It's Complicated Ch. 04

"Just be honest: do you want me?"

- "Yes." That was easy enough.

- "Do you love me? Or do you think that you could?"

- "Yes."

- "Does that mean that you'll do your best to make me happy? Whatever the complications?"

That was easy, too. "Yes. You make it sound so simple."

- "Well, we won't know for sure until we talk to Kim, but it's a good start, wouldn't you say?"

- "We?"

- "Well, if I know about her, don't you think that she should know about me? You've already trusted her with several of your biggest secrets."

- "You're ... you're right." I'd been trying to be devious, to eliminate or hide my assets, to avoid tipping off Carol or Steve. That behaviour had crept into other facets of my life. Unless I was sadly mistaken about Mona, there was no need to keep secrets from her. And given what I hoped for Kim, could I do any less for her?

"You're amazing." I said.

Mona smiled. "Glad you think so. I've also changed my mind about today. I only came to talk, but now my panties are so soaked, they're going to have to wipe my seat after we leave. I think we should continue this discussion in the hotel down the street. Are you interested?"

- "Very."

- "Good. Let's call this confirmation. We have to make sure that our first time together wasn't some kind of fluke."

- "It wasn't." I said, with more assurance.

- "Can we go now?" she asked. "I'll let you settle the bill, since you're still 'divesting'."

I had swapped. I had swapped with Mona. I had also pretended that seeing Kim outside of swaps was just a rain check. This was going to be cheating on my wife. But given how many times she had put the horns on my head, I felt next to no remorse.

Mona. What an incredible woman. I'd already thought so, before today, but her ability to cut the Gordian Knot had me in awe. I'd been weaving, juggling, and deliberating with myself; Mona suggested that we simply forge ahead, by the shortest distance between two points. I might still have to make difficult choices, but I would spend much less time worrying about them.

I managed to explain some of my admiration, and the reasons for it, as we walked to the hotel.

Mona just laughed. "That's very nice. But you don't have to butter me up." She looked me in the eyes. "You had me a long time ago."

Our first time wasn't a fluke. No description of her body, no inventory of her body parts could possibly do her justice. She fired my blood, and inspired me to perform prodigies.

- "Were you holding back, the first time?" she asked.

***

Kim was very slow to answer my email or texts, and she wasn't picking up when I called. Her eventual replies, though, were neither evasive, nor unhappy: she simply asked for more time.

I thought briefly about feigning sickness myself before the next swap. Carol wouldn't have been able to go - but that wouldn't have prevented them from arranging a rain check of their own, on top of their Wednesday sessions. Besides, I didn't want Kim to have to endure being passed around to another man. If I had my way, those days would be done, for her.

Was I being protective? Or possessive?

It was our 8th swap, and it was unusual from the beginning.

For one, I stayed well away from Steve. So did Diana, Julie, and Terry. They didn't know that he had hit Kim, but his performance two weeks ago had left them all disenchanted. Kim's bruises had faded, but she still had a faint discoloration under her eye.

Steve felt the tension. He simply grabbed Carol by the hand, and led her into another room. Diana wanted a repeat with me. So did Terry. Julie was prepared to be more patient. I held them all off, saying that I wanted to check on Kim.

She was quiet - almost unresponsive, in fact - until I noticed that she was wearing the amethyst earrings.

- "Come with me." I said. Kim dutifully followed.

I led her outside, and opened my car door for her. She got in. I drove away, trying to improvise a scene that would help her to open up.

Inspiration struck. It wasn't perfect, but it might do.

I drove to the public library.

I parked, and turned off the engine, but made no move to get out.

- "We're not having sex today, Kim. I have other plans for you. Do you understand?"

- "Yes, Chris."

- "Your marriage is unhealthy." I said. "Mine is a travesty, but yours is genuinely harmful. Tell me if you disagree."

She hesitated, but I had no desire to punish her.

- "No." she said. "You're right."

- "Do you want to stay with him, Kim? Be honest. If you do, I won't interfere with you anymore."

Kim didn't hesitate at all. "No." she said. "I want to leave."

- "Do you want my help?"

- "Yes."

- "There are complications, Kim. I won't hide that from you. I want to be your Dom, but there are things you don't know about my life - about my ... situation. And I'm not completely sure what to do - what would be best for you, and for me."

I was breaking rules, here. Doms didn't admit to uncertainty. They didn't give their subs freedom of choice. I had no idea how she would react.

But Mona had advised me to be straightforward. I told Kim the unvarnished truth.

- "You really meant it? You're ... you're going to destroy him?"

- "I told you that I would. You didn't believe me? I'm going to have to punish you for that."

I swear that she smiled at that.

- "And ... this other lady? You ... you love her?"

- "Yes. She'll be a part of my life, going forward. We're not exactly sure how - some of that will depend on you."

- "On me?"

Kim was a submissive. She enjoyed being told what to do, especially if it was something she wouldn't normally do. But I was flipping the script here, offering her some agency - a chance to influence the future.

She loved it. Kim didn't crave power, but having some dropped into her lap turned her on.

- "Do you want time to think about it? Or can we proceed to your punishment?"

Of course she chose the punishment. I had her switch seats with me, and take us to the McDonald's drive-thru. I told her to order me a coffee and a filet-o-fish, plus whatever she wanted for herself. But as we waited in line, I slipped my hand into her panties. I had two fingers inside her by the time we reached the order station.

- "Get us fries to share, too." I told her.

Kim was already gasping on my fingers, but she did an excellent job of ordering. When we finally got to the window, she was only seconds from a climax. I didn't spare her. She came - fairly loudly - just as the teenage worker passed her my coffee.

Kim was startled when the pickup truck behind us honked his horn at us.

- "Park." I told her.

I ate my fish sandwich, and shared the fries with her. Kim was trying to hide her face, because she was smiling.

"You have something to say?" I asked.

- "That was ..."

- "You liked it?"

- "Yes, Chris."

- "Here's something you don't seem to understand, Kim: I care for you. It may be too soon to call it love, but I definitely want the best for you. I want you to be happy. And if you commit to me, I won't let you down."

- "I know."

- "But I can't decide your future. I will gladly help you shape it - it just has to be your choice. This isn't part of a scene. This is about two people who have grown very close, and very intimate, just talking."

- "I ... I understand."

Good. She had some thinking to do, and it would go better for her if I didn't have fingers in her pussy, or if she wasn't expecting me to demand something of her.

I kissed Kim.

- "Okay, take us back."

We hadn't been gone long - perhaps an hour. But the swap had already gone south. Diana and Julie were sitting on a couch, looking unhappy. Terry was blowing Richard, but rather half-heartedly. John had his back to me, but he was looking at a sight I couldn't see.

- "Oh my God." he said. "He's in her ass."

There wasn't any need to ask who he was talking about. I had no desire to see that. Then I realized that I just didn't care. Jealousy isn't love. Neither is possessiveness. Truth be told, I could care less who Carol fucked anymore. I had reached complete indifference.

But Mona? Kim? Them I did care about.

Diana and Julie had been hoping for some action from me. Get used to disappointment, ladies.

I had to wait for Carol.

I drove us home, and gave her the silent treatment. I had to make a show of being jealous, because I didn't want her to be suspicious, just yet.

- "Is something wrong?" she asked.

- "What could possibly be wrong?"

- "It just ... happened, Chris. I ... I wasn't expecting it."

- "So he aimed for your pussy, but missed by a couple of inches?"

- "No!"

- "You were distracted, and didn't notice that he was in the wrong hole?"

- "No!"

- "I would think that a dick that big, and a virginal passage ... it must have hurt. I would've thought that you would need a lot of preparation, and quite a bit of lube?"

- "We ... we had lube."

- "Good. I'm glad that it wasn't too painful for you. Nice memory for me, though. I ask my wife, twice, but she refuses to do anal for all of the years we've been married. Then she changes her mind, gives it up to someone else - and I'm the last one to find out about it."

I could finally vent some of my anger, some of the venomous pus that had built up inside me. Carol thought that it was all because she gave away her anal cherry to Steve. Well, in her mind, I would be right to be angry.

We got home.

- "You can sleep in the guest room, tonight." I told her.

- "Chris, we can talk about this ..."

- "NO WE FUCKING CAN'T!" I shouted.

I swept her crystal vase off the mantelpiece, and smashed it into the fireplace. It shattered into several thousand pieces.

That felt great. I'd always hated that vase.

***

I went to see Andrew. I wanted to run my financial affairs by him, for one thing. I'd mortgaged the house, so that I could dispose of that income, too. My gambling losses had mounted (betting on Detroit, Chicago and Minnesota really helped). I'd also sold my car - and Carol's - and leased new ones.

- "You've done about as much as you can." he said. "But how are you feeling?"

I had dinner with my partner and his wife, and told them about Mona and Kim. There was no reason to hold back: they knew Carol, and they knew every last detail of my financial affairs. Shelley was more understanding than I had expected.

- "It's a bit beyond my experience," she said, "but I think that you genuinely want the best possible outcome for these two women. Keep thinking like that, and you'll come out alright."

***

Mona had to go to Florida, to see her mother, and to finalize her move into a long-term care facility. I went with her.

- "You don't have to." she said.

- "Of course I do."

- "You've never even met my Mom."

- "I'm about to."

- "Chris ..." From the tone of her voice, I couldn't tell if she was happy to have me along, or if she was seriously annoyed.

- "You're doing this as a favor to me, Mona. First off, the less time I spend with Carol in the coming weeks, the better. Second, you know a lot more about me than I do about you - including way too much detail about my sexual life. Now, I don't need to know about your sex life before me, unless there's something that you think is relevant. But your mother is all of the family you've got left, and she's obviously important to you - so that makes her important to me."

I had one ulterior motive, but Mona wasn't quite ready to hear about that. She seemed ... a little off.

"What's on your mind?" I asked her.

- "Oh ... it's nothing."

- "Talk to me, Mona."

- "Chris, it's ... it's complicated." She ventured a disarming smile, but her heart wasn't in it.

- "Given my recent past, don't you think that we should be completely open and honest with each other?"

Mona was a bright woman. She recognized good sense when she heard it.

- "I'm sorry." she said. "You're right. It's ... I'm worried about the cost of the facility I found for Mom. It's a good one, and I think she'll like it, but it's gonna eat up a fair bit of my disposable income."

- "Then let me help."

She shook her head. "No. See, that's the part that worries me. I can afford it, even if I have to give up a few luxuries. But I don't want to take your money. And I don't want to come into our relationship if I can't share the expenses - but that's what it's starting to look like. I'm sorry, Chris. It's been on my mind lately."

- "How much is it?"

- "I really didn't want to talk about it - yet here we are." She sighed. "It's $5,400 a month."

Wow. $64,800 a year. I knew that Mona's salary was well over a hundred thousand, but I had no idea how much she paid in taxes, or for essentials. She would probably be dipping into her savings to pay for her Mom's residence.

I took her hand. "Mona: do you want to live with me?"

She smiled sadly. "You know I do."

- "Joint finances?" I said. "Because you may have to carry us both for a little while."

- "What?"

- "You know that I'm going to divorce Carol. It's a no-fault state, so her adultery doesn't affect the division of assets. I told you that I don't want to reward her for cheating - and the only way to do that is to divest myself of all my assets, and spend the money."

I explained what I was doing: selling my partnership stake, reducing my salary, and then selling the house while simultaneously trying to lose as much money as I could. As I've said, Mona was extremely bright. She caught on right away.

- "You ... that's why you're here?"

- "I want to help. And if it will help to convince you, think of it this way: Carol will be paying for half of your Mom's fees."

I wrote her a cheque for $129,600. It would have to be certified, of course. Mona wasn't prepared to accept it just like that, so we had a long discussion of my finances before she saw reason and gave in. Even then, she got the last word in.

- "Stop wasting your money on bad gambling. Give at least some of it to charity."

***

There was no point in delaying the inevitable - the first inevitable, that is. It was time for Mona and Kim to meet.

If at all possible, I wanted both of them in my life, and I'd let Mona know that in no uncertain terms. She agreed with me - in principle. Choices would have to be made, and both of them deserved to have all of the information before they made up their minds.

We met in a very quiet cafe, which was practically deserted in the middle of the afternoon. It was neutral territory, which I thought might be important.

Kim was clearly intimidated from the outset.

- "Oh, my God." she said, to Mona. "You're so beautiful."

It could have been awkward - and it could even have been disastrous. But Mona handled the situation with aplomb.

- "Chris didn't do you justice, either." she said. "He told me that you were attractive - but you're absolutely gorgeous."

Kim shook her head. "Not like you."

- "No. We're very different." That much was obvious: Kim was taller, and heavier, with a large bust and wide hips, while Mona was only 5'2", and slender. Their colouring was also different: Kim had light brown hair and blue eyes, where Mona had brown eyes and a light-caramel skin tone.

"But you're beautiful, too. And I know that he loves us both." she said - and those were possibly the most important words that were uttered that day. Kim immediately looked to me for confirmation, and saw it in my eyes.

I held out my hand, and she took it, letting me lead her to a seat.

The two women, naturally enough, couldn't take their eyes off each other. It was curiosity, of course; they'd each heard about the other from me. But there was also the fact that they were both very beautiful women. They didn't really need me there, at the moment.

Mona figured it out first.

- "Chris, why don't you make yourself scarce for a bit? There's a pub across the street - you could go and have a drink while you wait for us. We'll come and join you when we're ready. Would that be alright with you, Kim?"

- "That sounds like a good idea." said Kim. She wasn't always submissive; away from her husband, and when we weren't playing a scene, she had a quick wit.

I did as asked, and crossed the street. I got a little work done, and then began researching some of the charities Mona had suggested. She knew me well enough to recommend only the ones which could guarantee that a high percentage of any money I donated would end up going directly to the recipients (rather than paying for infrastructure and the salaries of employees and fundraisers).

Time passes very slowly when you're wondering how the two women you love are getting along. Yes, I knew it for sure, then. I wanted them both. I wanted Mona, and would have been incredibly happy with her alone. But I'd made a commitment to Kim, and I would worry about her and her happiness if she was with anyone other than me.

I was on my third pint when they entered the pub. Mona was holding Kim's hand - surely a good sign. Kim spotted me first. She smiled, and brushed her hair back, drawing attention to the fact that she was wearing the amethyst earrings - which she had not had on when she first came into the cafe. My breath caught in my throat.

They stopped at the bar, to order a mojito for Mona and a gin and tonic for Kim. Mona glanced at me, and the almost empty glass in front of me. I nodded, so she ordered me another pint.

Drinks in hand, they joined me at my booth.

- "Did you miss us?" asked Mona.

- "I did." I admitted. "I also came to a realization."

- "Oh? Do tell."

- "I want you both. I'm not sure that I could be happy without both of you in my life."

Mona smiled, and turned to Kim. "See?"

Kim flushed, but she looked me in the eye. "Really?"

- "Yes. This isn't a scene, Kim. I want you, anyway that you want. I'll be your Dom, your lover, your friend - whatever you need."

Mona reached out to put her hand over mine.

- "That's pretty much exactly what I told her - but I knew that she needed to hear it from you."

- "And you're okay with that?" I asked her.

She smiled. "You know that I am. I'm not missing out on you again. And now that I've met Kim, it's even clearer. You don't want to let her go, either. Nor should you."

I looked to Kim.

- "What do you say?"

There was hesitation at all. "I want all of the above. Dom. Lover. Friend. All of those."

My heart was full to bursting. After all of the pain I'd been through in the past months, coupled with the pleasure - no, the joy - of discovering Kim and finding how Mona felt about me ... well, it was all a little too overwhelming.

I might have cried a little.

***

Our next meeting was quite different. It was part strategy session, part confirmation of what we'd decided and said before.

- "I love you." I told Mona.

She kissed me, and slipped me some tongue. "I know." she said.

- "I love you." I told Kim.

She kissed me, a little more chastely. "I love you, too." she said.

- "And I love you." said Mona - to Kim.

Wait - what?

- "Umm ..." said Kim.

- "I know that we only met recently. But you love the man that I love - unconditionally. You accept that I love him, and that he loves me. How could I not love you, too?"

Kim was a little confused. Mona tried to explain.

"Look - I know that some people rely on chemistry and pheromones to decide who they love. That doesn't always last. I was taught that love is a decision. I'm not talking about attraction, or lust. I mean love, when you care as much - if not more - for your loved one's feelings and pleasure. I want you to be happy, Kim. I know that that involves Chris. It will probably involve me, as well, one way or another - even if it's just me giving up time with him so that you can enjoy it."