In Denial

Thanks to voila- for "requesting" this story. They were a pleasure to work with.

Summarized idea: She knows it's wrong to masturbate, but she's convinced herself that it's not masturbation if she doesn't orgasm. Her lesbian roommate finds out about her self-denial and pent-up desire.

Contains: orgasm control/denial, some confusion about sexuality, and dubious consent.

"What's up, buttercup?"

She groaned, letting her head flop back against the pillow for a moment. "If you're trying to bug me, you could at least use the right flower."

There was silence from her roommate's bed for a while, then: "How it goes, Rose?"

"I'm doing homework," she said, continuing to steadily type at her laptop. "Now leave me alone."

"Come on, I'm bored. You've been at it for hours. Take a break."

Rose didn't respond, focusing her gaze on the screen in front of her.

"You're missing out on vital human interaction," Meg said, then in a sing-song voice added, "And girl-talk..."

Just one more page, Rose thought. Then I can go to sleep.

"Aww, you're no fun."

After some time, her bed began to rock slightly. She didn't look over, but she knew her roommate was shoving the frame, trying to distract her.

"Pay attention to me," Meg fake-whined.

Rose did her best to ignore her, but that soon became impossible. Her only warning was Meg leaning over her. Before she could react, her roommate's mouth was on hers. She went rigid with shock, every ounce of her attention detailing the warmth, the softness, the way Meg's lip ring pressed against her.

Then Meg pulled back, grinning, and Rose unfroze. She shoved her roommate away, wiping her lips with the back of her hand as she blushed furiously.

"That got your attention," Meg giggled.

"You- You-" Rose sputtered.

"You don't have to scrub yourself off. It's not like I have cooties."

Rose looked down at her hand, realizing she had smeared lipstick all over it. There was a tiny bit that could only have come from Meg's black-coated lips. I... I kissed a girl... I kissed a girl...

That was the only thought running through her head all night long, even as she half-listened and made vague responses to Meg's chattering. When the lights were turned off and she slipped under the covers, it was still all she could think about.

Well... that, and the throbbing ache between her legs, but that was nothing new. It only added to the list of reasons why she was having trouble falling asleep. She hugged a pillow to her chest and curled up around it, trying to embrace her tiredness. She wished she was in her own bed. She wished she had her fluffy toy sheep to snuggle with. She wished she was home... or maybe just back in her hometown, with friends and familiar sights all around her. She didn't want to be hundreds of miles away in an all-girls college, but she wanted to go to college, and this was the only way her parents would help her with tuition. This place was 'free from temptation.' After all the times they'd lectured her against masturbating and she still struggled to control herself, maybe she deserved to be sent off like this. She wanted to make them proud and be a good daughter. Here, though... Here she was lonely, horny, and homesick.

Meg helped with at least one of those things. She liked having her roommate's company, despite how different the two of them were, but the fact that Meg was so openly gay made her a little uncomfortable... especially after experiencing the effects firsthand. She still couldn't get the kiss off her mind. She rolled over and squeezed her pillow tight, letting out a soft sigh as sleep continued to elude her.

Soft warmth against her back... Hands running all over her body, touching everywhere... Hot breath on her ear... A pierced tongue licking up her neck, sending shivers through her... Pressure on her burning core, giving her the friction she so desperately needed... Her hips thrust forward of their own accord, grinding her dripping heat against the touch, but it was too yielding, too gentle... She whimpered with frustration, humping faster, harder... She was so close...

She woke with a jolt, taking a sharp breath as dream collided with reality and she tried to figure out which was which. Faint morning light streamed through the window, giving the white walls a soft glow. The pillow she had been cuddling with had somehow made it between her legs during the night, and a peek beneath the covers showed that both it and her panties had wet stains.

Her face burned. So did other parts of her. Her pussy was frantically begging to be rubbed, fingered, ground against, anything to release the hot, aching pressure in her belly. She tried to take deep breaths and managed a few shaky gasps, then realized her hand had been sneaking down her body without conscious intent. She needed it so bad. She could barely think about anything else. It had never been quite this intense before, but that wet dream had done something to her. She wasn't just aching; it was like she had an itch she needed to scratch, and every second she waited only made it worse.

She peeked over at Meg's bed, making sure she was asleep. Her roommate's head was covered by a pillow, only the lower half of her face and the fringes of her short black hair exposed. Rose slid one hand into her shirt and the other into her soaked panties, biting back a gasp as her fingers made contact with hot, sensitive flesh. There was no question of going slow; she plunged two fingers inside herself and moaned softly, starting to maul her breast with her other hand. She squeezed and kneaded, occasionally tweaking her stiff nipple as she pumped her digits, grinding the palm of her hand across her clit. The desperation subsided as she found a pleasurable rhythm, but the need was still there, thrumming in her nerves.

She had already been close when she woke up. It took only a few minutes before she reached that point where she knew a few thrusts would tip her over. She wanted nothing more in the world than to keep frantically fucking herself with her fingers until she exploded, but she pulled her hand away with a choked sob, clutching her thighs. She could feel her pussy twitch, clenching around nothing as it cried out for a few more seconds of stimulation.

This doesn't count. It's not masturbating. It doesn't count if I don't come. I'm still being good. I'm staying pure. I'm better than my body. This doesn't count. I'm being good.

She repeated the words to herself in a rapid, jumbled mantra, fighting back against the overwhelming lust. Touching herself only made things worse in the long run, but she needed those moments of relief when her body thought it would get what it wanted. She'd go insane otherwise. It wasn't about the pleasure. Really. It wasn't about how fucking incredibly good it felt before she reached that edge and had to leave her pussy throbbing untouched. It was just about a bit of relief, and she really, really needed that relief.

Her fingers found their way into her panties again, this time just seeking out her clit and starting to rub quick circles over it. A small whimper escaped her as she attacked her breasts, doing it hard enough to hurt in hopes the pain would keep her from that point of no return for a little longer. It only seemed to take her there faster, and before she knew it she had to yank her hand away from her crotch, involuntarily rubbing her thighs together as she squirmed in need.

I need to stop. I can't keep doing this. Meg's going to wake up. I need to get ready. I can't...

She began to stroke her clit through her panties, her breathing fast and shallow. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and in the swollen little nub that her fingers made quick passes over. The layer of wet fabric deadened the sensation, made it take longer before she reached the brink, but it also made it difficult to tell when to stop. She gave herself one rub too many before pulling her hand away, and her pussy clenched down around nothing, screaming to be touched as one unsatisfying contraction after another made her writhe and moan. She kicked her heels against the bed and grabbed fistfuls of the sheets, using every ounce of her willpower to keep from rubbing herself to an actual orgasm.

"Keep it down, would you?"

Rose went rigid. Her gaze shot over to her roommate's bed and found Meg looking back at her, a sleepy smile on her face.

"I wouldn't be complaining, but you woke me up. You get really loud, girl."

"I- I- You- I-" Rose stammered, her face burning as humiliation and searing need crashed over her in alternating waves.

"Everybody does it. You don't have to be so embarrassed that I caught you." A teasing glint entered her eyes. "Unless you happened to be thinking about me already..."

The dream. The dream. That was her in the dream. I felt her piercing... The realization must have shown on her face, because Meg cracked into a delighted, incredulous grin.

"Oh my God, I was joking. You actually were." She clapped her hands together, giggling. "Little straight Miss Perfect, shlicking herself off while fantasizing about her lezzie roommate. That is just too good." She propped herself up on an arm. "So, Rose, how was I? Did I make you come soooo hard?"

Rose was not in the right frame of mind to process Meg's teasing - or actually, to process anything other than the utter mortification she was experiencing. She answered the way she had been raised to: truthfully. "I... didn't..."

"Oh, did I interrupt you? What was all that moaning and thrashing about then?"

"I... don't come..." Rose mumbled without thinking, feeling like her world was collapsing around her.

"You don't come...?" Meg repeated, confused, then gleeful understanding grew on her face. "Oh, so you're one of those girls. I used to have a girlfriend like you. You like being all horny and desperate, don't you? Edging yourself for days until you're just a wet mess that can't even pretend to be straight anymore."

Rose didn't respond, but Meg took her humiliated silence as a yes. A wicked grin spread across her face.

"Wow. I think this is the best thing I've ever woken up to. I'm gonna have so much fun with you."

A few minutes of blasting herself with cold water was enough to dampen the fires of her arousal and shake off the worst of the humiliation. It also left her shivering uncontrollably, her teeth chattering a little as she hurried back to her room to get dressed. Meg was gone when she returned, but the memory of her evil smile made Rose shiver for an entirely different reason. She was more than a little worried about what her roommate was planning.

A glance in her dresser showed that she really needed to do laundry, so she settled for slightly unfashionable stockings to go with her skirt and top. She preferred to wear jeans on bad days like this, since they would hide any possible wetness, but she'd just have to hope she wouldn't get too worked up.

Yeah. Like that was going to happen.

Her first class of the day went fine. She was actually interested in history, and the lecture was engaging enough that she almost forgot about her need. The second class was more boring, and her mind wandered, daydreaming and worrying about what the day might hold. When the clock ticked over, she went for a quick bathroom break, hurrying through the halls with her head down until the sight of a familiar pair of black combat boots made her heart stop.

"Hey!"

The boots came closer, and Rose backed away until she bumped into the wall. She looked up at her roommate, finding that Meg had changed into her typical 'bad girl' outfit of leather jacket, black tee, and ripped jeans. It took a moment before she could squeak, "Hi."

"You kinda ran off this morning," Meg said. "I know I was teasing you, but I actually want to talk."

Rose didn't know what to say and just stood there, her heart racing. Meg took that as answer enough.

"So," she said softly, taking a step closer and putting her hand against the wall next to Rose's head. Meg was only a few inches taller, but the extra height suddenly made her imposing. "I need someone to fool around with. You're pretty cute. And... apparently you've been fantasizing about me. You get where I'm going with this?"

Rose remained silent, her hands clenched into fists around the hem of her top. Each shallow inhale gave her more of Meg's scent, a heady mix of deodorant and sweet shampoo.

"O-kay. Let me make it blindingly obvious, girl."

Meg leaned in, gently bringing their lips together. Rose couldn't breathe. She tried to focus on anything besides the sweet, wonderful feeling...

Her roommate pulled back slightly, resting her forehead against Rose's. Meg's blue eyes stared into her brown as she trembled.

"You know," Meg whispered, her breath warm on Rose's face, "if you don't want this, I respond pretty well to a hard shove and 'Get away from me, you dyke.'"

Rose couldn't find her voice. It should have been so easy. She just had to say no...

"Thought so," Meg chuckled, leaning in again. It felt like her lips carried a static shock, a little jolt of electricity that scrambled Rose's brain into a million dissonant thoughts. She brought her hands up to Meg's chest, planning to use the last of her willpower to push her away, but her roommate's hands tangled in her long brown hair to pull her into a more forceful kiss. Rose ended up just groping Meg's breasts, any thought of resistance evaporating as Meg pressed her up against the wall and made a low, hungry noise, her kisses becoming even more aggressive. The heat in Rose's belly reignited into an aching, painful arousal, begging to be satisfied. She didn't realize she was grinding her hips forward until she felt Meg's thigh push between hers, giving her the friction her body so desperately needed. Rose humped her roommate's leg without a thought in her head, mindless, primal want driving her to more and more until she was abruptly brought back to reality.

"Ew, get a room."

"Yeah, no one wants to see that."

Rose felt like she was going to choke. She tore her gaze away from Meg to find three girls staring at them with varying levels of disgust. In the moment of lust, she had completely forgotten that they were standing in a public hallway - hell, she had forgotten her own name and how to breathe. It shouldn't have been so shocking to get caught, but it felt like her body was on fire with embarrassment and need. She scrambled for something, anything to say, but Meg wasn't stopping and the girls were already walking off. Well, two of them were. The third hung around for a moment to give Rose a wink and a thumbs-up before hurrying to catch up with her friends.

Meg gave her a final passionate kiss before pulling away, breathing harder and grinning. "That should keep the gossipers busy for a while."

Rose struggled to find a response, but her vocabulary only seemed to consist of the words 'please', 'fuck', and 'me'. She opted to remain silent instead of humiliating herself further, trying to calm her racing heart and deal with the mortification of being caught. Again.

Meg's phone chimed in her pocket, and she stepped back from Rose, still smiling. "I gotta run. My next class is starting. See you around..."

She jogged off, leaving Rose to slump against the wall and hide her face in her hands.

What's wrong with me...?

Her next class was a waste of time. She stared at the wall behind the professor, clutching the edge of her chair and involuntarily rubbing her thighs together. The throbbing heat between her legs drowned out all other thoughts as wetness gradually soaked her panties and even dampened her skirt. Occasional flashes of clarity made her face burn with shame.

They saw me. Everyone's going to think I'm a lesbian now. I'm not. I'm not a lesbian.

Why couldn't I say no, then? Why did I let her kiss me?

Why did I dream about her last night?

Why am I still thinking about her lips?

"Hey, are you okay?"

Rose jerked out of her thoughts and looked at the worried girl sitting next to her. "Um... I'm fine..."

She wasn't fine, but what could she say? 'I need to come so bad it hurts'? 'My roommate is turning me gay'? 'I think I'm losing my mind'? It was so much easier to brush off the concern.

Rose struggled through the rest of class and rushed to the bathroom when it was over. Relieving herself and splashing her face with icy water helped to clear her head, but glancing in the mirror showed her worried eyes and flushed cheeks. It also revealed black lipstick smudged all over her mouth, very obvious evidence of what she'd been doing and who she'd been doing it with. Despite the horrifying realization that she'd been walking around like this without knowing it, her stomach groaned at her, reminding her that she had skipped breakfast. She wiped off her lips and hurried to the cafeteria, grabbing a sandwich with minimal trouble. She found a table in the corner, far away from the rest of the crowd, and was halfway through her meal when a hand dropped over her eyes and made her start.

"Guess who!" Meg said. Like magic, Rose found herself completely tongue-tied. Her roommate slipped into the chair next to her, grinning. "What are you doing way over here, girl? I thought you'd be sitting with people. I wanted to kiss you in front of all your friends, make sure the rumor really stuck."

'All my friends.' Rose would have laughed if she wasn't fighting with her body's sudden mortifying excitement, but it seemed like her bitter amusement showed on her face because Meg's smile fell.

"I guess I haven't met many... We don't really do anything together outside our room. Well, most girls don't want to hang out with 'that punk lesbian.' They think I'll give them 'the gay'... which, you know, I don't mind doing if they ask nicely." Meg leaned in and gave Rose a peck on the lips before she could react, provoking an immediate deep blush and the return of Meg's grin. "Man, I can't get enough of that. You are so embarrassed that you like it."

Meg brought their lips together again, sliding her hands up to weave in Rose's hair and stop her from pulling away. Not that Rose made a serious effort to. Her body betrayed her, becoming unreasonably turned on from the hot kiss. Meg pushed her tongue into Rose's mouth, exploring and tasting as Rose let out small noises, clutching at her thighs.

Why am I letting her do this? Why? What's wrong with me? Anyone could see us...

Meg pulled back after a while, breathing harder, a little strand of saliva connecting their lips. She brought her mouth to Rose's ear, tickling it with warm breath as she murmured, "I bet this is getting you turned on... How long has it been since you came? Days? Weeks?"

Months, Rose whined in her mind, her body shivering with uncontrollable need.

"You must be so pent up. I bet just kissing a girl is enough..."

Her hand slid down Rose's chest, down her stomach, down to the waist of her skirt. Rose couldn't breathe as it went further, slipping underneath the fabric to stroke her swollen heat through her panties.

"Holy fuck," Meg whispered. "You're soaked. You're loving this more than I thought." After a moment, her fingers started to teasingly rub against Rose's folds, drawing out a tiny whine. "I think I could make you more horny, though."

Please God no, Rose wanted to whimper, but Meg's lips silenced her and scattered her thoughts to the wind. She could do nothing but let out little muffled noises against her roommate's mouth, involuntarily rocking her hips into the hand on her crotch. The fact that anyone could see what was happening if they walked by no longer registered in her mind. There was only hot, throbbing, desperate need as dexterous fingers worked her clit, building up the pressure in her belly. Meg's touch made her long-denied orgasm rise like a wave, about to crash over her, and she had accepted her fate when her roommate suddenly pulled away and left her alone at the aching precipice. Rose whined, clamping her legs together as her pussy clenched around nothing and a bead of wetness dripped from her folds.