It's Gill with a 'G'

"They taste lovely, Andy." I had to agree, as I had got them first hand. "I called you bad names when I org...came. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You remember how we talked, about making love, and the different ways we could make love. This has shown me that our academic discussion, missed the real point. That there was passion to be unleashed. What we just had was the sheer unbridled passion. Don't think about it, allow our animalistic instincts to take over, if it feels good, just do it." Gill was silent.

"It did feel good, Andy. Bloody good. I loved being set free."

Gill had just said the word that summed it all up, the mistakes in the past, mistakes as a result of our innocence, that obscured the passion we undoubtedly had for each other. Now we were free. Our loving from here on would be wilder and deeper than ever before, reaching a new plateau of ecstasy.

"That was baby-making passion." I remarked. Gill picked up straight away.

"Yes my darling. I want your baby. The child you can hold, see it's first steps, hear it's first words. I want to give you all that. I haven't been on the pill since..." She hesitated. "Before. There was no point as I wasn't going to have sex with anyone. My sex life had finished. So, my lovely, compassionate loving man. Send your sperm as far as you can into my womb, and let it quicken with life again."

We got up and made the bed about three o' clock, as Gill would pick up Anita from school at four o'clock. We dressed slowly exchanging kisses and caresses so much so that we very nearly went back to bed. I went with Gill to pick our daughter up. We held hands on the way, and were holding hands when Anita came running out of the gates.

"Mummy! Daddy!" She turned to one of her friends. "I told you I was getting a daddy. He's daddy Mr. Andy." She was beside herself with satisfaction. It would appear that quite a few children at that school were missing a father figure. We walked Anita home, she was between us holding hands, and swinging from time to time as we held her hands tight.

I went home after having a cup of tea. I had to apologise to Jean for disappearing like that, but also to explain how important that photograph was to my future. Dad had obviously talked with mum, as she was a little subdued, but more friendly. I told them that I would talk about it with Gill, and see if she felt up to meeting them again so soon after our rapprochement. Mum bridled a little at that, until dad said firmly "Aggie!" He then went on to me. "Tell Gill that we would love to see her, and meet our granddaughter, but only when she feels comfortable with it." He then reminded me of something else, that there was another parent who was completely in the dark about this. Gill I found was ahead of me here. It took Gill some weeks to summon up the courage to call her mum. Then one Saturday she told me she had called her mum.

"What did she say." I asked. Gill grinned.

"Quite a lot actually. Most of it was about how she was ashamed of me, that I hadn't been brought up to behave like that, that even though I had behaved so badly, I could have kept in touch with her. She didn't like what I did, but I was still her daughter. I eventually got a word in, and told her that you and I had reconciled, and that we were getting married again. She didn't say anything after that, she just burst into tears, and I'm afraid that I did as well." She raised her eyes to mine. "Could we go and see her tomorrow? I expect to get a lecture on how to be faithful to my husband. She always liked you though, and would love to see you again." She paused and looked at me with love suffusing her countenance. "I don't need the lecture, I and our daughter have suffered for eight years. I would rather die than go through that again, because the thought of not having you in my life is too terrible to contemplate." Gill was cooking a meal, so I was standing in the kitchen as we talked. The place was so small that if I tried to help it would be more of a hindrance, but we had so much to say that I had to be there chatting. Gill had taken the Chicken out of the oven to check, and just put it back when she asked.

"Should we go and see your parents as well?"

"No. Dad's fine but mum is having problems, and she may say things to you that will hurt. If she hurts you, she hurts me. So it is probably best if we stay away until dad has done his talking to her."

"I don't mind. She can't say anything to me that I haven't already said to myself."

"Gill, I want an end to these recriminations. The more I think about it the more I believe that we know how it went wrong. Let's concentrate on doing it right." She looked at me with a cheeky grin.

"Well you seem to be doing well on that front. I wouldn't mind some more of that." It only needed one step, and I was close to her. Her lips and mine clung as if by instinct. "Oh? And what do I get?"

"Me, anyway, anyhow, anywhere. I'll never say no." We were saved from further intimacy when Anita announced her presence.

"Mummy, you only kiss me when I go to bed. Daddy Mr. Andy is getting much more than me." I smiled and went and picked Anita up.

"How about I give you a kiss as well?" Anita laughed and threw her little arms around my neck, and gave me a very wet kiss on the cheek. I returned the kiss with one on her cheek. She giggled. Gill joined us and we all shared kisses. Anita was giggling and laughing, this was a game she liked. She wriggled to get down and I put her carefully on the ground, whereupon she ran off laughing, satisfied that she had shared. Gill was sad for a moment.

"Hey! I said. What's that about?"

"You, and Anita, and me. You're so good with her it makes me sad and angry that I denied you being here when she was growing. If only I had the courage to wait for you before I took my stuff away, perhaps we would have fought, but also perhaps we would have stayed together." I took her in my arms.

"You know that could have been awful. I hoped that you would come and talk, but I also know that my hurt and anger would have me saying so many horrible things to you. It's water under the bridge now. We are together. We can't change the past, but we can make the future."

Gill wasn't the best cook in the world, even so she was far better than I. I sometimes wonder how I managed to survive those eight years in London without poisoning myself. It was good to sit and eat as a family. Anita was a picky eater, and disliked vegetables, preferring to just eat her meat and the potatoes. Gill watched with an amused expression as I tried to encourage Anita to eat some of the sprouts and carrots. Eventually blackmail won the day, with a suggestion that the vegetables would make her grow big, and then when we went to Alton Towers she would be able to go on more of the rides. Anita pulled a face as she did, but did eat the vegetables.

We did make love that night. It was a struggle to allow ourselves to be as uninhibited as we had learned to be, but not to make too much noise. At one point Gill did call out in the throes of her ecstasy, and we had to stop. Laying quietly, waiting to see if there was any movement from the small bedroom. With no reaction from that quarter caution came to the fore, and we giggled under the duvet. Just holding each other close had to suffice. This flat was not conducive to a good sex life.

We called to see Gill's mum the next morning. She greeted me warmly, but saved most of her welcome for Anita. Anita understood the concept of a grandmother, insofar that this was another opportunity for treats. However Mrs. Walton was too wily a lady to fall for that. They came to a somewhat uneasy truce, there would be treats, but on a rationed basis, not showered unconditionally.

Gill didn't get off completely Scot free. Being told by her mother that she didn't deserve me after what she had done. Gill agreed with everything her mum said. However the worst for Gill was being chastised for not bringing Anita to see her grandmother before now. Gill explained why.

"Mum, you would not have believed that Anita was Andy's child. I couldn't bring her if she would have been ostracised. Anita was innocent." I played with Anita as they went off into the kitchen to argue this out. We sometimes forget how a child, which seems to be playing happily by itself will hear things. We had got back in the car when Anita piped up from the back.

"Mummy. Is Daddy Mr. Andy really my daddy?" I raised my eyebrows at Gill, in effect saying to her. This ones for you to sort. Gill took a deep breath then turned to Anita.

"Yes, darling. He is your real daddy. Andy and I were married once, and I did something very wrong, so we got divorced. But all this time we really did love each other, and Andy decided to come back and make us a family again." There was silence as Anita thought that through.

"That's nice." Gill turned back to look ahead, letting out a sigh of relief. Then from the back came a question.

"Can I call daddy Mr. Andy, just daddy now?" I answered that.

"I would be very happy if you did, Anita."

"Ok, daddy."

I had got a list of properties on the market, and we drove round, looking at the localities to see if we liked them. We found one that was rather good, but Gill protested.

"We can't afford this!" She had looked at the asking price on the brochure.

"Do you like it?"

"Of course I like it, it looks a lovely house, but look at the price?" We were sitting outside the property by that time, and there was a man working in the front garden. He watched us for a while, then came over. I wound down the window. He saw the brochure.

"Are you looking?"

"Yes. I thought of ringing the agent to make an appointment to view."

"Why don't you look now? I am sure my wife won't mind."

The lady of the house showed us around. It was superb, freshly painted inside and out. Four bedrooms, a through lounge running from the front to the back, a large kitchen with a dining area connecting the kitchen to the lounge. Gill was tugging at my sleeve.

"It's too much, Andy." She whispered. I repeated the question I asked her before.

"Do you like it?"

"It's perfect. But it's too much." I pointed to Anita who had gone out with the man into the back garden, there was a swing, and he was pushing her gently to and fro. I asked the woman if there was any room for movement on the price. She went and spoke with her husband. She took over the swing with Anita and he came back to talk with us.

"We haven't got any room to manoeuvre. However if you can exchange contracts fairly quickly, say within sixty days, we would come down five thousand."

"Thanks, er..."

"Jack." He supplied. "Jack Sturges, and that is my wife Marie." I introduced us.

"Andy and Gill Gresham. We like the house. Give us a day to talk it over, but I am sure we will put an offer in within forty-eight hours. And I am sure we can complete within the sixty days." Gill was still tugging my sleeve, getting more and more agitated. I ignored her. I shook hands with Jack and Marie brought Anita back as we prepared to leave. She was smiling.

"I have been told all about your going to Alton Towers, and what rides Anita is going on, and of course some that daddy says are too dangerous for little girls. She has also told me that she has to be a good girl otherwise mummy and daddy will be cross." Her look changed then to a severe one. Lowering her voice she said. "I was also told that mummy and daddy were getting married soon. Anita is a little too informative at times." Gill smiled and told her that we had been married before, split up, and realising that was a mistake, were getting married again.

Once back in the car, Gill vented her disquiet.

"It's too much money, Andy. I told you I can't help at all with the mortgage. We can't afford it." I pulled over, and turned to her.

"Yes we can, Gill." I explained how I had benefited from the property boom in the south east. "I can put fifty percent deposit down, and my salary will easily cover the mortgage for the rest." Gill was dumbstruck.

"You mean we can buy that house?"

"Yes. It's perfect. Schools nearby, Wylde Green station just up the road. Four bedrooms, which means we can have a study. But you have to agree."

"Oh I agree. I wouldn't disagree with this new confidant Andy. Study? Why should we want a study?"

"Because Gill. I want you to give up work. I know you dislike the job, so that shouldn't upset you."

"Andy, You want me to be a stay at home mum?"

"Yes, I want you to be a stay at home mum with a degree." Gill was puzzled. "Gill. You could have got to University easily. You're more intelligent than me, although sometimes you do the daftest things." I was smiling. Gill smiled as well. "I want you to study with the Open University, and get a degree in whatever subject you want. That's why you will need a place to work."

"You do the daftest things as well."

"Oh? What for instance."

"You came back for me. It was daft, but also the most loving thing my past, and future husband could do. I shall spend my life letting you know, and showing you that it wasn't a mistake."

"I know that already."

"Why should I go for a degree?"

"You always wanted to, and but for the death of your father you would have. That's why you encouraged me so much. Now I am going to encourage you. It's not about a career, it's about you achieving something you have wanted all your life. Besides, I always fancied the idea of going to bed with a graduate." Gill looked in the back. Anita had fallen asleep, with so much excitement in her day it was little wonder. Having checked Gill leaned towards me lowering her voice.

"So you want to fuck a graduate do you? Well I do already, and I can tell you it's bloody marvellous." Her words turned me on so quickly, and I sported an erection. Gill noticed.

"If we were on our own, I would get him out and suck him while you were driving. Oh God! I am wet now. Just the thought of doing that and I am ready for you." I grinned at the thought.

"If we were on our own, I would drive to somewhere quiet, and take you on the bonnet."

"And I would let you." We were laughing now.

"Young children are nature's contraceptive you know."

Chapter eight

I managed to get a mortgage easily, as I was putting a large deposit down, and I had history with this Building Society, They had held the mortgage on the property in Upminster. With my solicitor dealing with the legalities and under pressure to ensure we could benefit from the promised five thousand reduction, we took the next step. Seeing the Vicar at St Peter's. Gill's mum looked after Anita for us whilst we were there. This was the church we had married in. The Vicar, Peter Mounsell, was new, quite a young man, but as the church frowned on divorce, he was still unhappy, until Gill explained that this was a remarriage.

"We married here fourteen years ago. I broke my vows and we got divorced. Now we want to marry again." He cheered up tremendously.

"I can see no problem with that. If you were marrying someone other than your previous partner, I wouldn't do it. But in this case we are just putting right the mistake of the State." The ceremony was arranged for four weeks time. The Banns had to be read for three consecutive Sundays. He asked Gill if she would like to come and see him for counselling.

"I have lived with my guilt for eight years, eight punishing years and so has my husband. He came back to find me, and I believe that God led his steps. The only thing I want is to make my vows to my husband again, in front of God, knowing that I will keep them this time." He asked some more questions, gently teasing out of us the story of the past. Nodding as he understood the pressures and the love that had brought us to this present state. He asked if we would like the modern service. Gill was quick to answer.

"No, I would like the King James service, in full using the word 'obey'." Peter turned to me.

"Are you happy with that?"

"Perfectly. Gill is the one with faith, I am not. Does that give you a problem?"

"Oh no. I imagine that most marriages in Church these days are between couples neither of whom have faith nor regular church-goers. We welcome everyone, and hope that one day they will discover the truth."

We left the Vicarage. Gill suddenly stopped.

"We must go and see your parents." I didn't think that was such a good idea. Last night my mother was still bitter. I suggested that we leave it for a while.

"How long, Andy? We have arranged to get married again in four weeks. Your mum won't thank you for springing that on her at the last minute. We have to go. If she wants to shout at me so be it. I deserve it. We have to introduce her to her granddaughter." She smiled sneakily. "That may soften her anger a little."

Gill was right. When we walked in, Anita was being her normal exuberant self. Dad welcomed Gill with a hug.

"God! Girl. I have been so impatient to see you again." Mum was a little cool, but when we introduced Anita, her doubts vanished. She understood the moment she saw her, that Anita was indeed her granddaughter. After hugging Anita, she stood and hesitantly looked towards Gill, Then she opened her arms and Gill just rushed into them. Tears were in abundance with the emotional greeting. Dad looked at me and made that universal gesture of jerking his head upwards, perplexed that women always have to cry at times like this.

Mum and Gill went to dry their eyes, and of course set about making a pot of tea. Dad was talking with Anita, who announced brightly.

"We are getting married. Mummy and daddy went to see the man at the church." Dad raised his eyes with a question.

"I expect that Gill is telling mum now, so the answer is yes. We are getting married again."

"Good. When?" I told him the date and time.

"You and mum will be there, wont you?"

"Of course. And don't worry about your mother. She will be fine now. She has a granddaughter, her first, and she will be too busy going out and buying things for Anita to worry about anything else." Anita had heard the last thing dad said, and immediately began to tell us what she thought she should have. All of her list were toys of course.

Knowing Gill's financial situation, I wanted to help with her bridal gown. After gnawing at the problem, as I didn't want to offend Gill, I hit on the perfect plan. I gave the money to her mum instead. She promised that Gill would never know.

Four weeks later I stood at the steps leading to the Choir stalls in the side chapel chatting with The Reverend Peter, waiting for Gill. I had booked the organist and the choir, as we would be too few in numbers to make much of a voice with the hymns. The organist had been playing quiet music to help the tension of waiting. Suddenly the music stopped. Peter addressed the congregation.

"We shall sing one of Gill's favourite hymns, 'All things bright and Beautiful'. Then after a moment the organist played the first part of the refrain and we began to sing the lovely hymn, as Gill, holding Anita's hand came slowly down the aisle. They walked alone. I turned. She was dressed in a smart suit in celadon green Shantung, a tight skirt demurely ending just below her knees, the jacket buttoned to the throat. Upon her head sat a small hat with a half-veil reaching down to her eyes. She carried a spray of Freesias her favourite flower. Anita was also in celadon, a pretty ruffled dress, white long socks and green shoes. Gill was serious, Anita had a huge smile. Gill arrived next to me, handed the spray to Anita and ushered her round to stand just in front of us. Then with a smile linked her hand through my arm. As the last line finished, there was quiet whilst everyone sat down. I reached down and touched Anita's shoulder. When she looked at me I just put one finger to my lips indicating that she should be quiet. She nodded and smiled.