If a Tree Falls in the Forest...

Author's note: this story contains an element of gay sex. I categorized it as group sex but wanted to provide a warning nonetheless.

* * * * * *

"Hey guys! Why is wearing Crocs like getting a blowjob from a guy?" Darin announced.

Pause.

"Because it feels great until you look down and realize you're gay!"

Truth be told, Darin was always a bit of a dope. We'd all known him since high school, stayed in touch when we all went away to different colleges, and resumed fairly regularly socializing when we all moved back and began our careers. Darin was in sales, putting his outgoing - and often over-bearing - personality to good use and making a pretty comfortable living along the way. His clients found his sense of humor charming, usually, but he could be tone deaf at times around his friends. We knew it wasn't malicious - Darin was clueless sometimes. Mix that cluelessness with some deep-seated hang-ups, which he'd aggressively deny having, and you occasionally ended up with some awkward moments.

Like the day we invited Bill's colleague Adam to a barbecue at my house. Bill was the most kind-hearted of the group. It pained him to see anyone feel left out or shunned, probably because he was picked on for most of his childhood, that is until he grew seven inches in three years and fell in love with Tae Kwon Do. At 6'3", 195 pounds of taut muscle, getting constantly picked on was quickly replaced with getting constantly hit on by the girls in high school, and by both girls and guys in college. Unlike Darin, Bill was clueless in a different way: he constantly heard how gorgeous he was, but it never really sank in, and he passed it off as polite exaggeration. Which means he was sweet and approachable.

And approach I did.

I was a mousy freshman, with no breasts and a wise mouth. I was a transfer student, which unless you are a "total babe" makes you an instant target for harassment. Things happened quickly. Within two minutes of appearing in the halls of Patrick Henry High School, a group of jocks started hassling me, and thirty seconds after that an Adonis-like sophomore had shooed them away and I had my first friend: Bill. For the rest of freshmen year, I watched fascinated as Bill was courted by cheerleaders, girl jocks, drama club starlets, and even a couple of moms. He politely deflected most of the attention, dated occasionally, and his relationships always ended in a civil and gentlemanly way.

I took my shot at the end of freshman year. I started ribbing him about his adoring army of beauties, which escalated into increasingly suggestive banter, and then without warning, kissing. The next two days were very awkward - we liked each other, a lot, but were afraid to screw up the friendship. So, we made a pact: we would date but not get hung up on exclusivity. We made it work, mostly, during high school, and then when we went to different colleges, we hooked up discreetly during breaks or visits.

Fortunately, for both Bill and me, I had also slowly transformed from mousy and flat-chested to curvy and confident. I traded dull brown hair for auburn, which I grew past my shoulders and accepted that a little makeup could augment my "natural beauty." After a particularly long stretch of not seeing each other, I appeared at Bill's door and his reaction was, "Gina. Uh. Wow." Since I was shooting for "wow" I was pretty pleased with myself. We stayed in that night, and most of the next day.

And so, life went on. The high school gang - me, Bill, Darin, Amanda, Martin - were back in one place and spending time with them was like slipping on a comfortable pair of jeans. Everyone was amazed that Bill and I were still maintaining our friends-with-benefits arrangement, which was placed on-hold from time-to-time when either of us started dating someone seriously. We had grown and matured. Well mostly. Which brings me back to the barbecue, Bill's colleague Adam, and good 'ol Darin.

Adam was gay. He didn't advertise that on a t-shirt or anything, but over the course of the day as we talked about life, dating, etc., Adam grew more comfortable with us and joined in the conversation, talking about some of the men he'd dated before moving here for work. Adam didn't really know anyone in town yet and Bill's instincts for adopting social orphans kicked in, and so he asked if he could bring Adam to my cookout.

Adam was a delightful guy. Smart, soft-spoken but with a quick wry wit. He was average height and a bit thin, with boyish features and delicate hands. He wasn't effeminate, but neither was he overtly masculine. We all took to him very quickly, and as the beer continued to flow and we reverted to some of our high school immaturity, Adam kept pace and laughed along with all of us.

It was probably one beer too many that lowered Darin's social filter enough for him to share the joke he'd heard at work. It wasn't offensive per se; we'd all heard much worse. But making a gay joke in front of a gay man you'd met only a couple of hours ago showed questionable judgment. But, as I said before, Darin's a bit of a dope. But none of us knew at the time what the joke would set in motion.

Darin got up to leave - his cab had arrived and he had been smart enough to know not to drive - and he turned around to the group and said, "Hey. Why is wearing Crocs like getting a blowjob from a guy?" You could almost hear all of us wince. "Because it feels great, until you look down and realize you're gay!" Darin was expecting guffaws. There was a moment of silence, which was broken by Adam laughing.

"True," said Adam. We were all relieved that no offense was taken, and the tension dissipated quickly.

Darin said over his shoulder, "You guys have no sense of humor," as Bill walked him to the cab.

"Sorry, Adam," I said when they were out of earshot.

"For what?" Adam replied

"Darin can be a bit of a doofus. He's not a bad guy, but he doesn't always think."

Adam chuckled. "It's OK. I know there was no harm intended. Besides, I'd heard that one before. It's kind of funny."

"What is?" asked Bill as he walked back over to the group.

"Darin's stupid joke," I replied.

"Darin." Bill just shook his head.

"Like I told Gina, it's not a big deal." A sly smile spread across Adam's face. "I wonder if he believes that, though."

"What?"

"That getting a blowjob from a man makes you gay."

"Who knows what goes on in that lizard brain of his," Bill quipped, which got a laugh from Adam.

I'm a bit of an instigator. I know this about myself. It's usually all in fun, but sometimes I can't resist saying something just to be provocative, to see where it leads. "I wonder if he'd also believe that a gay man getting a blowjob from a woman would make him straight." I turned to Adam. "What do you think? If I go down on you, will you become a card-carrying heterosexual?"

"Careful, man," Bill joked, "she's really good. If anyone could suck you straight, it's Gina." That earned Bill a chuckle from Adam, and a swift kick in the shins from me. Although he was right; my oral skills are somewhat legendary, if I do say so myself.

"Hey, did someone say 'blowjobs'?" Amanda and Martin had been inside getting more beer, but Martin's ears must have perked up when he heard where the conversation was headed. He pulled a couple of chairs up, traded out our empties for fresh beers, and plopped down in a chair. "Please, continue. Blowjobs are one of my favorite topics! Catch me up!"

Everyone laughed, but there was a tiny bit of tension in the air. We'd rather rapidly gone from a bad joke to a group of five adults - four of whom who'd known each other a long time and had each dated and dallied a bit - basically daring each other to talk about oral sex.

Amanda took Martin's hand and mockingly explained. "Well, Martin, when two people love each other and want to demonstrate their love by giving each other pleasure, they engage in what we adults refer to as 'sex.'"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, skip ahead to the good part where I get to cum in your mouth!" That earned Martin a smack on the hand.

"Never gonna happen, genius," she hissed.

"Never again," I added under my breath. Amanda and Martin's attempt at a friends-with-benefits relationship was an epic disaster, so naturally we teased them about it at every opportunity. Fortunately for all of us, the friendship survived.

"Gee, Martin, if you only think the 'good part' is when you cum, you must not be getting a lot of good blowjobs," said Adam, with that same sly smile. "No offense intended to anyone here, of course," he added. Adam was enjoying this. In his experience, many straight people didn't know how to behave around gay men which would, in turn, make him feel unwelcome or out of place. With us, he was getting to have a little fun, push our buttons so to speak.

"You never answered my question," I pressed teasingly. "If I gave you a blowjob, would that make you straight?" I turned to the group. "Show of hands. If a gay man accepts a blowjob from a straight woman, does that mean he's really straight?"

There was no hesitation among the group. "No, of course not."

"OK, why?"

Everyone paused. The slippery slope had become more apparent. Amanda took the first swing at it. "Because getting a blowjob doesn't mean your sexual preference has changed."

"So, it just means he's bi and not just gay," I replied.

"Well, no," Amanda sputtered, "just getting head doesn't mean he's going to seek out women as sex partners. He just enjoyed the blowjob but has no desire to do anything else."

"That's fair," said Adam. "Let's turn it around then. If Martin let me give him a blowjob, then he's not gay, right?"

"I don't know, I'd probably feel gay," Martin mused.

"What does 'feel gay' mean, you moron? Anyway, you'd probably let a dog blow you if you thought you could convince it not to bite your dick off," snapped Amanda.

"Now, now, be fair," Adam gently chided. "This isn't something people think about all that often. Straight people, at least."

Bill had no idea what he was starting when he weighed in. "OK, bear with me here," he began. "I'm lying on a bed naked, blindfolded, with headphones on. I can't see or hear anything. Someone gives me a blowjob and it's undeniably amazing. There is no question in my mind that I enjoyed it. If I take the blindfold off and Gina is sitting on the bed licking her lips, then I don't think about anything other than how good it felt." Bill looked over at Adam. I could see the wheels turning in his head - Bill wasn't sure where this was taking him. "If I take the blindfold off and Adam is sitting on the bed ..."

"Licking my lips," Adam added, just to ratchet up the tension a bit more. My kind of guy.

"Does it mean I enjoyed the blowjob any less?" Bill looked around at the four of us. It seemed like he was looking for his answer in one of our faces, but we were all waiting for him to say something.

Finally, Martin blurted out, "Well, does it?!" That broke the tension.

Bill laughed and said simply, "I honestly don't know. I can't imagine that I'd feel anything different afterward, but I'll never know."

"Unless you let Adam blow you," said Martin. "You know, as an experiment." Everyone looked at Martin with shock registering on their faces. "Geez, guys. Kidding! Man, this got weird REALLY fast." Martin took a long swig of beer and looked down at his feet, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

After an appropriately awkward amount of time, Amanda changed the subject to her upcoming trip to Cancun. We spent another hour or so chatting and drinking, and then everyone helped me wrap up the leftovers and gather up the empty beer bottles. Amanda and Martin decided to share a cab and bid us all a good night, which left Bill, Adam and me.

Bill wanted to wait a bit to let some of the beer he'd consumed metabolize - he was probably fine but there was no reason to tempt fate. Knowing Bill hated tequila and would therefore not feel like he was missing anything, I pulled out a bottle of the good stuff - not for margaritas - and two shot glasses. Adam and I toasted our friends.

"Thanks for inviting me, Bill, and thank you Gina for being such a wonderful host. You guys are a lot of fun." I clinked glasses with Adam and Bill raised an invisible glass in solidarity.

"I hope we didn't get too weird on you. It usually takes us years to be able to hit that level of awkward inappropriateness."

"Don't worry, Bill. It was fine and it was all in good fun." That sly smile crossed Adam's lips again. "Plus, how else would we have discovered your latent homosexual tendencies if your friend Darin hadn't broken the ice."

I never believed those scenes in movies when someone is so shocked by something that they spit their drink out. Until I decorated my kitchen table with several ounces of really expensive tequila. At least none went up my nose, despite the fact that I was howling in laughter, half at my own spit-take and half at Adam's jab at Bill. Bill looked bewildered at my amusement, and a little hurt.

"I'm kidding, Bill," Adam added quickly. "I don't think there is a single molecule of your being that is sexually attracted to men. And I would know - I am very good at spotting the curious." That seemed to appease Bill. "I was impressed by your honesty, though. I don't know how many straight men would have said that they might admit that a blowjob from a man felt good."

"I guess," Bill replied, "it all comes down to the question of whether you can enjoy sex with someone you are not sexually attracted to."

"That's easy," I said. "Of course you can. I think we can all admit to having had a fling of opportunity with someone who you wouldn't ordinarily be with because you were so horny you were going to burst." We thought about it for a moment and then all nodded sheepishly in agreement.

"OK fine, then let me rephrase the question. Under normal circumstances, with a clear head and under no duress, could you enjoy sex with someone you're not sexually attracted to?"

"Bill, have you ever been to a massage parlor?" asked Adam, not unkindly. My "yes" beat Bill's "no" by a good half second, and he glared at me. He probably forgot he even told me about his experience when he traveled to Australia for a month. Adam just laughed. "OK, so did she get you off? I'm assuming it was a she." Adam paused. "As far as you knew at least." Love this guy.

"Yes, SHE did," Bill replied with emphasis.

"Was she pretty?"

"Not especially."

"Young?"

"40s."

"If you had seen her at a bar would you have thought to by her a drink?"

"I guess not."

"And yet you let her rub your body and stroke your cock until you came."

"Yes."

"I think you answered your own question. You had no desire to be romantically or sexually involved with this woman, but because of the nature of the situation, you were fine laying back and enjoying yourself. No attachment, no commitment, no concern about how the other person felt."

"I sound like a real jerk when you put it like that."

"Not at all. Have you ever been to physical therapy?" Bill and I both nodded. "Did you feel weird when the therapist - man or woman - was working your muscles or massaging you? Of course not. That's what they are there for, that's the nature of the relationship. The only difference between what a PT and a massage parlor girl does is the sexual part. And that's an artificial line that has been drawn to make some people feel safer or superior or whatever. You can moan in pleasure when a masseuse works a knot out of your shoulder but moaning in pleasure at having your balls massaged is somehow 'bad.' It's absurd, really."

I didn't know exactly why, but I was beginning to get a bit wet. All this talk of rubbing and moaning and happy endings.

"Pleasure is good," Adam said finally. "There's not enough of it. I like guys, I like playing with them, I like pleasuring them and I like being pleasured." He turned to me. "You like guys, and I assume you like playing with them." He turned back to Bill. "You like girls. It's all good. The world would be a happier place if everyone just enjoyed themselves. There's no cosmic scoreboard where you keep track of how many times you've given or taken pleasure. There's no losers - everybody wins." He drained his glass and held it out to me for a refill, which I gladly provided. "Sorry. Maybe Darin's joke bothered me more than I thought."

"No, no, no - nothing to be sorry about," I said. "This is fascinating. It's rare to be able to have a serious conversation about stuff like this."

"It helps that Darin, Martin and Amanda had left," Bill quipped.

As Adam took a sip from his glass, I caught Bill's eye and winked at him. Then I turned to Adam. "Of course, talk is all well and good but do you really believe what you're saying?"

"I do. I truly do," he replied.

"So you are saying that, although you are not sexually attracted to women, you would be able to enjoy getting a blowjob from a woman."

"Yes."

"Are you willing to prove it?" I placed a hand on Adam's thigh. I think he was mildly shocked. From Darin's joke through the rest of the evening it felt like Adam was teasing the group a bit. Maybe he was trying to prove a point, maybe he had a lifetime of intolerance that made him bristle at how gays are treated. But we had reached a point - and consumed enough alcohol - where I felt OK teasing him back a little.

"Are you offering me a blowjob, Gina?" Adam looked me straight in the eyes, any trace of shock gone from his face. He was calling my bluff. Or what he thought was my bluff.

"For research purposes only, of course," I smiled back at him. BIll shifted in his seat; I couldn't tell if he was embarrassed or trying to hide a growing hard-on. Some guys get hard when they hear the word "blowjob." Bill had experienced a blowjob from me, so no doubt he was involuntarily recalling the arousal. Did I mention how good I am at giving head?

Adam looked over at Bill. Before Adam could speak, Bill said, "Hey, fine by me. Gina and I are strictly FWB right now. If she wants to test if her magic spell works on a gay man, have at it."

I was going to add that I didn't need anyone's permission to go down on someone (except the person on whom I was going down, of course) but Bill was being such a good sport about all of this I didn't want to break the mood.

"I'll tell you what, Bill. Since I don't want you to feel left out, I'll give you a blowjob after I do Adam." Bill's face brightened visibly, and the hard-on swelling his jeans was unmistakable now.

"I have a better idea," Adam interjected. I doubt Bill could think of a better idea than me blowing him, but it's best to keep an open mind. "Gina, I would LOVE to get a blowjob from you. It's been a dry spell for me so a little sexual release would be welcome. If you want to call it research, that's OK with me, but I can tell you right now that I am comfortable enough with my sexuality that I will sit back and enjoy it, especially if you are as good as you say."

Bill said "Oh, she is" at the exact moment that I said "Oh, I am."

"Perfect," Adam continued. "But after Gina gives me head, let's conduct another experiment. Bill, we'll blindfold you and put Gina's noise canceling headphones on you. One of us will suck you off, but you won't know who. Let's see if the uncertainty subtracts from the pleasure or if one of us can make you cum, with you never knowing who did it."

So, there it was. Dares all around. Would I be OK blowing a guy who I not only wasn't sexually attracted to, but who I knew wasn't sexually attracted to me either? I already knew the answer was "yes," oral slut that I am; I was already soaking wet. Would Adam enjoy getting a blowjob from a woman? He already said yes and I was sure he was right, especially from me. Would Bill accept a blowjob, not knowing if it was a guy or a girl doing it? I honestly wasn't sure. Would it be too distracting not knowing who was sucking his cock for him to relax? Or, would not knowing not matter, or even make it easier? I was eager to hear his answer.