Janie - My Next Chapter Ch. 06

Closing the doors of the past, seeing her future

By KAD

A/N - I hope you are enjoying the journey Janie is on. I do appreciate your patience, thoughts, messages, and feedback.

This chapter will fill in the remaining gaps left from the previous chapters. It will then join our protagonist where we left her that night in Chincoteague, VA.

I hope you enjoy it.

Within a week the investigation was concluded. A week later, with my JAG appointed attorney standing with me, she read to me the charges under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. This is where I flipped my lid, lost my professionalism and now I stood in front of the Army Judge hearing the demise of my behavior, and accepting the consequences of my actions.

Weeks later, I was now a civilian. These actions of the past weeks are now hidden in my "restricted" military record, never to be viewed again. I was at least thankful for that discretionary act on the part of the judge.

I was surprised at how fast being separated from the Army took. Within a week after the final processing of my case, I was 'discharged' under general conditions, a discharge category that wasn't truly criminalistics but not honorable. All because I made love to a woman and a man.

***End of Chapter 5 ***

***

Ben was supportive but not understanding. What he didn't understand and absolutely did not appreciate was I let another man inside of me. He shared his complete and utter disappointment and now lack of trust in me. He questioned our relationship which led to us arguing and me crying myself to sleep but worse, I was begging his forgiveness.

I should have never let Gerald do that. I promised Ben, I would never be with another man, ever.

Time heals most wounds, but my emotional and physical needs were not being met, at all.

I needed a fresh start and a new plan. I took a week just relaxing. I needed a change of scenery, I couldn't stay in Texas, and I didn't have a Texas license. I needed a fresh perspective; I needed a drastic life change. I wasn't stagnant in my nursing career. I knew I didn't want to be in leadership, those roles I didn't want. I love my patients and want to be in the operating room at the patient bedside.

He had finished his current contract with a local engineer firm and was also looking for work.

But this relationship with Ben was the tricky part; it kept me awake at night. It was tricky as it was an unknown to me. I was the one moving, or needing to move and this relationship had no strings to the area like my previous experiences. The wildcard, the unknown. It was a long conversation with Ben asking him in detail if he would be interested in taking this plunge with me.

But was that what I wanted?

Thursday morning my phone rang. The caller ID read Raleigh, NC. My heart stopped for a moment. Could it be Tabitha?

"Hello?" I was hesitant. I needed to level my hopes.

"Hi!" The male voice said I was surprised and sad.

"I was calling to reach Janie Doherty."

"This is Janie, how may I help you?"

"This is Jason; I am calling from Nurse Staffing Services. You stopped by our booth at the Dallas CEU a few months ago."

Oh god damn! I thought to myself.

"We are a traveling nurse agency and I wanted to see if you might be looking for a role ..." He was rambling, I was half listening.

Wait! I thought to myself, a travel nurse. "Go on!"

I continued listening as I was intrigued now. Three hours later I finished a second call and had sent my updated resume to Jason. I contacted the Maryland State Nursing licensure board to start the reciprocity process for my Maryland license.

Two weeks later and with no commitments holding me in TX, Ben and I packed what little we had into our cars and started the 1,600 miles trek to Baltimore, Maryland for a travel nursing assignment.

I had some savings to help get us through. I had signed a 90-day contract with a travel agency placing me as a Float Operating Room Nurse at Baltimore Shock Trauma, in Baltimore, MD.

Ben had started floating his resume with a few agencies and had applied for a job or two.

***

I was happy to be at the hospital, but as a float nurse you weren't really treated like family, you were labeled as the temp. The staff knows you are a short termer. This makes it difficult to deepen any friendship or professional relationship with the staff.

I was a few weeks from finishing my 90-day contract, when Jason contacted me again. He asked if I was interested in a new position at Johns Hopkins in the operating room. I accepted without a second thought.

I had a week in between assignments to catch up on a few things. I had registered for a CEU course that interested me. It was a three day course in Baltimore which focused on Care Management. While at the CEU course, I ran into a few folks who remembered me from the operating room at Baltimore Shock Trauma.

One in particular was Jordyn Stiles, a CRNA and the Program Coordinator at Baltimore Shock Trauma. The last day of the CEU, we exchanged cell phone numbers to stay in touch for future opportunities and "things" as she said.

And that was it; I was off to a new adventure to Johns Hopkins as a float Operating Room Nurse.

Jordyn and I kept in touch as I continued with the position at Johns Hopkins. I was partway through this travel assignment when Jordyn reached out to me and asked if I was interested in having dinner with her.

"Dinner" I responded, "Of course." And plans were set. A few days later, over dinner she asked if I would ever consider a change in your nursing career.

I paused and squinted my eyes. "How so?"

"The CRNA program is starting to accept applications for the next term CRNA course. I think you would be a great candidate and be a great CRNA."

I was astounded. I would have never thought I would be thought of in that caliber of nurse. I actually blushed.

"You would need to take the GRE, apply to the program and to the school, it's not easy but I just wondered.

"I took the GRE a year ago, would those scores still be valid?"

She went on to share that she wasn't just a nurse anesthetist, and as the Program Coordinator, she had daily conversations with the Director of the program, Kari Ann Soles.

The name Kari Ann Soles was very familiar to me. She was a superior nurse leader and was well sought out after her retirement from the Army Nurse Corps. Her last assignment was deputy chief of the Army Nurse Corps. She was a superstar.

Jordyn also shared with me that my time in the operating room at Baltimore Shock Trauma was considered excellent and that I had done a wonderful job and impressed numerous people.

"How do you know this?" I inquired. She just smiled.

I told Jordyn I would need to consider that drastic shift. Going back to school? Let along to a MSN program, the academic and then the didactic. It would be a two and a half year journey that yes would be well worth it, but is that what I wanted to do?

She shared with me that I should take a day or two to think about it, but not to hesitate. Applications were already being received. I agreed to meet her for dinner in three days as I needed time to think this through.

That night over dinner with Ben, we started our discussion about this. What it would do for my career and my future. I then said, 'Our potential future'. I was first to say financially it would be a challenge. He agreed that he was up to it, and he would support me.

That night we made love, it was good. I just missed something; I missed what I truly wanted in a lover, the soft touch, the feel of her breasts, the tender care and sweet nectar of a woman.

I got out of bed and showered then went back to bed. Tossing and turning most of the night simply unsatisfied. I was not as happy as I should be.

I kept thinking this was a mistake.

***

Ben had recently secured an offer at a top-notch engineering firm in Linthicum, MD. We would be financially well off considering our expenses and living together.

Three days later we hosted Jordyn at the house for dinner. We had a nice conversation. We talked about the pros and the cons not only of school, but also the challenges in a relationship and the financial strains during this type of a program. Jordyn assured me that if I was in the program there were chances for float work for additional income.

As I walked Jordyn to the door that night, I noticed her beautiful eyes, deep ocean blue. I hugged her goodbye. God it felt so good. It was actually overwhelming. I hugged her tighter than I should have but goodness she felt amazing.

I didn't sleep well that night. I was dizzy pacing around the apartment. I eventually made my way back to bed just staring at the ceiling.

A few things were bothering me, one of which I couldn't discuss with Ben.

Around 5:00 a.m. I finally got out of bed. I knew Ben's alarm would be going off soon. I put on my sneakers and jogging pants, my sports bra and a top and I headed out for a morning run. When I got back from my run, I showered and dressed casually knowing I didn't need to work today. Ben fixed us a nice breakfast of yogurt, some fresh fruit and some cottage cheese.

Part way through the breakfast Ben paused and looked at me. "What do you think?"

"I would like to at least apply. Jordyn is right; it would truly give me another avenue in my career and keep me in the operating room where I love working."

He looked at me and smiled. "I saw the way you hugged her. The way you look at her." He winked.

"Stop it Benjamin!" I shouted and threw my napkin at him.

He kissed me goodbye and left for work. As soon as he closed the door I knew, unless things changed soon, I would need to end this and stop dragging this beautiful young man along.

***

So, I applied and was even called for an interview which I think I presented myself rather well at. Then I waited.

I had finished my shift at Johns Hopkins and turned my phone back on as I walked through the parking lot. I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans pocket pulling it out. I saw there were a voicemail and a text, both from Jordyn. I was suddenly nervous. All the text said was to call her. I listened to the voicemail, same thing. "Hi Janie, its Jordyn when you get this please call my office at 301- blah blah.

I got in my car, started it and sat there, hesitating. It was nine long weeks ago. God I wanted this. I pressed the green dial icon.

"You have reached Jordyn ....""

"Fucking voicemail!" I screamed. I sent her a text. 'Hey beautiful, tag you're it.'

Oh god, I called her beautiful! Well she is but damn. I was in anguish, this is torture. I buckled up and headed home. Traffic wasn't horrible and I made it home rather smoothly except that my phone didn't ring! She hadn't called me back.

Fuck, I thought to myself I didn't get in.

I walked into the apartment, threw my scrubs in the laundry. I went to the bedroom and changed into lounge pants and a T-shirt, then walked back to the kitchen where I started to pour myself a glass of wine. There was a knock at the door which surprised me.

I went and opened the door. I was absolutely surprised when I saw Jordyn standing there.

"Hey!" I opened the door wide. "Come in please! I missed your call. I got your voicemail and sent a text."

She smiled wide as she stepped in and as I closed the door. "I was just pouring a glass of wine. Would you like one?"

She finally spoke, "A celebratory glass of wine I hope." Her smile was even wider and she was shaking her head.

I screamed "Really?"

Jordyn shook her head with greater enthusiasm.

"Yes!"

I was overcome with absolute happiness and pure emotion. I do not know what got into me. I quickly moved towards her and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her, and then I kissed her cheek.

"Oh my god! Thank you! Oh my goodness thank you Jordyn."

It was then I realized that Jordyn had her hands on my back and was returning the hug. It felt amazing, just holding her in my arms, the softness of her skin against mine, her breasts touching mine, my lips close to her skin. I turned my face to her cheek and kissed her again.

I pulled back and whispered. "I'm sorry I apologize I was so overcome with emotion."

I slowly released the hug, but Jordyn didn't. She responded, "Its okay Janie, I feel it, I really do. I have felt it since we first met."

Instinctively I pulled back, my hands now cupping her cheeks. My fingertips opened wide, teasing her hair, just above her ears. I looked deep into her eyes. I bit my bottom lip and lowered my head, my lips kissing hers. My hands held her face tentatively, softly, lovingly.

Jordyn's lips pressed softly back against mine. I inhaled deeply and continued pressing forward. My fingers teased her hair and my hands dropped down to her back, caressing it. I pulled her closer. I felt our breasts pressing together. My body reacted to her touch.

Our lips molding to the others. Our kiss was romantic, sensual, loving, and amazing.

We broke the kiss. Jordyn winked at me. "How about that glass of wine now?"

It was nine weeks to the day. Nine weeks ago I interviewed. I poured her a glass of white wine and took her hand, inviting her to sit on the couch with me.

We sat and chatted, our hands touching every once in a while. It was comfortable, easy, our conversation just flowed. I excused myself to stand up and grab a glass of water and asked her if she wanted one also which she did. I returned to the living room, carrying two glasses of water.

I looked at her beauty. I looked at her. She was the most beautiful woman in the world. But this time when I sat next to her on the couch, I sat closer to her, in her personal space. It felt wonderful.

I leaned forward, kissing her lips gently again, and then whispered in her ear. "I was accepted into the University of Maryland for the MSN and the CRNA program at Shock Trauma."

Then with a bit more enthusiasm I said it again. "I was accepted!"

We both smiled just thrilled with my acceptance. We chatted a bit longer and were interrupted when her phone rang. She excused herself and took the call. I went to the bathroom, offering her some privacy.

I returned a few minutes later, she was standing near the door, her purse in hand. She must have read my facial expression.

""Hey! This is a happy day."

I blushed deeply. "I am sorry I just didn't know you would leave." I approached her standing close and lowered my hand touching hers.

"I hope I didn't offend you Jordyn" I paused. "I hope that wasn't the last kiss we have."

It was her turn to blush, and she brushed a deep, deep crimson red looking straight at me. She closed her eyes and said, "No, no Janie. No, that's the first of many kisses that we have in our future but my home life calls me away. Can we find time this week or next? I would like to go out with you."

And with that, she leaned forward and kissed my cheek giving me a gentle hug. She apologized again and turned walking out of my apartment, leaving me in an unbelievable and phenomenal daze of happiness and excitement.

***

I was focused on my academics, the class time, the studying and working one or two shifts per week. The time was flying by and I will admit it was a challenge. Ben and I were very open to the relationship challenges that also were happening. I wasn't around much but when I was he dedicated himself to me more and more. I continued to think about this relationship. I was considering the possibility of this long term.

I had invited some of the students to our place on Thursday evening. We completed the ever challenging academic final portion of the program and moved into the clinical. Ben made the recommendation and thought it would be appropriate to invite Jordyn, as Program Coordinator, as well, so I did.

We had a wonderful evening with snacks, sandwiches and lots of beverages. As the casual dinner was breaking up, some classmates were commenting on the decorations and some of the photos I hung on the one wall, well truthfully Ben hung them.

Jordyn noticed them as well. She asked about a few photos I had framed and were hung from my Army Nurse Corps days. She commented specifically about a few of them then saw a few with friends from my three deployments.

"I knew you were an Army Nurse Janie, but I didn't know you were a combat nurse Janie." She asked rather gently.

But before I could say anything, Ben being the ever so proud boyfriend spoke up.

"Yes!" He raised his glass. Those who were left turned to hear him speak, though he wasn't grandstanding. "That's my kick ass girlfriend, a true hero in mine and many others eyes."

I just blushed and escorted the rest of the guests out, closing down the party. As the last guest left, I turned and saw Jordyn still looking at the photos. I turned and walked over to her.

"Jordyn, is there something that caught your eye?" I asked.

She spun quickly. Turning towards me but in the background I head the clang of some dishes crashing to the floor. I turned beet red.

"Pardon me a moment, don't go yet, please."

I looked in the kitchen to see a very wobbly and unsteady Benjamin picking up some silverware from the floor.

"Baby." I wrapped my arms around him. I didn't realize he had drank that much. "I will take care of this. You work so hard. Let me get you to bed."

I walked past Jordyn with Ben in arms. "I will be right back, please don't leave."

It was a few minutes later that I got Ben stripped to his boxers and lay him in bed to sleep it off. As I was leaving our bedroom, I paused and looked at myself in the mirror. Ugh! I looked horrible. I shut the bedroom door and walked out to the living room.

I saw Jordyn still standing there, looking at the photos.

"Hey!" I breathed easier. "Thanks for staying a bit longer." She smiled brighter and took a step closer to me. She is so beautiful, her eyes as blue as the ocean, her face just perfectly angelic.

She didn't back away as I stepped closer. "Thanks for coming out with us, it's really important." I reached out and took her hand.

"Would you take a seat and have one more glass of wine with me?" I walked slowly to the couch.

"Janie." Her hand squeezed mine slightly, "We do not need excuses." She grinned "And we don't need more wine. I am here." She didn't hesitate. Jordyn reached out, taking my hands in hers.

We stopped and stood close to each other, I held her hands tighter kissing her deep. As our lips melted together, our bodies touched, I felt a warmth come over me like no other. I carefully wrapped her in my arms thrilled to be holding her as it had been weeks.

"Oh Jordyn, I have missed you and this so much." I paused then took a huge step forward metaphorically, "I think I am falling in love with you."

I felt her hug tighten slightly, this was acceptance not rejection. She broke the kiss.

"I am falling for you as well." She pulled back slightly, "What about..."

I placed my index finger on her lips.

"Shh." I removed my finger and kissed her. "He knows, he sees how I look at you. He knows I am bi, he has commented and accepts that I will have a girlfriend."

I nodded my head looking at her, my nose brushed hers, teasing her. "The question remains, can you see I have Ben and that ..." I hesitated.

"What Janie, what?" Jordyn asked.

"Can you see? I think I am bisexual? I question my relationship almost every day." I kissed her quickly, not allowing her to answer.

My hands stroke down her back, pausing at her waist. My fingers crawled under her blouse. My lips pressed firmer, opening hers. My soft kisses continued. I opened my mouth for a deeper kiss, my tongue teasing her lower lip, then pressing forward. Jordyn spread her lips apart, opening her mouth to me as did mine to her.