Istanza

"Do what?" Silra replied.

"Lick your heat off my fingers."

Silra smiled widely again, then let go of Leeann's hand, took her into an embrace. "I think I've got you figured out." She said.

"In what way?"

"You like everyone to think that you're into kinky sex and domination, but when it comes down to it, you just like making love."

Leeann smiled, but couldn't bring herself to say anything in reply. Maybe she was right. Any statement was right, for a given value of right. She couldn't bring herself to add: Yes, but only with you. With everyone else I need to dominate, but with you I don't. "I just feels right with you." She finally said.

* * *

2: Finding Leeann

Days passed like hours and turned into weeks. Dominating and making love became equal measures in Leeann's life. She kept her head down and got on with her work, did what was expected of her and kept to herself. Danielle stopped checking up on her, and things got back to normal in her area of the dungeon. The Koda worked during the day and were duly punished at night. The implements on the rack remained clean and well-oiled. Each of the tools got an outing at least once a week, although Leeann stopped favouring the whips and canes and leaned instead towards the longer punishments – the rough rope g-string, the full-body bonds, the braces, the clamps... Anything that she could fit and forget until the following morning, once the necessary introductory beating with her short cane was prescribed and administered.

This gave her more time to spend with Silra in the evenings. She brought Silra clothes – black clothes of silk and velvet, when she could acquire them; she made sure she had a ready supply to food and water. On occasion, when the upper palace was quiet, she would take Silra out of the cell and they would wander the high balconies, look at the view across the mountains. Being late autumn, it was always dark by the time her work was done, so they had nothing to look at but the stars and, if it was clear, the distant lights of the city at the far end of the valley, and so she had carefully arranged one afternoon to have a spare hour between monitoring the Koda's performance and tallying who should be punished, and in that hour she took Silra up to the bell tower to watch the sunset over the old river valley.

They stood in the chill autumn air atop the tower and embraced, warming themselves from each other's skin, watched as the sun sank over the horizon and the river below burned with red fire, like a brightly-coloured incandescent snake slithering along the valley bed.

"You are so beautiful, Silra." Leeann said aloud, when the sun was almost sunk beyond the horizon.

"As are you, Mistress." Silra replied, and gave a gentle kiss on her cheek. The cold air chilled the moist circle and made it tingle, but not as much as it tingled in her heart. "I might even be thinking about the 'L' word."

Leeann looked at her, smiled vaguely. "Really?" She daren't add that she was already up to her eyeballs in love – Silra may already know, from the way that she worshipped every inch of her body before and after she punished her and while they made love, but saying it aloud was something else. It would be safer to let Silra say it first.

"You're beautiful, you're gentle, you've got me a place at your side. And you really know how to get me going. What more could I want?"

"You're such a sweetie." Leeann grinned. She let out a deep breath, cast her eyes over the dark valley and the distant lights of the city at its far end, where the river emptied into the ocean. "I'll have to go back to work soon." She said.

"You don't like your work, do you?"

Leeann did not reply. Silra had proved quite adept at probing her moods over the past few weeks, often detecting them before even Leeann did. It was subtly unnerving, but it was also helpful, when it showed her that she needed to unwind before she wound herself up too far. But sometimes it was a little too insightful for comfort, a little too close to the mark.

"I'm not really sure I do the right thing." Leeann said flatly, choosing her words with great care.

"I don't think hurting people can ever be the right thing, if they don't want to be hurt." Silra stated, but with care to keep her voice low.

"I didn't come here to hurt people. I came here as a slave, like you. But I'm wired up differently to most people. They found that out, early on, and gave me the opportunity to escape my bonds. They wanted me to hurt people in the same way I had been hurt. That damages us, you know. The ritual punishment. The daily slavery. The way we're forced to outdo each other or face another night of agony and torment. It damages us inside, tears down the walls that we have built with our morals. When they made me Istanza, I was too damaged to know right from wrong." Leeann disentangled herself from Silra's arms and walked to the parapet of the bell tower, leaned over the stone balustrade and stared into the stars.

"But you learned again."

"It takes a while for one's conscience to grow back in a place where we're surrounded by immoral behaviour and ritual dehumanisation. We learn new behaviours that overwrite our old ones. It takes a long time to remember the difference between right and wrong."

"And now you know the difference you have to live with what you do."

"Every day of my life."

She felt the softness of Silra's hand touching the back of hers.

"You could leave." Silra said quietly.

"I can't leave. I tried once. You see, these wires inside me, this thing that makes me Istanza, it controls me. It drives me. It feeds off the pain. When I don't feed it, it goes crazy. It's grown so powerful while I've been here, and it gets fed every day, so it never dies. When I left here it didn't get fed, it just built up inside me, like hunger, only no matter how much I ate it wouldn't abate. It's like a sex drive, only more so. Masturbation doesn't quench it, and neither does sex. When I left here I managed to keep it caged for almost three weeks. I was fantasizing about it all the time, it was all I could think about. I had never felt so gripped by something in all my life."

She paused, swallowed a lump in her throat. "I thought I was doing OK, but then I got work on a ship." She felt the tears well up behind her eyes, blinked them back, hoped Silra hadn't noticed. "There was this girl. I..." She tried, but was cut of as a violent shudder of sobs racked through her spine, forcing the tears from her eyes. Silra's hands touched her shoulders, pulled her close.

"Shhh, shhh, it's alright." Silra whispered into her ear. "It's in the past."

"I didn't want to do it but I just couldn't stop." Leeann blubbed through her tears. "It went on day after day, and she was so afraid that she never told anybody. There were scars on her back so deep they would bleed into her uniform all day, and she'd come back to me to have them covered up so that nobody would find out."

Silra turned her, put her hands around her head and pulled her face into her bosom. Leeann found Silra's arms with her fingers and clenched, held onto her as if she might blow away into the night along with the last of her sanity.

"You didn't want to do it." Silra whispered into her ear.

"But I did! I didn't want to but I did it! I was such a monster to her. She would cry every night when I walked into her room, she wouldn't even beg me not to touch her, just sit there crying into nothing, knowing that nobody was ever coming to rescue her from the pain."

"It's not you, Leeann." Silra said. "It's not you. It's what they made you. They did that to you. They took what was a harmless fetish and turned it into an obsession. They turned you into a torturer, but you don't have to be a torturer. I've seen the real you. You're bright, you're intelligent, you're sweet and you're so very gentle to me. You only hurt me when I want to be hurt and you take care of me even then. I've never known such a gentle person. It was what they made you, not what you are. You're better than it, and you can beat it."

"But I can't beat it. At least when I'm here I can keep it under control. At least here I can feed it daily, at least here I'm safe from the law. But it's not right. I shouldn't hurt these people. I shouldn't let them be hurt. And yet if I leave I'll become even worse, and more people will be hurt, and I'll get in trouble with the law and have to come back here once again. And they won't have me back a second time. They'll kill me, and without me they'll kill you, too."

"Let's not think about what can't be." Silra said. "But I want to help you. I want you to remember who you are. I can take what you can give. Remember that first night, with the rope? That wasn't you, but what they made you. And I survived. It stung like hell, but you know I took it and I enjoyed it. I made myself come with that horrible rope."

"I'm sorry, Silra, I'm really sorry. I felt so sorry for that when I saw you walking the next day. I know what it's like, I wore that thing all night once. I can't believe I made you rub yourself with it. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It wasn't you, it was what they made you. Just think about this: if I can take it when it gets too much for you, then you can leave here and take me with you. We can do it together. We can both leave. You can use me for your addiction, and together we can get you unhooked. We can do it. With me to help you, you can beat it."

"I don't know, Silra... I'm afraid of what might happen if I leave again."

"Then think on it. You have to go back to work now, before you get in trouble."

"I know. Alright. I'll think about it. I'll think. I'll see what I can do. Come on, let's get back inside, I need to wash my face before I can go to the dungeons."

Leeann did think on it. She gave it every bit of thought that she could spare. She had promised Julian that she would be happy with Silra by her side, but it was not so. Being with Silra, being happy with Silra, only showed her how unhappy she was in her role as Istanza, and how she had come to believe that she was not doing the right thing. She had never believed in the Book, but she had done what the Sect asked because it fed the need that they had nurtured, from the moment she was taken as Koda. Being in love with Silra showed her that she still had compassion, that she still had remorse – she was not the heartless machine she thought she had become, but a real person, brutalised and repressed by their society and by her own sexual tendencies.

It had been there before she was Koda, even before she was old enough to be sexual. The Sect had nurtured it, unwittingly at first and then willingly, but they had not created it. She had this never-ending need to hurt people in order to reach her sexual fulfilment. She had always had it, it had ruled all of her relationships – apart from with Silra. With Silra she didn't need it. She could cast it aside and forget about it. She could make love.

She had never really done that before.

So Silra wanted to help her escape. That might just be the missing piece in an otherwise perfect plan... She had done it before, she had taken her time and got everything she needed. She still knew where to go to get in touch with a pilot. She may still have access to her off-world bank account into which she had transferred all of her personal funds last time she tried to escape. She secretly believed that the Sect had stopped paying her since she returned to the palace, but since she had discovered that she could never spend the money they gave her she had not dwelt on the matter. She had taken great care to ensure, last time she left the palace, that a large lump sum was transferred to a private account in a secret name. She could still get access to it, with the right equipment.

All that she needed was some help on the outside.

Once out, she would be free. With Silra by her side, the thirst to hurt would be quenched if it ever arose inside her, although she thought that it would not. With Silra it was fun, but it was not a need. With that behind her, she could start afresh. She could find somewhere safe to go, and then she could expose the Sect. She could bring an end to the torment, bring freedom to the Koda. She could bring judgement upon the priests and those Istanza who did not flee once they saw their world crumbling. She would bring judgement to Krakus.

And before judgement could descend upon her, she would vanish once again.

It was a perfect idea. All she needed was to resurrect the old plan and fine-tune it. There could be no mistakes this time. The Sect would not take her back a second time. They would not feed her to the authorities for fear of being exposed, but they would not hesitate to kill her if they thought she posed any threat. Hundreds of Koda died every year, and their bodies were disposed of neatly. Nobody would notice if she was gone.

Leeann returned to her bedroom full of excitement and energy.

"I want to do it." She said, once the door was firmly shut and she was sure nobody was near to overhear. "I want to get out. But I want to do more than that. I want to expose the Sect. I want to end it all. But I'll need your help to do it."

Silra beamed from where she sat on the bed. "Good! I'll do anything I can for you. Just tell me what you need."

"I need a voice on the outside. I need eyes and ears. I need someone I can trust."

"How do you trust anyone on this world?"

"With money." Leeann replied. "With money and sex. Those two can buy more trust than a thousand friendships on this world. But it's not going to be as easy as last time."

"Why not? Was it easy then?"

"Not easy, no, but possible. But this time they'll be watching me."

"Who will be?"

"The priests. Julian. Danielle. They know I escaped before, they'll be having me watched. From a distance, for sure, but watched nonetheless."

"So what you need is someone they won't be watching."

Leeann glanced sidelong at Silra. "What did you have in mind?"

"I've been watching the inside of the palace, where you've been taking me. I've been building up a mental image of the layout, learning my way around."

Silra seemed to be staring at the window, but Leeann held her in her gaze, studied her carefully for what was possibly the first time. She had noticed how proud Silra was, how she held herself upright and always seemed to be sure of herself, even when she was being punished, but she had not before realised how lost in thought she often seemed to be. She was a very astute girl, and adept at divining Leeann's moods, but it appeared that she was also a deep thinker. Yes, now that she noticed it, she had seen that expression on Silra's face before. She had put it down to sexual hunger or maybe just romantic daze, but it was more than that – she was somewhere inside her head, thinking very intently about something.

"Where was it you came from, Silra?" She asked, quietly but firmly. "What did you do before you came here?"

Silra turned her head to face her, and at first Leeann thought she wasn't going to reply. "I'm not your normal little girl." She said flatly. "I think you already worked that one out."

"But I don't think I know just how deep your abnormality runs. What were you?"

"I don't think you'd believe me if I told you. But I can move around this palace at night and not be seen. Once I get a feel for the place, maybe in the daytime too. I can possibly even get outside."

Leeann sat on the bed, leant back against the wall and put her finger to her lips, bit it thoughtfully. "So you'd have access to the outside world. You'd need access to all the things we'll need to pull this off." That puts you in a very powerful position, she added in her head.

"I'm doing this for you, Leeann." Silra said, as if reading her mind. "I'm not doing this to escape. Right now I've got everything I need. I've got meals every day, I've got somewhere warm to live, I've got someone who can feed my need to be punished." She sidled closer up the bed, put a hand on Leeann's thigh. "And I've got someone warm to curl up next to at night, someone to kiss in the mornings."

"Someone to kiss while sat on the bed." Leeann purred, turning her face to Silra's, finding their noses already brushing.

"Someone to hold." Silra lifted her arm, put it on Leeann's far shoulder.

"Someone to tease." Leeann playfully bit Silra's lip.

"Someone to roll around with." Silra laughed, kicking up from the bed and pushing Leeann down into the silk, straddling her, bending over to devour her lips.

"You think you've dominated me?" Leeann said through her laughter, as Silra sought out her hands and pinned them to the bed. She turned quickly, thrusting Silra under her, gripped her wrists, held her down. "You're a bad little slave, aren't you, jumping on your Mistress like that."

"Yes, Mistress." Silra pouted. "And I need to be spanked!"

"Good girl. Turn over and present, my sweet."

Silra did as she was told, raising her buttocks into the air and pulling up her silk robe so that they were exposed. Leeann felt a rush of dizzy excitement wash over her, raised her hand in the air. There was still more to plan, but that could wait. It would take a long time to get the plans properly sorted, and she needed to think them through first. In the meantime, there were buttocks to spank and, between them, a hunger to be fulfilled. She placed her fingers between Silra's legs as she brought her other hand down sharply onto her buttocks. The pleasure and the pain – Silra was going to get a real treat this night...

* * *

Plans were progressing. Leeann made a point of taking Silra out each night, showing her new parts of the upper palace when she was sure they were alone. She even took her outside on some occasions when the wintering weather was not too harsh; there were no rules against Istanza wandering the grounds outside the main palace during non-work time, and Julian had said nothing about not taking Silra there. Their boundary lay where the palace gardens and grounds joined the Outer Court, a low set of buildings built against the wall that completely surrounded the palace grounds. No members of the Sect but the very highest priests were allowed there; it was where the railroad that linked back to the city at the foot of the valley terminated, it was where the food and supplies were delivered, and it was where the regular civilians who kept the palace and Outer Court in order – the cooks, the technicians, the heating and lighting engineers, all male and all hard-wearing mountain types – lived and worked.

It was where one had to go if one wanted to enlist the help of an outsider.

Silra lay back on the cast iron bench and stretched, her breath curling away into the cold night air like smoke. They were sat on a stone dais in the palace grounds, arms around each other for warmth, staring at the stars. It was an unusually still and clear night, and Leeann had taken the opportunity to show Silra around the back of the palace, where the Court workers carted crates of food from the rail siding into the palace service tunnels and down to the kitchen stores. It was here that Silra would most likely find a civilian who would be keen to smuggle into the palace a portable computer, which was the first thing she needed to begin her plans.

"Food deliveries come Thursday mornings, wines come on Fridays. Food consignments are bigger, so you'll find more activity, more people moving around. It will be easier with more people, but you'll have to get into the service tunnels without being seen. That's where I'd struggle. I couldn't get into the grounds without being followed. I don't know how you think you'll manage."

"You let me worry about that." Silra replied, staring at the stars. Leeann followed her gaze. There were thousands of stars visible this night, and not a cloud in sight. They sat still overhead, not glimmering as they did in summer. There was no moon around Krakus, so the stars were always bright as long as the sky was clear. Leeann had never really taken the time to look at the stars before, even in winter when they were visible before she even had to go inside to start her evening's punishment, but with Silra by her side she found a new enjoyment among the glistening velvet, sitting back into the cold iron chair, trying to still her shivering, trying to subtly draw closer to Silra's warmth, trying to feel the heat from her skin beneath her robe pressing into her own.