Joan Philips

You don't need to know my tale of woe and even if I told you, it wouldn't excuse my actions towards you at the airport. You came to help me and my daughter and I treated you like shit.

Please accept my apology and the sincerity I place both behind and around it. That Thursday you were our knight in shining armour. Today I would like to be able to call you friend.

Thank you again for all you did for an ungrateful woman and her daughter.

Joan Peters/Philips

I smiled again when I noticed Casey's own handwritten name beneath her mother's.

*******

Reading the letter again kept a smile on my face. My mind even wandered back to that time and once again played out that same scenario. Even with hindsight, I don't think anything could have changed it. Frank didn't give me any background because in his eyes, he was protecting his sister, and I respected the man even more because of it. Conversely, Joan and Casey were airborne before Frank knew there was a problem. No way to give them a heads up.

My thoughts seemed to have been far away because when I came back to this moment, my cell was in my hand. It still took finishing my orange juice to pluck up the courage, before I smiled and decided to do the Devil's bidding once again.

My number must have come across the screen of their house phone because Frank's wife answered with. "Good evening, Martin."

I paused. It was unusual for me to do that around her and she picked up on it. I heard her laugh as she said: "Martin, is it Frank or Joan you want to talk to?"

Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men.

I was rapidly thinking that this was an incredibly bad idea when another female voice came on the phone. "I'm afraid Frank is busy at the moment, so you're going to have to talk to me."

My cheeks warmed. I couldn't get past the thought that I had started this, there was no backing out now.

"Hello, Joan."

She giggled. "So glad you recognized my voice, does it really sound like the wicked witch of the west?"

I groaned when she said that. She heard it and laughed some more.

"My brother tells me that since today is Monday, you're at the gym, how did your push-up's, sit-ups and squats go?"

It was my turn to laugh. She was putting this conversation into neutral territory and I liked her so much for that. We talked for the next ten minutes before she asked me what I was up to now.

"I've already changed, I always go to a bar over at Fifth and Main. It has an open mic night on Monday."

"Oh, I see, so you called to ask if I would like to join you?"

PANIC tore through my thoughts, I regained thought just as I heard Joan say. "Good thing I've already had my shower; I figure with the aid of my daughter and Mandy I should find something to wear that won't embarrass you."

"I ... I ..." Somehow, stammering wasn't my best feature.

Joan's voice betrayed sudden uncertainty.

"It's ... It's okay, I seemed to be putting you in a situation. Perhaps another time. I'm sorry."

"Fifteen minutes." I breathed deeply and gained an ounce of courage. "You have fifteen minutes before I'm banging on Frank's door and dragging you out."

The pause, then laughter that came down the phone eased us both out of our joint misunderstanding. "Yes, oh master. All will be ready; my two handmaidens are on the case now. Please excuse this rude girl, she has to get changed." I could still hear her laugh as the phone went silent.

I would have made the fifteen if some idiot hadn't decided to dig up Laurence Avenue. I was still proud of the twenty minutes it took me; she was sitting on the porch swing when I pulled up, the curtains fluttered a couple of times and Joan tapped her watch as my foot touched the first step of the porch. I kept a dignified silence.

"I promised momma and papa I would be home before midnight."

I grinned and said: "Do I get to see you turn into a pumpkin if you don't make it?"

She took my hand and laughed all the way to the car.

"That would be the carriage dear."

All Joan heard as I closed the passenger door for her was me saying. "You didn't read the same version I did then."

I drove safely. I had Frank's sister in the car, that made me more cautious. It was close to eight when we made it to The Easy Chair. They had been holding open mic nights for two years now and Monday was a busy evening for the bar. If you didn't get your name on the sheet as soon as you came in, the sheet would fill up really quickly.

We found a small table off to the side and settled in; the waitress came over and Joan ordered a gin and tonic. I went with diet cola and ice. Joan was sipping her drink and looking at her surrounding when I said:

"So, are you going to tell me or am I going to have to hang you up by your toes and drag it out of you?"

She raised an eyebrow and looked around the club. "Nope, I don't air my laundry in public." The smile meant she was being friendly when she said that. "At least not until a second date anyway. Let's say the park on Sunday so we can run Casey into exhaustion and also have a semblance of privacy."

Her eyes always seem to tell on her. I didn't notice at the airport since she went straight to bitch mode and stayed there, but here, here they looked to put you in a warm place and keep you there.

I nodded first and then added: "Deal, I will even clear my laundry schedule and keep the whole day free. So, subject to weather of course, it's a plan."

Joan's smile never left her lips when she shook her head. "No, it's a date, and a second one at that."

I liked this Joan much better than the airport version.

She placed her drink on the table and held my hand real tight, making me look at my hand and then her. I like to believe, that's what she was waiting for.

"But know this. You're on a date with a married woman. However, the papers were served on him ten minutes after I got Casey into the cab for the airport. Even got a photo of him reading them to prove it. Mind you, the fuckwit actually thinks that tearing them up in front of the deputy that served him means that the papers are now null and void."

We both laughed at that part.

Joan made me move my seat, so we were now sitting side-by-side and looking directly at the stage. In the hour we had been there we had two comedians and three singers. It was as they stopped for a break that Joan mentioned that she wouldn't have minded a go, it looked like fun. Fatal mistake to say something like that this close to my hearing.

When I went to refresh our drinks, I talked to the owner and reminded him of the favor he owed me. The smile came next and we shook on it, he placed her after the next act which was going to be two sisters that sang here every mic night. When her name was called, she was still halfway through her second gin and tonic, the daggers look came back and reminded me of the airport.

Joan stood, then leaned down and kissed my cheek. "You're a dead man walking. Please ask next time."

She walked onto the stage to a polite round of applause, held the mic and told the whole audience that she had been set up by her boyfriend. "Don't think about getting a perfect rendition of anything." Joan went into a huddle with the guy behind all the sound equipment and came out with a smile on her face.

"Okay, please notice where the exits are folks, because I'm about to prove I have a ten-year-old child and you now have had your only warning."

For the next few minutes, the crowd at the bar and I sat and watched Joan Peters sing Elton John's, 'The Circle of Life.' And she absolutely nailed it to the wall when she sang it. The whole bar went silent when the last bar of music ended. Joan looked around, raising her hands in supplication. Then the roar began. Those that were sat, got up and clapped, the whole room whooped, shouted and applauded. No one had heard that song sung that well in forever. I know I hadn't.

Joan walked on air all the way back to her seat, kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear: "Told you."

She then sat and emptied her glass. I went back to the bar and the owner refreshed our glasses and then told me that it seems he owed me a favor again. When the next act got on stage, she took the mic and with a smile looked at Joan and told everyone that she wished she had gotten on stage before Joan got the mic in her hand. That comment got another round of applause.

The lady was a good comedian and left the stage to a fair round of applause, as the lady was heading back to her own table, she paused at ours and stretched out her arms. Joan stood, stepped to the side of the table and both hugged. I got a nod of her head and she carried on to her own table. She was followed by a saxophone player and then someone reading poetry. I looked at my watch and wondered where half the evening had gone. Joan noticed my look and peered over my shoulder at the time.

"It's almost the witching hour, you need to get this pumpkin home."

We walked hand in hand to the car. We also sat outside Frank's place for a few minutes in silence.

Joan started to look worried. "Was the date that bad?"

I looked at her and then claimed her hand. "No, don't ever think that. I've been going over the whole evening in my head and wouldn't have changed a thing."

That's when tears ran down her cheeks, she leaned across to me and kissed me on the lips for the first time.

When our lips parted, her forehead rested against mine. "Stay in the car, I'm a grownup, I know where the door is. We both need time to process tonight, you can masturbate thinking about me tonight if you want. I know I plan to with you in my head now."

She got out of the car and gently closed the door. Mandy opened the front door, I watched as it closed, both had each other in a fierce hug.

*******

The gentle sobs into Mandy's neck worried her, the click of the door left them with some privacy since Frank was still watching the results of the game on television.

Finally, they parted and Mandy looked deeply into her friend's eyes. "That bad huh?"

Tissues appeared in abundance from invisible pockets.

Joan shook her head. "Far from it, these last hours have been the happiest I've been with a man in forever. He understands why I said what I said at the airport and has put it behind us."

They hugged again and Joan whispered into her friend's ear. "I was close Mandy, so damn close to letting him take me home. I wanted so bad to just jump his bones and spend the night riding him."

Her friend understood. "Marriage getting in the way?"

Joan nodded, then separated from her friend as they both walked to the kitchen.

"The saddest part of all this, is his first memory of me as the screaming banshee." Her smile came to her and wouldn't let go. "Or as he called me, the wicked witch of the west."

She sat at the island as Mandy made them both a coffee. Frank half listened to the conversation. He was glad that she had a good evening; in his mind, she needed it.

When Frank got to work the next morning, to the staff it was business as usual. Although Frank watched Martin when he could, mostly he was just as busy, but in those small moments Frank would watch his friend look out the window and stare.

*******

The day was driving me nuts. I had gone over every conversation with Joan and the evening as a whole. It was the most fun I had had in such awhile. But I felt I needed to break a rule, it just took me most of the day to pluck up the courage.

I knocked on Frank's door and asked if he had a moment, when he nodded, I stepped in and closed the door.

We stared at each other for a moment, then I said: "I like her a lot, Frank, I understand she's divorcing, but I need to understand."

Frank leaned back in his chair. "This isn't a conversation you should be having with me; you need to...."

"Please Frank. I know as her brother I'm putting you in one hell of a position, but she's living in my head at the moment and Sunday is just too damn far away."

I could see the thought process turning over all the options in his head. I felt really guilty about asking him, thus putting him in this predicament.

"I'm not comfortable telling you. That's Joan's responsibility not mine. Come to dinner tonight, we'll keep Casey busy while you two talk." He looked directly at me at this point. "That's the best I can do."

I agreed with a nod of my head and Frank was reaching for his phone as I left his office.

*******

As always, I brought a bottle. Mandy just smiled. We both knew we wouldn't use it tonight since it was a workday the next day, so it got put away for our next cook-out. Of course, she knew that I couldn't come to dinner empty handed, no matter how many times she insisted. Dinner was fun and seemed to centre around the antics of Casey. That child lapped it up and could just brighten a room with only a smile.

I rinsed the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher as per both women's instructions while Casey and Frank sat watching cartoons. Once we all heard the song 'Let it go' drift through the house, not to mention backing vocals from Casey and Frank, we knew what they were both now watching. Mandy followed the sounds of the song back into the dayroom. Joan held out her hand and we headed out back.

She never let go of my hand and even sat closer to me as we both got comfortable out on the porch. I started to feel uneasy, like I was pushing Joan and that worried me, until she held up her hand and handed me a packet of tissues.

"I've brought some friends with me." We both smiled.

Then she turned to look at me, her hand never leaving mine. "I'm going to go first, but its quid pro quo okay? I'm going to tell you my tale of woe and then I'm still holding you to our original date and that's when you tell me yours. It's non-negotiable Martin, agreed?"

I gulped, then sat in thought for all of a nanosecond before nodding. Of course, she was right. It was only fair. No secrets, no bad surprises. If this had any chance at all, we needed to start right.

She stared off into the distance for a moment, looking like she was trying to find a starting point. Joan met her husband in high school, not exactly the high school jock, but he ran with that crowd. Being associated with him meant she was elevated to the same crowd, something she didn't want and wasn't a fan of, all through the back end of school.

The thing was, the guys decided to keep the group alive once they left school, meaning she was still stuck with the same group of women and any friends she made outside the group were belittled by the girls in the group, as well as the guys. Soon even those friends faded because they disliked the group and now by association, her for being involved with them.

If anything, work was her saviour. Joan could see a world that didn't involve a bunch of guys that basically refused to grow up. When she became pregnant her husband went off the deep end. He even offered to drive her to an abortion clinic to 'get rid of it'.

It was the first time she not only stood up to her husband, but the rest of the group of now adult-juveniles. Her own love for her husband was being tested almost daily from then on. Her mother was with her when she gave birth while he was off fishing with the group. Each year was another nail in the coffin of what she had hoped was a marriage. The final nail was when he went to slap Casey when he came into the dayroom and turned the television over from her cartoons so he could watch the start of the game and Casey asked him not to.

"I stayed in my marriage thinking my and Casey's love would be enough to bring my soon to be ex back from the brink. Some days I could see glimpses of the man I fell in love with, although I came to realize that they were becoming way fewer."

She broke eye contact and sighed.

"His love of alcohol, him not wanting to grow up and be an adult and father, let alone a loving husband was decreasing by the day. I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't stopped him from slapping Casey, I'd never seen that look in his eyes, ever."

Her hold of my hand never let up. She did use her other hand to pluck another tissue from the packet I was holding.

"It took my brother literally coming to my door and reading me the riot act, that I decided that my marriage was a sham and not of my making. I had to protect Casey and myself from the train wreck that was coming."

Having put in so much time and effort into her marriage showed a determined woman. She didn't want to become a statistic, but there was only one person fighting for their marriage and it took her own brother to make her see that.

Her eyes then took on an almost feral look. "The gods punished us with that damn plane ride here. At the airport, I got told from Casey that my brother wasn't outside but some cutie was holding a board with my name on it when I came around that corner. I soaked my panties when I saw you standing there."

She took a deep breath then, the colour in her cheeks changed and her neck quickly followed.

"I followed my heart and got it wrong once, the positive from that experience is Casey. I love that little bundle of joy to bits and will defend her to my dying breath. But the second I saw you, my heart told me what it should have told me, ten years ago."

I went to say something, I'm not even sure if it would have sounded profound either. Joan sensed it as well and placed her finger over my lips.

"In ninety days, with or without his consent, I'm going to be divorced and free. I also have ninety days to prove to you that the wicked witch of the west was a result of pent-up frustration and fear. Please don't give up on me just yet. I really am sane; it just took me a while to get my head out of my ass and divorce the dead-weight in my life."

By now the tissues had run out. "Joan, you look like you could do with a hug."

She nodded and leaned into me, her head rested on my shoulder and she burst into tears. I just held on for the ride. A few minutes later Mandy stepped onto the porch and took Joan in her own arms. She paused for a moment and looked intensely at me.

"You've been a guest and then a good friend of this family for a year now, Martin. If I had a sister, I would have introduced you to her and hoped like hell that something came from it. Joan is the closest I have to a sister as well as my best friend. Get to know her Martin. She's worth the time and effort, I promise you."

Mandy led Joan into the house. I sat for a moment reviewing what I had heard. The silence was rather refreshing, if not informative. I took my leave and drove home still deep in thought. In the end I had to agree with Mandy, Joan was worth the effort.

I woke the next morning with an unanswered text on my phone, it was a picture of a waste basket almost full of crumpled tissues. With the words 'we did that' attached to it. I laughed so hard.

*******

For the rest of the work week my life was predictable: work, home, eat and gym; rinse and repeat. In various order so as not to make me look like an automaton. There was one time I did ask Frank how come Joan didn't know his address.

He smirked and said: "We moved about a year after Joan married; the scum that she married didn't want to be parted from his boyfriends and girlfriends in case he missed something, so they never came to visit and he wouldn't fork out for her to visit us so it was left to Mandy and I to visit them. Those trips grew more uncomfortable with Mandy having to get between him and me on a few occasions. When she ditched the little bitch, I was due to meet them at the airport so sending them my address got left by the wayside."

I suppose with the electronic age of cell phones and social media, actually sending mail to a house and keeping record of an address would be pushed to one side. Contact was always electronic. It seems Joan wasn't about to repeat past mistakes, within days of us getting to know each other, she had my apartment address. Cell and landline and if I dug deep enough, probably, my inside leg measurement as well.