Inishpeirme Irish Cream

It was a week into our marriage when we first set foot on Inishpeirme.

The wedding had been last Saturday, and our honeymoon tour of Ireland had so far been an incredible getaway. After landing in Dublin and driving out of the city, we had overnighted in Wexford, then Waterford, and then along the gorgeous, rugged southern coast towards Cork, where we had spent a couple of nights before heading west. The change of pace from our hectic lives back home was welcome -- a literal breath of fresh air. But nothing could have prepared us for our experience that was to come.

The island was small and windswept. Tourists weren't allowed to bring cars, so we had parked on the mainland and caught the ferry across. The main town was tiny (by our city standards, anyway). A couple of hotels, a couple of pubs, and some local amenities. The houses we passed looked spacious and very well kept, but our focus had been on rushing to the hotel to avoid getting soaked in the rain, which hadn't let up all day. It had just turned 10pm as we found the hotel, a short walk from the pier. After a long day of driving, I was ready to hit the sack.

Jess is my wife. It still felt odd saying that -- until a week ago, Jess had been my fiancée, and before that my girlfriend. I hadn't gotten used to the word wife yet. We were both 23 and had been working at the same law firm when we met at the office running club. I was infatuated with her, and with every part of her - from her auburn curls to her firm runner's ass. 5'5" to my 6'2" -- she fit perfectly under my arm. She pulled back her hood and her hair sparkled with raindrops in the light of the hotel's porch. I was beyond tired and just wanted to lay down in a dry, warm bed, but she cracked that enticing honeymoon smile at me and I wordlessly moved in for a passionate newlywed kiss, then held her hand as we walked through the door.

Despite the late hour, the comely receptionist gave us a glowing welcome.

"You must be Mr & Mrs Thomas Carmichael!" she exclaimed with a welcoming gesture. We turned to each other like the dopey newly married couple that we were, basking in our new marital status.

"We sure are!" Jess beamed, holding up her hand to show off the ring -- and the rock.

The receptionist busied herself with gathering up a stack of paperwork.

"Grand! Let me get your things ready. I see you're all prepaid, and the room's been ready since noon, so I imagine you'll be wanting to get off to bed, at this hour" she said with continued good cheer. "Here's your key and your brochures. The room is upstairs -- just keep going up the stairs, up and up -- you lucky honeymooners have got the whole top floor to yourselves! I won't keep you any longer, but a word of advice -- everybody wants to do the Abbey tour. It won't be busy, this time of year, but just make sure you read the brochure first."

I wasn't really paying attention through the fatigue. We took our things and lugged our bags up three flights of stairs. Jess opened the door for me. I dumped the cases and the papers right away and flopped down on the bed. Jess, with the advantage of not having been driving all day, jumped on top of me with animal energy. We kissed.

"Happy honeymoon babe" we said, in unison.

Her hands ran all over my head, and down my chest, and further. I felt her firm breasts press into me as we kissed, and her hands explored my body as mine held and squeezed her rear. She knew how to get what she wanted. I began to stir.

"You remember our promise, don't you hun?" she said wickedly.

"What do you take me for?" I replied.

Despite the exhaustion, I wasn't going to break our honeymoon streak. She broke away from my lips and moved her kisses slowly down my chest, unbuttoning as she went. She looked me in the eyes and smiled that devilish smile as she worked my zip. She licked her lips as she freed me, and got to work. I threw my head back as her warmth descended down me, taking me completely in one smooth slide. I closed my eyes and entered a dreamlike state of pleasure as my wife administered loving care and attention. I didn't want it to end, but a man has responsibilities. I put my hands on the back of her head, and slowly pushed her down as far as she could go, then slowly pulled her back up and off.

"OK, you've got my attention" I smirked, as she wiped her mouth on her arm. "Get those damn jeans off."

She wriggled out of her clothes and I flipped her over, spreading her legs.

She glistened.

Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were wide.

"Fuck me, Tom" she growled.

We made love into the night.

Sunlight woke me, and for a moment I couldn't remember where I was. Jess had her back to me, pressing into me as we spooned naked. My cock was nestled between her cheeks. I reached round and held her by the breasts as I stretched. She stretched and yawned with me, then turned to face me, and gave me a long kiss.

"I love you" she said.

"I love you too Jess. This has been the best week of my life." I replied.

"It's going to get better" she said with a devious smile.

"Why, what have you got planned?" I responded, hoping to initiate a replay of last night.

"Oh, just something that I think you're going to enjoy a lot." she said.

Jess got out of bed and I watched her hips and ass swing as she made her way to the dressing table. She picked up the brochures and held them up.

"We're going on the Abbey tour!" she said excitedly.

I admit, it wasn't exactly what I had expected.

"Uh, OK. Yeah, I mean, that's the main thing on the island, right?" I said, starting to come down to earth.

"Right. That's why I booked this hotel on this island!"

I had left the wedding and honeymoon planning mostly to Jess. I only had a rough outline of our itinerary. A string of nice hotels, some fresh scenery, and a smoking hot new wife to sleep with every night -- I'm a man of simple tastes. I had been content to be led along by her. So sure, why not visit the local Abbey?

"Get yourself ready, I booked us on the 10am tour" she said, as she headed for the shower. I glanced at the bedside clock and followed her in.

"Save yourself Tom" she said as I entered the already-steamy cubicle and began to soap her down. "Just get scrubbed up and dressed quickly now, we haven't got time for anything else."

We grabbed a coffee and a pastry from the unmanned reception desk on the way out, and hurried on foot along the road leading out of town. The sun shone brightly and a warm summer air had arrived. We passed rough grass fields, dry stone walls, and many sheep.

The Abbey was an imposing mass of medieval stone, rising far above the tallest buildings of the town, and built partly into the side of a small hill. It was surrounded by walls, presumably with some ancient defensive purpose, and still serving today to keep out prying eyes. A sign welcomed visitors to the Abbey of St. Felicius and gave opening hours. Visits were strictly by appointment only. Another sign pointed to the distillery entrance further down the road.

"Distillery, huh?" I said. "Those monks sure knew how to have a good time!"

"I think they still do" Jess said. "This is still the main industry on the island. You've probably never heard of Inishpeirme Irish Cream, have you?"

It was true, I wasn't big into hard liquor. Craft ale and wine were more my thing.

"No, what is it, some kind of Bailey's?" I asked.

Jess paused for a moment and developed a wry smile.

"Sure, something like that" she said. "This island is actually pretty well-to-do. You saw the nice houses back in town? You don't get rich like that from selling wool and mutton! The Abbey is the centerpiece of the local economy..."

At that point, Jess was interrupted by a nun who had appeared at the arched doorway that led inside the compound.

"Welcome to St Felicius!" she said. Although covered in flowing robes and a hood, a youthful and fair face shone out. "You must be our other couple. Come!"

She beckoned us inside and along a stone pathway to a side door. Within a small waiting room was another couple who seemed just a little older than us, evidently also here for the tour. The nun disappeared off into another room and left us together.

"Hi there, I'm Carl."

"And I'm Danny."

They gave us a nervous smile and we introduced ourselves back.

"First time?" said Danny.

"Yeah, we just arrived on the island last night" I said.

"Oh yes, we did too" she said. "But we've been before. We come back every year. There's really nothing like it when you need to unwind. You know all about the Abbey, yeah? About what they do?"

"Uh, not really. I mean, I've never been all that religious I'm afraid." I said.

Carl laughed out loud. "Oh boy! Well, we won't give you any spoilers, okay?"

Danny gave a silent grin and held Carl's hand excitedly.

The nun returned and handed out lanyards.

"As I was saying, welcome to St Felicius. My name is Sister Julia and I will be your tour guide for today. I'm so pleased to see such beautiful young couples here. I'm certain you are all going to find our Abbey both fascinating and inspiring. We are a devoted monastic order, and if you've ever visited a working abbey before, you will find much that is familiar, and yet also much that is unique to our island. You may leave your coats and bags in this room. There are no other tour groups today so they will be quite safe."

I hung up our coats and we followed Sister Julia through a heavy wooden doorway. Danny was whispering to Carl.

As soon as we passed into the cloisters, Sister Julia surprised us by throwing back her hood to reveal a stunning flow of blonde hair. She couldn't have been older than 20, but carried herself with a grace and confidence beyond her years.

"We wear the hoods to protect us from the eyes of the world. In here, it is a sanctuary where no such precaution is required." she said.

We followed her in a slow procession along the covered walkway around a courtyard, admiring the finely pointed stone and gilded ornaments. The Abbey was no crumbling ruin. It looked well lived-in.

"On the left is the office of the Abbess" said Sister Julia.

"Abbess?" Jess said.

"Yes, Abbess. It is our unique tradition that the Abbey is led by a woman. There has never been an Abbott of St Felicius. We find that for our work, a woman is in the best position to truly understand and judge the quality of our libations."

She walked on ahead.

"What are libations?" I whispered to Jess.

"I think she means the alcohol!" she replied with a grin.

Sister Julia turned, evidently having heard us.

"The abbey is famous -- at least, famous in these parts -- as the sole producer of Inishpeirme Irish Cream, a unique liqueur. This is our libation, and we produce it to sustain our livelihoods, and for the glory of God."

The other couple grinned and tittered.

At that point, a door opened, and what we presumed was a monk emerged. Except... he wasn't dressed in robes. More like a... Mediterranean toga? He was tall, handsome, and the toga exposed a buff midriff. He passed us with a friendly smile, and Sister Julie smiled back.

"Brother Joshua, whom you have just met, is on his way to give libations right now."

I gave Jess a puzzled glance. The tour continued through the courtyard and round some passageways into another part of the abbey. I was already quite lost, but greatly enjoying the beautiful surroundings.

"At this moment, we are entering the inner working areas of the Abbey. I will dress appropriately, but you need not follow suit. Please do not be alarmed" said Sister Julia, as she began to untie her cloak.

My eyes boggled as the cloak fell to the floor, revealing Sister Julia in tight shorts and an incredibly revealing cropped top, both seemingly woven from silver silk. Her bountiful cleavage was thrust on display, and her long golden hair fell about her bosom.

"All the Sisters of the Abbey do their best to support the Brothers in their divine labor. We find that this way of dressing greatly increases their productivity" she explained.

She walked on down a corridor, treating us all to the swaying of her buttocks, tightly outlined and barely covered by the shorts.

Another Sister appeared around a corner, walking gingerly. This one was a brunette, and no less skimpily attired.

"Greetings, Sister Annika" said Sister Julia. "I trust you have had a productive morning already?"

Sister Annika smiled.

"Why of course, Sister Julia. I helped Brother Theo practice his offering and he did deliver it to me most graciously. I must thank you for your recommendation to try the outward path, where agony is repaid in double measure by ecstasy."

Sister Julia smiled appreciatively. Sister Annika shuffled off with an awkward gait, and we continued our tour.

"What the hell kind of Abbey is this, Jess?" I said, turning to my wife.

Before she could answer, Sister Julia turned, evidently possessing keen hearing.

"Why the Abbey of St Felicius, of course, where we worship God in such a way that takes full account of earthly realities. Come, it is time you learned more."

She stepped up onto the bottom step of a staircase, positioning herself higher as if to deliver a sermon. She already had my complete attention.

"The Church in Rome has lost its way!" she announced with authority. "For centuries, popes have sought to suppress that which makes us most human. They choose to hide away God's glorious gift of procreation, and to encourage us to feel shame in such matters. But does the bible not say that we must be fruitful and multiply?"

She thrust her chest out as she spoke.

"Our bodies are sculpted by divine hands, in His image. And we declare there is nothing shameful about them, nay not even -- and especially not! - their carnal nature. We reject that which would hide our true selves!"

With this she pulled off her top in one motion and flung it away, revealing a jaw-dropping pair of breasts.

"Verily, life is sacred! - and so is the production of life, and thus so is all aspects of the production of life! Our desires are His desires, and we serve Him by honoring the life-giving essence that he has bestowed upon us."

Sister Julia stood still for a moment, looking up to the shafts of colored light shining through a stained-glass window.

Carl and Danny were looking at me with a "told you so!" grin and raised eyebrows. My jaw was still on the floor. Jess seemed quietly confident, smirking to me. Then it hit me.

"You knew about this?!" I said to her.

"Sure! Like she said, this place is famous!" she replied.

"Not to me it isn't! Why haven't I ever heard of it?" I asked.

"Well, try reading a book sometime. It's amazing what you might learn!" she ribbed.

Sister Julia was now staring at me.

"My friend Tom" she said. "Evidently you have many questions."

I did, but my gormless focus was on her exposed breasts. Her nipples seemed to be hardening the more I stared.

"Uh... um... yeah... did you say, uh, life-giving essence?" I managed to ask.

"Life-giving essence!" she practically bellowed. "The divine spark! The seed of man!"

She looked enraptured, then continued:

"I shall explain our doctrine. One thing we most definitely have in common with Rome is our uncompromising respect for life. To spill a drop is a great tragedy, and we agree we must prevent such acts. We consider it life going to waste. But practical matters intervene. We cannot be producing offspring continuously, and the production of seed -- or, as we call it, síntiús, or sín for short -- far exceeds the birthing capacity of our females. Unlike Rome, we embrace the nature of the human form and of human desires, and unlike Rome, we do not seek to pretend such desires do not exist. Rather, we revel in their beauty."

"Climax is the highest glory!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms out, causing her chest to bounce.

"It brings us as close to heaven as we may get in this mortal state. We believe that sín is both heavenly and earthly, and in the Abbey we have cultivated practical methods for ensuring that we honor it. We do not insist that it always goes to reproductive use, but we do insist it is consumed within the body and never wasted."

Danny put up her hand with a knowing look, as if to ask a question to which she already knew the answer.

"Consumed?" she asked.

"Yes" said Sister Julia. "The human body is the intended receptacle of sín. As long as the sín makes its way within the human body, our divine law is satisfied. Typically, we prefer to use the procreative receptacle, but we also bless the alternative pathways.

"Alternative pathways?" I asked.

"Yes, and there are two" the Sister continued. "There is the inward path through which we take our daily bread."

"She means the mouth!" whispered Jess as she nudged me, miming crudely with her tongue pressing repeatedly into her cheek.

"And of course the other end, which is the outward path" Sister Julia continued. "Both are equally blessed, and it is considered a matter of personal preference between a couple as to which path is taken. A small number of men prefer to receive libations as well as give, and so we admit them into the ranks of the nuns, and they also occasionally provide a service to the local townspeople."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My jeans were beginning to feel tight. Jess was squeezing my hand. I could tell this was all driving her wild.

"In fact," Sister Julia continued, "much of the island's culture is steeped in the ways of the Abbey, even amongst the lay folk. You may have noticed that the islanders are a particularly relaxed and content folk, to which we attribute our holy methods. You will find no pent-up men, nor any unsatisfied women, for the tradition of the island is to embrace carnality, not to suppress it. Of course, only the Abbey produces the liqueur."

She beckoned us onwards and we emerged into a kind of dining room. Many monks and nuns were enjoying a meal, which seemed to consist almost entirely of fruit. The nuns were all as young and topless as Sister Julia. It was a feast for the eyes.

"The refectory supplies our Brothers with copious sweet delights in the days ahead of the libation. We find that it greatly improves the quality of the final product. Most brothers will be on a diet of local strawberries, although I myself prefer the apple-based... well, you don't need to know about my preferences" said Sister Julia.

Jess nudged me again.

"You get it yet? That's why I keep serving you pineapple!" she said to me.

It was all starting to come into focus.

"Would you like to see the extractory?" asked Sister Julia.

We all mumbled affirmatively and followed her through the dining room into a much warmer area of the building.

"At this point, I must give my utmost assistance to the Brothers. Please do not be concerned" she said as she matter-of-factly pulled down her tight shorts and removed her sandals, placing them in a wicker basket. She stood before us stark naked, with a flat stomach and a runway of neatly trimmed hair below it.

She turned and walked onwards, and all four of us could do nothing but stare at her perfect bare behind.

"We depend on our production, and so we Sisters always do our best to ensure that the Brothers are adequately motivated -- and rewarded -- for their efforts. I have a particular knowledge of what each Brother most greatly prefers during the... moment of deliverance. Look up ahead, here is Brother Francis now."

I gawped as we entered a small room with a sumptuous low bed in the center, hosting Brother Francis - a slim, muscular young man. The atmosphere was warm and cozy, and Brother Francis was lying back as a Sister knelt beside him, running her fingers up and down his straining erection. It seemed like this delicate stimulation had been going for some time.