my own gallery."

Annie turned to face me and for a moment we hesitated and then she leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. It was a light kiss that could arguably have been taken either way but it certainly had me aroused as we parted. I glanced at the couch and without saying a word, Annie took a step towards it as she hooked her fingers behind my belt. I was forced to follow her as she kissed me again and this time her kiss was overtly sexual.

"Don't you want a drink?"

"I should say yes," she stopped at the couch, "but then I would have the excuse that I was drunk," she drew her fingers up the front of my blouse.

I blinked at that and she raised her other hand at the same time as the other. I felt her fingertips on my neck. She had an intense look on her face as she stared into me and then she tilted her head a little and moved closer for a long, lingering kiss that went on for far longer. When we finally pulled back I was definitely aroused and judging by her flushed face she was aroused as well.

"That wasn't so bad," she licked her lips, "soft. What is the Swedish word?"

"Mjuk or fin," I replied.

She repeated the first word as I knelt on the couch and hooked my fingers behind her belt and rubbed the buckle slowly. She kissed me again and again, with each kiss I felt myself skating closer to the edge until finally I just let go and went for it with a series of slow passionate kisses. We made it to the corner of the couch over the next few minutes and yet even then we both could have pulled out because we were both fully dressed. I was just about to suggest we at least have a drink even if it was just coffee when her hand dropped to the hem of my skirt. She had an impish look on her face as she slid her hand up under my skirt, I just stayed in the same position and when she reached my panties there was a moment of hesitation as she danced her fingertips over my pussy.

"What's wrong?"

"Your penis dropped off," she smiled crookedly.

"I was born without one," I replied.

"Huh? You too," she shifted her knee around as she spread her legs, "how weird is that?"

I moved my hand up Annie's leg to her pussy.

"What's the Swedish word for pussy?" Annie slid her hands over my lips.

"We have several," I moved my hand over her pussy, "snippa, fitta, and my favourite, slidan."

She chuckled at that as her rubbing became more focused. I moved my knee off the couch and put my foot on the floor. Her eyes shifted as I moved closer. She was now trapped against the corner of the couch and yet that seemed to turn her on because she slipped her hand behind my panties and down over the patch of hair to my lips. For a minute or two no words were spoken as we rubbed each other but eventually she let out a low moan.

"What?"

"You have a sovrum," she used the Swedish word for bedroom.

"Ja, I have a bedroom."

"Does it have a bed?"

"Ja," I eased back.

Annie moved forward at the same time and then she rose.

"Let's fuck."

It was so abrupt that I blinked and then I too rose. We reached the bedroom a few minutes later and she paused as she looked around the room. She found the Marlene Dietrich poster soon enough and crossed the room to examine it in detail.

"You'll laugh at this," she suddenly spoke, "I so nearly had my hair cut in that style but then I changed my mind and had the bob instead."

"We've got a Marlene portrait in the studio," I knelt on the bed.

"I remember," she turned to face me, "the one with her tie undone."

She knelt on the edge of the bed and I propped on my elbows as she took off her boots.

"I keep forgetting to take my shoes off when I visit someone."

"I'm sure they'll cope," I chuckled, "we're masters at being passive aggressive."

The second shoe hit the floor and she took off her jacket. I raised my foot and moved it to rest on her right leg and bent my right leg outwards. Annie's eyes however were fixed on my waist as she grabbed my left leg and shifted it off her leg. She had a focused look in her eyes as she crawled towards me on all fours. I just stayed in the same position and watched her.

She stopped between my legs and then leaned over as if to kiss me on the lips but stopped and looked down at my waistband. I had the distinct feeling she was going to suddenly back out and so I traced my fingers up the front of her blouse to the bowtie. She raised her head to stare into my eyes and then she rocked forward slightly and brushed her lips across mine. It was a tentative kiss, and she moved back slightly before repeating the kiss a second time. On her third pass though her lips locked onto mine and stayed there as she worked my lips in a passionate kiss.

I was still stroking her front and by the time she finally broke contact my fingers were behind the waistcoat. A crooked smile nudged her lips as I tugged playfully at the top button of the waistcoat and then she kissed me again. I undid the button midway through the kiss and brought my other hand up behind her neck to keep her in position as I pushed back against her lips.

A low moan escaped her lips as our kissing became more intense and then I was undoing the next button. I could now get my hand behind the waistcoat to cradle one of her breasts and I squeezed it gently at first and then my touch became firmer as I fell into a familiar routine, massaging her breast and then dragging my thumbnail over the nipple to arouse it. Annie inched forward a little more and slowly straightened up, which forced me to follow her and sit up as well.

Her waistcoat was partially unbuttoned and she looked down at it as she ran her hands through my hair. I undid the last few buttons to part the waistcoat and now that I was in a better position I could lavish all of my attention on her smallish breasts. Her breathing was low and laboured as I worked her breasts, she pushed against me at the same time and then she reached back and undid the bowtie clasp. The bowtie fell onto her legs and she grabbed my neck and forcing my head upwards, kissed me passionately again and again.

The waistcoat slid off her shoulders as our kissing continued and we stayed in that position for a few more minutes before I guided her around and put her back against the bedhead. Her eyes grew large as I straddled her and put her hands under my skirt.

"Feel free to explore," I undid the top button of her blouse, "and I'll do some exploring of my own," I undid the next button to form a shallow vee.

Annie slid her hands up and down my legs as I stroked the exposed skin and kissed her teasingly again and again. Her breathing became more laboured as I undid a third button and then I lowered my head and kissed her neck and throat. My other hand slid up and down her front, exerting just enough pressure to keep her riding higher. There was only one point where I actually thought she might suddenly change her mind and that was when I undid the next button. The blouse was open to her cleavage and it was just as I hooked my fingers around the fourth button that she suddenly let out a loud gasp and looked down.

"What is it?" I looked down as she dug her fingernails into my thighs.

"Nothing," she panted, "be gentle."

"Always," I stroked her front again, "you do not want to go further?"

"I didn't say that," she pulled her hands out from under my skirt and brought them up to my breasts and held them there, "this is my first time."

"With a woman?" I stared into her eyes, "or with anyone?"

"The first one," she massaged my breasts, "I'm definitely not a virgin, except with women."

"So, undress me then, if you want."

She hesitated for a few seconds and then undid one of my buttons to expose the top of my bra, I did the same to her and a slight smile nudged her lips as she undid the next button. My blouse was now hanging open and she moved her hands up over my breasts. I felt the familiar sensations of arousal as she massaged my breasts and taking courage from this, she kissed me on the lips again. I felt the headiness moving through me and then I was undoing the next few buttons of her blouse until I got to the waistband.

I kissed her throat and front, before moving to her shoulders as I slid the blouse partway down her back. She arched her back and groaned softly. I felt my blouse sliding out of my skirt as she went to work on the last couple of buttons and then the garment was undone but still held partially in place at the back.

I undid her belt and pulled the blouse out of her trousers to unbutton the last few buttons and it was about then I saw the change in her eyes that signalled she'd crossed the line. There was no going back after that. She lost her blouse and I took mine off and as her head hit the pillow I undid her trousers and started pulling them over her hips. Annie reached back to undo her bra and as I pulled her trousers over her legs she spread them and smiled.

"That's better."

I undid my belt and pulled the skirt over my hips. It hit the floor with a soft plop and then I moved over on top of her and began a detailed exploration of her near nude body. Her nipples hardened as I sucked on them and when I moved down to her belly she began whimpering as I tickled her inner thighs. But when I dragged my tongue over her pussy she arched her back and purred.

"Oh, shit, yeah."

I pulled her panties over her hips to expose her pussy and once again I dragged my tongue over it, she arched her back and whimpered again. I kept going with my licking and tickling routine until her whimpering became louder and then I slid my finger inside and felt her shiver as she closed her legs around my finger. When I dragged it out I went to work on her clitoris. It's that part of the female anatomy that is designed solely for our pleasure, which is probably why it's a taboo word in patriarchal societies. They don't want us to find out about it!

Annie was writhing beneath me as I drove her higher and higher, and each time I thought she was about to climax there was another mountain to climb until finally she was almost sobbing with ecstasy. The end came after some fifteen minutes or so, I wasn't counting the minutes but I was very aware that she was on the cusp because her yells became louder and she propped on her elbows and just stared at me as I went to work on her pussy. About a minute later she suddenly threw herself back and her back rose in the air as the spasms moved through her body and then she fell back onto the bed and shivered as she let the orgasm take control of her body.

When she finally came around her face was wet with tears and her body was covered in a thin film of sweat.

"So, that was girl on girl sex."

"I didn't use the dildo on you."

"Fuck, now she tells me," she closed her eyes, "I've always wanted to use one of those. I so nearly bought one the other month."

"I have spares," I settled down beside her.

"Hmm mm," she rolled onto her side, "so, what does that make us?"

"Lovers?"

"What is the Swedish word?"

"Flickvan," I replied, "girlfriend."

She giggled at that.

"So, my turn with you?"

"Do you want to use the dildo?"

"Yes," she rolled over on top of me, "considering I've never gone down on a woman."

"There's more than one way, variety is the spice of life."

That statement sticks in my mind as I look over what I've just written. It's been nearly two years and so much has happened between then and now. I had to help her navigate our horrid immigration system. I have no idea which individual concocted our system but they must have been on drugs. We got through it in one piece and she got her personal number, so fingers crossed she'll be eligible for citizenship in a couple of years. We spend weekends together, taking turn at each other's places, it gives us the space to do our own thing and yet we've got the closeness we both need. I've started painting again and whilst I'm reluctant to admit it, it's a national trait, my work is good and can only get better.

I think I will leave it there. It started with a chance encounter at Ikea and ended with an intimate relationship that still has me pinching myself in case I'm dreaming.