It is The Veteran

"Bill, you've been smiling at me all day. What the hell's going on?"

He just smiled again.

"Oh, I've just been thinking it's a damned shame my grandson doesn't have a dad to raise him up to be a man."

"That made you smile?"

He shook his head.

"No, not that. It was wondering if you'd be interested in the job. I can't think of anybody else who'd do it better. You and Alice used to date and you asked me once what she was looking for, remember? I wouldn't tell you then because you weren't ready and you'd have done something stupid. I can tell you now. What Alice wants is a man who'll take care of her when she needs it, let her be on her own when she doesn't, and will be right beside her all the way. You seem to like taking care of her. That's a pretty good start."

I shook my head.

"I'm just helping out the wife of a friend because he can't."

"Yeah, I know that's what you're telling yourself. The way you always look at her tells me that's not all it is. I'm not trying to push you into anything, Matt, but a man should be honest with himself."

I thought about that a lot on my way home and on my way to the hospital. I was just helping Alice out because Ricky couldn't. I knew that for sure. Feeling anything else for her would have been like I was trying to take her away from Ricky, and I couldn't do that even if I did feel something for her. She'd named her baby Ricky after her husband, so I knew she still loved him. Besides, Alice was a pretty woman. She'd had her choice of any guy in high school. She'd never pick me.

It was when I walked in the hospital room and saw Alice that something clicked in my mind. I don't know how to describe it except it hit me that what I'd been doing was looking at Alice as Ricky's wife and I couldn't see anything else. Over the last few months, she'd been giving me little hints, like the way she put her hand on my arm when she wanted to say some important, and the way she seemed to look really nice even on Saturday when she wasn't at work. I hadn't noticed, not consciously anyway. Was Alice trying to tell me something? I wasn't sure, but when she smiled at me that night, I thought she might be.

Alice patted the bed again, and touched my hand after I sat down on the edge.

"I filled out Little Ricky's birth certificate today. I named him Richard Matthew Fansler, but I'm going to call him Little Ricky. I hope that's alright with you."

I was flattered, but I wasn't sure that was a wise choice.

"I understand why you named him Ricky, but you should have picked a different middle name for him, like your dad's name or your grandpa's name."

Alice smiled.

"No, Matt. I wanted to use your name. I thought it was right to do that since you've been so much help over these months. I think Ricky would think it was right too."

"I guess I don't mind if that's what you want. It's a pretty big name for such a little guy. Think he'll grow into it?"

Alice stroked my hand.

"I think he can if the right man teaches him how."

That was the answer to my question, but I still tried to not understand what Alice was really saying.

"Well, your dad is as much of a man as I've ever known. He'll do a great job."

Alice grinned at me.

"That's what Dad said about you when he called me this afternoon."

Well, now I couldn't tell myself it wasn't me that Alice wanted. It felt weird, but I was also sort of happy.

"What else did he tell you?"

Alice squeezed my hand.

"That he thought you wouldn't tell me if you were interested because you think I'm still tied to Ricky."

I chuckled.

"Your dad actually told you that? I can't believe a crusty old guy like him would ever say something like that."

"Well, you don't know my dad very well. He's just an old softy at heart. The way he acts around other people is just for show. He really likes you."

"So, if I was interested in you, what would we do next?"

Alice stroked my arm.

"Well, after you take Ricky and me to Mom's, I thought we might go out sometime."

"You sure you're over Ricky enough to do that?"

Alice stroked my arm again.

"Matt, I was married to Ricky for only two weeks before the Army sent him to Vietnam. We didn't get to do much together except make Little Ricky, so I don't really know what married feels like. It sounds cold, but he's gone and I can't bring him back. I need to look out for myself and Little Ricky now. I know Ricky would agree because before he left, he told me I should do that if something happened to him over there."

When I got to the hospital to bring Alice and Little Ricky home, she was getting dressed in the bathroom. When she came out, I couldn't stop myself from smiling. For the last five months, I'd watched Alice get bigger and bigger, and now, she was almost like I remembered her from before.

She grinned when I said she looked skinny now.

"I'm going to have to buy some new pants. I had a hard time getting my butt into these. I'm going to need bigger tops too. This one used to fit fine, but now it's way too tight because my boobs have grown so much."

I didn't know what I could say that wouldn't sound like I was either trying to make her feel better or trying to flirt, so I didn't reply. It was only a couple of minutes before one of the nurses brought little Ricky into the room. The other was pushing a wheel chair. Alice said she'd be fine walking but the nurse just laughed.

"All our new mom's leave in a wheel chair. Be happy about that, Honey. It's the last time you're gonna get to rest for about the next four or five months."

I did fine at the hospital. Alice got into my front seat and then the nurse handed her Little Ricky. It was different when I pulled into her parent's drive way. I got out, walked around the car and opened Alice's door. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Can you hold Little Ricky for me while I get out?"

She didn't wait for me to answer. She just held out Little Ricky so I could take him.

I tried to say I didn't know how to hold a baby, but Alice just smiled.

"Just make sure you hold his head up. You'll do fine."

I got one of those "third foot" feelings once we were inside the house. Alice's mother had to hold little Ricky so Alice's dad could take her picture. Then Alice insisted that her dad hold him. Her dad shook his head, but he didn't resist when Alice's mother put little Ricky in his arms and then took his picture. He even looked happy, something I hadn't seen much.

I wasn't ready when Alice picked up Little Ricky and then walked over to me.

"Matt, I want a picture of you holding Little Ricky too. That way, I can show him the man who helped his mama when she needed help."

I felt really weird, but I held Little Ricky until Alice snapped the shutter.

It was about then that Little Ricky woke up. He looked at me, wrinkled up his little face, and started to cry.

"I don't think he likes me", I chuckled. "I think you better take him back."

Alice grinned.

"Nah. He can't see your face clearly yet. He's just hungry. I need to let him nurse for a while. Can you stay until he goes to sleep again?"

Alice hadn't been embarrassed to nurse Little Ricky in front of me at the hospital, but evidently she didn't feel the same way about her dad. She and her mother left me and her dad sitting there while they went into Alice's bedfoom. He looked at me and smiled.

"You look like I did when we brought Alice home from the hospital - scared to death and kinda happy at the same time."

"I never held a baby before, that's all. I wasn't really scared."

He chuckled.

"That what I told myself too. They'll be in there for at least half an hour. Let's go in the kitchen and have a beer. I know you ain't old enough yet, but you deserve a beer."

He pulled the tab on his beer, took a sip and then smiled.

"I was scared too, so don't worry about it. Funny how you can go through a war and after that be afraid to pick up a baby, but I was. It ain't that bad once you get used to it, holding a baby, I mean. It gets better once they get older too. Think you'd get used to it?"

He was doing it again, and it was aggravating.

"Bill, I don't know if that's something Alice really wants or not. She acts like it is, but I don't have much to offer her. I don't know why you keep bringing it up."

He just smiled.

"I know she does want that. If she didn't, she wouldn't have asked you to be with her at the hospital. The only way you're gonna know for sure is to find out for yourself. As for what you can offer her, I already told you what she wants. You can give her that right now. What it all depends on is do you want to give her that."

On my way home that night, I asked myself it I could give Alice what she wanted. I thought of about a hundred reasons why I couldn't. I wasn't making all that much money. I was working six days a week and trying to rest up on Sunday so I wouldn't have time to do anything with her and Little Ricky. I didn't know the first thing about being married, much less taking care of a baby. I liked Alice, but I didn't know if I liked her enough to ask her to marry me.

There were a lot of other reasons that weren't as logical and I finally realized I was trying to talk myself out of taking on any responsibilities other than me. The only question that still remained was did I like Alice that much and did she like me that much. Like her dad had said, the only way I was going to find the answer to those questions was to find out for myself.

Alice took the next three weeks off work and she called me every night to ask me if I could come over and sit with her for a while. It was a little strange to sit there in her bedroom while she nursed Ricky, but I sort of got used ot it.

After that three weeks, Alice went back to work and her mother took care of little Ricky while she was gone. I figured if Alice could go back to work, maybe she could go out with me too. When I asked her, she smiled.

"I'd like that. Where are we going?"

It took half an hour to get Alice out of her mom and dad's house. Her mother kept saying, "Alice, I know what I'm doing. I take care of him every day and I raised you, didn't I?", and Alice kept reminding her of when little Ricky needed to be fed again and that she had two bottles of breast milk in the refrigerator and that there were clean diapers by the table in her bedroom.

Little Ricky survived that first date without suffering at all. I wasn't so lucky.

I survived the date just fine. I'd forgotten how it felt to take a woman out for dinner and then just talk about things. That part was great. What made it tough was saying good night to Alice. I'd been nervous when we'd left her mom and dad's house, but I'd gotten really comfortable with her over dinner. I found myself wishing we could have done something to stay together for a while longer. That's why I asked Alice if we could do the same thing the next Saturday night.

That turned into every Saturday night for the next two months. We didn't go out for an actual dinner except for about once every two weeks. We'd just grab a burger at Burger King and then take a walk in the park or walk through the mall. We did take in a couple of movies, but I found I liked walking with Alice and talking more than sitting with her in a movie theater. It was on one of those walks in the park that Alice said she missed being married. I asked her why, and her answer surprised me.

"It was only two weeks, but it was nice having somebody my own age to be alone with. I love Mom and Dad, but that's who they are - Mom and Dad. I can't talk to them about some things because they think I'm still their little girl. I could talk to Ricky about those things."

Before I knew what she was doing, Alice caught my arm and then stepped in front of me.

"Matt, I can talk to you about those things too. You told me once you'd do anything for me that I needed. What I need is to feel like how I felt then, and I want to feel that way with you."

I didn't catch on at first, I suppose because I didn't think we'd been together long enough yet.

"I thought we were doing pretty good with the trusting and talking thing."

Alice stroked her index finger down my chest then.

"We are, Matt, but I need more than just talking."

Well, it wasn't like I hadn't thought about it, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I don't know, Alice. Ricky -."

Alice put her finger on my lips, then put her arms around my neck and smiled.

"Matt, Ricky isn't here and he's never going to be here again. You are. Kiss me so you'll know I'm serious about this."

It took all of a second for me to know how serious Alice was because I had something to compare to. I'd kissed her a couple times when we were dating in high school, but this Alice was a completely different woman. She didn't just kiss me back. She made love to my lips with hers and after a couple of seconds of doing that, she pulled her breasts into my chest. I'd have reacted to that even if I didn't like her. The reaction I did have told me the feelings I was having were a lot more than just liking her.

She didn't say much when I drove us to my apartment. She just put her hand on my arm and stroked it. She didn't say anything until I closed and locked the door behind us. Then, she put her arms around my neck, kissed me again, and then nestled her cheek against mine and whispered, "Make love with me, Matt".

That night was a long time ago so I've forgotten a lot of what happened. I don't really remember what she looked like after I undressed her, and I don't really remember how she felt against me when we got into bed together. One of the few things I do remember is how she responded to what I was doing.

I didn't have a lot of experience with women, but that didn't seem to matter. I cupped her breast and squeezed gently and she caught her breath, then giggled a little.

"I'm going to leak all over the place if you do that. I don't want you to stop though. I like how it feels."

I already knew what she was talking about because I felt milk dribbling down her breast. I thought about kissing her nipples, but I didn't think that would be right. Instead, I just stroked her nipple beds and nipples gently while I kissed her. Alice moaned a little and then pushed my face down to her breasts and whispered, "Kiss me here too."

Well, I won't forget that either. As soon as my lips touched her nipple, milk oozed out of the tip and onto my lips. I remember it being very sweet. I also remember that Alice moaned, put her hand on the back of my head then and pulled my face tighter into her breast. Her nipple slipped between my lips and I felt a fine spray of milk against my tongue. Alice's tummy rolled with I licked her nipple then and I think she pushed my head against her breast even tighter.

I loved the feeling of her thick, stiff nipple in my mouth. The milk thing wasn't exactly erotic. It was more like...well...like Alice trusted me enough she wanted to give me that too. I think she did, because after a while, she whispered, "Matt, do the other one too."

I don't remember feeling the hair between her thighs and I don't remember how it felt to slip a finger between her hair-fringed lips though I'm sure I did that. All I remember is that Alice responded like she couldn't get enough of what I was doing. I do remember her finding my cock, stoking it a little, and then pulling on it after she spread her thighs wide.

When I knelt between her thighs, Alice bent her legs at the knees, pulled me down on top of her, and whispered, "I need you, Matt, I need you now".

I remember thinking she wouldn't be very tight since she'd had a baby. I remember being a little amazed that I was wrong about that. Alice was really snug.

She was also way more into helping than any other woman I'd been with. She kept rocking her body up to meet my strokes and raking her nails from my back down to my ass. All that coupled with the way she started to pant was making it hard for me to not just start pumping away until I came.

In a way,that's what happened anyway. I was trying to go slow when Alice jerked hard, moaned, "Now, Matt", and then raised up into that stroke. She gasped, fell back down, then dug her heels into the mattress and held her breath while she lifted us both up again. It was when her thighs started to quiver against my sides that I couldn't hold back anymore.

When Alice sighed and eased back down on the mattress, she hugged me so tight I mashed her breasts out flat and felt my chest getting wet with milk. She kissed me, then nestled her face against my shoulder. We just laid there together until our hearts stopped pounding and we could breathe without gasping again.

I started to get up, but Alice wouldn't let me go.

"Matt, just stay like this for a while. I haven't felt like this in a long, long time and I don't want it to end yet."

It was pretty late when I took Alice home, and I saw a light in the living room window. We were going to pretend we'd just taken a walk, so I just walked her to the door. Alice did kiss me on the cheek, but that was it.

The next day, I was laying subfloor panels over the floor joists of the house we were building while Alice's dad nailed them down. He nailed the last one in place, then stood up and stretched to unkink his back.

He looked at me and grinned.

"You know, I'm gettin' old, but I ain't so old I've forgotten what makes a woman look like Alice did when she walked in the door last night."

I said I didn't know what he was talking about. He just laughed.

"Matt, she was smiling just like her mother smiles after we've..well after I've scratched her itch, so to speak. I understand why you'd do that with her. All I want to know is if you're gonna stay with her or if you're not. If you are, I won't say anything more because Alice is old enough to make her own decisions. If you aren't, you need to tell her. She was walking on air this morning."

I already knew the answer to his question because I'd asked myself that before I turned in.

"I'd like to marry her. I just don't know how I can. I can't begin to match what you have to give her."

Her dad sat back down and motioned me to sit down beside him. When I did, he smiled.

"You need to understand some things about Alice. Alice doesn't want a fancy house or fancy clothes because she's never had those things. What she wants is what I told you before, a man to help her when she needs help, a man who'll let her be on her own when she doesn't need help, and most of all, a man who'll stay with her. She found that man in Ricky, but then she lost him. She thinks you're that man now, and I think you are too. All her mother and I had when we started out was my overseas pay and one claw hammer. We made it. So can you and Alice if you really want to make that happen. I know she does."

I was remembering how things had worked out when Alice touched me on the arm.

"Matt, it's over and we need to get to our house so I can get the food set out for Daddy's wake."

Like Ricky's wake, this one had a lot of food and way too many people for our house. Like Ricky's wake, I heard people talking about Alice's dad, about how he'd built their house or how he'd done something for them nobody else would do. There was a cluster of people around the presentation case Alice had bought a week before he died, and in that case were pictures of him in uniform and all his medals pinned on black velvet. When I'd asked her why she bought the case, she smiled.

"It's for Dad's pictures and for his medals."

"He told me you didn't know anything about those. Neither did your mother."

Alice smiled again.

"He didn't tell me about them. I found them when I was a little girl getting into drawers I wasn't suppose to get into. They were there in a box with his citations and pictures of him in France and Germany. Mom caught me and she said we shouldn't tell Dad we'd found them. I used to go back and read the citations sometimes though. I think people should know what he was back then, so I'm going to show them now."