It was Just a Fling

That's what she said, "It was just a fling!" I had caught her with another man. She had given her body to him, shared his passion, satiated his desires, but it meant nothing. I was supposed to understand, to forgive her, to take her back. After all, it was just a fling.

She wasn't dismissive when she said it. She was desperate. I had to understand that it didn't mean anything. It was just sex. All should be forgiven.

It meant something to me. It damn well meant something to me! How many of her coworkers knew about this, knew I was the clueless cuckold, pitied me, laughed at me behind my back? How many knew that she was lying to me, playing me, and all the while sneaking off to have sex with another man? But it was just a fling.

I wonder how many hours she spent teasing him, talking with him, building him up, flirting with him, signaling her interest in him over me? I wonder how often she chose her clothes in the morning with a thought to how he would respond? I wonder if she ever thought that first kiss with him was a betrayal of me? After all, it was just a fling. It didn't mean anything.

I wonder what she thought that first time she went alone with him to lunch, smiled and laughed at his jokes, touched his hand, and looked into his eyes? Was she thinking of me sitting at my desk eating the sandwich I had packed for myself and working through the lunch hour?

I tried not to imagine the first time she agreed to go to dinner with him and told me she had to work late. I tried, but the image was lodged in my brain. Did she think about the lie she told me, or did it not mean anything? Was there dancing, too, or did they just sit in a booth in the back, hold hands and talk quietly with each other? Is that when they shared their first kiss?

How did he first suggest they get a room? She must have seen it coming by then, but she did nothing to discourage him. In fact, she did everything to encourage him in little and not so little ways. She knew where it was leading. She must have planned for it, decided whether she would make him wear a condom, how long she could afford to be away from the house, and whether I or someone we knew would catch them? When the request came, did she have to think about it? Did she struggle with the decision? Did she think about me?

It was just a fling. It didn't mean anything. She loved only me. It was just a little fun. He was no threat to me. I wasn't meant to get hurt.

She must have thought she hid it well; I would never catch on. If I didn't know, then it was ok. She wouldn't hurt me if I never found out. The problem was that while her mind was consumed with thoughts of him, I was thinking of her. I was paying attention. I saw the change in her mood, her distraction, her loss of interest in me. I knew something wasn't right with our marriage, but I didn't know what. I was trying to share my life with her, but she wasn't sharing her life with me. I tried to talk with her about it, but she waved it off and assured me that everything was fine. It wasn't fine, but it was just a fling.

She started calling me "Big Guy". She's say, "Hey, Big Guy, how was work today?" or "Easy, Big Guy, a girl can only take so much." I thought it was a term of affection. Once I learned the truth, I started thinking maybe it was her way of reminding herself that her husband still came first; or was it outright condescension? Was she mocking me? I thought about how many times we had both referred to our son as "Big Guy" when he was young to build up his ego, to make him feel important, or help him over the trials in a little fellow's life. We'd say, "Hey, Big Guy, how was school today?" Yes, it was definitely condescension.

Friends I spoke with had mixed opinions. Some didn't like the sound of it and said I should hire a private investigator. I laughed it off. She would never cheat on me! She loves me. Her distraction wore on and in time those words of advice echoed in my head. I hired a spy and it didn't take long. My spy told me she wouldn't bring me rumors and suspicions, so try to forget about it for now while she did her job. She would let me know in time if something was going on or not. It was less than a week when I got the call to come to her office.

She had it all: photographs, video, audio, the whole bit. She had everything that was needed to break a husband's heart. There was no denying it. My wife was having a "fling" with a guy from her office. He was a bit younger than her. He looked experienced at having "flings" with married women. He was smooth and he didn't make mistakes. I'll bet he was slow to insult me at first; he didn't want to alienate her by talking trash about her husband. He didn't want to give away his plans. Little by little he drew her in, wore her down, and turned her head. I knew the type.

My spy told me that a woman in her office knew of the affair and encouraged my wife. She said it would be good for her. In the end it would bring us closer and strengthen our marriage. There was no harm if I never found out. When did my wife get stupid?

I brought the hammer down the night before she was leaving on a business trip. That's what she was calling it. I knew he was going, too. I knew the kind of business they'd be up to. I sat her down, showed her the report, the photographs, played the video so she could listen to her passions with this man who was so good and decent and never meant me any harm. Then I gave her the divorce papers to sign.

"It was just a fling. He was never a threat to you. It didn't mean anything. It was just sex." She barely got the words out between her sobs.

I gave her an ultimatum. I was generous. She had a choice. It was him or me and no in between with no guarantees. Either we would go together to his house tonight and she confesses to his wife all that they were doing, she tells her everything, she shares my evidence with her, and she does it in front of him, or we were through. Tomorrow she would go to her boss and tell him everything, and then request a transfer to another department. Either he calls me and confirms the discussion, or it didn't happen. One way or another, there would be hell to pay and it starts tonight.

But, hey, "It was just a fling!"