It's The Way You Look At Me Ch. 07

I have to agree about the repetitions. You use "she sassed" way too much. There are times when Jamie is obviously being sarcastic and it fits very well. But there's other times when it seems like a straight reply sans sarcasm but you use it again anyway.

The sex scenes are drawn out way too far and move too slowly. I've actually started to skip over all of your sex scenes and not even read them. The meat of the story is still very good though. 4/5

prob one of the first times ive actually agreed with an anon comment. you do use the same words far too often. you also have weird sentences like "i removed the shoulder straps of her dress and slid them down her shoulders" while tech not an incorrect sentence it just could sound better by saying "i slid the straps of her dress off her shoulders" or something along those lines.

wow!!

so emotional, you cut me up...man, such beauty, se well written...this is by far one of the best, THE BEST stories on here, I know some critics have said some stupid comments but they do not appreciate I guess, a writer who writes with a lot of passion and a ell of a lot of emotion!

again, ten stars....

If u don’t shut yo dummy ass up, he required the story like that? Yea ok

You used the same words over and over. How many times are you going to use sassed or cheered? You make Owen sound like a fucking wussy. You've ruined a good story. By using sassed cunny and cheered. Over and over.

And who the hell drinks that much?

This chapter has to be my favourite now. It was so powerful and I could actually feel the emotion as I was reading. I loved it.

Get someone to read through your work, a lot of instances where then and than are switched and some other words missed out entirely. Other than that, I can't fault it. Just good writing.

Well, long story short, the same happened in my family as well with my mother dying due to cancer. only difference we weren't there on here last day in hospital when she went to sleep. this chapter brought back the regret i buried deep inside me over the last 10 years.

Off to some feedback then - especially to mr. anonymous response about your lack of "fuck me silly" and "make me cum harder blabla". to be honest, that guy has no clue about writing. for me this chapter would have earned you a 6 out of 5 stars, especially in the way you wrote the sex scenes. they were so sensual and you could actually feel their passion and love for each other. well it's hard to describe it in words (even more so since english is not my native language haha) but for me i wouldn't want it written any other way. so big thumbs up to you and keep it going! cheers from europe!

I had tears in my eyes reading this but still cannot put it down. I just hope the ending is a very happy one.

The way you go about describing an intense sex scene is horrible. "Fuck me harder"! and yes baby your about to make me fucking cum!!!" Try giving Owen and Jamie a VOICE during they're love making ....to appeal to the reader so the story is so much more erotic! Tired of hearing you call a pussy a cunny! Your a terrible descriptive erotic writer. Basically your horrible writing sex scenes.

My mother also died from cancer. I was with her on the last day she was conscious. I told her I loved her as I left and she smiled weakly and said the same back to me. That night she slipped in to a coma and she passed away peacefully the day after. The way you described Owens feelings over losing his mother was exactly how I felt and how I still feel. It's been over a year since she left, but it all came flooding back as I read this chapter. I don't know how you did it, but the feelings of my loss were exactly as you described. I had tears in my eyes as I read the words. I just wish I'd had my own Jamie around to help me through it. I've enjoyed this story so much, even more so with this chapter. I just hope the rest of them live up to this one.

Thank-you for a really touching story.