If You Don't Tell

"Look Mike, whenever you go out, I never say anything. Can't I go out this once without having to find a babysitter when MJ has a father? I mean it's only Lae. It's not like I'm going to fix a car for the rest of the damn day. Besides, Laela told me Quinton was busy tonight." I knew it was a bold faced lie, but it was the only thing I could think of to keep Mike at home with his son.

"Man, whatever. Be back home early so that me and Pook can go out."

"Whatever. I'll be back as soon as I can." I left the house wearing a sweater and loose jeans, but the way he sneered at me on the way out the door, you'd think I walked out the house naked with a 'fuck me' sign attached to my back.

I got in the car and as I pulled out the driveway, discovered that Mike watching me leave, making sure that I took the right direction towards the highway. I let him see me go towards 610 before I made a u-turn and went to visit my brother over my aunt's house.

It was a little after six in the evening and Lae and I weren't supposed to meet until seven, which gave me a half an hour to do whatever I wanted. I needed the time to get away from Mike and be alone, but I thought it'd be wise to stay away from alcohol with all the medication I'd been taking lately, so I decided to visit my brother. With my aunt at her weekly bingo match, it was the perfect time for me to avoid her and visit my brother, Anthony.

Among the younger family members, we called my brother In-shit. That was due to my brother's constant ability to get in trouble and because he felt the need to utilize the words 'n-shit' after every sentence. Also, my brother had a drug problem, causing us to hardly ever speak. He was a great uncle to MJ, but when it came to me asking him to do a favor; he never came through and always had an excuse for every mistake. Not only was he an abuser or marijuana, but he was a womanizer, bringing women into my aunt's house at all times of nights. The last time we spoke, he confessed on how much he tried to be faithful, but there was too much pussy out there to belong to one. With Michael's growing infidelity, I thought I should talk to a professional to see what I could be doing differently to keep him around and Tony was the most professional cheater I'd ever met. I had hoped he had some insight to share, if he wasn't too high.

I pulled into my aunt's empty driveway a few minutes later and banged on the door so that Tony could hear me. He lived in my aunt's attic and if I didn't bang hard enough, I knew he wouldn't hear.

After ten seconds of banging on the front door, a sleepy voice shouted at the door, "Who is it?"

"It's me Tony! It's Simone." I shouted, hoping that he wasn't so high that he couldn't comprehend what I was saying.

He opened the door, looked me over and walked back into the house. "What's goin on 'n' shit, sis?"

"Nothing much, In, how you been doing in the attic? Found a job yet?" He turned around and looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "Sorry I asked. Anyways, I need to ask you some things right quick. You're not smoking are you?"

"No Monie, I'm not smoking, yet. I got a few people coming by later 'n' shit, and they gone bring a sack 'n' shit. You didn't come here to lecture me 'n' shit, did you?"

"No, In, I didn't. I need your advise on something."

"You need my fuckin advice? You must be in some deep shit to come over this way for my advice, but whatever. Tell me what's going on 'n' shit."

"I think Mike is cheating on me. Hell, I know he's cheating on me. As a woman, what do I need to do to keep him from being with another woman? What am I doing wrong?" I wanted to cry the more I thought about it, but instead I plopped down on my aunt's plaid couch and Tony sat down on the living room rug.

"The truth, 'n' shit, is that you might not be doing nothing wrong. Some men just need that new pussy feeling, 'n' shit. The best--advice--I could give you is to leave the nigga. No matter what, you still my sister and I don't want you being treated like that, 'n' shit. But if you gone stay with him, be aggressive 'n' shit. Be on his ass about getting home 'n' shit and don't give him room to breathe. If you want a faithful man, make him that way. If you let him do what he do 'n' shit, he always gone wander. I never really liked Mike and I don't know why you stay with him, but y'all women have more power than you think you have, y'all just give it to us 'n' shit. Any man will do anything to get some ass 'n' shit, but if you make him work for it in the beginning, he'll respect you more. Even when you have him, make him earn the right to have sex with you 'n' shit, cuz once he gets it whenever he wants it, the mothafuckin thrill is gone 'n' shit. Ya feel me?"

My brother was six years older than I was, but I had never heard him make more sense that I had just now. "Tony, you just made more sense today than you have in your 30 plus years of life. Thanks for coming through this time. I really needed to hear that."

"Anytime Monie. You my sis and even though I be fuckin up a lot 'n' shit, I even surprise myself sometimes. But, yo ass need to go because I can hear a car pulling up and I'm about to get blazed 'n' shit."

I gave my brother a hug, something I rarely do, and walked back out the front door to see an old brown Firebird parked behind me. I jumped in my car, let the other car pull out of the driveway and was on my way to go see Lae.

I arrived at the Italian restaurant fifteen minutes before we were supposed to meet. With Lae not arriving for a few minutes, I walked up to the bar and asked for a water. While I waited it gave me time to lament on what my brother had said. Had I really allowed Mike to have his own way and he grew tired of me? Did this all happen because I was too afraid that he'd go somewhere if I didn't give it to him when in actuality he went somewhere else because I gave it freely? Questions about my relationship rattled my brain, but I couldn't find any solutions to an already growing problem.

"Hey there stranger!"

I turned to find Lae behind me wearing a smile that could've been in toothpaste commercials. "Hey there yourself! Where have you been hiding? I even heard you ran out of town to get away from us. Are we that bad?"

She extended her arms and we gave each other the type of hug that you give people you hadn't seen or wouldn't see for a while. It was long, warm and full of love; it reminded me of why we were such good friends. She didn't answer until we let go of each other, leaving some of the men in the restaurant full of imaginative stares. "Yes, you guys are that bad. So why are you here so early? You're usually the late one."

"You just don't know how bad I wanted to get out the house. Mike is wearing down my last bit of sanity." I wanted to say more, but then I noticed a waiter standing behind Lae and nodded to her to let her know someone was standing behind her.

The waiter, wearing a white tuxedo, greeted us and walked us to a table in the middle of the Italian bistro. He pulled out both of our chairs, seated us, and then gave us the wine list and menus before disappearing among the sea of other white tuxedos.

"Like I was telling you Lae," I continued, "Mike is driving me crazy. I don't see us making it too much longer if he doesn't change."

"You're married now, girl. You have two options: either make it work or don't make it work. Whatever you choose that's up to you. I'm not into telling you how I knew Mike was a bad choice, but now that it's almost finished you can walk away with your head up." She began to look over the wine list. "So what brought on this change of mind?"

I'd forgotten that I hadn't told Laela about Mike's infidelity. I had always assumed Quinton would tell her, but now that I knew he hadn't, it reaffirmed my belief on how honorable a man he was. "Mike's been cheating on me Lae. He's been with someone named Star. I know for a fact he has, he's admitted it."

The look of incredulity that spread across her face had me re-thinking about what I should've told her. "He cheated and you're still there! You're still in the same house with that man?" With her teeth clenched, it helped to mask her volume, but not her anger.

"Lae, I knew you were going to say that, but it's been taken care of. I have a family to think of first, not second or third, but first. I didn't agree with it and we talked, but it's not like he's the only guilty one! If you remember, I messed around on him first! You knew about it and at what point did you coerce me into telling him the truth! We all make mistakes, but I have to handle this the best way I know how."

The anger on her face softened, replaced by an apologetic look. "You're right Simone. We've all done something that we aren't proud of and have hidden away. I have too many secrets to name myself. I'm sorry for going overboard, but you know how I feel about him."

"Yeah, I know, but you have to let me do this on my own. I just need a little time to see if we're going to make it. I just don't want to be the first one to give up on something that was supposed to last the rest of our lives. Believe it or not, I even received some good advice from my brother."

"Wait a minute. You got advice from your brother, Mr. In-Shit himself? I'd love to hear how that conversation went 'n' shit. Was it good 'n' shit or bad 'n' shit? I mean let me know--'n' shit." She drooped her head a put her thumb to her nose like she was some sort of drunk boxer, but her imitation of my brother was perfect so I laughed.

"You need to stop picking with my brother." It was a weak threat, but he was still my brother.

"He needs to stop making it so easy. Does that boy have a job yet?"

I gave her the same look my brother gave me when I asked the same question. "This is my brother we're talking about. He wouldn't know what a job was if it jumped up, bit him on the ass and dragged him in a place of employment."

"Some things never change." She sighed after making her last statement.

"What was the sigh all about?" I asked.

"My brother has changed. It's due more to the woman he's with, but I actually saw him in love."

"Your brother is in love? That's almost as crazy as my brother giving sound advice. What is this world coming to when the leopards start changing their spots?"

"I don't know, but it's time we ordered. I haven't eaten all day and I'm hungry."

We were both pretty famished, but since she was footing the bill, I decided to order some lobster after she ordered steak. We continued talking while we waited for our food, touching on her Cleveland trip, my work life, and our relationships.

By the time the food came, she was telling me all about Janette, her brother's new girlfriend. Apparently Janette made quite an impression on Lae. All she talked about was how interesting Janette was and how she's going to be a nurse also in a few months. I listened quietly as Lae went on, noticing how often she smiled when she spoke about her.

"Lae, tell me the truth about something." I interrupted her before she could continue. There was something I needed to know before she went on. "Did you have sex with this girl?"

She looked offended. "Simone, why would you ask me something like that? That's my brother's girlfriend and I couldn't do that to my brother. Besides, I'm not that type of woman."

"Lae quit the bullshit. This is me you're talking to. When I slept with April, all I could do was talk about how wonderful she was and now here your are doing the same thing. You and I aren't so different when it comes to how we feel about things. If you tell me you didn't sleep with her, I'll believe you, but at least give me the respect of telling me the honest truth."

She took a deep breath and put her hand over her mouth before taking it away and swearing me to secrecy. "Monie, make a promise to me that this will always and I mean always stay between us."

"Okay, I promise. So what's the big secret?"

"The secret is that I didn't have sex with her."

"You made me go through all that just to tell me you didn't! I should kill you for that one!"

"Wait, you didn't let me finish. We didn't have sex, but we did do a little kissing while we were drunk. It was just a little. Once we realized what we were doing, we stopped."

"I feel cheated on. You kissed another woman?"

"So have you! There's no exclusivity here."

"So have you told Quinton?" I asked.

"Are you crazy? What am I supposed to say to him? 'Hey honey, while I was in Cleveland, I kissed a, I mean oops, I kissed another woman. It's a good thing you weren't there to watch, because it was so freaking hot!' Are you saying I should say something like that Monie?"

"No! All I'm saying is that maybe he wont take it as bad as you think he will."

"Right. I hope you believe that because then you can tell Mike all about April. You never know, he might take it better than you think."

"Okay, I understand your point, but a kiss isn't as traumatic as actual sex."

"Well then just tell Mike you kissed another woman. If you do it and get good results, I'll do it."

"Okay, okay, I'm not saying anything to anyone and can we please talk about something else."

The rest of dinner was pretty interesting, but nothing as climactic as Lae's kiss. Lae's friend, Raven, called near the end of our meal and interrupted our conversation, but after Lae told her she was busy, Raven agreed to call back.

We left the restaurant together a little after 8:45. It was a half an hour drive home and I knew Mike would be mad, but I didn't care. Lae offered to walk me to my car, but I knew that would spur another conversation and declined. I waved goodbye as I drove off.

On the way home all I could think about was Quinton. He was honest with me and I knew I should be honest with him too. I didn't know if I wanted to tell him outright, but I definitely wanted to leave him hints so that he could figure things out for himself.

I wasn't until I pulled onto my exit ramp and was on the way home that it all dawned on me. I didn't want to be honest with Quinton. This was the opportunity I needed to set in motion what I wanted from him all along. This was my chance to sleep with him and with this new found information I was going to find a way to make it happen.

"What the hell man? It's almost 9:30 and I asked you to be here before 9."

"Mike, I had a good evening and I don't feel like hearing your crap. Be happy that got here when I did. All you need to do is throw on some dirty ass jeans, a decent shirt and go! How hard is that?"