It's Legal on Other Planets! Ch. 02

Gravlith nodded curtly to me, then again to the guy on his right. The other one clapped his hands, and soon the rest of them executed something like an about-face that was flashier and more graceful than anything I ever learned in boot camp. The ship came in lower, though it didn't extend any sort of landing gear. It just hovered while a ramp came down and the guards filed in.

Gravlith, his right-hand guy and the herald remained. All of them were larger than Orrtraan and at least equal to his bodyguard. Naturally, that meant that they were all bigger than me. I sighed and hoped this would remain cordial.

"I am given to believe you already have visitors from the Empire," Gravlith said coolly.

"Yes. I hope that's not a problem. I don't really have space enough here to arrange separate meeting rooms."

He waved a dismissive hand. "No matter. May we enter, Lord McLoughlin?"

I stepped back and gestured for them to come inside. "Who are your friends?" I asked casually.

"My herald is K'juon," Gravlith answered as he walked, neither looking nor gesturing to either companion, "and my chamberlain is Dennek." Both of them bowed, but Gravlith just walked in. "Ah," he said, "Prince Orrtraan. We had surmised that the craft in orbit was one of your House. Subtle, but identifiable nonetheless."

"House Artrulth has nothing to hide," Orrtraan answered evenly. There was a distinct difference in age here and experience. Orrtraan's poker face was firm, but it was obviously a poker face.

Gravlith was much more relaxed. He looked coolly at Orrtraan's bodyguard. "Indeed," he mused. "How is your mother?"

There was an emphasis on that last word that I immediately didn't like. I couldn't tell if the tone was patronizing toward Orrtraan or if there was some sort of personal venom toward Myialenn, but either way it didn't sound entirely friendly.

"She is well," Orrtraan replied.

When it was clear that Orrtraan wasn't going to say more, Gravlith turned to me and broke the awkward silence. "I come to you to engage the services of your daughter, Alyssa. Just as Prince Orrtraan here, I imagine. I certainly hope that I am not too late to lodge my offer."

I blinked. They had to know she wasn't literally my daughter. This was one of those customs of being a House, I realized. Regardless of blood relationships – or lack thereof – being the Lord made me the father figure. "We're just talking," I said.

"Indeed."

I nodded. "Life guide stuff," I said. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I already didn't like this dude. That was unfair, I realized, and probably stemmed more from wanting to just go back to bed more than anything else. In that, I had the same reason to be annoyed with Orrtraan and Myialenn, but for whatever reason I found it easier to put those feelings on Gravlith.

The newcomer seemed to catch himself. Gravlith offered a slight bow. "Of course," he murmured. "I had heard that you had amassed honor and titles beyond your years, Lord McLoughlin." He stared at me for a moment. I heard something patronizing in his tone. "I shall not waste your time, then. I come to you to engage the services of Alyssa for a period equal to thirty rotations of your planet."

My eyebrows rose. I didn't look directly at Orrtraan, but I caught a slight shift in his posture in my peripheral vision. There had to be a schedule conflict here, if not something more.

I couldn't remember a time when Alyssa had been out of touch that long. Not since our first year apart, anyway, when I was running from this training camp to that – and even then I had been sending her cash to help her get by until she was on her feet. So unless she was somehow able to get emails on Planet Mongo or wherever the hell she went, this was pretty unusual. "That seems like a rather long engagement," I noted.

"I am prepared to compensate you quite generously, as is appropriate," Gravlith said.

"Uh-huh," I mumbled. "Have you and Alyssa been...have you engaged her services in the past?"

"Not as yet, no," Gravlith answered. "We have met in passing. She has as yet had conflicts of scheduling that have prevented her from accepting my offers. I had hoped that with a proper Lord to look after her affairs I would have an easier time making arrangements."

That didn't tell me a whole lot. Alyssa might have been genuine in that. She might have really just been too busy for this dude who wanted to hire her for a month at a time. Or she might've really just spaced on it. Or she might have been dodging him.

"Alyssa is currently engaged out of town," I said finally. "Erm, off-planet, I guess I should say."

"I see. This is not unexpected. Who is it who has snatched her away this time?" It sounded like he was trying to keep his tone pleasant, but I wasn't sure if that was genuine effort I heard or something else.

"I'd rather not say. There may have been a miscommunication or two in making the arrangements, and as such I'd rather keep things confidential until things are clearer."

Gravlith seemed a bit surprised by my answer. He glanced at his chamberlain, whose expression was unreadable for me. "And how long will she be gone on this mystery engagement?"

"She won't be back for several days. Erm, rotations."

Gravlith smiled. His eyes twitched almost imperceptibly over toward Orrtraan and back again. "Then my offer stands. I would be happy to leave a small but comfortable craft in orbit to wait for her. The crew could bring her to my side as soon as she has returned from her engagement."

I could practically feel Orrtraan bristle. The game here was becoming a bit more obvious. I found Gravlith's presumptuousness more than a little irritating to begin with, but the fact that he was trying to get Orrtraan's goat just made me like him even less.

I took a deep breath. I didn't have context for any of this. For all I knew, Alyssa had been hoping to catch Gravlith's eye. Maybe she actually liked him or something. Maybe Gravlith's House was the good guy House and Orrtraan's was like House Jackass or something.

"Do you have some way for me to get in contact with you?" I asked.

"Certainly. Alyssa should have her own means, but I am happy to leave you with adequate communications equipment to signal my ship when she is ready to be retrieved." He turned and nodded to his herald, who promptly unfastened the thick metallic bracer on his left wrist.

"He did not agree to your offer yet, Lord Gravlith," Orrtraan spoke. He had taken the words right out of my mouth. I should've been annoyed at him speaking for me, but inside I just winced. Gravlith was clearly looking to get a rise out of his competition and he had done just that.

The thin smile of triumph on Gravlith's face as he turned to Orrtraan seemed less than friendly. "Why, Prince Orrtraan, are you a part of these negotiations?" he asked. "I had thought you were here discussing Lord McLoughlin's expertise as a life guide."

"I have already opened negotiations with Lord McLoughlin myself regarding Alyssa," Orrtraan said firmly. "Negotiations that had not yet closed. By right and custom, your own offer can be resolved only after he and I have come to a conclusion."

"That is the host's decision," Gravlith countered, "and as he has invited me into his home and already allowed me to enter negotiations—"

"I did?" I blinked.

"—your point is in error, your highness." He turned back to me. "You'll have to forgive him. He is young and as yet inexperienced in observing details of etiquette. Now, as I was saying, I am prepared to pay generously."

"I can't make any decisions until Alyssa is back and I've had a chance to speak with her," I said, cutting him off. "At length."

"You have not heard my offer yet," Gravlith reminded me.

"No, I haven't," I nodded, "or Prince Orrtraan's, but that's—"

"I will surely provide you with greater compensation than he would offer," Gravlith chuckled.

"You don't know that," Orrtraan frowned.

"I do," Gravlith said without even looking at him.

"Gentlemen," I said more assertively, "the size of your offers doesn't matter much if Alyssa isn't interested in seeing you."

Gravlith blinked. It felt good to throw him off-track, even if only for a heartbeat. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't know if she wants to go out with you or not." I let him blink for a moment. He was clearly shocked by the premise. "To be fair, I don't know if she wants to go out with Prince Orrtraan here, either, but he had already accepted that I needed a chance to confer with her before any firm deals could be made."

"But my offer..." Gravlith mumbled.

"Doesn't mean much if Alyssa is the least bit reluctant to work with you as a client," I said, shaking my head. "I don't mean to insult you, because I just plain don't know what the outlook is there. But it's something you definitely have to understand if we're going to do this in good faith. Both of you," I said, glancing at Orrtraan.

The prince gave something of a bow. "I would have it no other way, Lord McLoughlin," he replied. "If I have in any way conveyed the impression that I thought otherwise, you have my sincerest apologies." It was the first moment of genuine grace I had seen from him.

Gravlith stiffened. "You have my apologies as well," he frowned. "My impression was that Alyssa would serve as quislanan under a proper House."

"You have seen nothing to show that she does not," Orrtraan put in quietly.

"Then these matters are for the Lord of the House to decide," Gravlith said, waving a dismissive hand at Orrtraan. "Unless he is not really in control."

"How I run my House is my concern," I said evenly.

"The proper conduct of a quislanan's House is the concern of all who would do business with it," Gravlith nearly snapped. "Alyssa's independence has been indulged for far too long already."

"We wouldn't be here now if she hadn't made good on that independence," Orrtraan observed.

At that, Gravlith really did snap. His face screwed up with rage. Turning toward Orrtraan, Gravlith pulled his sword out of its sheath at his hip.

Everything went south in that one moment. Training and experience immediately took over. My fist flew up into Gravlith's throat right under his jaw. He was exposed, thinking of Orrtraan, and I moved a lot faster than he expected. The uppercut pushed him back and off-balance, sending him falling backward into the glass-top coffee table behind him.

He wasn't Gravlith anymore, and certainly not Lord Anyone. He was an armed hostile, and that was all that mattered to me. There were two more potentials – which, as they immediately reached for weapons, I decided weren't just potential at all.

Dennek was closest. He had his sword out quickly, lunging at me faster than I expected, but I threw myself to the side and out of the way. K'juoth and Orrtraan's bodyguard, started wrestling, but I didn't see how it was going. I was too busy not being skewered. Dennek's second stroke with the sword went wide enough to cut straight through the lounge chair nearby on the backswing, convincing me that these guys really were as strong as they looked. He moved like a competent fighter, but not an especially talented or fierce one.

Spinning away from him – Orrtraan was shouting something, I couldn't tell what – I grabbed for the only weapon I could find. Moving much more gracefully than I could ever manage if I actually thought about it, I hooked my fingers through the handle of the hot mug of coffee that Monica had brought me and swung it into Dennek's face.

It shattered on impact. He lurched back, letting out a howl of pain, and I drove in with a roundhouse kick to his midsection. Dennek was too big and solid to be knocked over by a blow like that, but it kept him off-balance as I hit him with another one. I didn't know what I was going to do to put him down.

Orrtraan solved the problem for me. He flew past, tackling Dennek to the floor. I looked around. Orrtraan's bodyguard and Gravlith's herald were struggling up against one wall. Gravlith was fighting to pull himself free of the wrecked coffee table, with one arm stuck in the bent frame. He had dropped his sword.

I had to end this. I was in no position to fight and I could only claim to be doing well because the other guys hadn't seen it coming. The element of surprise wouldn't last.

Gravlith was the important one here. The other two were there to follow his lead and to protect him. I stepped over to Gravlith and hooked two fingers into his nostrils. "Get up!" I barked forcefully, pulling hard. It was a lesson in Konlogath anatomy: they have really sturdy noses, but it was still a good control point just the same. Gravlith roared, flailing as if he didn't know what to do until he could get his arm free of the table. Ultimately he tried to move along in the direction I was pulling just to relieve the pain.

Within a few seconds, he twisted around and shook the table loose. He still couldn't quite catch his balance, which was the only reason I could manhandle a guy his size. I grabbed onto his big metallic shoulderpads and heaved, lurching him to his feet and pulling toward the front door. Then I just decided, y'know, fuck it, and I hurled back and around in a twisting motion. Gravlith tumbled straight into and through the front porch window.

He made a loud crash and a tremendous mess. The Venetian blinds came down with him as he got hung up on the windowsill with his legs still hanging in the house. I grabbed at them and heaved up, sending him tumbling onto the porch on the other side. Then it was time to worry about the other two guys here with him. Rather than jumping back into the fight, I gambled on the hopes that they hadn't come here to brawl. I reached for the door and threw it open.

"Get the fuck out!" I roared with everything I could muster.

Gravlith's guys were tense, but they dialed it back just enough to look at the situation. Their boss was out of the house. I was telling them to leave rather than pressing any advantage. There was a moment's guarded hesitation, then another, and then finally all the combatants disengaged and backed off from one another. Gravlith was twisting around on the porch, fighting to pick himself up and get free of the blinds. The porch underneath him was red with blood, as was his nose. I kept tabs on him out of the corner of my eye.

His men moved toward the door. Dennek sheathed his sword, then paused to look at Gravlith's fallen blade, but Orrtraan warily crouched down to pick it up and follow, handing it to the chamberlain only once he had moved through the doorway. I caught Orrtraan's eye just long enough to say, "Stay. Please." Orrtraan nodded. He waited by the door as I stepped out onto the porch.

"This insult will not go unanswered!" Gravlith spat. His nose wasn't gushing, but it was still bleeding. Konlogath blood looked just like ours.

"You pulled a sword on a guest in my home. Get your spaceship down here and get yourself off my goddamn planet."

"Worthless, backward refuse pit that it is," Gravlith fumed. He was already tapping at the bracer on his wrist. He snapped something at it in a language I didn't understand, presumably his own, as he and his entourage stepped off the porch. "You have no concept of the trouble you have just bought for yourself, McLoughlin!"

He was right. I didn't, and I knew it. I was going to have to gamble on Alyssa's connections and their ability to smooth this over. In the end, though, I just couldn't see putting up with what Gravlith had done. It didn't seem to me like the sort of thing that Alyssa had described at all.

I watched as Gravlith's ship descended out of the sky. It couldn't have been far away, I thought, but then I corrected myself. I had no idea how near or far it had been, because I had no real concept of how it moved, let alone how fast. The ship simply hovered soundlessly over my street, extended its ramp, and waited as Gravlith and his men boarded before it silently floated back up into the night sky.

It was only then, standing dumbfounded on the porch in my gym shorts, that I looked around at the street to see if anyone was watching. There were three houses directly across from ours. One had its door open with a teenage face poking through, while another had lights on and faces in the window. The house to our immediate left was blocked from view by a tall, row of thin but densely-packed evergreen trees. The house to our right was completely dark, with no cars outside.

I looked to the awestruck neighbors across the street. All I could think was that I didn't see a single camcorder or smartphone in anyone's hand. "YouTube it or it didn't happen!" I called out with my arms thrown wide as if in challenge. Then I turned and went back inside. Myialenn and Monica were both coming down the stairs with concerned looks on their faces.

Orrtraan bowed. "I have caused you great distress," he said solemnly. "You have my deepest apologies, Lord McLoughlin. I don't know how to accurately express my regret in mere words."

"What?" I grumbled. "You're not the one who pulled a weapon."

Myialenn frowned darkly. "Who did? Gravlith? He drew his sword on you?"

"I think he was drawing it on Orrtraan," I replied, "but I hit him."

"What did he say as he drew the sword?"

"He made kind of a choking sound when I hit him," I shrugged. "I didn't wait for it to get all the way out of its sheath before I did something about it."

The mother's frown grew even darker. "This will require considerable effort and resources to rectify," she said.

I was already looking at the window. Thankfully, there were curtains still hanging there. I pulled them shut to cover up the gaping hole. "So is that how important a guy he is in your Empire? Even though he's pulling a weapon in my home without cause, someone's gonna have to make this up to him?"

"Did he attack anyone with the sword?" Myialenn asked.

"Not before I hit him."

"Lord McLoughlin is correct, Myialenn," Orrtraan nodded. His bodyguard, looking down at the floor, nodded as well.

"I take it that his action was a grave insult in your culture?"

"Insult, hell, it was a threat! Beyond a threat. On Earth, you don't pull a weapon on someone unless you're gonna use it!" I caught Monica's eye as soon as I said that. She was still lingering on the bottom steps of the stairs. Her expression seemed to point out reluctantly that what I said wasn't entirely true – people pose with weapons all the time – but thankfully she didn't contradict me out loud.

"Stacy?" I asked Monica quietly. Monica rolled her eyes and then put her hands together, leaning against them in a sleeping gesture. I blinked. Monica shrugged.

"Lord Gravlith and House D'yerliin are of considerable political stature and economic power in the Empire," Myialenn explained patiently. "Gravlith's actions, further, certainly would not warrant violence by our standards. It was a gesture, nothing more."

I was surprised. "How do you know he wasn't planning on going further?"

"Did move toward you?" Myialenn asked her son.

"He did not have the chance," Orrtraan shrugged, "but no, he did not."

Myialenn made a clicking sound of obvious disapproval. I tried not to blurt out my shock at her attitude. This seemed insane.

"I joined in the battle, Myialenn," Orrtraan finally admitted. "As did Taunndlow." The bodyguard nodded and gave a grunt of confirmation.

"As well you should have," Myialenn nodded. "Regardless of Lord McLoughlin's misinterpretation, we are guests in his home. It would have been shameful to leave him to fight alone. We shall have to discuss our course of action later. However, as Lord McLoughlin's home has already been quite disturbed, we should perhaps leave him to his concerns. Unless we might be of assistance?" she asked me.