Innocent Child

Assessment

The tearful teenage girl, Freya, sat in between her worried-looking mother, Julie, and irritated-looking father, Simon, who appeared to want to be anywhere but where he was. Michael knew immediately that a family trauma had occurred, something traumatic had happened to this girl. Was it the father or both parents Michael wondered.

"Hello," Michael greeted the family kindly with a welcoming smile. "What brings you to me? Why do you need therapy?"

"We attended my mother's eightieth birthday party a few weeks ago," Julie began nervously.

"Congratulations to your mother!" Michael replied.

Julie gave an appreciative smile a Michael's comment before continuing, "She looks very good for her age. Freya was very excited about the birthday party because she would be able to see her family. We don't get to see them very often because we live a long distance from them."

"From your demeanour, something tells me that it wasn't a happy family reunion."

"That would be an understatement. Unfortunately, my ex-husband, Alex, was invited for some reason. He came with his new wife, and my other daughter, Sara, and my son, Oscar. Freya hadn't seen her brother and sister for so long and she was excited to see them."

"Here we go. What shameful secret are you hiding?" Michael thought. "It must have been tense."

Julie nodded sadly, "My family has never accepted Simon, so it hurt a lot when Alex was welcomed with open arms like he was still part of the family while Simon was completely ignored. It is like they refuse to move on from our divorce."

Michael made a scratching noise as he began to write on his notepad.

"Why do you think that is?"

"I think it is because we moved away when Simon and I got married. I think they blame him for that, but he was offered a good job that supported all of us."

"All of you?"

"Yes, myself, Sara and Oscar."

"Not Freya?"

"I became pregnant with Freya just after we got married."

"How long have you been married?"

"Seventeen years this year."

Michael looked at Freya who curiously took on an expression of anger.

"So, what do you think happened at the party that caused the three of you to require therapy?"

"Something was said to Freya, but we don't know what. Ever since she has been angry with us, she keeps herself to her room and cries all the time, but she refuses to tell us what the matter is."

"I see, you need help to get Freya to open up?" Michael asked.

"Yes," Simon said sounding frustrated. "It is killing Julie seeing Freya like this."

"Family gatherings are certainly fertile grounds for arguments, especially if ex-spouses are there. Were Sara and Oscar affected by what was said?"

Julie and Simon nervously looked at each other, "No, they don't live with us anymore," Julie explained. "They have grown up and flown the nest and decided to live closer to their father."

"They are not Simon's children?"

"No, I had them when I was married to Alex, my ex-husband."

"Why do you think they moved closer to Alex?"

Julie took on a hurt expression, "They never liked Simon. Simon tried so hard with them. He tried to be a good father to them, but they refused any of his attempts to bond with him. It became especially hard when I was pregnant with Freya."

"Why do you think that was?"

"I think it was because they blamed Simon for taking them away from their father. They only saw their father in the school holidays."

"That must have been hard."

Julie nodded without answering the question. Michael wasn't sure if she understood his comment. He kept it deliberately vague. That she didn't answer told Michael that she was hiding something.

"I think we will end the session here," Michael said looking at his notes. "I have some very useful information here that helps me determine how to proceed. What I think we will do is I will discuss what happened with Freya alone first."

"Alone?" Simon asked. "Shouldn't we be with Freya?"

"No, Freya isn't confiding in you and won't confide in me either if you are in the room. Once I have spoken to Freya, I will speak to you and Julie together." Michael picked up his diary and asked, "Can you make Wednesday at 4:30 pm?"

Freya

"Hello, Freya," Michael said warmly. "How are you?"

Freya just gave a sulky shrug of her shoulders.

"This is Helen," Michael introduced his colleague. "She is here to make sure I don't do or say anything that will get me into trouble.

"Hello, Freya," Helen said kindly. Inside she was full of excitement. What juicy secrets will Michael uncover this time?

Freya gave Helen a weak smile as a way of greeting.

"How old are you Freya?" Michael asked.

"Sixteen," the girl replied.

"Have you done your GCSE's yet or are you going to sit them this year?"

"I did them last year," Freya replied, not looking Michael in the eye.

"In our last session, your mother said you went to your, let's see, great-grandmother's birthday party a few weeks ago," Michael said reading his notes.

Freya almost flinched at the reminder and looked distraught.

"Your mother said that something happened or something was said that upset you," Michael added. "What happened at the party, Freya?"

Freya bit her lip and gave a little shake of her head. A tear ran down her cheek. Michael gave Helen a look who sat down next to Freya and gave her a tissue before holding her hand for support. Seeing he wasn't going to get anywhere with Freya he told her with a smile,

"Freya, this is your chance to express what is making you so unhappy. I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to help you deal with whatever is the problem."

Freya's brow furrowed before she burst into tears. Helen took hold of Freya's hand to comfort her whilst Michael looked at the girl with a great deal of sympathy,

"It must have been painful whatever it was, but I can tell you this, I can't help you fix it if you don't tell me what has caused you so much pain."

"How can I fix it when I am the problem!" Freya shot back angrily as she sobbed.

Michael and looked at each other with confused expressions.

"What do you mean by you being the problem, Freya," Michael asked gently.

Freya gave an expression of someone who had said too much and immediately clammed up again, so Michael decided on another approach.

"Tell me about your relationship with your brother and sister, Oscar and Sara?"

Freya gave another pained expression, "We've never got on. That is, they have never liked me. They are quite a bit older than me. I never knew why they wouldn't play with me, especially Sara. When I was small, whenever I asked her to play with my dolls with me, she wouldn't unless Mum told her she had to and even then, it was after a big argument. Mum and Dad would ask her to babysit me so they could go out and they would always argue about it. Mum and Dad would always back down. I couldn't understand why, until my grandmother's birthday party."

"How is their relationship with your dad?"

"They hate him. I knew that they hated him for moving away from their dad, but I always felt that there was something else."

"And you found that something else at your great-grandmother's birthday party?"

Freya nodded.

"How about your relationship with your parents? Do you have a good relationship with them?"

Freya looked a little distressed, "I've always felt that I've always come last. No matter how many arguments Sara and Oscar had with my parents, my parents always tried to keep them happy. They always forgave them. Dad hardly ever spent time with me. All he ever did was try and win over Sara and Oscar."

"Did they give you attention when Sara and Oscar were with their dad? Did they give you more attention when Sara and Oscar moved out?"

Freya nodded, "Some, but Mum looked sad, and Dad looked relieved. It was like they were doing it because they felt they had to, not because they wanted to. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a family like they never wanted me." she began to sob again.

Helen looked visibly upset at Freya's confession and was trying hard to resist the temptation to put her arm around her. Michael tried hard himself, to control his emotions and remain professional. This girl had a very unhappy childhood.

Michael decided to give Freya time to cry and let her pent-up emotions out. Ideas were starting to form in his mind, but he wanted Freya to tell him, he wanted her to tell him what she was told at the party.

After several moments, he spoke again, "Your mum said you were excited to see Sara and Oscar."

"Not exactly," Freya replied after drying her tears. "After they moved out, I tried to stay in touch with them, but they didn't want anything to do with me. I wanted to know why."

"Go through the conversation with me. You saw Sara and Oscar at the party," Michael prompted Freya.

Freya bit her lip and began to tell Michael the events of the party, "We arrived at the party and as soon as everyone saw us there you could feel a tension in the room. Grandma and Grandad were happy to see me, but they gave Mum a disappointed look and didn't acknowledge Dad. My grandmother said when she saw Dad, "You brought him then?" Mum looked heartbroken. I knew Mum's family didn't like Dad, but I didn't realise how much."

"What about your aunts and uncles, and your cousins?"

"They were nice enough, but I don't really know them. It hurt when they were so happy to see Sara and Oscar but not me.

"After we all said hello, I went to talk to Sara and Oscar. They were with their dad and a woman I think was his wife. I recognised their dad from their photos, and everyone was pleased to see him, but Mum wouldn't go near him, and she looked unhappy that he was there, especially with his wife. When I went to talk to Sara and Oscar, they treated me like they didn't want to know me. Their dad and his wife were actually nice to me, he told them that I was their sister, and they shouldn't be so horrible to me, and then he said something weird. He said, "None of it is her fault. She is innocent and is as much a victim as we are." I think my face told Sara and Oscar that I didn't know what he was talking about, and they suddenly looked guilty. Their dad then said, "You haven't been told been told, have you?" So, I asked, "Haven't been told what?" and he just replied, "I am so sorry. Your Mum and Dad should have told you." He looked sad and sorry for me. Sara said, "I can't believe you don't know." I was freaking out now. It was then I found out that I was the big family secret. Sara told me that I was the reason that Mum and her dad broke up. Freya looked distraught as she came to what had upset her so much, "Sara told me that Mum and Dad had an affair when Mum was still married to Sara's and Oscar's dad, and Mum became pregnant with me because of it," and Freya began to sob again.

Michael closed his eyes in resignation and Helen squeezed Freya's hand in support as Freya admitted to what they had both suspected.

"How does that make you feel," Michael asked tentatively.

"Like I've been lied to all my life! Like I am a mistake! Like it is wrong for me to exist! It's unfair, I didn't ask to be born. Why does it have to be me? Why can't Mum and Dad love me like a normal Mum and Dad," the pain and hurt were thick in Freya's voice.

"Freya, look at me," Michael told the girl firmly. Looking at her straight in the eye when she met his gaze, he told her, "Infidelity destroys families. The amount of damage it does can never be underestimated. I see it all the time in this room, but I want to be clear, whatever happened between your mum and dad is not your fault. People call children like you an affair child. I dislike that term because you are as much a victim as Sara and Oscar, as much a victim as their dad. In some ways, you are the biggest victim of all because you were born into it and people define you by what your mum and dad did while offering you no sympathy. You were born because of lies and the selfishness of others, but those lies aren't yours. You have done nothing wrong. You are completely innocent. You are right it is unfair. Your mum and dad have hurt many people, but you are not responsible for their actions, nor should you be blamed for it. You are an innocent child, Freya, who deserves better!"

Julie and Simon

Michael smiled at the married couple in front of him who looked wary of him. Michael couldn't help but notice that they were sitting slightly apart. "Their marriage is in a bad place I think," he thought to himself.

"Did you find out what is the matter with Freya," Julie asked, to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Yes, I did," Michael replied genially, "but I want to find out a little more about the two of you first."

"Okay," Simon said, sounding suspicious.

"Why don't we start by telling me how you both met? You said you were married before, didn't you Julie, and you had two children."

Both husband and wife shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

"Yes," Julie began slowly. "We met at work. We are both teachers. I am a biology teacher and Simon arrived at my school as the new deputy head teacher. We never planned to get together. It kind of just happened. We started to work together on a science fair for the school and we just clicked. An attraction then began to grow. I was at a low point in my life and Simon made me laugh then one thing led to another and our relationship blossomed. Eventually, Simon popped the question and we got married."

The lack of joy and happiness in Julie's telling of the story confirmed to Michael that their marriage wasn't a happy one.

"Simon, is Julie your first wife?"

"No, I was married for five years to someone else before Julie. We didn't have any children." Simon's tone had a little edge to it almost like resentment. "Are you going to tell us why Freya is giving us the silent treatment?" there was a strong irritation in his voice.

"Yes, I will be coming to that. I just want to get some background information first. I don't want to make any false assumptions," Michael replied affably.

"Once you were married, you all moved away taking your children with you and away from their father, Julie, is that right?"

Julie gave and pained expression, "Yes, Simon got a promotion as a head teacher."

"How was bringing Simon, into your children's lives?"

"Difficult, very difficult. They never forgave Simon or me for taking them away from their father and friends. Alex was furious too, but it was something we needed to do at the time. When they went to university they decided to spend their holidays with Alex, instead. It broke my heart."

"How was suddenly becoming a stepfather, Simon? How did you try to build a relationship with Sara and Oscar?"

"I tried everything, but they just wouldn't accept me. It didn't help that Julie was pregnant with Freya and I was forced to look after them."

Michael's eyebrows raised, Simon made a slip of the tongue and threw the whole timeline into doubt. His language suggested that he didn't want Julie's children around.

"And that brings us to Freya," Michael began. "Freya is a very unhappy girl with a strong sense of alienation. Growing up she felt rejected by her older half-siblings and a lack of focus on her from her parents who spent all their energy arguing and trying to win over Sara and Oscar that they had none left for the child they had together."

"That isn't true!" Julie almost pleaded. Simon's face darkened.

"This is a conversation you need with Freya. These are her feelings. You need to listen to why she feels the way she does. She has a lot of unhappiness in her life. This brings me to why she is being non-conversant with you. Sara told her she was the reason you and Alex divorced, Julie. Sara told her that you became pregnant with Freya while you were having an affair with Simon."

Julie gasped, Simon closed his eyes and looked furious.

"Judging by your reaction it is true," Michael added.

"I told you that you should have had an abortion, but you insisted on having the baby," Simon almost snarled.

"Simon!" Julie exclaimed in horror. "Freya's your daughter."

"I never wanted children! I told my first wife that then as soon as we were married, she changed her mind then you didn't bother with birth control!"

Michael looked on flabbergasted. This was a new one even for him. Never had he heard a parent say they regretted having their child, but Simon wasn't finished,

"This is fucked up! We had a great thing you and me. The sex was amazing then you ruined it by getting pregnant!" he said trying to keep his anger under control as years of resentment came to the surface.

"You were the one who got me pregnant. You are equally responsible for Freya!" Julie retorted.

"No, this is on you," Simon responded angrily. "I had to put up with those little ungrateful shits of kids of yours. I never asked for any of that, and I still don't want that. Don't get me started on your family. To be honest, I've had enough. I had enough years ago, but you baby trapped me and now I have a daughter I never wanted," and Simon stood up and stormed out leaving a shell-shocked Julie.

Julie and Freya

"I see Simon isn't with us today," Michael said after Julie and Freya sat down.

"No," Julie said looking and sounding upset. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked like she had been crying. "We are getting divorced. After our last session, I told him that he needed to move out."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Michael said sympathetically. "How do you feel about that, Freya?"

Freya just shrugged, "I never felt like he loved or wanted me, so I don't care."

Julie looked heartbroken and took Freya's hand. Freya didn't look happy about it, but she didn't remove her hand.

"Have you had a chance to talk to Freya after our last session, Julie?"

"Some, but it has been hectic as you can imagine," Julie replied.

"You spent all of the time crying and pining over Dad," Freya snapped, snatching her hand away.

"Okay," Michael began wanting to diffuse the emotionally charged atmosphere. "Why don't you tell your mum how you feel, Freya? Tell her why you are upset and angry."

Freya nodded and tears began to roll down her cheeks, "Why are you never there for me, Mum? All you do is focus on Sara and Oscar. I never felt wanted or loved. Dad never loved me, and Sara and Oscar never wanted anything to do with me. My whole life people looked at me and whispered like I was some shameful secret and were blaming me for something. Now I know why. Why didn't you tell me? Why were you ashamed of me? What did I do to deserve that? God, Mum, I am so unhappy! I have never been happy!"

On hearing her daughter's unhappiness Julie began to sob uncontrollably, mumbling, "I am so sorry, I am sorry," almost incoherently as the dam holding the emotions in the room broke. Michael pushed the tissues on the table closer to Julie.

After several minutes, Julie managed to regain control of herself.

"Julie, I think Freya deserves the truth," Michael said gently. "The cat is well and truly out of the bag. There is no point in keeping secrets any longer. Why don't you tell Freya the story of how she came into the world."

"Oh, God! I have made a mess of everything," Julie lamented as she dabbed her eyes. She turned slowly to face her daughter, "I do love you. If you take nothing else from this, please understand that I do love you with all my heart as I do Sara and Oscar."

"If you love me, why have you ignored me all my life?"

"I am so sorry, I never meant to. You are everything to me, but I have failed you because I am a terrible mother. I was a terrible mother for taking Sara and Oscar away from their father. Nothing that has happened is your fault. These past few days have nearly broken me. For the first time, I looked at myself and I realised that I was to blame for everything. There is no one left to blame. I can't even regret your father and I can't feel remorse for what I did to Alex because it would mean regretting you. I just can't do that."