Jennifer Ch. 01bysitlox©
1: How it All Began
*This is my first story and contains both a story of my life with elements of fantasy and embellishment. I will not outline where truth stops and fantasy begins for flow.
**I've not written before so am open to critique.
***This is a long story, I write this almost as a journal of my experience and it helps me relive the moment. It is highly descriptive and hopefully experiential. If you like short punchy stories this is not for you.
****This Part is just the build up with no actual action. I will release the first encounter shortly then based on response/feedback may continue.
I fumbled for my keys and absently inserted it into the front door balancing groceries and my briefcase as I tried to get the door open. The hallway light was on – signalling that my wife was home before me. As I shut the door, I yelled out, "Honey, I'm home". Strange, I got no response. Ever since we lived together we had made it an unspoken rule that if one of us was home when the other arrived home, the one who was home would come out with a kiss to welcome the other home. It became a bit of a ritual for us, similar to how we would kiss goodbye before the first person left for the day.
Today was an odd exception. I made my way to the kitchen and dropped the grocery bags and made my way to the second bedroom/study in our flat where Jennifer would normally be working when she was home. As I approached the room, I knew something was wrong. Jennifer was walking out toward me, her face taut in a mask of blended anger and disgust and she held my laptop in her hands. My memory raced back to the morning before I'd left and suddenly my heart sank deep, all the way down to my stomach. She thrust the laptop into my hands and hissed quietly "take your disgusting filth and go!" With that, she turned around slammed the door of the study and bolted it shut on the inside.
I looked at my laptop screen and sure enough, my worst fears held true, Windows Explorer was opened up to my collection of porn which is kept safe in an encrypted section of the drive. This morning, after my wife left for work before me, I had taken the opportunity to erm... peruse some of my collection and had forgotten to log out of the encrypted drive after leaving my laptop running in the study. I had thought about it whilst driving to work, but I wasn't sure if I had logged off for starters, plus I calculated it would be a low risk event as Jennifer and I had separate computers and it was a rare day we touched, much less used the other person's device.
Now what's wrong with porn you ask? In this day and age surely it's commonly enough accepted even amongst married couples that men will still view porn and they will masturbate even though they have access to the 'real thing'. Well it's not so much porn but the nature of the porn that was distressing upon discovery. I had discovered porn, like many kids my day through the internet at the tender age of 16. Back then, the internet was still a new and novel idea and 14.4kbps dial-up modems were the norm. I still remember the first time two friends of mine and I went to playboy.com on the PC in my aunt's apartment. None of us had a PC at home, much less a dial-up modem and my aunt who was away (bless her good heart) gave me her apartment keys in case I needed to use the PC for 'school work', It took about 10 minutes (no exaggeration) to load the front page of playboy.com and we spent the next two hours waiting as pixel after pixel of digital goodness streamed through the ether.
Over the next 20 years, the internet changed drastically and so did my tastes in porn. Where I started with your usual plain vanilla and 'hot teens – barely legal' category over time I moved on to BDSM themed porn (male dom, fem sub) to lesbian BDSM and eventually to femdom. As even more time passed, I refined my collection even further and today my extensive collection of over 100GB consisted mainly of femdom categories such as footjobs, facesitting, CFNM, JOI, CEI and female strap-ons. The final and category that turned me on most however was cuckold porn a good half of my porn collection was in this category along with folders filled with hotwife stories and articles on the cuckold lifestyle. I had also evolved a system to manage my library of porn clips over time labelling each clip by category and ranking them. For example, a file starting with CKCPCL referred to Cuckold-Creampie-Cleanup and so forth.
I flicked to the second instance of file manager that was open and my heart sank a bit more. This was my picture collection. Over time, I had not only refined my tastes into femdom and cuckold porn, but had also developed the abhorrent habit of gathering pictures of real people in my life. Real, hot and female people to be exact to use as wank material. It initially started off with pictures I took when digital cameras first burst onto the scene and innocently asking hot female friends to get copies of their albums. This seems creepy now in hindsight but back then, digital pictures were novel and quite easily shared around. The advent of social networks however, just made it all too easy and I now had over 10GB worth of picture files of girls who were even remotely hot on my PC. This included my friends from before I met Jennifer, our mutual friends, some of her friends and even a cousin of mine (yes, sick, I know). The way I normally do it, is to have a picture file open taking up ¼ of my widescreen monitor and a porn video going at the same time occupying the remaining ¾. I found the turn-on factor imagining someone I knew to be the female dominating or cuckolding me to be significantly higher than if I were just watching porn stars go at it.
Now I had been busted once before when it came to porn. With my first ex, she had discovered my porn collection hidden in a Windows System folder in a very similar manner along with the pictures of friends and acquaintances and that ended that relationship. To safeguard that situation from happening again, I made sure when I started dating Jennifer to keep all my porn in an encrypted drive and also to have a three separate stashes – an encrypted folder for the femdom/cuckold videos, another for the pictures and the final with 'plain vanilla porn' hidden in plain sight in a Windows System folder. Now, I hardly viewed plain vanilla porn anymore these days but I held it as insurance in case Jennifer ever had 'the talk' with me one day about masturbation and porn and I was forced to 'reveal my stash'. Well today didn't quite work out for me as I had my personal stash wide open for viewing.
I went to the bedroom and resignedly put down my briefcase and laptop. I then went back to the study and started knocking on the door to plead forgiveness but got no response.
I had been standing at outside the study for the last half hour knocking on the door and pleading for her to come out and talk. I got no response from her at all aside from hearing an occasional sob and it came to the point where I started to try to have a one-side conversation with the door. Loud music promptly came blaring out through her laptop system drowning out any chance there was of her hearing me. I sighed and walked back to our bedroom to wait and reflect on how it all came to this.
Jennifer and I had been married for almost two years now and going out for three years more. Both of us were turning 30 this year and for most part it has been an excellent relationship. We're both fairly capable, young professionals and enjoy a busy if somewhat independent life. We allowed each other a large degree of freedom and were fulfilled enough in our lives. We were very affectionate but our sex life was missing – a spark.
Don't get me wrong, Jennifer was hot. Slim and tall at almost 175, she was a part time model when I met her and still does it sometimes. One of my pet hates earlier on in this relationship, was that my friends and colleagues in their well-meaning manner, would ask how I managed to punch above my weight in ending up with Jennifer. Now, I don't think I'm bad looking, tall at 182 and slim but in no way buff. This doesn't seem to bother Jennifer at all though as she often tells me both before and after we got married that she finds me extremely attractive and that she has this 'thing' for tall, geeky, stable guys. That has been the profile of the many exes she has had in the past.
Also, it was not from lack of willingness on her part. Jennifer had a high sex drive. In fact, when we first started going out, she wanted sex almost every day or at least every other day. I initially had 'performance' issues mainly due to my inferiority complex when with her but later on overcame this. My penis is on the short side at about 4.5" but she assured me length doesn't matter and I had more girth than most others she'd been with.
The issue was mainly about turn-ons. Her idea of initiating sex was to hump my left as we got ready to turn in for the night. Rugged up in her comfy and warm PJs with thermal socks and glasses, this did zero to turn me on. Plus she liked really boring missionary and quick sex. Whilst this would be good for many if not most guys, I actually loved foreplay – or rather eating pussy and also getting blowjobs. Neither of which she really enjoyed. She also appears to have a really short vaginal canal making it uncomfortable for her when I penetrate her doggy style or with her legs up in the air around my neck – this is despite my short cock. Both of which were my favourite positions. In the early days when I had performance issues, I used to try to eat her out til she came but she couldn't cum that way and it usually ended up with her fingering herself and rubbing her clit while I tried (mainly vainly) to lick her around her fingers. After she came, I would come by having her ride my face with her pussy, lapping up her cum as I brought myself to orgasm.
At various times we've tried to spice things up a bit and I've tried to convince her to try other techniques such as different penetration angles with doggy style and also roleplaying. While I've had some level of success and she now enjoys my oral ministrations, she has never really been able to play the dominant role well and this made my fantasy/masturbation sessions much more satisfactory. These days we have sex about twice a month and I usually prepare myself by developing a cuckold fantasy while watching porn videos while she's out and pouncing on her like a tiger when she gets home with my fantasy fresh in my mind. And she wonders why her normally laid back husband attacks her pussy with such gusto at times and can hardly get it up at others. I on the other hand, will regularly masturbate to cuckold porn once or sometimes twice a day when my wife is out.
At about a quarter to midnight the door to the study unbolted and creaked open. I walked over to the study and gazed and Jennifer's tear streaked face. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was damp and red. She glared at me, undecided between anger and disappointment. Neither of us said anything for a long moment then she went:
"Well? What have you got to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry" I began, then realised I had not quite thought of what else to say – actually I don't quite even until today if I had thought about it, what I could have said. I paused awkwardly and gazed at my feet unable to meet her gaze.
"I'm sorry? Is that all you have to say after all this time? You're a sick pathetic animal and you disgust me. I really don't even know you – the person I've married". At this point, a tear started rolling down her cheek again but her steely gaze warned me from reaching out to her.
I continued to look at her dumbly and finally shrugged and said "Look, I really don't know what to say. Yes I have a filthy disgusting habit and I cannot make any excuse for any of that. Porn is normal and my tastes have just ... evolved over time into this sick and depraved thing. But I've compartmentalised it and it doesn't change who I am or the fact that I still love you."
"Stop!" she said. "Just stop, you don't love me, I don't know you. The man I married was a kind, gentle, loving and upstanding man. But you? You're a sick animal. Your tastes in porn videos is one thing and we'll get to that in a bit but really all those photos? Your friends, my friends, your cousin and HER?
That gave me pause for a bit, there was only one of two girls 'Her' could refer to. I had pictures of both my exes in my collection, some pretty racy pictures too. The first ex was ancient history and I know Jennifer didn't care about her, the second ex was really a semi-ex who was undecided between myself and another man at the time. I really think this is what ingrained my cuckold habit and made it such a turn on. The fact that she was seeing both of us at the same time made me insanely jealous but over time I actually realised that the jealousy turned me on and every time I was with her, I'd go down on her to check to see if she had been with the other guy and then make love to her madly. Eventually she chose the other guy over me, and I abandoned pursuit when she got engaged to him. The other potential 'her' could be my previous housemate. Now for reasons I never understood, Chanel, who I used to live with before I moved in with Jennifer, pissed Jennifer off to no end. Now don't get me wrong, we lived in a share house moreover I shared the house with Chanel and her partner Bob. She was pretty good looking and had an easy way about her with guys, I was never strongly attracted to her, but the fact that Jennifer was insanely jealous of her made her great masturbation material (plus, like I said I had pictures of any remotely hot girl I knew in my collection).
Seeing my uncertain expression, Jennifer continued "Chanel... as if you had to ask. You know how much I hate her, she's such a bitch and I can't believe you actually like her? Like what were you fucking her behind my back or something?"
"No" I began lamely. "Look it's all just mind games and fantasy for me ok? I started out with porn at a young age and over time I found I needed more and more depraved things to turn me on and take me further. It's a habit, like an addiction or drug and I'm hooked. I probably need help and I am willing to seek it. We can work through this together, like how we always worked through issues in the past."
"No!" she said, shaking her head vigorously. "This is nothing at all like anything in the past that we've dealt with. This is completely different, and honestly, I really don't know if this is something I can deal with". She looked drawn out and really exhausted by this point in time.
"Those codes, those rating systems, tell me about them and tell me what the hell cuckolding is? The majority of your porn and most of your favourites seems dedicated to it".
"Well," I began "the codes are just shorthand for various categories of porn in the clip, the rating system, well it's a rating system of how much each clip turns me on and cuckolding. It's a fetish where a guy is turned on by jealousy." I said in a sage manner.
"What do you mean turned on by jealousy? What does that even mean?" she said.
"Umm... well, most cuckold videos place the protagonist as the boyfriend or husband of a cheating wife or partner, and the videos involve the girl 'getting it on' with another guy while the partner is forced to watch or help."
Jennifer raises her head and goes "Wait help? What do mean help? You mean like a threesome?"
"No" I said, "Normally in cuckold videos, the partner seldom gets any gratification. He is required to assist by, helping the girl get ready, driving her and the lover around. Undressing her for the lover, performing oral sex on her to get her ready for the lover, holding her legs apart so the lover can penetrate her and sometimes cleaning up the cum from the girl's body – wherever her lover deposits it. It's mainly elements of humiliation, jealousy and shame, all very powerful emotions that come together to make it a huge turn on for the cuckold. The girl is referred to as a hot wife often times"
"So you mean to tell me, you get it off, by fantasizing about other guys fucking me while you watch? You're a sick, sick bastard, do you know that?" she cried.
"Well no" I began, then stopped short abruptly. What was I going to say? That I fantasized that I was forced to watch my friends get fucked while I performed oral sex on them and sucked out the cum from the creampied pussies? I was in enough trouble as is. "Well, I guess, yes, kind of."
"You're a sick, sick bastard" she repeated whilst shaking her head. By now however, she had stopped crying and was talking in more normal tones and even seemed vaguely fascinated by the concept. "I'm not sure what kind of guy actually wants to see his wife get fucked by another man, then eat the cum from her body." In back of my mind I was thinking to myself – no the body is pretty lame, but to clean out a creampie!? But I continued to stare stoically at her.
Then her shoulders sagged again and she let out a great big sigh. It's late, if you have nothing else to say, I am packing my bags and heading off to my parents. Don't try to contact me." And with that she stormed from the room, threw a few pieces of clothes into a luggage case, grabbed her laptop and left.
I tried calling her during the week, I tried texting, emailing and once even went by her parents place. I saw her dad watering the lawn but not knowing what she had told them, I didn't dare show up to my father in law out of shame. But all of it went ignored, and I got no response at all. By the end of the week, I was a wreck, I had hardly slept all week. Ate one meal a day, deleted all my porn and pictures and was emotionally on the verge of being suicidal. Then one evening I heard the sound of keys in the front door and she was back with her suitcase. My heart raced for joy and I ran up to her and was about to fling my arms around her, but her icy stare stopped me.
"I am here for my stuff" she said and proceeded to the wardrobe, opened up an empty suitcase and began tossing more clothes into it.
She looked great, I am not sure whether she had a better week or any more sleep than I but she sure as hell looked great. Or maybe that's just me missing what I had lost.
"So" I began timidly, "how have you been?"
"How the hell do you think I've been?" she asked without missing a beat as she threw another bra into her suitcase.
"I've had a shit week, and I miss you like hell Jennifer. Please don't go."
She paused and turned around to face me. "Jason, she said, I really am not sure what else there is to say, I've thought about it all week, and I've talked to my lawyers. I have half a mind to begin divorce proceedings" she paused for effect as I waited for her to continue. "But we've had a good run and until last week, we've had a great relationship. You have 10 minutes to convince me while I am packing and tell me why I should stay." She turned back and began to pack some more, this time tossing in a bottle of perfume.
"I...." I began lamely. "I really don't know what to say Jennifer. I mean what can I say? I was wrong, I have done some things I am very much ashamed off. I can change, with your help I swear I can. I'll get help, talk to a therapist and together we can work through this. I'm really sorry for the pain and hurt I've caused you and I promise not to do it again."
She remained quiet and kept packing.
"Look I'm really sorry, tell me what you want, tell me what I can do to make things right?" I pleaded with her.
"What I want?" she asked, "What I want is to never have discovered your sick secret last week, or rather for you not to ever have had this sick secret to begin with. Gods! You hid it so well, who knows what other shit you've been hiding from me?"