It Isn't Just an Orgy

"Like what you see?" she asked.

"Mmhmm," Isabel replied.

"Me too. That works out well," she said, as Isabel drew close. Grabbing her sipping tube from her backpack, Pixie sucked hard. Her cheeks pulled in, released, and then did it again. When she finished, she licked her lips, washing away the dust for a moment. They were fuller than Isabel realized, as they glistened until the dry air wicked the moisture away.

Isabel thought about how they would feel against her own. "Nice, I bet," she thought. Maybe her interest was a sign that she was starting to move on. She hadn't been completely celibate since Chelle, but the women she hooked up with were friends; fuck buddies who were always up for a little sex but presented no emotional entanglements. "Better than a vibrator," she thought, "but still not completely satisfying."

A sudden longing for Chelle went through her. Closing her eyes, she willed it to let it pass, drawing in a shaky breath. When she felt someone touch her hips, her eyes snapped open.

Pixie was as close as she could be. Her lips came down on Isabel's in a soft and tender kiss. It was restrained, barely moving. She pressed her body lightly against Isabel. Her full body felt as nice as it looked. With her hands on her bike, Isabel couldn't return the embrace but she returned the pressure. The unwanted memories of Chelle disappeared and Isabel returned to the moment.

Lifting her lips, Pixie smiled. "I'm telling the ghosts to leave you alone," she whispered. Pivoting, she went back to her bike and pushed the kickstand back up. She looked at Isabel. "Did it work?" she said.

Isabel nodded. "How did you know?" she asked.

"You really don't know?" Pixie asked. The blank look answered for her. "Babe, it was the look of pain. I suspect you've just gotten used to it." She walked her bike back to Isabel and took her hand. "How about we find a cure for that."

"I'm ready for it," Isabel said and squeezed her hand.

Pixie glanced at her watch. "Damn, I've got to get back and get ready for my shift." She looked at Isabel. "I'm barely going to have any time to talk. Look, I'll be off late this afternoon. Do you want to get together then?"

"Sure," Isabel said at first before she remembered it was Wednesday. "Oh wait, I've got something going on tonight. Our camp is having a party, if you want to come and do that." Isabel felt more nervous than she had in a while as she waited for an answer.

Fortunately Pixie didn't keep her in suspense. "That would be great. I'd love it. Where is your camp?" she said.

"It's the Rain City Piano Lounge at 8:30 and C. And we'll be getting started about 8:30," Isabel told her. Digging in her pack, she found one of the invitations Gumdrops had given her. "Here, all the details are on this."

Pixie stuffed it into her backpack. "Alright, 8:30 and C, I'll be there!" With that, she jumped on her bike and pedaled hard for the other side of the city. She did one little circle so that she could blow a kiss at Isabel, but then she kept going without looking back.

The first winds of the morning were picking up, and a rolling cloud of dust came between her and Isabel. When it passed by, Isabel couldn't pick her out from the rest of the cyclists in that direction. She took a deep breath and let it slowly out.

"Healing isn't pain free," she thought to herself. "And you're never quite the same when it's over."

Turning her bike around, she headed back out in the direction of the deep playa. She could see that some new art pieces went up overnight, once again changing what she would find out there. As she pedaled towards one, she found her thoughts drawn to a woman other than Chelle for the first time in a long while.

As the party got close, Isabel was desperate for some help. She stuck her head out of her tent and looked around but she couldn't see anyone. She groaned in exasperation. Most of the time she was self-sufficient, but when she needed someone, there was no one around. Then she heard a noise in the tent next to her.

"David? Are you there?" she called out.

"Yup," he said and stuck his head out. He tipped the bowler hat he was wearing at her. "How can I help you, Ma'am," he said with a smile.

Isabel hesitated for a moment before laughing at herself. "We're on the playa and anyway, he's as gay as I am," she thought. "I need some help with my costume," she said. "I can't do it by myself."

"Be there in a second," he said as he ducked back inside his tent.

Isabel went back inside of her own. David joined her a few moments later. He had on an outfit that would have been dapper during the gay nineties. A striped shirt with a string tie and a pair of tight pants that showed off his ass. For now, the pants were a pristine black, but it wouldn't be long before there were grey spots all over them. Only a bandana that hung around his neck for protection against dust marred the outfit, but sometimes fashion had to give way to practicality.

"Oh," he said as he entered her tent, stopping abruptly. He didn't expect to find Isabel topless.

"Sorry, but it's my top I need help with," she said, as she picked up a black and red corset. She pulled it down over her head. "I can get this far but I need help with the laces." Reaching into it, she tried to arrange her breasts and then held it against them. "Can you tighten them up?" she asked.

"Sure," he said as he went around behind her. "How tight do you want it?"

"Pretty tight," she told him. "I got curves already but I want to make my breasts pushed up so they look even bigger. And I'm willing to try and see if you can make my waist a little narrower." She grinned. "I'll let you know if you go too far."

"Alright," David said, starting to work on tightening them from the bottom up. He followed her directions, continuing to cinch the corset tighter as she exhaled. When he was done, her cleavage was truly impressive and her waist was noticeably narrower. He looked at her with a touch of disbelief. "I wouldn't have picked you for a fashion over comfort person," he said.

"Why? Because I'm a dyke?" she asked with a smile that softened the words. "I like looking good like anyone else. I have a closet full of high heels at home, as well as slinky dresses. But you're right. I wouldn't normally wear this, but it's a costume." She twirled around, letting her black dress float up to expose dark but dusty knee high boots. "I'm a jaded woman!"

"That you are, but this isn't because Pixie is coming to the party?" he asked.

"Pftt," she scoffed. "I had this picked out a couple of weeks ago for this party. I'm just a little happier that I did now!" She winked at him. "You are looking good too. I'm sure Jack will appreciate it."

Unlike Isabel, David's face turned a bright red in embarrassment. For years, he kept his love life private. Despite the accepting environment, it would still take a while to be used to being open about it. Still, he nodded. "Hope so."

"It's nice timing for both of us," Isabel said, as she looked in a mirror hanging from a corner of the tent. She let her hair down from the ponytail and grabbed a brush. "I took a solar shower when I got back from the playa, but it doesn't last." The brush struggled a little to get through her hair for the first few strokes, but gradually it got easier.

"It still feels better than not having washed," he replied. It was one of the nicer camp amenities, and he too took advantage of it. "I may be dusty again, but at least I don't smell." He took a step for the tent flap and then looked at her. "Need anything else?"

"I'm good. Thanks so much! Sorry to make you look at an old woman's bare breasts," she told him.

"I may not be an expert, but I think they looked nice; and Moonshine, stop saying that. You are the least old fifty-something I know. You know how to enjoy your life better than a lot of twenty year olds." For a moment, it looked like he was going to go on. If there was something, he left it unsaid and went back outside.

Isabel stared after him as she idly brushed her hair, lost in thought. Finally, she put down the brush and went on finishing getting ready.

Well before the party started, she was in the piano lounge helping to get the final touches just right. It was lit up with red lights, giving it the feel of a dive. One of her campmates was playing "I Get a Kick Out of You" on the piano as others worked. It earned him a little ribbing, but everyone enjoyed the background music.

As 8:30 rolled around, the rest of the camp began to gather in the tent. Almost everyone was there. A few people were still out on an adventure somewhere, having lost track of time. They'd show up when they did.

"Or not at all," Isabel thought as she looked around. There was a smattering of guests mingling in the crowd. Most of them had been hanging around camp all afternoon and helped to get ready. Jack was one of them. His eagerness to see David was obvious. She was glad to see that it was matched by David. They were over by the bar, engaged in a deep conversation with one of the campmates she knew for years.

When she felt an arm go around her waist, she glanced over. It was Gumdrops, wearing a couple of pasties and a pair of belly dancer bottoms. The pasties were poked out; her big nipples stretching the bounds of the adhesive. Isabel grinned and hugged her back.

"Don't worry, she'll be here," Gumdrops said.

"Maybe," Isabel sighed. "It'll be what it is." Just like with Chelle, she suddenly felt her age. "Why would Pixie be interested in me? I'm twenty years older than her," she thought.

"Hey, would you do that again?" Gumdrops asked.

"What?"

"Sigh like that. I like watching your breasts rise and fall, Moonshine," Gumdrops told her with a lecherous grin.

Isabel slapped at her arm and tried to look offended, but it didn't work, especially when Gumdrops wiggled her eyebrows. She couldn't hold back the giggles and after a second, Gumdrops joined her.

"Mmmm, giggling is almost as good," she told Isabel. "Face it, no matter what your age, you're hot. She'll be here." She squeezed her around the waist again. "In fact, I think your ride is here," she said, looking at the entrance.

Turning, Isabel saw Pixie at the door, pointing at her as she handed her invitation to the big guy watching the door. She took a breath. Pixie was hot too. She had on a white unitard with a turquoise chiffon layered skirt over it, and a light jacket that focused attention on the exposed tops of her voluptuous breasts. Covering her calves were white fur leggings. "Well mostly white," thought Isabel. Although she likely put them on shortly before coming to the party, they were already mottled with dust. Her legs were as nice as Isabel remembered.

Holding her hair was a beaded headband, and she had ribbons braided into the locks on either side of her face. Her eyes lit up as she made eye contact with Isabel, and she threaded her way through the crowd toward her.

Gumdrops gave her one last squeeze and then withdrew her hand. "It's okay to just enjoy yourself, sweetie," she said as she slipped away into the crowd.

Squeezing past the last couple of people, Pixie came to a stop in front of Isabel. "I'm here," she said. "You can stop worrying."

"What makes you think I was worrying?" Isabel asked, feeling her face blush that she was so obvious.

Pixie slipped her hand onto the nape of Isabel's neck and pulled her closer. "I saw it in your eyes, Moonshine, and plus, I think you're a worrier," she whispered just before she kissed her. It was a light and playful kiss, long on promise and short on substance. Just as Isabel began to return it, it ended. "There. Feel better?" Pixie wanted to know.

Isabel nodded. "Yes. It's been a while since I had a date, and I was feeling a little insecure," she said. She couldn't keep back a little sigh. Being insecure wasn't like her, but since Chelle she struggled with bouts of it. "Especially with other women," she thought. It was one of the reasons she slept with the women she did. They were all sure things; no one thought about deeper meanings.

Looking at her, Pixie didn't miss a thing, including the sigh. Her fingers played with the little hairs on the back of her neck. She waited patiently for Isabel to relax. It took a while but finally she felt the muscles give a little and lose the feeling of being like iron.

"You don't need to feel insecure about me, Moonshine," she said. "I'm here because I wanted to spend some more time with you." They kissed again, but this time Isabel initiated it. This kiss wasn't very different than the first one. Neither one of them was ready to take another step.

When she lifted her lips, Isabel felt some of her old confidence returning, and a corner of her lip turned up in a little half smile. "I'm so glad you did. Me too," she said. Turning, she picked up her glass and shook it. "Shall we get you a drink too?" When Pixie nodded, she pushed their way through the crowd to the bar.

As they stood there waiting, Pixie took the cup from Isabel's hand and sipped it. "Mmmmm, that's good. What is it?" she asked.

Isabel grinned. "Pineapple moonshine punch! My own recipe," she said. "Now you know how I got my playa name." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a silver flask. "I don't leave camp without some moonshine." Reaching out, she touched the arm of the bartender. "Jimmy, give my friend some of my punch," she told him.

Once they had it, they found a spot that wasn't quite so tightly packed. This time Isabel slipped her arm around Pixie. The way the other woman rested against her felt nice. "Reassuring, actually," she thought to herself. Since Chelle, she hadn't allowed herself any truly intimate moments. Even if she met one of her bed partners for dinner first, there was almost a business like feel to them; both knowing why they were together and just getting the formalities out of the way. She wasn't sure she remembered how to relax in this way.

"Mmmm, you feel nice," Pixie said as she leaned a little harder against Isabel.

"I was just thinking the same thing," Isabel replied.

Separating slightly, Pixie took another look at what Isabel was wearing. "I love your outfit, although I don't know how you got into that corset!" Pixie told her.

"David is as strong as he looks. He was a little worried he made it too tight," she said. "He didn't, but just barely. I can breath and it's only somewhat uncomfortable. I can live with it for a night."

"I bet it will feel good to take off though," Pixie said. Her eyes were full of mischief as she looked from Isabel's breasts bulging out from the corset up to her eyes.

Once again, uncharacteristically, Isabel felt tongue tied. She always was the one with the quick wit, able to throw back a quip. Now flirting seemed more difficult than she could ever remember. The longer it took her to reply, the more flustered she felt. Finally, she just nodded and said yes.

Despite trying to be kind, Isabel's awkwardness made Pixie laugh, which only made Isabel look more uncomfortable. The younger woman immediately stopped giggling and leaned close to give her a little kiss on the cheek. "Aw, Moonshine, she really did a number on you, didn't she?" she said in a low voice.

Unbidden, Isabel felt the beginnings of tears in her eyes and blinked several times to ward them away. Shaking her head, she said, "No, she didn't do this. I did it. To me. To her." She took a big gulp of her drink before continuing. "Pixie, she didn't hurt me. I hurt her."

As the crowd continued to grow, others were being pressed closer to them and the slight illusion of privacy disappeared. Isabel stopped talking, unwilling to share with others around. It was hard enough telling Pixie. "She's the first person I really feel like I can tell it all to," she thought. David knew she had a bad relationship and that her memorial at the Temple had something to do with it. And the first night, she opened up a little to Hawk. "But he didn't press, and I didn't want him to," she told herself. Nor had he brought it up again.

Pixie was different. There was an emotional connection between them. "Not in the same way as Chelle," she thought. "But it's her empathy. Somehow she understands me. I hope she doesn't judge me."

That thought cut to the heart of why it was proving so hard for Isabel to move on and put the fling with Chelle behind her. It was why she found it mostly impossible to talk to anyone about it. Isabel judged herself harshly for what happened. The guilt for the hurt she caused and her lack of courage was a festering sore in her soul.

She felt Pixie taking her hand and moving towards the exit. She followed her lead and emerged outside. Compared to inside the tent, the air was cool and refreshing. The heat from the day didn't stick around in the high desert. They moved over to where there were a couple of folding chairs and sat down. Pixie never let go of her hand.

"I'll listen if you want to talk," she said.

Slowly, Isabel began to talk about how she met a young woman, barely out of college, while up skiing. Unexpectedly, there was a spark between them that led to a fling of several days. Even Rachel's friends showing back up at the rented condo didn't put a damper on the passion Isabel and Rachel shared.

"It was like nothing before in my life," Isabel said. A little surprising to her was that she managed to tell the story without breaking down. Usually she could not stop the overwhelming flood of emotions when she thought about those few days, which was why she had tried to ignore it as much as she could the last couple of months.

Pixie raised Isabel's hand to her lips and kissed it, then pressed her cheek against it. "But despite that, you aren't with her," she said. Her voice was quiet, just enough to be heard over the din from inside the tent.

"She wanted to try. She asked me to explore it and see how it would be. I just couldn't," she replied. "It wouldn't be fair to her."

At the front of camp, there was a fire sculpture in the form of a tree with flames where the leaves would be. The firelight glittered in Pixie's eyes as she looked deep into Isabel's. Her gaze was unrelenting, and Isabel shifted uncomfortably. All the superficial arguments about why it was the right thing to do for Chelle scattered, leaving her with the ugly truth. She had to look away.

"I know; I know," she said, despite Pixie not having said a word. "I was scared too." Even that sounded weak. She sighed. "I was scared."

"There," she thought to herself. "At least that feels like I'm being honest." It wasn't an admission that made her feel proud of herself; nevertheless it felt better than hiding behind the fiction that she was doing it for Chelle.

Once again, Pixie kissed her hand. This time she lowered it down into her lap. Her eyes softened, no longer fixing Isabel with a hard stare. She had more sympathy in them now. "Why, Hun?" she asked. "Why did she scare you?"

Looking up, Isabel noticed that the stars were starting to be visible. There was too much light in the city to really be brilliant, but out on the deep playa, they would be. She allowed herself a moment of distraction but then pulled her attention back to Pixie's question.

"She didn't. She was delightful. It's the whole problem. I've shied away from any permanent relationships, and now with someone younger than my daughter?" she said. "After all that time saying I was fine on my own?" She sighed deeply.

"You were afraid of what people would think?" Pixie asked. She managed to keep any judgment out of her question. She just wanted confirmation.

Feeling her cheeks burn, Isabel nodded. "I thought they would find me foolish, like I do when I see a fifty year old man with someone her age. And worse, that they would think the same thing I do about those girls. 'She's just with him for the money.'"