I Should Know

One day at one of the school dances, I met Marsha. She was a pretty girl and a little more refined than the ones I had been dating. We dated through the last year or so of high school and she got pregnant. We got married and after that I didn't hang with Dave and Sally much. Marsha knew that the three of us grew up as buddies and wanted me to stay away from Sally; she was jealous, I guess. I never really got over Sally. I just put her in the recesses of my mind.

I mentioned that Sally and I worked at the same warehouse. She was one of the secretaries of the big bosses. She went to the local community college and got a business degree. Dave became an insurance salesman. They led a good life. Tim was their only son, but they also had a daughter who was married and has a child. She lived in another state.

Dave was killed around six months ago in an auto accident. It really got to me. Even though we didn't hang out together anymore, I had all the memories of the three of us together. I got tears in my eyes whenever I thought of him. Now there was Sally all alone again. I went to the funeral and was even a pall bearer. I wasn't sure what to say to Sally. At the funeral, I just held her in my arms and let her cry. She took a month leave of absence to get her affairs in order before returning to work. She did have family around her for awhile but like all deaths, people slowly go back to their own lives.

After returning to work, I talked to her whenever I saw her. I even had lunch with her in the plant cafeteria a few times. Nothing remotely sexual, just friendly talk with the woman I had always loved. She was still the sweet Sally I always knew. I wanted to approach her about dating but didn't figure it was the right time yet or what if she said no? I didn't think I could handle that right now myself either. I hadn't dated for quite awhile and to be turned down by Sally could be devastating to me. My old puppy love feelings were beginning to emerge.

After work that afternoon, I went to Sally's office. She was smiling at me; she was such a beautiful woman who seemed to glow.

"Did Tim talk to you?" she asked, still smiling.

"Yes, he did," I replied. "I was as honest with him as possible. He sure is a level headed kid. You should be very proud of him, and besides, he resembles Dave. Sally, will you have dinner with me this evening so we can talk?" I asked.

"Are you asking me out on a date, or just dinner and talk?" she smiled.

"What's the difference? Whichever it takes to get a yes answer," I stated.

She called it a date and yes she would go out with me. It would be Saturday. I was a nervous wreck the rest of the week. I even avoided seeing her so she couldn't change her mind. Why the hell was I so worried? Damn, man, I was a grown man who'd been divorced three times and this was dinner with a friend. It must have been my puppy love rearing its face from the recesses of my mind.

I got my truck washed and I even bought a small bouquet of flowers to take to her. I guess I was acting like a kid on his first date. I rang the doorbell and Sally answered it. She looked fantastic! I handed her the flowers and she smiled.

"I feel like a schoolgirl on her first date," she said.

I guess we were both a bit giddy. I opened the truck door and she slid in. I noticed her legs as she got in. Why was this such a big thing to me? I've know her all my life. I got in the truck and we headed for the restaurant. We ordered and then I asked her the big question?

"Sally, why me? Your son's wedding, it's such a big day for you. Why do you want to be with a three time loser at such an event?"

She smiled at me and even had a slight tear in her eyes. "Ray, there are only two men I have ever loved, Dave and you. Yes, Ray, I love you and always have. I truly loved my husband also; he was a wonderful man. I don't quite know how to explain it. When Dave and I got married, I was really happy. But, at the same time, seeing you standing there as his best man made me sad. I felt I lost a major person in my life. I guess I just put you in the recesses of my mind. I watched you date and get married over and over again. I felt so bad, my heart hurt for you each and every time. I knew what the problem was. You needed to find the right woman. I knew who the right woman was - it was me, and I was already taken by Dave. So, if that answers your question, can we eat now?"

I was dumbfounded, and was a bit lost for words. "Sally, I've always loved you, too."

"I know, Ray. I've always known, ever since you groped your first date in front of me. Yes, I was jealous but wasn't going to let you know. I don't know what's going to happen between us. Well, that's not exactly right. I do know what's going to happen but I just don't know when," she smiled.

"Are you going to let me in on this secret happening?" I laughed.

"Sure, you're going to get lucky and have the best sex of your life with the woman you love and who has always loved you. Me!"

"What? When?" I asked.

"Not tonight, so you can forget about it for now. When the time is right, I'll let you know. Are you going to escort me to my son's wedding?"

"Yes, as long as you don't mind being seen with me. My reputation isn't very good, you know."

"I know the real Ray; most people don't know him. It might take awhile for him to show up and stay around. He's lived a pretty crazy life up to now. When he does show up for good, I'm going to marry him, just like I promised."

I dropped my water glass and the waiter showed up to clean up the mess. Sally sat there laughing all the while well I felt stupid. I had no idea she would say such a thing. Life looked as though it was getting better for me. I was just hoping I wasn't dreaming.

"Ray, you're the only person other than Dave that could make me laugh. I truly miss Dave, but I'm so glad you're still my friend. I don't know what I would do otherwise. Everyone thinks I have it all together, but I have my moments too. I've always remembered the three of us together and now there is just you and me." She had that sad expression on her face.

We had a nice dinner and talked about our past. She told me she really loved her husband, Dave, who had passed away. He was a good husband and provider but he also had faults. She missed him and will always have a special place in her heart for him. She was always faithful to him and did her best to be a good wife. He was gone now and life would go on.

When we arrived back at her house, I kissed her for the first time in God knows how many years. I felt like a kid again. I was on her porch and kissed her over and over again.

I knew right then and there that Sally was the missing link in my life. She just felt right. I told her I wanted her so bad, I hurt. She told me in time we would be together but it was to be love, not infatuation, not lust. I kissed her one more time before heading home.

On my way home I remembered everything she had told me. She said that her only regret was that she fell in love with two men but could only have one. Now because of fate, she could have the other, which was me. She thought we could date and make sure our feelings were still compatible. I never realized she knew so much about me. She mentioned that she and Dave often talked about my messed up relationships. Dave felt bad about the way my life had gone.

She told me that Dave knew that I had serious feelings about her when we were young and it often bothered him. She told him that even though she had feelings for me because of the three of us being friends our whole life, he didn't have to worry about her. She married him and as long as they were together, she would always be faithful to him.

She kept her promise to him and now life went on. We would have lunch together a couple of times a week and I was going to be her escort to her son's wedding.

I did take her out to a dinner and a show or movie almost every Saturday night. Kissing her was wonderful but just being with her was what was so special to me. One day I asked her, "Sally, how will you know when the Ray that you talk about is back?"

"Believe me, I'll know. He's been back for quite awhile. I just need to know that he is going to stay. Ray, you lived a life quite different than me. You've been with a number of women. I've only been with Dave. If we are to be together and I give myself fully to you, I need to know that it is forever. No straying, no walking out when you get mad. The bar scene will no longer be your hangout. If - or rather when - we get married, it will be forever. I need you to truly understand that."

"You honestly would marry me, knowing my past? You could be with just about anyone you choose. Why me?" I asked.

"Ray, you know the answer, you don't need me to keep telling you. Right now I'm just hoping you still feel the same about me."

"These last few weeks with you have been some of the nicest days of my life. I felt like an incomplete puzzle with a piece missing and someone showed up and found it on the floor and made the puzzle complete. Damn, I just want it to last. I want to tell my kids about you. I want your kids to know about us. I want it all out in the open that you are my girl and I want you as my wife," I shouted.

"Ray, my kids know about you. They know we were the best of friends. They told me that they remembered when you used to come over when they were little. They did wonder why you didn't show up as often as they got older."

"You know why, don't you? It was too hard on me. Dave was my best friend and I knew I was in a very bad situation being around you. Maybe you could have handled it, but I couldn't. Whenever Dave and I played golf or went to a game, it hurt when he talked about you. I don't want to get into it. I just don't want this to be a dream; if it is, I don't want to wake up."

I told Sally I was going to tell my kids about her. I know they would think I was an idiot for trying again but I wanted them to know. I started with my son, Ray Jr. I went to his house and he and his wife asked me in.

"What's up, Dad? Is there a problem?" he asked.

Ray and his wife sat down. Their son Ray the third was in for a nap. We sat down and they asked if I wanted a beer. I just asked for coffee; that alone bothered them.

"Ray, I'm in love and want your blessing to get married."

"Dad, you've been married three times. What's so different about this woman?" he asked.

"Love, for one thing. She was my childhood sweetheart before I met your mother. Her deceased husband, Dave, whom you've met when you were little, was my best friend. Her son's getting married in another month or so and they want me to be her escort. I want to ask her to marry me eventually, but I want yours and your sister's approval. I want to be a family; I want to enjoy time more with your family and your sister's family. I can understand if you don't want me here when your mom is here; that's up to you. I just miss you guys and am tired of being the outsider, the outcast."

"Wow, Dad, this gal must be something to have changed your thinking like this. Yes, Dad, Joy and I both want you as part of the family and we would be honored to meet the woman that can make my dad happy," he said with tears in his eyes.

I went over to see his sister and it was pretty much the same. I think Ray called her before I got there. Rachel was smiling when I got to the door. She was holding my granddaughter Brittany.

I walked in and Bree, as they called her, came right to me. I kissed her on the cheek as she called me paw-paw. Rachel reacted pretty much like Ray Jr. They were both happy for me. They knew I had made some big mistakes with my last two wives and was glad to hear I found a good woman. Rachel told me that if and when I got married again, she would be there for me. She then invited me over for a barbecue on Sunday and asked me to invite Sally. I knew they wanted to meet her, the woman that possibly tamed their father. I told her I would let her know the next day.

I kissed my daughter and little granddaughter good bye and headed for home. My daughter Rachel gave me a big hug and said, "I love you, Dad."

I was happy in the way my life was changing. I was getting my family back and wasn't as lonely anymore. I stopped by to see Sally and told her I went to see my kids and they wanted to meet her.

She was excited and told me she would love to go with me. I kissed her, and then kissed her again. "Sally, when can I make love to you? Do we have to be married? If so, marry me today. I want you so bad."

"After Tim's wedding, that's less than a month away. I need to talk to you a little bit more first. I don't want any secrets between us," she said. "There is still a lot I have to tell you."

I wondered what she had to tell me. She and Dave were married for twenty plus years and had two wonderful children. What did she have to tell me or at least talk to me about?

The following weekend we went to my daughter Rachel's place and Ray Jr. brought his wife and child there also. I introduced them to Sally and they seemed so relieved. I guess they thought my choices in women weren't the greatest. At least that is what they told Sally. She was laughing and agreeing with my kids. It felt so good watching Sally and my kids getting along so well. Of course I was the butt of all the jokes but it was worth it.

Ray Jr. called me over to the side and said, "Dad, we love her. Please don't mess it up. She is just what you need and by the way she's talking about you, she really cares for you. We wish you two the best of luck. Rachel and I both want to be there as witnesses for your marriage."

After we ate, Sally smiled and said how nice my kids were and how cute the grandchildren are. She was going to have fun being their grandmother if everything worked out between us.

I told her it was about time she talked to me. I was beginning to get a little nervous about some of this negative talk. I was wondering if things were going too good. In my life that's when the bottom falls out.

We headed over to a little lounge and had ourselves a few drinks while she told me her story.

Sally spoke out, "Okay, Ray, I'm ready to tell you some personal things. Some you know, some you don't. Please don't interrupt me. I need to tell you everything. I've always loved both you and Dave ever since we were kids; you know that. I honestly could have married either one of you. I guess I wanted you two to fight over me. Well, it didn't happen. Dave asked me out and you walked away. I never considered that you two were great friends and it was my choice. After you walked away, it was Dave and me. I guess it was selfish of me, but I was just a young girl too.

"While I was dating Dave, he asked me to promise him that I wouldn't date you also. I guess he wouldn't have known how to handle the situation. The situation never came up since you never asked me out.

"I was mad at you in a sense but still cared for you. I told you how bad I felt at my own wedding. A part of me was gone and it really hurt. As I have said, 'Life goes on' and so did our marriage. It was a good one for the most part. We had our two kids and Dave was a great father to them. The four of us did everything together. We were a happy family till Dave messed it up.

"About five years ago, Dave went on one of his insurance trips. When he came home I found lipstick stains on his shirt. He was able to talk it away but the lipstick stains on his briefs was another story. I knew he had an affair. He did his best to deny it but the woman called his cell phone and he was in the shower so I answered it. Apparently he told her he was separated.

"She apologized to me; Dave and I had a heart to heart. I found out later that he had an affair a few years before that. I was going to divorce him but we stayed together for the kids. I loved him but hated his cheating. Of course I know your past and I can't go through that again.

"The kids don't know any of this stuff about their dad. There would be nothing to gain by them knowing. He was a good father to them and that's the way I want them to remember him.

"As for me, I never had an affair or cheated on Dave. We stopped making love after his affair. I tried a few times but my heart wasn't in it. We did have sex about once every two months after that but I never tried very hard.

"I'm telling you this because I don't know what kind of lover I will be for you. As I told you, Dave has been the only man I've been with. I guess he was a good lover. I never had anyone to compare him to. I know you've had a lot of women and I'm afraid I might not be able to please you sexually.

"There is one more thing I must tell you. A lot of people think that executive secretaries put out. I need you to know that I don't. Twice men have cornered me. Once three years ago and the other last year.

"The one salesman came by and we all headed for lunch. He tried to put his hands on me while we were getting on the elevator. The next day he was put in the hospital. Someone had beaten him up severely that night.

"Why are you smiling, Ray? Oh, no, it was you, wasn't it? You beat the living shit out of the guy. What about the other one? Were you the one who told him if he came near me you would cut his nuts off and jam them down his throat? There were a few smaller incidents also. All these salesmen have been threatened throughout the years. I was told by them that a man said if any of them were seen hitting on me they would regret it. Those are the only ones I was told about. Tell me it wasn't you who did all that, Ray. Look at me and tell me it wasn't you."

"Do you want the truth or a lie?" I asked. "I couldn't stand to see other men come on to you. I've always loved you. At first I told myself I was doing it for Dave but I knew better. I hope you didn't lose a lot of business over it."

"I don't know whether to kiss you or hate you. I could never figure out what was going on. Dave never mentioned a word to me so I didn't think it was him. The salesmen were afraid to talk with me for awhile. I guess word got around about the two who were beat up and some that were threatened. I finally told the men that I wanted to be treated with respect, not like one of their sex objects and the threats sort of went away. God, I should have known. You always were my protector when we were younger," she replied.

"Okay, Sally, I have something to say. We are going to leave here and get a motel room and I'm going to make love to you. I'm not going to wait any longer. I will be gentle but loving. I love you and you say you love me. We are two adults in our forties. I think we are both capable of handling this. All I need from you is a yes or a no."

"Ray, I wasn't planning on having..."

"Yes or no, all I need is one word from you."

"Yes!" she said.

I paid our tab and without any other words being spoken, we drove to the motel. I went in and paid for the room and parked my truck and got out and opened the truck door for a very nervous Sally. I unlocked our room door and we walked in. I closed the door and, when Sally turned around, I said, "Sally, I love you with all my heart. I've waited a life time to be with you."

Then I kissed her very gently on the lips. I could feel her lips quiver as we kissed. As we separated our lips, Sally asked me to be gentle with her.

I walked over and dimmed the lights and put the radio quickly on an oldies station. The song playing was 'When I Fall In Love,' the perfect song at the perfect time.

Sally removed her shoes and was starting to unbutton her blouse.

"Let me do that," I said. I slowly undid each button baring her bra-covered breasts. After undoing each button, I kissed her gently, her lips still quivering. I slid the blouse off over her shoulders and unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor. I backed her up to the bed and she sat down. I pushed her on her back and kissed her harder. I let my hands touch her breasts ever so lightly. I raised my head and kissed and sucked on each nipple.