In Places on the Run Ch. 02

With only an hour before dinner, Sam and I settled into our room and he showered while I loaded more Kodachrome in my F5, but I felt light headed, more than tired. After I showered I went down to the dining room and found Sam was already AWOL, off in search of more interesting company. I sat and moments later Deborah was sitting down beside me. Soup, fish, more fish, and before dessert came I felt her hand on my thigh, tentatively at first, then more frequently. I tried to ignore the first few incursions, but as she moved up my leg the sensations emanating from my groin became harder to ignore. C'est la vie, I suppose.

"Are you okay?" she asked me at one point, and her hand came off my thigh and went to my forehead. "You're pale."

"I've felt better."

And her demeanor was completely different as we left the dining room. A caregiver, very concerned at that, sat beside me now. The air was cooler after that storm moved through, and as we walked outside the sun was just setting. I looked at the evening sky, flickering torchlight dancing on vast medieval walls, and then at all the little boats in the harbor...it all conspired to create an unbelievable canvas of sight and sound, and as Deborah walked out with me she took my arm. I knew where this was going, I said to myself. She knew enough about Rhea to make her move; I think she assumed Rhea and I were so 'new' that she had room to maneuver, that we weren't yet a committed couple and I might slip up.

If that's what I thought she was thinking, I was so wrong.

We settled onto a bench by the breakwater and she started talking about Rhea, how she'd been thinking about the problem and how she might have a solution. She could, she said, help her along, in effect sponsor her, and if she was bright enough, she might take her on as a research assistant to help her gain experience before school started.

Why, I asked, would she do this? Why would she do this for someone she'd never met?

Because, she said, she liked me, and didn't want to lose me as a friend.

"A friend," I replied. "What does that mean?"

"Well, maybe more than a friend, from time to time."

I really didn't know how to respond to her. So what. she wanted a part-time lover, and wanted to help my girlfriend in order to achieve that? Up to that point I'd not mentioned my gastrointestinal adventures, so I thought it was about time to get her up to speed. She listened, carefully asked me questions, guided me past all the bluff and bravado and on into a long talk about my concerns, my fears, then on to my retirement and what I might do if I remained healthy enough to work.

About halfway through our talk she took my hand in hers and held it gently, and she never once let go. When we started to get chilly, when a cool evening breeze swept down from the mountains, I told her about flying home from Athens and undergoing another colonoscopy, and she leaned into me and kissed me. On the cheek that first time, but she kissed me on the lips a moment later, then she sat back and soaked in the last of that glorious sunset.

"I want to go back with you, to Los Angeles," she said. "I want to meet Rhea, and I want to be there to ask questions after your procedure. If you're up to it, we'll fly back together and we can head to Istanbul together."

"But..." I began...

"And don't worry about Sam. I'll take care of him."

"You're pretty smart, aren't you?" I whispered. "I mean, you don't miss very much."

She smiled, a gentle, knowing smile. "Thanks for opening up to me, John. I think you needed to say these things as much as I needed to hear them. Now, let's get back to the hotel before I freeze to death..."

Of course, Sam was wild at it again so I went to Deborah's room. I felt a little light-headed again and lay down; Deborah reverted to physician mode and began palpating my belly, now asking physician's questions. Did my belly feel full, had I been making poo regularly. Yes, and no I said. Could I try and go now, she wanted to know. I could try, I said, and she walked with me to the bathroom, got me situated, then left me to it.

"Let me know when you're through," she said, "and don't flush. I need to take a look."

This turned out to be easier said than done, but nature took it's course and when I asked her to come take a look I stood aside like a proud father and we looked down into a toilet full of blood.

"That's about what I expected," she said. She got me back to bed then left the room. I was half asleep when she came back, and Sam was with her, and Gunther, too. They helped me downstairs, and into the waiting taxi.

It was a short ride to the hospital.

+++++

My perspective duly altered, we left Dubrovnik as scheduled, but I missed the day of sightseeing.

I was transfused, x-rayed and generally molested by a platoon of slavic speaking physicians, but they didn't have the imaging technology on hand to make a definitive diagnosis. They concurred with Deborah: get me back to the states and to an MRI facility, preferably within a few days, a week at most. They cleared me to finish the ride to Athens and cut me loose, and by the time that happened I found that Deborah was now Sam's best friend.

No, I realized, not that way. She was my protector in his eyes now, and he saw she wasn't competing against the idea of our trip. Besides, Sam was simply unable to contemplate sex with anyone older than 30. Under 20 seemed his preference as far as I could tell, so Deborah was safe. Even so, it was fun to see the change in him, for she had indeed taken care of him.

The next segment of our trip was to take us into Greece, to Thessaloniki, by way of Albania and Montenegro, and this segment was to be the longest, most difficult of the ride so far. As we made our way inland the temperature rose steadily, the roads became rougher, and the landscape relatively speaking more drab. Rolling hills, lakes, farmland, sheep walking in the road, long distances between stops, and though I was feeling decent enough I knew by midday this stretch was going to take a lot out of me. To make matters even more interesting, my ass now felt like it was on fire, but then again so did Sam's, Deborah's, and everyone else's in our group.

Deborah kept us hydrated all morning, which was crucial as it turned out, but when we stopped at the crossing into Greece we ran into an overtly officious type who wanted to know what was wrong with me. Language difficulties made things worse, but after an hour we were cleared. The roads improved somewhat, we made better time, anyway, but made it into Thessaloniki well after dark. Sam bunked solo and put me in with Deborah, and that was that. She had truly become a part of our little family when that happened, but now he was free to head out in search of hookers.

Deb filled me with juice and a lemon-orzo soup that I couldn't get enough of, and all I recall about falling asleep that night was that she was by me in bed, scratching and rubbing my head. I put my hand on her leg at one point and I sensed what might have been an orgasm pass through her body. Needless to say...I had a few interesting dreams that night.

The remaining trip to Athens was by way of Volos, and there were plenty of side trips scheduled along the route for those so inclined, but I wasn't up to it by that point. The ride the day before had really wiped me out, and I could tell Deb was getting more concerned about me with each passing hour, and Gunther was now riding near me, the chase van behind me...just in case.

While in Volos I rescheduled my flight to LA and got Deb's ticket arranged, then called Rhea and told her what was happening, and what the new plan was. She asked if she should come to LA, and I told her she'd better be there or else. That seemed to settle the matter, but I could see the contours of a messy triangle shaping up. Even then, however, I didn't see Deborah as some naïve provincial bundled up in a careless wad of neuroses, but her motives continued to elude me. Still, what do men really know about women?

I vaguely remember the ride into Athens, and Gunther led us straight to our hotel. He and Sam got my bike into storage, Deborah's too, because I was out of it by that point. I learned later I hit the bed in that hotel and went straight out, but I had no idea, no memory of the day. I woke up in the middle of the night, got to work on our flight to the states; as I was still, technically, employed by the airline I was able to get Deborah seated with me from Heathrow to JFK and on to LA, but we were apart from Athens to London. Sam helped get me to the airport and checked-in, and airline personnel helped me onto the plane, but what I do remember most was how frantic I became when it hit me I was not seated next to Deborah.

I think about that moment a lot now. How quickly I'd became so dependent on Deborah, and how that shaped events in the weeks and months to come.

We arrived in LA well after midnight the next day, and made the short hop to my house by taxi. I'd half expected Rhea to be there by now, but the house was dark and I wondered what had happened to her. I was passing a lot of blood by then, light-headed most of the time and Deborah was certain my blood pressure was down in the weeds. Instead of waiting for my doctor's office to open, she decided it was time to head to the ER, so another taxi ride later we arrived at UCLA Medical Center in Westwood. Deborah relayed the past week's history and a resident went about ordering tests. Four hours later, with labs in and my MRI reviewed by radiologists, the verdict was in. Tumor markers were present now, and the MRI revealed one very suspicious area, an area the colonoscopy had missed completely, and in the opinion of the radiologist, it was cancerous. The prudent option was immediate surgery; Deborah agreed, and in fact so did I.

I was admitted, taken upstairs and scheduled. They wanted to take a day and transfuse me once again, start some medications, but I lay there looking at the contours of my life, how rapidly every expectation I'd ever had about growing old was shattering right before my eyes. I woke up the next morning unsure whether I even wanted to have the procedure, and I put it down to having almost always been in control of everything consequential in my life – and now 'control' was proving to be at best a hateful illusion. My fate now rest in the hands of people I didn't know, had never met, and the very impersonal nature of this most personal event left me feeling more and more vulnerable with each passing moment. Deborah was gone too, home I suspected, but the nurse on duty didn't know and I grew more depressed as the morning went on. A gastrointestinal resident came in, asked questions I couldn't answer, then a nurse-anesthetist came in and gave me the low-down on what to expect beginning around three the next morning.

Deborah arrived mid-morning with Rhea in tow, and I told Deb about the resident and his unanswered questions. There were dark circles under Rhea's bloodshot eyes; she'd been sleepless since Sam called from Athens and was beside herself she'd been unable to get to LA in time to meet our flight.

And I'll tell you the damnedest thing about that morning. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, these two women were on either side of my bed, each holding a hand, each encouraging me, each promising to help me through this, and I was left wondering what in the world was going on. Looking at them both by my side was completely surreal. A week ago I was living a completely different life...and now?

Yet the three of us spent the day talking about Rhea's future, but I drifted out to the surreal fringes of the Twilight Zone. I watched these two strangers blueprinting lives, somehow including me in their calculations, but what got me in the end was Deborah's encouraging Rhea to go for her dream. And to stand by me while I went through this. Like watching a tennis match, my head went from one side of this evolving conversation to the other, but I had a hard time keeping up with the score. I listened as Deborah explained all the differences between medical educations in the US and the UK, and what she, Deborah might be able to do help should Rhea decide to pursue a degree in the UK. Rhea volleyed back with concerns about how she might or might not fit into the UK's scheme of education. It was a fascinating discussion, really, like watching two competing Wills coming to terms with a constantly shifting reality, but what they were talking about really didn't concern me now. Or so I thought.

Deb excused herself at one point, said she was going to talk to that resident and answer his questions, but I suspect she wanted me to have some time alone with Rhea. I watched their eyes during this exchange, and Deborah seemed to hover over the knife blade of her own indecision.

"She loves you, you know," was the very first thing Rhea said to me after the door closed behind Deborah.

"Maybe," I managed to say. "But the only thing I want to know is do you love me? Enough to go through this, I mean?"

I watched her face as I asked that question, and the first thing I saw was her eyes. They filled with tears and she flew into my arms and everything I felt for her in Munich came screaming back and hit me square in the heart. I held onto her so tightly it hurt, and before I knew it I was crying, then our lips got into the act and soon we were saying the most incredible things. She moved to sit beside me on the bed and I moved into the deep green pools of her eyes.

"So," I began, "about Deborah."

"You just answered all my questions, Captain Anders. It'll never come up again."

"I don't know what's going on with her, not really. We were tossed into a very adventurous situation, and we grew close, but that's not all there is to it. She saved my life, too, in all probability, but what's more important to me right now is she may be able to help you along your way. She seems to want to, anyway."

"She told me she doesn't want to get between you and I, but that she doesn't want to lose you as a friend."

"She did?"

"I'm telling you, John, she's in love with you. Deeply, I think, and I sure don't know the how or why. It may not make any sense to you either, and I don't know what she expects from you, but there it is. Something big happened to her when she med you."

"I think I saw it coming, Rhea, even before the blood thing started. At first I thought she was just a lonely spinster, but there's something more complicated going on with her. Or who knows, maybe she's just a big-hearted soul. Anyway. How do you feel about all this?"

"I don't know, John, I just met her a few hours ago. She seems open, I mean she doesn't seem to want to conceal anything, and given the circumstances I find that really unexpected. I also respect her for it, but I'm not sure where she thinks this is going."

"What about school? And her ideas?"

"I haven't had time to think about everything she said, but if I could save a few years? Sure. Why not?"

I nodded. "I'm worried, Kid. About tomorrow."

"I know you are, John. I am too. Deborah was crying when she picked me up, then we were both crying and hugging and carrying on like a couple of teenagers." She sighed and looked away, then back to me. "It's been a very confusing day."

I was getting sleepy again, and yes, I guess it had been very confusing – for all of us. Deborah returned a few minutes later, told us Sam would arrive around midnight and that it was time for me to rest. She planned, she said, to take Rhea out to lunch and then shopping for groceries, and they'd be back in a few hours.

I don't know. Maybe they did come back, but if they did I missed it. A nurse woke me up well past midnight and everyone was there in the room. Deb, Rhea, Sam, and a couple of captains and first officers who'd been good friends over the years. I felt oddly detached from my life as I lay there, like I was still here, but whatever was left was more a bookmark, holding my life open on the last page of a chapter.

+++++

An anesthesiologist came in just before three in the morning and talked to me a bit, then he plugged something into my IV and a wave of warm relaxation rolled over the remnants of my consciousness. Sam was right there with me, bless his heart, despite being so horny he was about to explode. There was a good looking nurse in the room, so I mentioned Sam had played with the Rams once upon a time and he winked at me, shot me a covert thumbs-up. Of course Deb rolled her eyes, but she was holding my hands then, telling me everything would be fine in just a few hours, but I think she was hoping Sam would score soon – whatever got him out of the room and into someone else's pants.

Rhea, the poor girl, was almost beside herself. Her grandparents were still alive so she just hadn't experienced intimate death before and had little frame of reference as she watched me fade in and out. She was upset, that much was plain to see, but was trying to hold it together for my sake. I said something mundane, like this was good training for her, and she laughed.

A large gurney rolled in the room and orderlies helped me slide over and get situated, then someone tucked a warm blanket under my chin. Another syringe went into my IV, a deeper layer of warmth settled over the room. I watched Rhea and Deb recede into a cloud, then a parade of florescent lights in the ceiling slipped into the distance.

Parabolic lights hanging from the ceiling, green tile on the walls, then a voice in the ether telling me to count backwards from one hundred...I remember feeling like I was awake inside a dream, and I saw my motorcycle headed towards a vast mountain range, mountains taller than anything I'd ever seen in my life. I was on tiny sliver of road riding into a deep valley, and it was growing very, very cold – and then even the dream slipped from my grasp.

(C)2015 AdrianLeverkühn | ABW