All Comments on 'In Her Eyes'

from the past to the present,,,, very hard to follow. The story itself was a good one, but not the continual shifting.

I understand the wife's feeling as to the burden of having a Perfect Husband. She felt that she couldn't live up to his standard, so she intentionally betrayed him in order to drive him away and prove that she didn't meet his standards. His pedestal was just too high for her to live on. 4 Stars:. A little too long, the time shifts were confusing, and the '***' signals of change in speaker were also confusing. Just use initials to signify the identity of the speaker. Thanks for the good story, Jidoka.

As many others have said, the Point-of-View changes were very off-putting. And yes, the story was about 20% too long

Andy YES you NEED an editor, badly. Or even a proof reader. There were just too may glaring errors to even start

This is your worst effort so far with these goddamn transition scenes. Now, high school, college, high school, now, college...but later...now...some stupid charity event...now...

It was like you were flashing three different colored sets of flash cards with letters randomly in different hands and we needed to remember every card to spell the letter.

I found HOW she cheated unexplained. I got the subtle points of 'being okay' with cheating and his magical eye reading power. Okay...got it.

Everyone already talked about the perfection thing. Once he was able to talk SIL to bang her silly...well...I lost all sympathy for the guy. And he bounces to ANOTHER ultra hottie super devoted woman...whom he seems to be replete with? Davis, Maggs, Susan, Shannon,

Who has two thumbs and doesn't love this guy? ME.

There was a very good story in all the changes, but it was way to changing to enjoy.

Others have previously commented that David is characterized as essentially being Jesus Christ. I concur, but find it strange to consider that in his second coming, he gets married, and then forgetting his own teaching about divorce, gets divorced and marries a womann who has, as others have previously pointed out, lied to him by omission for their entire adult lives (that she was not a lesbian). In addition, Maggie also commited a criminal act against him--specifically the incident with the skateboard. If they had been adults and he had landed and broken his neck and died, she would have been guily of involuntary manslaughter. (See, for example, Minnesota Statutes 609.205 "MANSLAUGHTER IN THE SECOND DEGREE.

A person who causes the death of another by any of the following means is guilty of manslaughter in the second degree and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than ten years or to payment of a fine of not more than $20,000, or both:

(1) by the person's culpable negligence whereby the person creates an unreasonable risk, and consciously takes chances of causing death or great bodily harm to another...").

So Maggie's not perect either.

This is probably my favorite story of yours, although I haven't read everything of yours yet. I agree with some reviewers that the three main characters aren't as perfect as you make them out to be, but having said that, they're probably the best people I've ever read about. It is entirely understandable that Susan would crack under the slowly building pressure of her ideal life. That might sound stupid to some, but we're all humans, we all make mistakes and thus we're all flawed individuals. It doesn't surprise me, that someone would look for problems or even create them, if they didn't naturally occur in that person's life.

Thanks for sharing this tale with us!

I've read few stories ---- stories that I actually read, fully, that is --- that is as badly delivered as this one.

but terrible delivery. Flashing between different time periods without any warning may work in the movies, but not in reading material. You cant see hairstyles and fashion changes in a book. Readers need some warning, a sense of continuity in a story. If the reader has to keep stopping every few paragraphs to say, "Hey, wait a minute, what is going on here? Did we time shift again?" it becomes frustrating. You cant become immersed in a story that way.

Also, switching between narrators, again without warning, is a big no-no. He tells it, or she tells it. Not both. If as an author, you choose to do that, then big bold letters saying "Susan`s version", or something to that effect is not only necessary, but a requirement.

I don't want to come across as bashing the author needlessly (I don`t do that until I`ve read more than 4 or 5 stories) because the story was a great one, the style of telling just needs polishing. The story draws the reader in, but the telling pushes him back out again.

I just had to finish the story , so all jobs and tasks just had to wait. I found the story compelling, difficult at times with the changes to time and even who was speaking. Whilst expected the twist at the end was a shock. A really enjoyable story

shitty delivery, expected from some pompous authors though

One of the very few that I thought they should have stayed married. If they didn't have kids, maybe not but they did and what she did was more stupid and sick than evil. The marriage contract is an interesting thing. How many people actually discuss what the contract means to them before they are married? For most, it is just spoken words, it is not even in writing. Considering how serious a marriage can be you would think people would sit down, write a real contract and discuss it before signing it. People put more effort into buying a car or a house than they do into actually thinking about what this contract means.

And it meant so little to her that she said "My day was OK" without a thought. I really liked the story but I will make this strong criticism; it had more than twice the usual number of flashbacks and I admit that I hate flashbacks anyway. It was disconcerting and hard to follow, also that it went from one person narrating the story to another in a hard-to-identify way. The ending was about as good s it could have been under the circumstances.

Still a great well written story. I'm a glutton for charactors insight and thinking, yours is masterful.

Thanks for sharing on SOL.

DD

Down this gorgeous road of words that was colorful and intense. Still a solid 5

Fabulous story, masterfully written. Thanks for sharing!

A well written story by a fantastic author. I couldn't wait to finish it.

Nicely written, looking forward to reading more of your stories, I dont have the courage to show my wife what I'm reading. Married 31 years this july. Pray nothing like this happens to me

I gave you five stars for a well written story, but I think you might have got tired of writing by the end. With all the counseling that Susan went through, I wanted to hear more of her thinking and motivation. Was she burned out from raising kids? You implied that she felt she couldn't live up to his high standards. How did that lead to her dalliance? You also hinted that she got little pleasure from sex with her husband any more - couldn't he tell that? And why did you introduce the sex video - were you going to imply that she was being blackmailed into continuing?

" OK, so she said that there was no way that American voters would elect a corrupt ex-Chicago city organizer to the presidency. Unfortunately, I said she told you the truth. Not that she was right. God help us all.". Do you know how to recognize Jidoka in a crowd of people. He'll be the one wearing the brown shirt and hobnailed jack boots. How much you want bet he didn't volunteer for military service in Iraq?

Well, it is interesting that you say that as 71% of his supporters now regret it.

Have they all become "racists" ?

Are that they didn't vote for Hillary Clinton in the primaries instead, because he's turned out to be not liberal enough for them. Not that they didn't vote for McCain or Romney.

they need to get back together

But in this one, you made your lead (David) an arrogant, unsufferable asshole. His character was totally unlikeable. He just assumes he's right about everything and enjoys demonstrating to people that he's smarter than they are. It's frustrating to read such an excellently written story but to have the overall feeling be so bad. If he had been run over by a truck, I wouldn't have lamented his passing.

my 2nd time reading this story , loved it as much today as i did the 1st time last year.

only ..... this time it hit me, that i totaly missed on 1st reading .

there is no way that David would have missed how much Maggie loved him for all those years , at some point the realisation would have hit him between the eyes , just like it did me today on 2nd reading of the story . he would have seen through the Lesbian Facade she built & known... totaly 100% known , how much & what he was too Maggie .

no way in all that time that she would/could not slip up @least once while with him.

or that susan would not have slipped up in some way & revealed the maggie situation.

anyhow , great story , very well written . one of my favs , although i have spoilt it for myself now , & unlikely i will return in future for a 3rd reading .

so please keep writing

so i can keep getting my "lost in Literature"

Fix from your wonderfull tales .

xxxhugsxxx

This is an amazing story!!! I am thoroughly touched by it. Fuck Susan though. But great ending!!!

I read so many stories that I forgot many things. Reconciliation if Maggie wasn't in the picture? Not the way Jidoka portrayed David. I am sorry that I don't have enough Jidoka stories to read.

I also endured, via my former wife, several off-the-wall comments that were not logical extensions of our then-current conversation. My "favorite," when we had been married 22 years, was: "You know, everyone should be required to get divorced after 20 years so they could see what it would be like to be married to someone else." It was so unexpected that I didn't know what to say. Accordingly, I said nothing. At some point I realized that she must be having an affair with her favorite co-worker. (Or was at least was seriously thinking about it.) Now we both know what it is like to be married to someone else.

...I was really taken. As I remember I commented something like "one of the most intelligent stories I had ever read".

A lot of time has passed since then. Now, having read that story again, having read more thoroughly this time, I can only repeat my opinion: I have read thousands of stories and some were extraordinarily well written. But only a handful of these were stories I would consider to be of remarkable intelligence or memorable for many years to come. This story definately belongs into that category. It is "one among thousand". Thank you for writing it.

One of my favorites actually - but the comments to this piece kept me from writing about it.

Why, I ask, are people so hostile to the lead character? It isn't as if you are in competition with him...

Now, can one "read" expressions? Sure. Is this a fantasy, where that ability is raised to levels that are never seen? Sure. Given then the suspension of disbelief on that issue does the rest of the story follow? I think so. And, if you are a lunatic or swimming in the storm of betrayal, is the idea you can read someone and get at the secret compelling? I think it is one of the secret appeals of this story.

Can seriously damaged, attractive, people keep themselves available to someone past all reasonable time? Sure - if you drop the attractive part, I've done it myself. I will say that after 20 years, I stopped and got less damaged as a result. Thus, Maggie is not alien to me - she has resonance. And, she was the epitome of a damaged person.

This leads to the question: was the lead damaged? I'd say so - but there isn't space here to go into detail. I will say that he is way too sure of himself, of his perceptions and his conclusions... but here in the lit comment pages, surely none of us would be able to look down upon him for that?

The vision of love, of marriage depicted and declared by the lead character is too extreme - but isn't this entire genre based on a too extreme idealization of marriage?

Just if this goes into another edit - the "she" who dropped the bombshell at the end seemed to be written as Susan, but in fact was Maggie.

Not sure about much - YMMV

Green-something

OK, so Susan basically had a hansome, powerful, wealthy husband who bent his professional life around her and the kids. And her only excuse was that she cheated because her life was TOO perfect? She had to have some deep-seated problems for that to be her license to destroy the lives of her, her husband and her kids. And, from the start of counselling, she said she wanted to come home.....to a husband that valued honesty more than money or fame. But she kept lying....and lying....and lying. Wow....... In thinking back, my giving this story a '2' may have been generous.

David's ability to get along with his ex is understandable. She didn't try to take all of his money or use their kids against him. She eventually owned up to the betrayal and in the end accepted that she'd made the mistakes that ruined their commitments.

I feel a bit sorry for Maggie and I wonder if she wanted to have children of her own...

The first time I read it. I just read it again and now I wonder why I rated it so highly. First off, his incredible memory that let's him read his wife like a book because he can associate each look with a time and place in their past; fails him completely and he totally forgets the extraordinarily handsome, and biggest asshole in the company, Jason Smith. Now his memory must really be on the fritz because when Susan tells him that Jason is working with her, he does nothing and picks up zero clues from Susan! Also, how is it he never picked up on how insecure Susan was, and how she didn't believe he was faithful to her? Could it be because she also believed he was too good and she couldn't live up to his standards? Wait a minute, one of those statements must not have been true... Seems to me his face reading was more fallible than he realized. The fact that he was dead wrong about Maggie makes that clear.

My biggest issue with this story is that for Susan to cheat on him like that with two guys is displaying such contempt and hatred for him; it is inconceivable that with his ability, that he would not pick up on it immediately! Moreover, why would she feel this way? There were no reasons whatsoever for that kind of behavior! In reality she would have found them repulsive and would have nothing to do with them. One word and they would have been history. All in all, it's unbelievable.

The reason for cheating and the end are kind of lame. I have seen women who were competitive with their husbands in their relationships. I can see how she felt she was in an unbalanced relationship. I can see how it would make her feel inferior and want to end it. The Maggie thing was a little too convenient. This is one case where because he had kids with her and was only facing another 7-8 years until the youngest was in college he should have tried to work it out. Her cheating was clearly part of her mental illness not the problem in itself.

I agree with all of the St.husband comments. Also the flipping back and forth of the timeline is irritating.

I love your writing style, your characters and your story development.

Thank you for sharing your talent with me.

jumped around so much that it was very hard to follow. It pretty much spoiled it for me.

This is a very good story, enjoyable and entertaining. I don't disagree with any of the husbands actions. The wife cheated with 2 different men, what more is there to say about her. I had a hard time buying her reason about him being too perfect. With all their communication before, why didn't she ever bring it up to him so they could talk about it. I guess it was easier for her to wake up one day and start cheating, he deserved it. For a while as I was reading, I thought he was going to take her back.

Thank You for writing a Fine tale!

Mental illness, my ass! She was a cheating bitch, plain and simple. As far as HE is concerned, if he still has feelings for her, he deserves to continue suffering. I inserted myself into this story and I felt his pain but because of the pain, I felt loathing and hatred for her. I felt rage, murderous thoughts, and unforgiveness. Yes, I know that those negative emotions will eventually destroy you, but just as you can't just turn off love, you can't just turn off hatred either. I wish we could!

Couldn't put it down. This is a fantastic story.

I can't say I couldn't put it down like one comment said, but I did have to sleep last night. Too many of these stories on here that I enjoy most are having sad endings. I know we can't always have a "happy ever after" ending, but that's life. It just makes me want to work more on my own marriage.

There were a few mistakes, but for the whole story I gave 5 *'s During pg. 6 I did go back and read the very first, because I remembered about the "open marriage" discussion, and David looking at her and observing her. That made the pieces fit. I had some problems going from section/time period to another, even though it had the ****** or ~~~~~~~ because a few times I had to stop and figured out who was speaking from the context.

Thanks for your story.

She as a smart woman I can not under stand how she would let two creeps like them to touch her. An act like it was no big deal.

But like I always say all women think they hve god given right to heat on their men.

First excellent story well written with a lovely ending. I really liked the bit about keeping the bedroom activity private between David and Maggi because that is VERY True of people who deeply love each other intelligently.

Now the interesting part to me is, I realize how difficult it is to write a character as special as this lead character and yet make him human by giving him a human failings. That was the part I would have liked to see. Even though I Know its not easy.

The other thing is in my opinion, the love he directs at his women is the kind of love a person should only give to God. Humans are not perfect, only God is worthy of that kind of high standing in someone's Life. In real life most women would not have even lasted as long as the wife did before thinking she ruled the roost and over stepped her mark. Women are very predictable when it comes to the miss use of too much power over a man in a relationship. They are just like little children always pushing to see their boundaries. If a man doesn't keep that in check. All hell breaks lose.

A great sad story, she had lied twice in the past they were not marriage breaking, her infidelity. well that is something else. Part of me feels that as no long term affair has taken place and even the most sensible and level headed people are prone to doing stupid things, add to that a part of love is the power of forgiveness he should be able to overcome his hurt. One might say his pride was hurt more than his feelings of love after all he still professes to love her but cannot live with her and wants a divorce, do I detect a little arrogance in his character, yes he is a honest and nice person but perhaps only when things are going his way and cannot cope when the rules he lives by are challenged, don't try and fix it just throw it away and start again. I suspect this character is more in love with an ideal of what a wife should be rather a woman who is a human being albeit a silly one. We are all different and what one can live with another cannot, it's a funny old world.

Your characters in this felt real and that's the best compliment i can give.

Thank you. That was a great story. You did a fantastic job.

Got confused at some of the therapy parts but thought the story flowed very well and smoothly.

Thanks for the enjoyable read!

Loved your story. I hope you have more that are just as compelling.

Personally, I didn't find anything wrong with the story. However, after reading some of the comments it appears some readers missed the main reason for the male lead's decision to divorce. Although it was stated clearly, more dialogue might have helped to make the point clearer, possibly between Susan and the doc. I'm actually torn and feel adding anything there would lose the impact but...

I don't know, it's still a great story.

the story was told in too many "snip its" not necessarily in time sequence macking for a difficult read. The story itself was excellent

"

I can not see how she would sleep with such low class scum.

I had trouble keeping track of where you were in the story. On a realistic point no man could be that perfect. Looking forward to reading more of your stories.

Wow. The best writing I have ever seen on this site. You really have a gift.

It appears that anything I could add would be redundant.

Sailor 61

the real betrayers of others souls, TK U MLJ LV NV

DP is a creep! Maggs is a vulture! Suz needs to commit suicide just to piss the kids! Face it - to a life figure for the kids - without a cool off time in the arms of the kids other life figure- what is there. But she won't! Maggs is pure selfishness. Planting the seed of failure, nurturing the failure, stepping in to reap the fruits of failure When the kids find out that DP is a creep, and step- mags is pure selfishness, All the money DP's possesses will never repair the fistula in the hearts of the kids or grandkids. And DP will see in their eyes!

Sounds like you had a few too many. This was an interesting and excellent tale well worth reading. 5*

Good story,but,.....Where was I?

Haunting story. Outstanding.

...it still leaves an outstanding impression on me.Fabulous piece of Art. Stories like this one are the reason why I still bother with "Cuckerotica". Thank you. Please continue. 5*

and I got bored with the flashback detail but the writing is excellent. I guess I just didn't want all of the background and wanted more depth to the current state. We got detail from the past and not much real detail in the now.

Susan's rationalization was pathetic and it's obvious that she loved being married to Davide but was ambivalent to him. Sad. Sorry there were kids.

All in all an excellent read. And I broke my non-voting rule and gave it a five.

This story was very intriguing and I could not believe the transition to Maggie after the final session with the therapist. I have been the part of two reconciliations of close friends and relatives where the man thought he was in love with someone else. My wife asked me to talk to the guys and see if I could make them realize what they were giving up if they left their spouse for someone else. This was over 25 years ago I was not sure and never asked or told how far the "affairs" had progressed. In one case I think that it was only in the platonic stage, but never knew for sure how far it went in the sexual since. I was successful in both cases and the couples remain married today (happily? I guess so)...

As with these two guys and this story of "In-her-eyes" there are going to be affairs, cheating, and sometime one time flings, especially in today's society where morality has evolved. I am one who has never cheated in the flesh, but have a vivid imagination through movies, literotica, etc. After 51 years of dating and marriage, I still think my spouse is very attractive and dresses up to the 9's whether casual or formal for weddings or church. Yes to be sure, I have fanaticized about friends, acquaintances and the young gals that you run into in daily life. I think it is possible that when I was younger, one or two of the opposite sex may have been interested enough to have a fling. But love is precious and you either have it totally or you risk losing what you have, especially if you have young children like in this story. That is what I told the two guys that I helped stay with their wives. Neither of us have the beauty of our youth, she has aged better than I, but in my case I still fanaticize about her when we were dating, our honeymoon and throughout the years. Tempted a few times for sure, and I remember the movie, "The seven year itch" and that at 7, 14 years of marriage, that I thought of "cheating" but I am glad I did not.

Again, great story! I have read several of yours and will likely read some more. I like the ones that the couples decide to stay together and live happily ever after. I am a romantic at heart, and like to see people end up happy either with their current first love or with a "second chance" at love as in this story for David. I think I would like to write some short stories but not sure I have the gift to write anything that others would like.

Romantic in the Cajun State of LA.

Poor David. Every time he sticks his penis in his new wife Maggie, his thought is about Susan, his ex-wife. Is that living for either of the three? I think not.

Very well written, Jidoka.

Of course, there is always sadness following divorce, death, injury and a thousand other things but it is obvious that David is in good hands with Maggie and his kids who love him better than his unfaithful wife did. Face it, she blew it big time even after Maggie warned her and even after David tried to show her that he worshipped the ground she walked on. I have very little pity for her; she got what she deserved, in my opinion and of course you're entitled to your own opinion.

We are ALL different and just because X is so forgiving and accepting does not mean that Y will react in the same way. Given the exact same set of circumstances, 10 people will react in 10 different ways, i.,e., forgive completely, get revenge, hate, mistrust, become self-pitying, get violent, etc. Also, our background causes us to act in certain ways, for example, a person who was molested as a child might find it hard to be as forgiving as a person who was raised by Mother Theresa. The bottom line for me is that simply....in real life, it is not possible to always reconcile but it's hard to get people who are hopeless romantics to see that.

So many have said this so am I to assume that since we are so imperfect, let's just go ahead and tear the heart out of our loved ones, break our vows, shit over our friends, wreck our homes, deceive our families, destroy our communities, etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum! It may be true that we are imperfect but that doesn't mean we have a free pass to fuck over others, ex... I get drunk and ram my car into your front door... guess what? I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT! The same with cheating; whatever the horrific outcome, I DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think your ending with Maggie should have been drawn out much more and fleshed out a bit more. Your storytelling is top notch and you know how to extrapolate the important details. I'd suggest that you rewrite the ending, and it would hands down be the best story I've read on this site(And I've read some pretty good ones).

Never married but have been close enough to read someone from voice, body language, and especially their eyes because I loved them. I knew when I feel out of love when it didn't bother me to lie to a person, who incidently never loved me. I enjoyed this story very much. Love is not in the kiss, more like the soul....eyes are windows to the soul right. I liked how the main character was wise enough to know his marriage was over since every day his wife was fine, even day of the affairs.

Well written from a grammar standpoint but the flipping back and forth from present to past destroyed the flow and made the plot hard to follow. I love your stories but hope the next one had a smoother flow.

This guy is just one of those type A that has to be in charge and perfect st everything that comes and goes - marriage to these micromanagers must be painful as hell - no room for remorse or forgiveness - it just doesn't compute - his "perfectness" is just fucking annoying - he should never have gotten married to someone so mortal....

Congrats. Brilliant story. Five out of five. It wasn't perfect. There were a few glaring typos. A few times I lost track of the past, present and future and even who was speaking. It ended a bit abruptly. But it was so well written and the characters were so consistent and the emotions were so powerful. His ability to know when his wife lied was almost a curse which is clever. This was my first story by this author and I look forward to more. And I will have to reread parts of this one again. Cheers Steve

I would say the Ayes win, TK U MLJ LV NV

too long, too boring and PG-13.

Yes, there were a few distracting typos. But the storyline and character development was astounding. The sentiments were very moving and convincing, especially the closing sentiments. In all of the years that I have been reading adult literature this must be among my top 10.

A story with a real ending. Didn't always agree what Mag was allways doing. But she stood by her promise and made sure he was ready to be hers finally. Keep writing.

While it's a fictional tale and you could have your characters married to aliens, I simply can't put reality aside in a case like this sad story. I think Susan got a great lawyer and given the fact that kids were involved, her lawyer had the pre-nup thrown out. I don't care how good Maggie thought it was. In a Court of law where children are involved I think she got custody, the house, substantial alimony and child support, a big chunk of the marital assets and even more of his retirement. The minute the Court orders the children into Family Court, he and his pre-nup are toast. It happens all the time. Hell you can read about it in People magazine it's so common. So while your story was well told, I found it's conclusion to be both implausible and unbelievable thereby ruining the story.

Title says it all. 1* because there isn't a -10* button.

Third time I've read this story, I think because after 39 yrs of marriage to my high school sweetheart there is just something about the unspoken communication that resonates with me.

This last time I tried to read it with a critical eye, instead of immersing myself in the story. Honestly I don't think it needs 'improving', the necessary story elements are present and well developed. To expand on the ending with Maggie would have been anticlimactic, we already knew about their bond and that they would have a fulfilling life together. Besides it's a story, not a novel.

Interestingly since she cannot lie to him, was able to exorcize her demons and was truly repentant, reconciliation might actually have worked for them. Which I think rarely happens in rral life due to trust issues. But it was a true to character mark of Susan's love that she finally realized that he would have less pain & heartache if he just moved on with Maggie, and worked to make that happen.

5 *'s, one of the few times I've given that ranking.

He deserves to have a cheating wife for being such a total ass.

He deserves to have a faithful wife for being such a total winner.

This is my second time reading this story. I really like it. To the anonymous who said the pre-nup would be toast. I don't agree. I've just come through almost 5 years of a ridiculous divorce. Lots of false allegations from her, trying to get my kids, and as much spousal support as she can get. We both had lawyers for a while, then couldn't afford them. So now we self-represent. I lost my house, but get to keep my pre-marriage business. AND I have the kids, due to her abducting my kids for 14 wreks. The courts favor the women, no doubt about it. Luckily for me, the Mediators are fair. They make recommendations to the judge, and he makes it an order. Let me say to the 7/22/15 anonymous, dude, or dudette! Fisrtly, you can't speak to the pre-nup issue. Jidoka didn't say what it contains. Do you really think that a guy like the husband would write a pre-nup, and WITH Maggie doing it, and that it wouldn't be fair? Yes, I'm sure pre-nups get distroyed in family court, IF they are ridiculous in nature. However, hubby's wealth came from pre-marriage death inheritance. And at the end we know Susan lives comfortably, so it is obvious you don't take the skill of the writer Jidoka seriously. Please shut your pie-hole.

I seldom read stories again, but Jidoka is one of my favorites and I had previously rated this as a 5. Still an excellent story. Took me a few sentences to realize Susan was narrating for the first time. Jidoka has been gone for quite a while. I hope he will return.

And I don't say that lightly. Just great stuff. How 'bout a new one? I've read all Jidoka at least twice and this one three times.

went through that situation twice. the first one some joker kept telling her how sad she looked all of the time. her father didn't do anything but work & stay home. I loved to fish & hunt & guess she was looking for someone like him. the second don't know what happened. just 1 day it was over, really like this story & an others that has been written by this author.

I have no problem with his magical eye reading thing. Some people are just that good at reading other people. And it if strays into the realm of fantasy, well, I am hardly in a position to throw stones. I like some Magical Realism in my stories.

In fact, I thought that his final analysis was pretty subtle but incredibly important. Cheating on him was A-OKAY in her book. That....is a critically important point.

Why was she okay? Well, now we get back into Mr. Arrogant. He deserved nothing less than perfection from her. This is not to dismiss the harm of infidelity. It is real and asking for fidelity is not asking for perfection. BUT...she felt she had to deliver perfection to him, because guess what? She was pretty good at reading what he husband demanded. In a certain small way, he reminded me of that asshole husband in 'Sleeping with the Enemy' with Julia Roberts. Living with someone like that can wear after a while...

But of course, she is morally wrong and being tired of being perfect isn't an excuse. Though this indicated to me that there were a lot of problems that 'Mr. Perfect' did NOT detect in his marriage. Which makes him a hell of a lot less perfect. Why didn't his magical eye power detect her dissatisfaction? Alas.

Most of my major issues with this story were not with the characters, though I found him a pompous sod. That is okay. He is morally correct...but he was still a pompous sod and I cannot related to his 'problems' of having every girl fall at his feet (well...I can relate a LITTLE...)

My major issues were with the layout and the jumping around in the story structure. I COULD follow it. But the jumps were not quite as instinctive to make for easy reading. Eventually there was a pay off in the story, so I begrudge my juggling plot points a lot less as a result. But I would have used a lighter touch with all the cuts in time, place and character.

The writing style was confused and terrible!

The story was believable, the characters and development, deep. Simply put, you are a gifted storyteller.

Hard to say, but I would venture that you have more that could be written about this story and these characters, and about this genre.

David was not human, too perfect.

He did not give her space.

She was wrapped in cotton, no girlfriends evenings, no fun on her own.

David is a controlling prick. She should be happy to break out.

when she left you. Now she ahs girls night out and can fuck anyone she wants for as long as she wants.

Never trust women that have a male best friend that is insinuated into the most important relationship of your life marriage or vice versa. Main character is arrogant self centered prick. I'm a man and I can't stand him. I don't like what she did, but the personality that is described of the husband is of an asshole with a broom up it, who expects his Stepford Wife to kiss his ass.

That was some story. Although it jumps from one time to another and from person to person. It was excellent.

The characters were very believable regardless of a number of Annons comments.

There was nothing wrong David wanting a faithful wife. We all want a partner who is faithful and has eyes only for us. Susan admitted she couldn't keep up with his perfection.

He never held her basc or controlled her.

As I said, an excellent story.

and not getting involved with the story per se but rather the themes -

I'd say the author was trying to imagine the Perfect Marriage - no lack of communication, no lack of trust, no lack of integrity... and then he had to break it, 'cause without that where is the story?

And how did he break it? He had the wife fall out of fellowship - and the loss of connection that implies now becomes even more toxic due to the perfection of the previous relationship.

Clever... but I noted not enough development of the first wife, if we wanted it to be a tragedy and not enough development of the second wife if we wanted it to be a triumphant adventure. It was all about him... which I suppose is okay, but somehow I find female characters more interesting than the males. Go figure.

But then again, if you gender flip this story, it become mundane... which I suppose is a story in itself.

Green-something

The pace, the shifts in time and pov, the characterisations, and finally the revelatory twists. Bravo.

i gave it a 5, but glad it's over. It was so hard keeping track of who was talking or when it was, or why is this conversation here. If I could wish anything for this story, it would be more organization. the concept and thought was good, and could have been better. can anyone tell me what he saw in the pictures, that he had Maggie look at, or what he saw, especially when he said just pick any three.

fucking wimp....waaaa waaa i still love her......put a fucking gun to his kids head and blow them off..feel like forgiving then? love then?...grow some balls. You wronged me and hurt me and i hate you.

heartland pussy writer .

the build up between the characters was dramatic.

the part of the story explaining what it is like to live below the poverty level was poignant.

But

the level of Scripture needed to pick out the nuances and interaction between the "Master" and the bodies/people he owned was but one of the stories from around the world,

I know (think) that this is fiction but it was too far fetched for me. The perfect guy in all ways????. He knew more than a Shrink with a PhD, had the memory of a savant and never lying - get real.

He hated others lying but it was OK for Mags to implicitly lie about her sexuality.

The person I felt sorry for was Susan. She was human and made mistakes and her biggest mistake was marrying him.

It would have been better without the cheesy celebrity names. It lost credibility to an extent! You are a good writer, but the use of your imagination for character names, would have made it better!

At first I (like most who have commented) thought the wife was the "bad person" in this short tale. Poor foolish woman who "had it all" and threw it away merely because she couldn't remain faithful to her wonderful husband.

But then I pondered and reviewed this cautionary tale on one of my Kennesaw Mountain walks and have come up with a completely different conclusion.

It was actually David and Maggie who were the "bad people" - and especially Maggie.

There is a reason in Christian theology and social justice morality that "forgiveness" is the highest virtue and "pride" a mortal sin. David had immense pride and zero forgiveness - and he never really married Susan as an equal. It was the pre-nup that made Susan merely a (basically) sexual slave to David, rather than a wife. And very, very few humans want to be enslaved. David had ALL the "power" in their marriage and Susan rather desperately tried for at least SOME equal power sexually - why she "never said no" to David and tried to please him with ANY fantasy that David had. But David never became that obsessed with Susan - because David himself was just so attractive with supermodels constantly stroking his ego.

And Maggie was the one who convinced Susan to sign her own (marriage) death warrant. From that point on Maggie merely bided her time and even found that "great" marriage counselor for them both - but one so "not so great" she utterly failed in pointing out David's own failings and just why Susan so desperately tried to save her own little ego and soul by revolting against David's tyranny - as gentle and pleasurable as that tyranny was.

I have a feeling that it really would not be a "happy ever after" ending for these two type individuals in real life. I'll guarantee Maggie herself did not sign a pre-nup - but also two such "intelligent", prideful, and unempathetic (sociopathic) people will eventually have a conflict that DOES require forgiveness - and then what, Kemosabe?

C.S. Lewis would have loved this allegory.

In the story/ allegory the narrator is imperfect because he is flawless. Giving his all without thought to self . Mark is God-like in being able to read his wife's deepest thoughts at a glance. Kathy is human, all too human like Eve. She labors under false belief that her husband , although he's wonderful , can be snookered. She longs for more and bites from forbidden apple and samples other men.

Only then does Mark reveal his secret power, only then does he reveal his all-encompassing love is of the Old Testament / Genesis variant and chucks her out of home / Garden of Eden. She didn't know the consequences . Mark then replaces her with his childhood soulmate, trading up. Cathy was doomed to fail the test just as surely as A. & E. . Great story with few hiccups, but impossible not to ponder even when ponderous.

I think that all 365 of us that have read this story so far should trot right over to Dave and Mag's place one after the other for the next year and fire up our wagging tongues like a Husqvarna chain saw and drill clean his anus. I know his anus is already absolutely perfect and so positively, molecularly free of stink that even an entire family tree of DEA drug-sniffing German shepards would think he was a bouqet of daisies, but he deserves it. Really. He really does. I'm all in on this one. Ready, Set, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzuuzzzzzzzzzzzuuuzzzzzzzzzzz, lap lap lap, mmmmmm, zzzzzzzzzzzz. Thank you for allowing me to clean your anus, Sir! It's all downhill in life from here for me, Sir! Now I will kill myself. "This conversation can no longer serve any purpose. Goodbye."