Jennie - The Prequal

Jennie - The Prequel by Strappy Sandals

(Writer's note- The below story is true up until the wishful ending. It is presented to help the reader better understand the saga of Jennie and Jamie that will follow. Jaime loved Jennie but struggled throughout the 1980's to find himself. In the process of finding himself, he lost a few things that he genuinely loved, including Jennie. This prequel is not so full of sex, but I hope it will enlighten and interest readers enough to pursue the good stuff that will follow. Please enjoy!

"FUCK!" I had a major hangover, the fucking-pain shooting down my legs was almost unbearable, and I was fucking-freezing. My entire life seemed to have crash landed, and I had no idea what to do about it. What I did know, was that waking up in my car, on a fucking-freezing cold December 20^th morning, was a sure fucking-sign that I was turning into the loser that I did not want to become. At that moment, everything in my life was trending bad, and I had no idea how to change the trajectory.

The most dangerous part of my current reality was that in my delusional state, I was trying to party my problems away. What was clear to most everyone else around me, but not to me at that point, was that the partying was only increasing the pressure of my downward spiral. In hind-site, my drinking and drug use was driven by the short-term relief it provided to the pain in my legs. What hind-site also made clear, was that while relieving the pain in my legs, the drinking and drugs were killing near every healthy aspect of my life as well.

Just a year prior, I seemed to have a lot going for me. I was a tall, well-built, relatively good looking, kid from Philadelphia. Fair student, good athlete, reasonably popular, and I carried myself with a fake swagger that most people mistook for confidence. In high school, I dated the girl of my dreams. She was beautiful, blonde, kind, and truly an amazing person. Not a bad hand to play, right? Well, behind the wizard's curtain, the view was a little bit different.

My faux swagger hid a host of insecurities. My father died when I was very young, and I never knew him. I don't use that as an excuse for anything, but it certainly had an impact on my life. I grew up as the second oldest in a family of four boys, raised by a single mother. Mom tried very hard to make a good life for her boys, but the reality was that she married six different men in her pursuit of that effort, and when not chasing men, was usually working to pay the bills. I don't ever remember going without anything important as a kid, but I always knew we were robbing Peter, to pay Paul, and seemingly always one step ahead of the bill collectors. As kids, we received very little parental direction, guidance, or discipline. At the time, I thought that was normal, and kinda nice. But, in hindsight, it probably left me devoid of self-restraint, discipline, and maybe a little short of self-esteem as well. My oldest brother was pre-occupied with some mental challenges, so despite my shortcomings, I was left as the Alpha dog of our little pack. I don't know if I was particularly well suited for that role at the time, but thankfully I was a good enough actor to manage mom and her pack of crazy boyfriends, as well as keep one arm around all of my brothers as we raced through our teen-age years. As a family, we certainly endured some major problems, but we did learn how to survive, and all of us managed to safely navigate through high school and leave with a diploma. I however, was not quite ready to move into adulthood at the age of eighteen.

As fucked-up as my life was, I did have Jennie to make the world a much more hospitable place. Sadly, I was not as good to her as she was to me. As previously stated, she was beautiful, kind, smart, and really, fucking-HOT. But maybe more importantly, she provided me with a very stable foundation at a time when I really needed support. She was a great influence mentally and emotionally, as was her mother and father, both of whom treated me almost as good as they treated their own children. Jennie and her family taught me a lot about family culture, love, dependability, accountability, and forgiveness. They included me at every meal, holiday, event, or what have you, and always made me feel loved and a part of the family. Although, with those benefits, came the expectation that Jennie and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together. And quite honestly, I hoped and expected that too. But we were only eighteen, neither of us had ever left the neighborhood, let alone experienced life, and both had a lot of living to do before we were ready to think about settling down for the rest of our lives. And with so much time ahead of us, coupled with my needs and vulnerabilities, it was almost predictable that I was going to crash the plane before it safely landed in that happy place with Jennie.

We did manage to remain a couple for a few years after high school, but it seemed the longer we were together, the shittier I treated her. Jennie deserved a lot of things from life but being treated shitty by me was not one of them, and ultimately, she figured that out.

Looking back, in addition to managing the leg pain, I truly believe I was searching to find myself in the maze of drama that shrouded my life. I tried to engage in every sporting event, party, girl, travel, school, and life opportunity that came my way, but almost never closed the deal on anything worthwhile. Then, usually after initial success but eventual difficulty, I would quit one thing and move onto the next. Early success, difficulty, quit, move-on, repeat, was my life cycle, and I suppose that included my relationship with Jennie and the comfort she provided as well.

I suppose that while in high school, I was able to manage my frailties, and make things appear OK. But ultimately, my world started swirling, and as things started crashing, Jennie got tired of me chasing everything except her, and ended up meeting someone else who made her feel special. And smart guy that he was, he proposed marriage to her rather quickly. The next thing I knew, Jennie was getting married, and I was left without the one thing that I loved and needed the most. Talk about a kick in the balls. Pathetically, I faked indifference, and acted as if I didn't care; letting her walk away without even making a phone call. The last time I saw her was in late 1980, and then never again for the next thirty-five fucking-years. I've missed her almost every day since.

Back then, I worked in a hotel restaurant. Five nights per week I'd serve gourmet meals to traveling businessmen, who generally left me a healthy tip on their corporate card. I made great money for a guy with minimal skills, and I could do the work while stoned, which was a tremendous benefit. Generally, work ended approximately midnight. Most nights after work I would party, drink, smoke, take pills, and generally carouse until I was blasted, then home to bed as the sun came up. Most tomorrows were just like yesterday; sleep late, go to work, party, and wasted again.

But, back to the story. So, there I was, hung-over in that car, freezing my balls off, with the pain running down my legs and hurting like a mother-fucker. I was out the night before drinking heavily, which I did almost every night. And because I was drinking so heavily, I didn't remember to take my anti-inflammatory medication to relieve the constant pain in my legs. I had two damaged discs in my spinal column at the L4 and L5 positions. They were both badly herniated and bulging, putting constant pressure on my spinal cord, and keeping me in constant pain. To alleviate that pain I took various medications, but also drank heavily, smoked weed constantly, and tried near every legal and illegal drug available to help mask the constant pain. At the point of this story, I was virtually a functioning drug addict, with "functioning" being a questionable adjective.

Anyway, this particular morning, I was obviously fuck-faced drunk the night before and couldn't drive home. I'm not sure if a good Samaritan put me in the car, or if I luckily passed out before turning the key, but at that moment I had no fucking-idea how I got there. I was thankful though, that I still had my limbs intact, and my wallet in my pocket. Anyway, after starting the car, and cranking the heat up high, I tried to get a grip on my situation. What day was it? Did I have to work today? What obligations did I have on my plate? And where the-fuck were my back pills? The pain in my legs would become unbearable if I let the pain build too long without medication. After finding the bottle, I popped 4- of the Butazolidin pills, washed them down with the remains of a beer, and pointed the car towards home.

While driving, I turned on the cassette player, and not surprisingly, the song that came on was John Denver's "How can I leave you again?" That never fucking-failed! Whenever I was down, or feeling terrible about myself, life always found an icepick to stab me in the heart and remind me that Jennie was gone. "How can I leave you again? I must be clear out of my mind... Lost in a storm I've gone blind, oh how can I leave you again?" Those words never fail to haunt me. I lost Jennie for no other reasons than my own cowardice and selfish pursuits. Jennie deserved to be comfortable, happy, and loved. How could I ever give her that? I couldn't even figure out how to be a responsible adult, let alone provide Jennie with comfort, happiness, and love. That scared me to death.

As I was driving home, I shut the cassette down to try to minimize the parade of sad songs, and turned the dial to the local Rock station, WIOQ FM; aka, Philly-Q-102. It was there that I found a little optimism in the music. One song after another seemed to suggest my challenge wasn't impossible. Billy Joel - Just the Way You Are- started it, then Charlie Rich - The Most Beautiful Girl, followed by the Stylistics - You Make Me Feel Brand New. All positive-message songs that both Jennie and I loved and enjoyed together. After a few commercials, the positive vibes continued with Player's - Baby Come Back, followed by Pablo Cruise - Love Will Find a Way, and culminating with the classic Kenny Rogers tune - She Believes in Me. She believes in me... what were the odds that Jennie could still believe in me? As I calculated the long odds in my head, I decided to pull into a 7/11 for a cup of morning coffee before reaching home. As I made the turn into the parking lot, Nicolette Larson's - "Lotta Love" came singing sweetly out of the speakers. Yes, it would take a "Lotta love", but maybe there was still enough left to get me back on track.

As I was walking into the 7/11 for the coffee, I was humming; "Gonna take a lotta love"... when I was hit by the background music playing in the store. Karen Carpenter was crooning "I'll be Home for Christmas". Pathetic as it may sound, Karen Carpenter was my first love, and I still truly love both her and her music. I pretty much stopped in my tracks to listen and sing along; "I'll be home for Christmas, you can count on me, please have snow, and mistletoe, and presents on the tree"... Another beautiful song flashing me a green light on the highway back to Jennie! Eventually I broke my focus away from the song and completed the tasks of coffee, TastyKake pumpkin pie, checkout, and exiting the store. Suddenly, I felt happier than I had any right to feel.

Still humming the tune "I'll be home for Christmas", I re-started the car, turned left out of the lot, and headed north on Bissington Ave. towards home. Upon stopping at the first red light, I mindlessly looked to my right and amazingly saw Jennie sitting at the red light next to me. Hiding was my initial reaction, as the meeting was so unexpected, and while I was suddenly feeling optimistic about life, my self-esteem was still near zero. Thankfully, Jennie looked towards me, and upon recognizing me screamed "Jaime" through her window.

We both rolled down our windows and simultaneously asked "how've you been?" and then stared at each other in a lovingly surreal moment until the horns behind us began honking. Without thinking, (If I'd have thought I may have chickened out) I hollered at her to "pull over into the shopping center up ahead". She was nodding yes as she pulled through the light. As I followed her, I had two thoughts; this is great, and don't fuck-it up!

"How are you?" Jennie asked as I got out of the car.

"I'm OK," I somewhat lied. "But you look great," I complimented her.

She was wearing a hospital style white dress, with matching stockings, shoes, and a jacket over top, and truly did look great. "Jamie, you look horrible; are you OK?" she asked.

"I'm good, really, I'm good," I said trying to deceive her. "I was out last night Christmas partying, and had a little too much to drink, so being the responsible fellow that I am, I took a little nap in my car before driving home," I generously lied.

"OK, well, it's been great to see you, but I have to get to work; my shift starts at 7," she said somewhat uncomfortably.

As she began moving towards her car, I quickly blurted out "let's get together again Jen, I really miss you. How about a movie tonight, or a drink, or a cup of coffee? I really want to see you," I continued.

"I don't know Jaime, we haven't been good together lately," she said, stating the obvious. "Maybe we're just better off apart," she added.

"Come on Jenn, it's Christmas; why not?" I pleaded. "Do you have someone else?" I asked.

"No, not exactly," she responded. "But I'm just not sure going backward is the right move for either of us."

"Maybe not, but a movie and drink can't really hurt either, can it," I continued with the pleading. "It's near Christmas," I reminded her.

"OK, I give in," she relented. "But I've got to get to work right now. Call me this afternoon after four, and we'll set something up," she concluded.

With that, I gave her a quick hug, and she was gone. If I wasn't there to see it myself, I might have thought it was a dream. God, she looked good though; and after a moment of deeper reflection, it occurred to me that her nursing uniform was a turn on as well!

Long story short, I did call her at four that afternoon, and we had a very nice, but short conversation. She'd been studying and training to become a respiratory therapist, hence her sexy little white outfit and her job at the hospital. She'd been running around a bit with her sister and other friends but hadn't yet met anyone significant. She was nervous about getting back together, due to my history of leading her down a dead-end street, and my growing reputation as a party guy. But she did admit that she still loved me and missed me. So, we decided to go to a movie (Ordinary People, starring Mary Tyler Moore, which I thought sucked, but ultimately went on to win an Academy Award). I told her I'd pick her up at 6:30, while jokingly reminding her to wear something sexy, and we ended the conversation. Perfect, I thought to myself.

Prior to leaving that night for our date, I made sure to take 4- of the Butazolidin pills, washing them down with a single beer, and hoping they would keep me pain free throughout the evening. As discussed, the bulging disks in my back left me with constant, and horrendous, nerve pain running down both my legs. The only relief from the pain came from either lying flat on my back or loading my system up with anti-inflammatory or "other" form of pain medication. When the pain raged, I had to continually move my body position allowing the pinch point to relocate on my sciatic nerve, which would provide momentary relief until I moved again, and again, and again. Without medication, I appeared to have a nervous twitch as I continually re-adjusted in response to the pain.

At 6:30 sharp I knocked on the door to Jennie's parent's house, and Jennie answered it immediately. She did look great! Jennie is about 5'-6" tall, blonde, thin, beautiful, with smallish tits, great legs, and simply the sweetest temperament of anyone I've ever met. If I was asked to draw the perfect woman, I would simply draw Jennie. Tonight, she was dressed in tight blue jeans, tucked into black leather boots, and a shimmery thin, black, cashmere type sweater that made her tits look simply outstanding. "You look beautiful," I offered, while reaching over to give her a short kiss and hug. "I missed you," I added.

"I missed you too", she replied sincerely (I think). I then greeted her mom and dad, who are special people, wished them both a Merry Christmas season, and told them how great it was to see them again, especially at this time of year. They responded kindly, and for five minutes or so we chit-chatted back and forth about the holidays, their health, current events etc. I was just very happy to be back in that comfortable setting and could have stayed there all night. Thankfully, Jennie interrupted my coming home party to say we only had fifteen minutes if we were going to get to the movie on-time. So, I quickly closed with her parents, and we were out the door.

"You do look really good tonight," I told her as we settled into the car.

"Thanks, and so do you", she returned. "I will tell you Jaime, there are a lot of things you've done lately that piss-me off, but your looks never disappoint me. Your tall, big-man handsome, and rugged good looks never fail to warm me up, and I am glad we're going out tonight," she continued. "But I'm not so sure I would have agreed to this if you had not been so persistent this morning", she honestly advised me.

"Well, thank God for red lights then, because I honestly don't know if I would've had the guts to call you again if not for that lucky red light," I shared. "I've wanted to call you for a while now, but always found an excuse. I know I've been an ass, but I've been dealing with some stuff, and I just felt like I needed to get myself, and my life in order a bit before trying to work things out with you. You deserve to be loved a whole lot better than I've been loving you lately, and I truly want to do better. I do recognize that", I admitted truthfully.

"Well, I'll take that as a compliment," she replied with a smile, as we pulled into the theater parking lot. "I hope this movie isn't too dramatic," she commented. "I think we've got enough drama between the two of us right now."

Without saying it, I agreed with her, then took her hand, and led her through the ticket line, and into the theatre.

"What did you think of the show?" I asked, as we strolled out of the theatre.

"As I thought, it was way too deep and dramatic for my tastes tonight," she opined. "On some other night, under different circumstances, it probably would have been a good movie. But tonight, with you, we probably would have been better off seeing The Blues Brothers," she finished.

"Yeah, you can't go wrong with Belushi and Ackroyd," I agreed. "I'm starving, let's go get a drink and something to eat", I suggested.

"OK with me", she replied.

There was a little pizza and beer joint right next to the movie theatre, which was perfect for us tonight. We sat down, I ordered a pizza and pitcher of beer, Jennie ordered a glass of wine, and I excused myself to go to the rest room. In there I peed, and then washed down four more of the Butazolidin pills. The nerves in my legs were beginning to act up, and I didn't want the pain to get me preoccupied. When I got back to the table, Jennie had a serious look on her face, and I knew immediately that I was going to have to either man-up to some truths tonight, or risk losing Jennie.

Jamie, what's going on with you?" was how she opened the discussion.

"What do you mean?" I waffled, "I just had to go to the bathroom," I semi lied.