Jitter 01

"Listen, Freddy, I know that you struggle to talk with me sometimes, even though I think you secretly like me, but listen, just what the hell is happening here then?"

"Well, with what's going the hell on here, I'm not going to argue with you about if and how I like you or not because as you can see, I have something going on here!"

"And what's going on here then, I mean, just at a glance, is it a plane that crashed into a train then?"

"Oh, oh and the train was on the tracks just at the bottom of an erupting volcano too! Or as I have just labelled it, good news, bad news, what the hell news and then, you guessed, you're got to be kidding me news!"

I mean, there was our quiet street and there was me in my Friday morning leisure outfit with the clear impression between my butt cheeks that I clearly thong undies because my Saturday morning leisure shorts were made for that look and my Friday morning spikey hair and then there was a big, big furniture truck and there was dark smoke and a huge tow truck, a couple of guys with the hands on their hips, which I, of course, duplicated and improved on, of course and then there was my neighbor, Freddy, being all frustrated with a plane wreck that hit a train at the bottom of an active volcano, just to set the scene. Oh, and my soft Friday morning leisure suit was black with red stripes, so.

"I'm all ears, Freddy. Well, I'm all eyes too with the extra time that I had on my hands this morning, but this is your disaster, so, carry on then."

"Oh (and stop batting your eyes at me while all those people are in the street) I mean, first, the furniture delivery truck arrived exactly on time and then, just as the workers were starting to unload all of my new furniture, I mean, it boom, the damn big moving truck blew a head gasket or something and then the guys made a bunch of phone calls and then the huge ass tow truck showed, but then that guy said that all of my new furniture had to be unloaded first before he could tow the huge ass moving truck, which the furniture guys did, but then guess what? Yep, the tow truck guy, who is totally eyeing you up right now, wouldn't let the furniture guys load up my old furniture to haul it away and yep, you guessed it, and they can't come back with a new big ass moving truck until at least tomorrow morning, so yep, you guessed it again, my house has two of everything in it! Two of everything, I say, Jitter! Two!"

"Oh, wow, Freddy, that is a bit like a plane and train wreck then. At the bottom of an erupting volcano. Um and your jeans and t-shirt then? They're all smudged, so"

"Oh, well, that brings me around to the "you've got to be kidding me news" then. I mean, the moving guys had the bright idea to pop the hood of the big moving and have a look see while we were all waiting for the big ass tow truck to arrive."

"So, as a guy then, you just had to join in with that man thing and poke around under the hood of a big ass moving truck engine compartment that just blew a head gasket then, Freddy?"

"Well, it's clearly listed on the man card, so."

I mean, it is a guy thing, right?

And Freddy is clearly a guy, unlike like me who has been called questionable and I may or may not have a CD card to proof it.

Also, LOL, nope, a house cannot handle two of everything! Not even close.

Oh, yeah, I just wormed my way inside of his to verify that, so.

"Well, I'm not giggling, Freddy (giggling), but step one, you're not having any visitors today or tonight, right?"

"Oh, the only other piece of good news, so no, I had no plans for that."

"Alright, step two, LOL, make a furniture fort! Sorry, Freddy, I couldn't resist. Anyways, I mean, push the old and new couches together and create a little, LOL, fort where you can watch TV tonight and hope like hell that furniture guys come back in the morning then. Oh, step three, keep your friends away tomorrow too, just in case, LOL, this is your weekend, so."

"SOB! With my luck, SOB, I can see this being my weekend then!"

"Well, Freddy, just start shifting things around to at least create a walking path or two. Also, wow, two kitchen tables is a train wreck within its self then, right?"

I mean, I was just trying to lighten the mood and all. Also, two kitchen tables in one dining area can only be described as a total train wreck.

And before I go on, I paused my story to submit for exclusive rights for the "poor man's two couch Adult Play Pen by pushing two couches two together" idea. I mean, not for everyday and the couches should be matching couches, but it made for an interesting way to watch TV once in a while, so.

"And for step four, Freddy, your jeans and t-shirt need an immediate washing with a washing pre-spray, so hand them over and I'll take care of that for you at my house. Or would you prefer that there is yet another disaster added to all of this, like a sudden lightning storm, so?"

I mean, Freddy's head was spinning anyways, so I didn't expect much argument back from him about my offer for a free washing and LOL, I didn't get one! I mean, he sheepishly wandered into his bedroom to change, but to add a car chase into the mix, I just followed him.

"So, I mean, Jitter, you're just going to watch me change from inside of my bedroom then?"

"Well, Freddy, I mean, technically, I'm just in the doorway of (your messy) bedroom and I'm assuming that you have boxers on, so?"

LOL, boxers, right? Sometimes they are more like pup tents, not that I'm sure what a pup tent is.

"OMG, relax, Freddy. I mean, you seem, ah, heathy and all, so bring me the jeans and t-shirt then so, you know, the weird queer boy from next isn't technically in your bedroom."

"I mean, I don't think weird things about you, Jitter."

"Oh, I mean, I'll be sure to post on Chang that there is one person in Middleton who doesn't think weird things about me then, so?"

I mean, I would have at least half folded the jeans and the t-shirt if the tables were turned the other way. Also, two tables in one dining room doesn't work, if I didn't mention that.

"Freddy, say that you didn't die from stripping in front of me and I'll be on my way then."

"I mean, my heart is still beating, so."

Oh, a couple of things were going all throb, boom, throb, boom, throb, boom then, folks.

"Alright, fine, I may or may not be hard right now, so what's next then, Jitter?"

"I don't know, Freddy, but I have washing work to do before all this "yuk" and "eek" stuff sets in, but we'll call it a tie since I'm not freaked out either."

I mean, it really wasn't a staring contest, right? More like two people frozen in place and staring at each other from just an arms length, so that's different then, right people?

"I mean, I'm the normal guy, so the tie should be in my favor then, Jitter."

Time to go, right?

"Then flex it a couple of times, Freddy."

[Boink, flex, flex, throb, flex]

Also, boxers, right? Those wide fly's hold nothing in place.

"I already said that you were heathy, Freddy, so."

[Boink, flex, flex, throb, flex]

LOL, time to go! Or reach forward.

"I'll be back later with your cleaned clothing, Freddy, so."

[Not exactly fapping???? So, front stroke, slip, stroke, clap, clap, well, move and fap, fap]

"Ooh, ahh, oh, ooh, oh, ahh."

Well, his t-shirt was dirty anyways and it was half folded anyways, so it kind of created a little pocket anyways, so.

"Oh, oh, oh, ugh, ugh, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh, Friday morning furniture issues then!"

"Well, that was dirty, Freddy, so."

[Milks the last few drops out]

"No, that was the other step one then, Jitter."

"Oh, well, good luck with you ever getting to step two and step three is never happening, so?"

"I mean, we can discuss any other steps later this evening in the comfort of my "Adult Play Pen" couch fort then. I'll order in and you can bring my cleaned jeans back and you know, you can wear something comfortable, so?"

"I mean, maybe, but not so comfortable that these "next steps" of yours are going to happen, so?"

"But just comfortable enough that you can product test your idea of a "poor man's guide to the DIY Adult Play Pen", right Jitter, um-mmm?"

I mean, product testing is important to new business ideas, so.

End Jitter 01