Idiot's Guide to Your First Love Ch. 02

I couldn't help but laugh. Not because I thought it was funny. More because I shouldn't be surprised anymore that Dad knew about these things.

I sighed, "He's not my boyfriend. Just some guy who likes me, but I don't feel the same way."

"Why not? He seems nice. And good-looking."

I hesitated before answering, "I just don't," I shrugged. "How did you know about him, anyway."

He smiled, almost wryly.

"I had to see you somehow," he explained. "I came to visit you." He gave me a questioning look. "You've been spending a lot of time at Kyla's."

I remained quiet, afraid to respond. It was becoming clear that my dad knew I had been avoiding him.

"Is there something going on between the two of you?"

I raised my eyebrows. I had not expected that.

"What would give you that idea?" I asked, unable to hide my amusement. Kyla would find it hilarious that my father thought we were lesbians.

"Not that I would think of you any differently," he said quickly, "but you've been with Kyla almost every night for the last month."

I turned, walking to my desk and began shuffling things, pretending to tidy

"She's just closer to work and class," I mumbled.

I hadn't heard him stand or come up behind me, but a felt his hands on my shoulders.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked, in a low voice, just a hair's breadth away from my ear.

Electricity shot through me, bringing a tremor with it.

"I'm not," I squeaked. Even I knew that sounded unconvincing.

Slowly, my father turned my body to face him. I couldn't meet his eyes, so I stared past his shoulder. One hand curled under my chin, and he gently tilted my face until I had no choice but to look at him. Heat flamed my face and coursed in my veins. I was foolish to think my attraction to him was lessening. It was in hibernation while I had been away from him, but now that he was near, touching me, desire rampaged within me. I took a step back, but only found myself pinned between my desk and his body as he moved with me.

"Why are you avoiding Daddy, Lillith?" he repeated.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I could only shake my head. I wasn't sure if it was in response to his question or to clear the fog his presence was causing. My hands gripped the edge of the desk, and I shut my eyes, overcome by the urge to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. I was sure he could hear my heart bursting out of my rapidly rising chest.

He still held my chin in one hand as I felt his other arm reach around me as he rested his palm firmly on my lower back. He pulled me against him and before I knew what was happening his lips were on mine in a tentative and gentle kiss. My eyes flew open, and I saw my father's eyes darken as they bore into mine. I didn't respond immediately. Shock immobilized me. It wasn't until he started to pull away from me that my body finally decided to react. My arms flew around his neck, and I heard his breath hitch as I pulled him back into a kiss. This time I was kissing him. I was kissing him with all my pent up frustration and desire. Soon, our tongues were battling with each other. He reached around me with both hands on my butt and lifted me onto my desk, loudly banging as it hit against the wall. My legs wrapped around him, pulling him into me as far as the clothes we were wearing would allow.

I did not want him to be wearing clothes. My fingers pulled and tugged on his shirt, trying to take it off. I broke away from the kiss to pull it over his head. Once shirtless, I admired his frame. While he had a robust, albeit average, body, he wasn't overly muscular, despite his broad chest and brawny arms. I traced my hands along his shoulders and torso, tangling my fingers into the dark curls on his chest and tugging lightly. The look of lust he was giving me made my pussy ache. I couldn't wait any longer. It already felt like I had been waiting an eternity. I began to lower my hands to the waist of his jeans, looking down at my them as they fumbled with his belt. I could see the outline of his erection as it tried to break free.

His hands clasp over mine in an attempt to stop me. I looked up in a question, but what I saw in his eyes is what stilled my hands. He was no longer looking at me in lust. He held a look of pain and regret in his eyes. Slowly, he reached behind him and removed himself from the embrace of my legs. With a shaky breath, he ran his hand through hair before picking up the shirt I had thrown on the floor in my haste to undress him. Then, he left without saying another word.

I wasn't sure what to do. Part of me thought maybe it had been a very vivid daydream fuelled by my sexual repression, but I could still smell him in the room. I could still taste him on my lips. I was confused, at first. Then, I was angry. I marched to his closed bedroom door. I knocked, with no reply. I knocked louder but still got no response, so I tried to open the door. It was locked.

"Dad?" I asked, through the door.

Nothing.

"Dad, we need to talk about this."

"Go away, Lillith."

"No," I said vehemently. "You can't kiss me like that and then just walk away!"

Music started playing from the other side of the door.

"Dad!"

The sound of music only got louder. I began pounding on the door. Dad never turned down the music, he didn't say another word to me, and he didn't come to the door. Eventually, I gave up. Exhausted and defeated, I passed out in front of his door.

*****

I woke up in my bed. The previous night's events flooded through my mind. He must have brought me to my room. Depression welled up in me. If I hadn't fallen asleep, I could have confronted him when he left. I looked at the clock and realized I had missed my first class and my second one was about to start. I pulled my laptop out of my bag and sent a quick email to my professors saying that I wasn't able to make it to class today. Realizing I was famished, I went downstairs and prepared some food. I ate and thought about my plan.

When dad came home, we would talk. I would make him talk. If the night before had been any indication, he would likely immediately lock himself in his office or bedroom. I could hole up in his bedroom and wait it out until he went to bed. Yes, that seemed like the best option. And that is what I did. Only, Dad didn't come home. I woke up in his bed the next morning. I looked all through the house for any sign that he came back, and found none. I called his cell phone, and after a few rings, it went to voicemail. I left a short message expressing my worry and concern. He only texted.

I'm okay.

He ignored all my texts.

I canceled school again and called into work. Kyla called because she hadn't heard from me. I told her that I was going through some things. I think she could tell by my voice that I was upset. Dad didn't come home that night, either, and I had stayed up all night, to make sure he didn't sneak in and leave while I was asleep. He continued to ignore my calls and texts. It was Saturday, thankfully, so I didn't have class, though I did have to call into work again. I cried all day.

I knew my dad, and I would never be the same again, and I was heartbroken. When he kissed me, he had stopped being my father. Hell, I had stopped thinking of him like that months ago, if not longer, but his actions proved he was not thinking of me as his daughter. We could not come back from that. He clearly couldn't handle what happened. His avoidance of me was sending a clear message. We would never be the same again.

*****

He came home Sunday. He wasn't alone. And he wouldn't look at me.

"This is Alice, my housing agent," he said, introducing us, "she's the one who found this house."

She reached out her hand.

I didn't want to shake it. I wanted to scream at the woman to get out. I wanted to push her out the door. I wanted to talk to my father. I wanted to yell at my father. I wanted to slap my father.

I shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Lily. I am so excited to show you the new place," her voice was perky and upbeat — Nothing at all like I felt.

"New place?" I asked.

My father cleared his throat.

"Yes, your new place," he said.

I did not miss the meaning behind his words. He wasn't technically kicking me out. He was, though, removing me from his presence. He had most likely rented me an apartment someplace, so he didn't have to risk being around me anymore. My heart sunk to my stomach and I felt like I was going to break down right then and there.

It must have been evident because Alice patted my arm and said, "There, there, dear, no need to cry. I know it can be hard moving away from home for the first time, but it will be okay."

My dad finally looked at me. I couldn't help the tears falling from my eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, before closing it and turning to go back outside.

Alice laughed. It was pleasant. Feminine.

"Your father must be having a hard time with it, too. But, fret not, I found you a lovely place in an amazing area. Perfect for such a young, pretty thing," she said.

If it weren't for the circumstances, I probably would have liked Alice. Instead, she symbolized everything that was tearing me apart. I despised her.

She peeked out the open door.

"Well, I guess we better hurry, dear. Your father is waiting in the car."

*****

The three of us drove to the city. Our destination was a well-to-do area, ripe with restaurants, shops, and fancy apartment buildings. It was also near campus.

The apartment was gorgeous. And large. And already furnished.

It was a two-bedroom, two-bathroom unit, with a large dining area just off the roomy kitchen. The living room fit two big lounge chairs, a loveseat, and a sofa. There was a large TV on the wall. The living room led out onto a massive shared balcony, which had grills lining the walls and several sets of tables and chairs. The sight was made possible by the expanse of windows that carried from floor to ceiling across the main living area.

During the tour, Alice had mentioned that it was only about a 5-minute drive from campus. Even when Dad was ignoring me, he was putting my needs first. He had to have put a lot of thought into this. Or, I supposed, he probably told Alice to put a lot of thought into this.

"Do you like it?" Alice asked, eagerly.

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"It's beautiful."

I felt my dad's eyes on me, but I refused to look at him. If he wanted me gone, then I wouldn't fight him.

"Oh, you'll love it here!" she exclaimed. "There are a ton of things to do. Great restaurants. Great bars." She glanced at my dad, "after you turn 21, of course," she added, giving me a wink. "It's close to your school. The nightlife around here is to be envied. Date nights are just a short walk away."

"Yes, well, thank you, Alice," dad said, gruffly. "I'm sure this will do nicely. Would you mind giving us a few minutes?"

Alice smiled kindly.

"Yes, yes, of course. Take your time. I'll be waiting out in the hall."

I walked around the apartment -- my new home -- slowly. I would be alone. I felt empty inside thinking about it. I touched the wall of the hallway. It was a bland off-white color. Something I'm sure they did to have a neutral feel.

"Think they'd let me paint?" I asked.

He hesitated, "I don't see why not."

I walked to the couch and touched it. It was soft and looked very comfortable. It also just so happened to be in my favorite color. Anger rose in me.

"I don't like the furniture," I said, spitefully.

"I'll get you something you do like."

"It's too big. I don't need two bedrooms."

"I thought you could let Kyla move it."

I scoffed, "Yeah... Kyla."

"Whatever will make you happy."

I turned to him. Rage radiated off me.

"Bullshit, Dad. That's just utter bullshit. You are utter bullshit!"

He sighed heavily.

"Whatever you want. I'll give you whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?" I asked, venom laced in each word. "Have you ever once asked me what I want?"

"Lily—" he began.

"No! You don't get to talk! You had your chance to talk!" Tears streamed uncontrollably down my face. "You want me gone? Fine. But do not expect anything from me."

I stormed out of the apartment before he could say anything. I brushed past Alice without a word and waited by the elevator, as I put my emotions back in check. By the time I was joined by my father and Alice I was no longer crying. None of us said a word during the ride in the elevator or the car back to the house.

*****

Dad left with Alice when we got back home. Correction: when we got back to my father's house. Before he left, he told me he would not be back that night. Part of me wondered if he was staying with her. She was pretty. Blonde and thin. Well-kempt. Meticulous, even. Even as I logically knew that he had shown no hint of interest in her, I could not stop thinking about the possibility. Jealousy infused my being.

I slept poorly. I tossed and turned in a night of half sleep. I didn't remember my dreams, but the feeling of anxiousness from them still lingered in the morning. I knew I should go to classes if only to distract me from my hurt. As I ate my measly breakfast of cereal, there was a knock on the door.

"Hi!" the man on my front porch said, with an unnecessary amount of enthusiasm. "May I speak with Lilith Michaels?"

"I am she," I replied.

"Great! Can you sign here, please?" He said, holding out a clipboard and a pen.

"What is this?"

"I'm dropping off your vehicle," he said like I should have known.

"Huh?" I said, looking behind him and finally noticing the brand-new car parked in the driveway.

The man looked down at the clipboard.

"Black 2010 BMW 3 Series Sedan. Bought and paid for by Gideon Michaels. Deliver to Lilith Michaels," he read. "Just came out this year and drove like a dream," he said, with a low whistle, "Your husband must really love you."

"Sure." I didn't correct him.

I took the pen and signed the paper. He handed me the keys.

"Enjoy!" he said, cheerfully, before heading to the cab parked on the street.

*****

While I was a school and work, Dad had sent movers in to pack my things and move them to the apartment. He sent me a text when they had finished. Alice came by the library while I was working and dropped off the apartment keys.

"Oh, tell me how you like it once you're settled in." She eyed Daniel, who was standing off to the side, waiting to talk to me. "And tell me about all the fun adventures you have," She said giving me a wink. "I've got to get my kicks somehow, even if it's by living vicariously through you.

I laughed despite myself. She really was quite friendly.

Once she left, Daniel approached me.

"I heard you were sick," he said with concern. "Are you feeling better?"

"Uh, yeah. Thanks."

"I was worried when I didn't see you on Friday or Saturday, but I'm glad you're back."

"I appreciate that."

"Actually, I was a little worried your boyfriend was mad at you because of me."

"My boyfriend?" I asked. Was he trying to gauge if I was single?

"The older guy who came here on Wednesday. He stopped me on my way out."

"What?" I knew it must be my Dad. "What did he say?"

Daniel gave me a sheepish look.

"Just told me he saw me flirting with you and then told me to leave you alone. I told him that we were just talking," he smiled. "So, everything's cool?"

I smiled back.

"Yeah, everything is good," I replied. "I should get back to work."

"Right. Yeah."

"Oh, and Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't have a boyfriend."

He gave me a huge grin.

*****

I unpacked most of my belongings quickly. I didn't have a ton, although I undoubtedly had more than I had when I first moved to Washington. The apartment was beautiful. There was plenty of storage space, bookshelves, closet space, kitchen cabinets. My dad knew me, and he tailored the place to suit me.

He sent me a text the next morning asking me how my first night went. I didn't respond.

In class, I told Kyla about the apartment and the car, though not the reason why. She came over that night to help me finish the remainder of the unpacking.

"Wow," she said, shaking her head. "Rich Daddy."

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Sexy, rich Daddy. Lucky bitch," she joked.

"Ha, ha, Ky," I said sarcastically. "You know, with that attitude I won't ask you to move in with me."

She squealed and ran to put her arms around me, tackling me to the couch.

"Oh, my god, I am so very sorry! You are the best-est, most wonderful-est, most beautiful-est person in the whole wide world, and I am the luckiest person to be best friends with you!" she said, in exaggerated tones.

I laughed genuinely.

"That's more like it."

*****

Kyla moved in a few weeks later, after finals. She relished in the freedom of the apartment. She usually went out during the weekends, dragging me with her, and often brought back guys, not that I minded. She was a lot more sexually liberated than I was.

Daniel finally asked me out, and I agreed. We went on a few dates, but I told him that I wanted to take it slow, so we never did more than a bit of kissing or fondle over the clothes. I still couldn't muster up enough sexual interest in him, even though I wanted to. Part of me wanted to sleep with him out of spite for my dad, but I couldn't do it. I got close a couple times. Daniel seemed patient. He seemed to like me genuinely.

It quickly became apparent that my dad was still funding my lifestyle. I noticed he began adding more money to the joint bank account than the allotment from when I was living with him. I wasn't sure if he was trying to appease me, or if it was just out of guilt. With all my needs and wants met, I should have been ecstatic. I had a car, a home, plenty of money, my best friend living with me, a gorgeous and attentive boy striving for my affections. It was every girl's fairytale. Yet, I was unhappy.

I quit my job at the library, not because I didn't need it, anymore, but because I wanted to take away as many opportunities for my dad to find me. Sure, he could come to the apartment at any point, but I didn't think he would. It was too private.

Summer passed quickly. Kyla and I spent most of it partying. I had let her give me a 'makeover.' We went shopping, and she bought me a whole new wardrobe full of revealing clothes that I would never have picked out for myself. The pieces weren't lude, but they all accented and showed off my curves. She took me to the salon and together, she and the stylist, turned my curly, dark brown hair into straight, golden blonde. She had good taste, and I admit, I looked great. I looked like I had sex and knew what I was doing, even if I didn't know in reality.

Dad tried reaching out to me every few days, but I would only give him minimal responses if I responded at all.

I was desperate for a change of pace by the time school picked back up. I wasn't really into the party scene and only went along with Kyla, one to make sure she was safe, but also because I didn't have anything better to do. We both redirected our focuses on school. That was one thing I admired about Kyla. While she sometimes could get a little wild, she had her priorities straight and put her schooling first.

A few days before my birthday my dad texted.

Birthday dinner?

It was the next day before I responded. I thought about it for a while. I hadn't seen my dad in months. I was still angry with him, but I missed him more.

Alright. What time should I get there?

7pm. Reservation at Il Terrazzo Carmine.

Public. I should have guessed. Anger sparked in me.

+1?

Sure.

*****

Daniel and I arrived right at seven. I had let him drive my car, hoping that Dad would see it. He wasn't outside when we arrived. I stepped out of the passenger side, wearing a dress made of black lace in a floral pattern. Red, hand-sewn beads traced the petals of the flowers. There was a thin, black, silk chemise layered underneath. As the dress was a spaghetti strap, I was not wearing a bra, but in a fake attempt at modesty, I had a sheer red shawl over my shoulders. The neckline curved perfectly over my breasts, showing a fair amount of cleavage, but not obscenely. The hem reached to my mid-thigh, and one could follow my legs to see matching pumps in the same shade of red as the beading and shawl. I could feel the eyes of the valet who took the keys from Daniel before he got in and drove away.