If/Then

"Hi, Ellis," she said simply. "Thanks for coming to get me."

Ellis's stomach felt as if a large swarm of insects had suddenly decided to take up residence in his large intestine. "Hi," he replied cautiously. "I wasn't sure....do you mind being a little early to the movie?" They were going to see some action movie thing. Ellis didn't remember which one exactly, only that it had gotten terrible reviews so far.

"I actually love being early to movies," said Hazel. She stepped out on the porch and shivered, rubbing the goosebumps that rose up on the dusky skin of her arms. Ellis tried not to stare at the strip of bare skin visible between the hem of her purple crop top and the waist of her jeans. Looking down, he saw that her feet were also bare. "Jesus," she said, laughing slightly. "It's kind of cold out, don't you think?"

"I mean, yeah." Ellis was deliberately not wearing winter clothes. Instead he was wearing a button-down, jeans, and his father's brown leather work boots, which were scuffed and faded just enough to look cool. Ellis hoped.

"Let me get shoes and a jacket." Hazel stepped back inside, looking back at Ellis with an inquisitive look on her heart-shaped face. "Do you wanna come inside?"

Yes!

"Yeah, sure," Ellis said casually, trying to ignore the way his heart was thumping against his ribs and his cock was stiffening painfully inside his jeans. He stepped into the front hall and closed the door, leaning against it. Hazel disappeared up a staircase covered in thick, avocado-green shag carpet. She reappeared a moment later in a black leather jacket and matching boots, looking so deliciously sexy that Ellis's mouth began to water.

"Ready to go? Or do you want to do some homework?" Hazel teased Ellis, reaching around him to grab the door handle. Her wrist brushed against Ellis's stomach, and his back thumped painfully against the door as she opened it again. "Brrr. We better make a run to the car quick."

"Actually, if you wanted to stay inside and do homework--" Ellis began, his mind racing. Were her parents home?

"Don't be silly," Hazel laughed. She grabbed his hand and pulled him through the door, then locked it. "Why would we do homework when we could be watching Death Machine 3 or whatever it's called?"

"Doing calculus feels kind of like a death machine to me," said Ellis. Hazel's answering peal of laughter echoed down the quiet street.

"Really? I feel like our problem sets have been really easy lately," she said. "I finished that last one in like twenty minutes."

"I haven't even started it," Ellis confessed. "Differential equations give me the biggest migraine." He followed Hazel down the porch stairs and across the snow-covered lawn.

"So," Hazel said, "where's our ride?"

"Um," said Ellis, cheeks warming in spite of himself. He avoided Hazel's gaze, instead staring at a dirty chunk of snow that had somehow made its way onto the sidewalk. He kicked the snow with the side of his boot. It rolled away down the hill, leaving a trail of icy dirt in its wake. "My car broke today. It, um....the, uh, the engine won't turn over anymore."

A stupid lie, but better than saying his parents wouldn't let him have the car. "So we don't really have a ride."

"Oh," said Hazel. The disappointment in her voice made Ellis look up at her again. She was worrying her glossy pink lower lip with her front teeth. She was so beautiful it made Ellis's chest hurt.

"We can take a taxi," Ellis said. "I don't exactly have money for it, but maybe I can work out a deal with the driver or something so that we can--"

"It's okay!" interrupted Hazel. "The theater isn't far from here, right? So we'll just walk."

"It's so cold out," said Ellis, watching his breath fog out into a cloud of white. He hated himself. Why, oh why, couldn't his parents have given up the car just for one night?

"It's fine," said Hazel, a determined set to her chin. "I love the cold, don't you?" She turned and started trudging down the sidewalk toward the theater, not waiting to see if Ellis would follow or not. Ellis shivered. He shoved his hands into his pockets and hurried to catch up with Hazel.

"I'm really sorry," he said when he caught up with her. Hazel's face glowed in the light from the streetlamps, making her look otherworldly. She was walking so fast it was practically running. Ellis's legs were almost twice as long as hers, but he still had to hasten his step to keep up with her. Hazel laughed.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I don't know," Ellis said. "I promised you we'd have a ride, and now my parents have the car, and we have to walk, and....I don't know, I just feel bad," he finished lamely.

"I thought you said your car was broken," said Hazel.

"It is! I mean....I mean, it's broken, so my parents took it to the dealership to have it fixed." Ellis felt his chest constricting.

"How did they get it to the dealership if it's broken?"

"Um....my dad owns a tow truck. For his work," Ellis lied.

"Really? I thought your dad was an engineer." Hazel glanced at Ellis, a note of suspicion creeping into her voice.

"He's an engineer, but...um...he also works at a towing company in his spare time." Fuck. What was he even saying? Ellis decided a quick change of subject was necessary. "So, do you like action movies?" he asked, cringing internally at his obvious attempt to divert Hazel's attention.

"Not really," Hazel said. "I wanted to see the remake of Dracula, but Chris loves guns and explosions and stuff like that."

"Right. Me too," said Ellis. He hated action movies. Tonight was ostensibly a group hang out with Hazel's friend Samantha and her boyfriend Chris, who was possibly the biggest douche to ever walk the earth. Ellis hated him. But it didn't matter. Ellis would spend time with anyone if it meant he got to hang out with Hazel. And maybe hold her hand. Maybe, if he was really, really lucky and really smooth, he would even get to kiss her in the back of a darkened movie theater. Although with the way the evening was turning out so far, Ellis wasn't super optimistic about the possibility of Hazel wanting to kiss him.

"God. Do you really?" asked Hazel, slowing down a little bit. Her breath left her mouth in great puffs of crystalline smoke. Ellis wanted to catch it in his own mouth.

"No," Ellis admitted. "I'm a big sap, I guess. I like Hallmark movies, Disney movies, rom-coms, that kind of cheesy thing. Anything with a happy ending." Hazel smiled, a big, soft, genuine smile that made her whole face light up. She slowed down even more, until she and Ellis were walking at a comfortable pace down the darkened street.

"I like horror movies," she said. "Because the end is always happy, but conditional. Like, they've defeated the big scary monster or ghost or whatever, but there's always a suggestion that it's not really gone. Like a little wave from behind the curtain at the end of a show. 'There could be an encore,' or something." Ellis shivered.

"Jesus," he said. "So you like that the scary monster isn't really defeated?"

"I like that the story is never resolved," said Hazel. "There's always something to come back to, you know?"

Ellis shivered again. "I think I'm glad we're not watching Dracula. I'm too much of a big baby."

Hazel laughed. Without warning, she slipped her hand into Ellis's. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll protect you."

***

The movie theater was packed. Ellis guessed he should've expected as much, but he was still shocked by the crush of people inside. As they waited in line to buy their tickets, Ellis felt a bundle of nerves steadily expanding in his stomach. I shouldn't even be here, he thought, then shook his head, trying to dispel the thought. He noticed Hazel watching him curiously.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You got really quiet all of a sudden." Ellis's palms were suddenly dripping with sweat. His face felt hot.

"Are you sure I'm welcome here?" asked Ellis nervously. "It's been a really long time since I've talked to Chris or Samantha."

"Of course!" said Hazel, sounding genuinely surprised. "Why wouldn't you be welcome? I'm really glad you asked me to see a movie, actually," she confided. "I was, like, desperate to get out of the house."

"I sort of wish it could have been just the two of us," Ellis said. Shit. That probably sounded so desperate. But Hazel just smiled.

"Next time," she said as the line shuffled forward. Ellis grabbed for Hazel's hand, telling himself it was just so he wouldn't lose her in the crowd, but his stomach still twisted into knots at the feel of her smooth, warm palm against his. Once they reached the box office, he paid for both of their tickets, cringing when he saw the total. $27.43 for two student tickets? Jesus Christ. He turned around to say something about it to Hazel, but she wasn't paying attention. Her glossy head was turned, her sharp brown eyes scanning the throngs of people. Suddenly she gasped and began jumping up and down, waving her right hand energetically above her head.

"Chris! Jack! Samantha! Over here!" she called, then turned around to beam at Ellis. "See, we're not even early. They're already here."

Ellis saw Chris cutting through the crowd with his usual obnoxious swagger. At his side was Samantha, his girlfriend of six months, who seemed to adore him despite his tendency to act like a total asshole. Chris had his blond hair swept back and covered in a snapback. His tiny, piggish eyes looked even smaller when set in the harsh lines of his beefy face, broad and doughy from too much beer consumed at football parties on the weekends. Samantha was practically his polar opposite, all harsh lines and perfectly manicured nails. Her long blonde hair was always immaculately curled, and she tended to dress in an array of pastel pinks and yellows that would look completely nauseating on anyone else. Somehow the two of them worked together as a couple, though. The stereotypical head cheerleader and starting quarterback.

At Chris' other side was Jack, a guy Ellis literally hadn't seen since eighth grade. He'd changed a lot since then, too; once tall for his age, he was now merely average, with a long, pale face and a stocky build. Ellis remembered when they used to sit next to each other in orchestra and trade Pokemon cards. Now apparently Jack was one of the guys who used to give Ellis Indian burns on the back of the school bus. Ellis felt a wave of nausea rising up in his chest. He looked down at Hazel as she smiled, apparently unaware of his discomfort. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, he reasoned. After all, Hazel liked these people; they couldn't possibly be as terrible as Ellis thought--

"Hey, asshole," boomed Chris, folding his muscled arms over his broad chest. "Are you bothering my friend here?"

Ellis glanced at Hazel. She looked just as confused as he was. "Are you talking to me?" Ellis asked, swallowing thickly. His mouth felt bone-dry. He had a sudden urge to bolt for the concessions stand.

"Yeah, who else would I be talking to?" Chris leaned forward threateningly, somehow towering over Ellis despite the fact that they were almost the same height. "I want to know what you're doing hitting on this girl. Clearly you're not supposed to be here."

"Chris!" said Hazel, sounding shocked. "This is Ellis. My date," she emphasized firmly. "I told you he was coming here. You've seen him at school every single day since first grade." She took Ellis's hand, but Ellis could barely feel it. He was busy drowning in a tidal wave of humiliation. Samantha tittered nervously, her arm hooked around Chris' meaty bicep. Jack was studiously avoiding eye contact with Ellis by staring at the floor.

***

Ellis felt a sudden urge of confidence. Maybe it was Hazel's hand in his, or maybe it was him finally snapping from all those years of being bullied in elementary and middle school. He stepped forward until he was toe to toe with Chris, whose tiny eyes widened slightly in fear. Ellis breathed in deep, taking in the scent of Chris' cheap cologne and the sour reek of his breath.

"You're an asshole," Ellis said. "You've always been an asshole. Probably you always will be. But right now, that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me," he said, glancing at Hazel, who was staring at him with an expression of undiluted shock on her beautiful face, "is that I get to go watch this terrible movie with Hazel."

Ellis turned away from Chris, whose body was vibrating with barely-contained rage. He walked blindly towards the movie theater, barely breathing, conscious only of Chris' presence behind him and Hazel's presence at his side. When he reached the door to the theater, he stopped and looked down at Hazel. She was watching him with a look of barely contained pride, her dark eyes so shiny that Ellis could see his own face reflected in them.

"Do you want to get out of here?" asked Ellis. "I mean, we know neither of us want to see this shitty movie. And I'm not about to sit in a theater next to him," he added, jerking his head back in the general direction of Chris. Hazel nodded, her lips slightly parted.

"Yeah, I'm not really in the mood for a movie," she said. "Would you mind taking me back to my place?"

Ellis's stomach fluttered nervously. "Of course I wouldn't."

***

Ellis stuttered. He desperately wanted to run for the exit, but they were surrounded by so many people, he could hardly move in any direction without crashing into someone. "Um," he began, desperately trying to think of a clever response, "I am.....totally supposed to be here. This is my....I'm like....I like movies," he finished lamely, looking anywhere but at Hazel's face. He pulled his hand from her grasp and folded it across his chest, trying and failing to imitate Chris' imposing physicality.

"You don't....you can't tell me where to b-be," he stuttered. Chris let out a snort of derision. He was joined by Samantha, who was twirling a strand of long blonde hair around her ring finger, and Jack, who was still looking at the floor. Samantha's face twisted into an icy-sweet smile.

"Chris is just looking out for our friend Hazel," she cooed. "He wants to make sure there aren't any losers bothering her, right, baby?"

"That's right," said Chris. He looked with disdain at Ellis. "But I guess since she apparently wants you here--"

"That's right, I do," said Hazel firmly. She wrapped her arm around Ellis's in a clear imitation of Samantha. Samantha sniffed.

"Alright, then, I guess we'd better go sit down," she said loftily. She turned and stalked off toward the theater, trailing Chris and Jack in her wake. Ellis and Hazel followed. Ellis's face was burning.

It was going to be a long movie.

***

"Thanks for a great night," said Hazel. She was leaning against her front door, her back pressed against the pane of glass that allowed the hall light to seep through onto the porch. Ellis laughed.

"That was your idea of a great night?"

"I mean, maybe there were a couple things that could've gone better," said Hazel, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she smirked. "But overall, I thought it was pretty stellar."

"I think it can really only go up from here," said Ellis.

"Exactly! Ample room for improvement." Hazel played with the hem of her leather jacket, her eyes soft and liquid in the low light. "For real, I had a nice time," she repeated softly. Ellis thought he understood the subtext.

"I'll let you get to bed, then," he said, turning to leave. Suddenly, he felt something clutching at the back of his shirt. He turned to find Hazel pressed up against him, her long hair spilling over her shoulder as her eyes looked searchingly into his. Up close, he could count every single one of the tiny freckles that scattered themselves like stars over the bridge of her nose.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked, her voice pitched lower than usual. Her warm, sweet breath fanned out over Ellis's face. He felt his body start to respond and stepped back hastily. He didn't want Hazel to noticel his hard-on pressing painfully against the zipper of his jeans. But Hazel didn't seem to understand the effect she had on him. She pressed closer still, her hands twisted in the fabric of his button-down. "We could go up to my room," she offered, smiling wickedly. "My parents aren't home, you know. Business trip."

Ellis swallowed so hard it was painful, feeling like his brain was melting. Hazel's room. Alone. With Hazel. When her parents aren't home. It felt like all the blood in his body had rushed straight to his cock. "Sure," Ellis replied softly, his heart thumping in his chest as he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. "Let's go to your room."

***

Hazel's room was small, warm, and cluttered with objects. A vast array of posters for various cult movies and bands Ellis had never heard of adorned the walls, while every available surface was covered in things--drawings, paintbrushes, tiny ceramic figurines, and a bright red ukulele with half the strings missing.

"I like your room," Ellis managed to get out. Suddenly he was pressed against a wall and Hazel's mouth was on his, her lips slick and artificially sweet. She ran her tongue teasingly over his bottom lip, urging him to open his mouth so that she could slip it inside. "Whoa," Ellis muttered, pulling back to look at Hazel's flushed face. Her eyes were shining, her lips so swollen and kissable that he had to press his mouth to hers again. When he did, she opened her mouth to him, her tongue retreating to give him better access. She tasted like movie theater popcorn, somehow, all salty and buttery, with just a hint of sweetness beneath it that was all Hazel. Ellis felt drunk on her, especially when she moved her mouth away from his and began pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses down his jaw and across the slope of his neck, nipping at the soft skin just above his collarbone. Fuck. It was just so good. "Fuck," Ellis moaned without thinking, regretting it when Hazel pulled away from him, a look of surprise on her lovely, lovely face.

"Do you like it?" she asked. "Am I doing it right? I've never been very good at giving hickeys--"

"Hazel," Ellis laughed, "shut up," and he bent to kiss her again, slipping his tongue past her teeth and luxuriating in the feel of her mouth on his. He clutched at the fabric of her jacket and pressed against her, feeling simultaneously too close to her and not close enough. His cock throbbed, too full to be contained inside his tight jeans. Feeling daring, he pressed his hand to the seam of Hazel's jeans and heard her answering moan. Panting, Hazel pushed them toward her bed. It looked much larger and more inviting than Ellis's.

"Bed," demanded Hazel. "Now."

Ellis didn't need to be told twice. He picked Hazel up and deposited her on the bed, maybe a little more roughly than he'd intended, but it didn't matter; she squealed with delight and pulled him down to her, tangling her long fingers in his hair. They were both breathing hard. Ellis pulled at the buttons on his shirt, trying desperately to rid himself of it. He wanted to feel Hazel's skin against his so badly it was like being starving, or sleep-deprived. He ripped a couple of the buttons off in his haste, but it didn't matter. Not when Hazel was looking at him like that, with her pillowy lips parted and a hazy spark of lust in her deep brown eyes. She ran her hands over his chest appreciatively, looking almost shy as her hands traced the vee of muscle at his hips down to the top of his fly. "Can I....?" she asked, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Please," Ellis breathed, trying very hard not to come in his pants as her hand gently traced the outline of his erection. Slowly, almost teasingly, she drew the zipper of his jeans down until the waistband grew loose, then slipped her hands into the sides of the jeans and worked them down Ellis's legs. Ellis kicked them off, leaving him in just his underwear, while Hazel was still fully clothed. Her eyes slid down to the crotch of his boxer briefs, where his insistent erection throbbed, the tip already leaking precum. She licked her lips. Then she slowly pulled off her jacket. She tugged the fabric of her tight purple shirt up, revealing a lacy white bra. Ellis swallowed. Shit. This was as far as he'd ever been with a girl before.