Indecent Proposal

"It was the first time, we had lunches and I knew he liked me. I guess Jack and Margaret were sounding me out, asking if I was interested. The four of us had dinner and for the first time in my marriage I found another man arousing. His confidence was intoxicating, I knew it was wrong and was struggling to resist but managed not to go through with an affair. Then William suggested the idea of asking you about opening our relationship and maybe what you would think about swapping. We talked about it briefly one night, it was clear you wouldn't go for that. Then he had the idea of the proposal and I thought the money would justify it all to you. We got nervous as the trip approached and he suggested inviting Charlotte along to provide some assurance of your acceptance. I wasn't keen on that idea but by then I just wanted it to happen. I thought that even if you didn't fully approve we would recover. Then you destroyed all of those ideas so effectively over breakfast and I started to realise the impact of what I had done."

"Was it worth it?"

Lucy inhaled, "No of course not, I got so wrapped up in him and listened to what he said. I never meant to hurt you."

"Oh right straight to Phase D 'unintentional hurt' then. You did enjoy it though, that was clear enough the way you floated into breakfast. Now you're just telling me what I want to hear."

"Sorry, the honest answer is yes I enjoyed it. He was good; he isn't bigger or better just different. It was exciting, new, thrilling and I was besotted by him. He was very experienced and knew what he was doing, but it was a one off. Please don't throw us away and break up our family for a one-time thing."

I found myself settling into a rye chuckle, "Funny that's exactly how I would describe what you have already done: broken up our family for a one-time thing. This is all on you not me."

"Your right this is all my fault. I am so very sorry; I love you with all my heart."

"Not quite all of it though is it, you gave some of it to him or even if you claim you didn't, your love still wasn't enough to stay faithful to me. How can I ever trust you again, I was so gullible because it never occurred to me you were capable of what you did; I guess I don't really know you. I can hardly bring myself to look at you never mind pretending it didn't happen."

Lucy recoiled in shock, "You can't possibly mean that, you love me I know you do. I never thought I could lose you."

"No you just thought about yourself and your twat, not me and or the kids and sometimes love isn't enough."

I tried to calm myself down and move on from the points scoring and anger; after a long pause I continued. "Listen Lucy even if we stayed together and just got over it like you're suggesting, it would never be the same. You obliterated the trust and bond of care we had for each other. You remember that don't you; that we would look after each other and the kids above everything else. We'd stop the other person being hurt; I never ever expected you would be the one inflicting the pain."

"Mark, I love you. I made a huge mistake and would do anything to take it back. It can't mean us getting a divorce."

"You ripped my heart and threatened me to get your own way. You can't do that to someone you truly love."

Lucy just looked on stunned at a loss for what else to say.

"We need to talk about the kids... I think kids are better off in split families rather than dysfunctional ones, so a divorce is a better option from that point of view. I accept you would win custody but don't try to stop me seeing them. It will be better for you as well, they listen to me... you're not very good at setting boundaries (I frowned at the irony of that comment) and they are already testing you out. It would be better for you and them to keep me in their lives."

Lucy shrugged.

"Seriously Lucy whatever happens; don't stop me seeing our kids. Do not alienate me; I am not the bad guy here! I'm good for them and love them to bits. You haven't seen me angry yet! I'll fight you to the bitter end, waste all of our money on lawyers and destroy each other in the process."

She nodded, "I would never do that, you're a great dad and they do need you. They'll want you to keep taking them on trips and do all their sports clubs supporting them."

I turned and looked at her surprised by the first comment where I felt she wasn't trying to manipulate me or excuse her actions. "Be careful Lucy, you are throwing away Phase E. Seriously though you know who I am, why do it? I can only think deep down you wanted us to break up."

"God never that" Lucy uttered urgently, "There's no excuse, I got selfish, convinced myself I could have something extra. It seemed one way or another I'd be able to keep you; why didn't you stop me on the night, you just left?"

"I couldn't breathe and had to get out. Then it didn't seem to make that much difference. The fact you wanted another guy and by any means necessary meant I'd already lost you. That conversation killed us long before you reached his bed. Maybe it was over when you started planning it; you spent weeks talking to him and setting it up. Letting you go and not forcing you to stop makes it easier to finish things, there is no going back."

And that was the beginning of the end, a marriage destroyed in less than 4 days.

We divorced thankfully without any need for counselling, I guess Lucy didn't want to explain her actions. It's a shame in one way... I was hoping someone qualified could highlight how delusional she was. She did keep one promise and we ended up spending a fairly equal amount of time with the kids. She even admitted to them that everything was her fault without going into the gory details. They were old enough to understand and often made their own minds up about where they were staying. They were at that age where parents become glorified taxi drivers and money lenders. I'm biased but I think they are great kids and coped with the breakup really well, children can be remarkably resilient.

The divorce settlement meant Lucy could keep our house until the kids reached adulthood and then sell or buy me out, but I wanted that for the kids anyway and it kept them in the same school. Thankfully doing the right thing paid off, by the time the kids went off to college property prices had boomed. Lucy had to buy me out; it became the best investment I ever made.

How could she afford it, well we kept the £250,000 and split it in the divorce, much like my time with Charlotte I couldn't hold out on the moral high ground. What can I say, I'm a practical guy, anyway it seemed a small price weighed against the cost of a marriage and what had been a happy life.

I did quit my job, received compensation to avoid an embarrassing employment tribunal and set up my own web design business.

Lucy kept making attempts to get us back together but I just wasn't interested.

So was it the right decision to end things? It was messy and there were certainly no winners but the original threats and implications didn't materialise. I was never going to forget or forgive that night, and there is something important about being able to look at yourself in a mirror and like who you see.