I was Gonna Learn to Fly

"Harry, please calm down. Since she can't get hold of you until after eleven, we probably talk longer than you guys do because she calls me earlier in the evening. She hasn't said anything to me about meeting another man. In fact, she's been complaining about some of the other cast and how they treat her because she's a rookie."

"You can't tell she's a rookie from the picture. She looks like a cliché of a Hollywood starlet," I grumbled.

"Harry, please wait until you have a chance to talk to her before getting all upset. I'm sure there's a logical explanation."

I was starting to calm down a little, but that didn't mean I wasn't still fuming, I was just fuming a little less. "I'll try," I told Mrs. Bennet. "Do me a favor though. If you talk to her tonight, tell her to call me. I don't care how late it is."

"I will, Harry, but please calm down and try not to yell at her. That'll only cause her more stress and she doesn't need that right now."

"I'll do my best," I replied, while not making any promises.

"Okay, I guess that's all I can ask."

And with that, we hung up.

That night, I wasn't as talkative with my fairs as I usually was. I couldn't get that damn photo out of my head. The phone was ringing as I walked into the apartment after work. I picked it up but didn't even get a chance to say hi.

"It was publicity picture, Harry, nothing more. Jerry set it up. The whole thing was faked."

Well, that pretty much took the wind out of my sails. "So you're not going out with that guy?"

"No, of course not, I only met him the other day. He's going to be producing a new movie. He's actually the one getting the publicity, but Jerry heard about it somehow and talked them into letting me be his supposed date."

"What about that dress? Where'd you get that?"

"From the wardrobe department at the studio. The whole thing was made to look like we were caught by the paparazzi, but the picture was taken by one of the studio photographers. I had to take the dress back right after they took the shot."

I was breathing a lot easier. "Well they sure did a good job. It looked real to me," I chuckled, trying to lighten things up a little.

"Mom told me how upset you were. I had no idea they were going to give it to the tabloids or I would have warned you in advance, I'm sorry."

"Me too. I should have known better, it's just that I haven't heard from you in the last few nights, and..."

"I know. We've been shooting on location the last few nights and by the time we're done and I get back, it's too late to call."

"I understand," I replied.

"Do you? Do you understand that I love you?"

"Yes, honey. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. I should have listened to your mother. She said there'd be a logical explanation."

"Mother knows best," she giggled.

We talked longer than we ever had. I guess we both needed to confirm our love for the other. It was almost one in the morning before we said good night.

Four days later, I was hanging around the airport when Carl spotted me. "Hey Harry, just the person I'm looking for. How'd you like to clock some hours toward your instrument certs? It'd be about four hours of IFR, the last hour of which, it'll be dark. The problem is, it's an overnight flight so you'd miss work."

I hated to miss a night's work, but I needed all the "instrument flying rules" air time I could get. "Yeah, Carl, I can't turn it down, where we going?"

"That's the best part, at least for you. I've got to take a couple of corporate big-wigs to L.A. tomorrow, layover for the night, then bring them back the next day.

I figure it'll give you some time with your sweetheart and we'll be back well before three, so you'll only miss one night of work."

That made my day. "Carl, you are a god, I mean it, man, an absolute god."

He chuckled. "Cupid maybe, a god I doubt."

"What time tomorrow?" I asked.

"They're going to meet us in the flight office at four. We'll take off at four-thirty. It's about a two hour flight in the Cessna, so I figure it'll be dark for the last hour."

"I'll be here. Thanks, Carl. I owe you big time."

"No problem, Harry."

"I have to get home and get ready. I'll see you tomorrow," I said as I trotted back to my car. While driving home, I realized I was so excited, I'd forgotten something, I didn't have Sue's address. I was hoping to surprise her but if I had to ask her address... then I thought of something. I wondered if her mom knew it.

I still had a couple hours before I had to be at work, so I gave Mrs. Bennet a call as soon as I got home. I asked her if she had Sue's address.

"Yes, Harry. I had to send her some warmer clothes. She didn't think it would be that chilly down there, but it gets cold at night."

I told her of my plan. She thought it was a great idea and gave me the address. I thanked her and asked that she not tell Sue I was coming. She agreed and we said our goodbyes so I could pack an overnight bag. That night, I was happier than I'd been in a long time. I was just praying that they wouldn't be shooting on location again, but I figured even if they were, her roommate would let me in to wait for her. If that didn't work, I'd just camp out on her doorstep until she came home.

The next day, I got to the airport at three. Carl was already in the office, filing our flight plan when I walked in.

He glanced at his watch and chuckled. "Not anxious to see your girl or anything, are you?"

"Just a little," I replied with a big grin.

He looked down at the small overnight bag I was carrying. "Here," he said while tossing me a set of keys. "Store that in the boot with mine. Our passengers will just have their briefcases with them."

When I came back and tried to return the keys he told me to hang on to them. He said I'd be pulling it out of the hanger in a little while anyway. While waiting for our passengers, we sat and talked over a cup of coffee. He told me he was giving me complete control of the aircraft, but cautioned me about landing at Van Nuys Airport. He said it was one of the busiest light aircraft airports in the world and even he paid extra attention when approaching at night. He told me he was confident I could handle it, but if I had any doubts, to just let him know and he'd take over.

Our passengers were right on time so we were airborne by four-thirty five. One of them got a little nervous right after takeoff. We were still climbing when Carl gave me instructions.

"Level off at seventy-five hundred feet and maintain airspeed of a hundred and eighty knots," he told me.

The distinguished gentleman sitting behind Carl leaned forward so he could be heard. "Excuse me, Carl, but may I ask why you have to give him instructions? Is he not an experienced pilot?"

Carl could hear the apprehension in his voice. "Relax, Mr. Henson. Harry's an excellent pilot, but I'm the one who filed the flight plan so I have to let him know what was in it."

"Oh, I see." He turned his head toward me. "Nothing personal, young man, you just look a little young to be a pilot."

"No problem, Mr. Henson." He looked relieved and sat back in his seat. I looked over at Carl who gave me a wink.

The entire flight went as smooth as silk and at six-fifteen we made contact with the tower at Van Nuys who gave us landing instructions. As much as I loved to fly, I couldn't wait to touch down so I could see my baby. Our landing was so soft, Carl looked over and gave me big grin. Ground control gave us clear taxiing instructions, and before we knew it, our feet were hitting the tarmac. Our passengers thanked us for a smooth flight and confirmed our return flight arrangements. Once they left, Carl and I grabbed our bags from the boot.

Carl looked at his watch. "Six-thirty-five, Harry, you'd better get going. Meet me in the flight office at ten-thirty tomorrow morning. In the meantime, have fun," he said with a big grin.

I rushed through the airport and grabbed the first cab in line. I handed him a paper with the address on it, but told him we had to first find a florist that was still open.

"No problem," he told me. "Sunset Florist is only a couple blocks from where you're going. I'm pretty sure they stay open till eight or nine."

We struck up a conversation right away. I told him I did what he did for a living and why I was in L.A. He turned out to be a really nice guy. We stopped at the florist and I bought a dozen yellow roses, Sue's favorites. The driver wished me a life-time of happiness when he dropped me off and I gave him a good tip.

The apartment building had an elevator but I knew I could run up three flights of stairs quicker. Within a few seconds I was standing in front of her door. My heart was beating like Buddy Rich was playing it with his drumsticks. The door had a peep hole so in keeping with my surprise, I raised the flowers in front of my face and rung the bell.

It turned out to be me who was surprised when I heard a man's voice through the door. "Who is it?"

For an instant, my heart fell. Then I remember my promise not to jump to conclusions. For all I knew it could be someone helping her with her lines, or it could even be her roommate's boyfriend, there were a thousand innocent scenarios.

I wanted to maintain my surprise so I answered, "deliver boy. I have flowers for Miss Sue Bennet."

I saw a shadow behind the peephole. I still had the flowers in front of my face when the door opened. It was the same guy I saw in the picture, only this time he was dressed much more casually. His bare feet and hairy legs disappear into nothing more than a white bathrobe. My mind was having a hard time processing what I was seeing. I lowered the flowers, but couldn't speak.

"Who is it, hon..." Sue appeared from what I assumed was the bedroom while tying the sash of her own robe. Her words stuck in her throat when she saw me.

"It's a deliver boy with flowers for you, babe," he said, before seeing the look on her face.

"Harry." It was almost a whisper.

Mr. Dapper-Dan looked almost as surprised as she did. "Harry--your Harry?"

"Not anymore," I stated, finally finding my voice. I had never felt rage like that before or since. I'm lucky I didn't have a gun. Instead, I threw the flowers in his face while hauling back to hit him as hard as I could. He was a little bigger than me but I nailed him good. He went down and stayed there.

I took one last look at Sue. The look of regret on her face couldn't have been plainer if she'd had it tattooed across her forehead. Tears had already streaked her cheeks. I didn't say anything; I simply turned and walked down the stairs. I heard Sue crying as I left.

Neither was dressed to come after me, but I wasn't taking any chances. I was in no mood to listen to any bullshit. As soon as I got outside, I walked to the nearest corner and turned. I did the same at the next corner. I spotted a cab and told him to take me to the cheapest hotel in town. It was the last time I saw her until she climbed into the back seat of my cab.

*****

I was stealing glances of her in the rear view mirror as I drove. Even wet, she was still gorgeous. She caught me looking and our eyes locked on each other's reflection. She looked at my license on the back of the seat and saw my name. Her eyes flashed back up to mirror and I saw a small smile. "How have been, Harry?"

"Not bad, Sue; how about yourself?"

She didn't answer me, just turned her face back to the side window with a sad expression. I wondered if it was the look of regret. I'd heard that she had married Derek, but I didn't know if they were still together. I admit to being curious. "How come you're out alone, tonight? Where's your hubby?"

"Huh," she chuckled, "probably out fucking his newest starlet."

I know it sounds childish, but I did get a small sense of satisfaction from her answer. I wanted to ask her more, but instead my mind turned back to that night in Hollywood.

*****

My cab driver did just what I'd requested. I should have probably asked for the second cheapest hotel in town. The closet in my apartment was bigger than my room, but I didn't really care. I laid in bed that night, trying hard not to cry. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction, but after fighting the tears back for hours, I finally gave up and let it out.

It was almost dawn before I regained my manhood. After running out of tears, I lied there just staring at the ceiling for a while. I'd never thought of my future without her in it until then. "Fuck her," I finally said out loud. "She chose her career over our life together. There's nothing I can do about it now, so fuck her."

I got up and went into the small dingy bathroom to wash my face, but I looked so bad I decided a shower was more in order. The faucets squeaked as I turned them. The water was warm, at best, and came out in more of a trickle than a shower, but any port in a storm, as they say.

Carl did a double-take when I met him at the airport. "Jesus, Harry, you look like hell; everything okay?"

"Let's just say things didn't go as planned," I replied.

"Oh hell, I'm sorry to hear that; you going to be okay to fly?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll go in the washroom and wash up a little more so I look presentable when they get here."

I looked and felt better by the time our passengers arrived. The flight back turned out to be therapeutic. Flying had always been my second love, right behind Sue. After that night it moved up to the forefront. I would no longer concern myself with her. From that time on, I would dedicate myself to one goal, getting my commercial pilot's license.

We got back to Frisco a little after one that day. I went right home to grab a real shower and change clothes. That night, I tried to keep my mind off Sue but mental images of her kept floating through my brain. Later, my phone started ringing five minutes after I walked in the door. It must have rung twenty times before she gave up. Ten minutes later, it started again. I walked over and disconnect the phone jack from the back.

The next morning, I plugged the phone back in. Twenty minutes later it started ringing again. I knew Sue would be filming at that time of day, so I answered it, after all, it could have been Carl with another flight. "Hello."

For several moments, I heard nothing on the other end, then... "Ah, I...sh...she wanted me to call you, but I don't know what to say, Harry."

"There's nothing TO say, Mrs. Bennet. Did you know?"

"Harry, don't you think I would have warned her, if I'd known?"

"Yeah, of course, I guess I'm still not thinking right," I replied.

"I...to be honest, when she came back after her audition, she...she told me she had to sleep with somebody to get the part...but she said it was the one and only time she'd ever do that. She told me the role was so perfect for her that she knew she'd be getting offers from then on with no strings.

"That night she was here, she asked me about telling you. I told her she'd lose you if she did. She bawled for twenty minutes at just the thought. I honestly had no idea she was still sleeping with the guy. I'm so sorry, Harry. She knows you'll never take her back. I listened to her cry over the phone until two o'clock this morning."

I should have guessed about her fucking some guy to get that part in the first place. I remembered how funny she was acting when she came back and told me she got it. Now I was pissed at her mother, too, although the deed had already been done, so I guess there wasn't much she could do.

"She's right about me never taking her back, Mrs. Bennet. She traded me for her career. I'd say I hope it works out for her, but I'd be lying. Goodbye, Mrs. Bennet."

Never did I think I'd ever say or think anything like that about my Sue, but it's true what they say about love and hate. There's a very thin line between the two and I had crossed it. For a while after that, I bounced between despair and anger. It took a good month before I could talk myself out of dwelling on my feelings of loss and betrayal. I finally realized I was doing myself no good. I needed to leave it in the past and go on with my life.

Four months later, with Carl's help, I had enough hours in the air to get my instrument rating. It was making a dent in my wallet because I was taking time off from work, but if I ever wanted to get my commercial license, it had to be done.

I think Carl was almost as proud as I was. Not many student pilots go on to get their commercial license, so Carl admired my fortitude and was convinced I'd make it. He even talked me up to others at the airport who might want a flying companion. Even so, it took me just under two years to become a full-fledged commercial pilot, but I did it.

By that time Carl and I were best friends. He took me out to his favorite watering hole to celebrate. I'm not much of a drinker, but we shared a couple of beers over some interesting conversation.

"So, Harry, what now? Still thinking about moving to L.A.?"

"No, that was because of Sue. No, I'll probably stay here in Frisco unless I get a good offer somewhere else."

Carl sat back in his chair and stared at the beer bottle he was turning around in his hand. "I'm thinking about expanding the business," he finally said. "I've had my eye on a Golden Eagle, Executive, for a couple of weeks now. It's one of the later models and carries ten passengers. She's absolutely gorgeous. I can get it on a two year lease with an option to buy.

"There's plenty of business out there. I have no doubt I could easily make the nut on the plane, especially if I can keep the three-ten in the air at the same time."

He looked up at me. "That's where you come in, if you'd like. Would you like to come work for me?"

He saw my eyes open wide. "I want you to think about it, Harry. You'd of course have to quit your other job. I...

"Yes," I said, cutting him off. "I don't have to think about it, Carl, the answer is yes."

"Harry, you haven't even heard what I can pay yet."

"I don't care. I'll live in a tent if I have to."

He smiled. "Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. I can start you out at three-fifty a week. Once I get the Golden Eagle pulling her own weight, I'll be able to give you considerably more. Does that sound workable?"

"Carl, it sounds like heaven to me," I exuberantly told him.

"Okay, I imagine you'll want to give the cab company notice. I have to get you registered with FAA and get all the insurance and tax forms done anyway. Would you be able to start two weeks from Monday?"

"Sure."

"Okay, it's a done deal," he said, stretching his arm across the table for a handshake.

He was right. In six months both planes were in the air a lot more than they in the hanger. By the end of my first year, I was making twice what I did as a cab driver while doing what I always dreamed of. I even bought a new bedroom set for the apartment.

The only drawback to the job was the solitude on some of the longer flights. It wasn't like driving a cab. In the plane you had to talk over the sound of the engines so passengers weren't very talkative. As a result, I had plenty of time to think...sometimes fantasize...sometimes remember.

At times I wondered how Sue was doing. I really hadn't heard much at all. I didn't know if that movie she was making ever came out in the theaters; nor did I hear anything about the first movie, the one where she was topless. About the only thing I knew for sure, even after all that time, the hole she put in my heart was still there. Sometimes, on a long night flight, I'd close my eyes and remember some of the good times we had. Of course, then the anger would come back to life and I'd curse her again for destroying what we had together.

Carl bought the Golden Eagle as soon as the two year lease was up. By that time our feet hardly ever touched the ground anymore, and he was starting to think about buying a third aircraft.