Just Once... I Do Mind, But...

OK, now that we have an understanding you can fuck off, don't talk to Marcey don't even look at her as you leave. Go now."

MARCEY THE CONFRONTATION

Watching Trey leave without a word or a look, Marcey came to me. "Fuck you Rick, you just couldn't stay away, had to be the big soldier, had to confront your enemy face to face, no consideration for my wishes. Yes, I know that sounds like severe irony after what I've done, but I told you to take me back or walk away, I wanted to meet just me & you.

I wanted not bring in other people to muddy things. I told you I don't love him, he has a smaller cock than you, he isn't close to being as good as you are in or out of bed. He's just a slick predator, I found him attractive and a good mark to have my revenge fucking, but that's all.

I don't want him and Rick, these last 6 weeks have told me I don't want anyone but you. Six weeks of mediocre sex and yes, I wanted it, I needed to get even with you for Deidre, but I can't tell you how disappointing is was.

Why could you not just give me that one small piece of respect after betraying me with your soldier slut for months in Iraq where she "took care of you"? I just wanted you to decide if you still wanted me. To either come to me at the hotel or leave me."

BALANCING THE SCALES

So, I was right, this was her idea of balancing the scales. She had felt the same disrespect for years that I had over these last four or five weeks after I'd eventually discovered where she'd gone and read her letter. It was her revenge and everyone knows, what good is revenge if the subject of it doesn't feel the sting and understand why it happened?

I stared hard at her, offered no sign of affection. She knew that things were not going as she had hoped but, I'd expected her to wilt at my burning anger but she just returned my glare, showing me that she felt she had right on her side no matter how she had blindsided me and betrayed her wedding vows. She felt just as betrayed as me.

"Marcey I came here because there was no way I was allowing that jumped up philanderer to walk back into his life here without hearing what I have in store for him.

That was never going to happen, so if you want any sort of future with me in it, cut out the demanding stuff. You will be best served if you listen more than speak until we get somewhere we can talk out what you've done in the past weeks and what you think I've done and what I actually did in Iraq. Once that is done, we will both speak from knowledge rather than bullshit thoughts.

"OK Marcey, I understand you; I know what you are feeling since Deidre ambushed you because its exactly how I'm feeling now, completely disrespected by the person I care most about in the world.

I tell you now that I will not be sleeping with you tonight, either at the hotel or in our home, or what is likely to be our former home. We may never sleep together again, I've got my backpack here and there are divorce papers inside.

But before I give you the divorce petition, I do understand some of what you have done, I want to give you the truth I should have given you some years ago so I'm offering to go to the hotel but just to the lobby, just to talk. I won't go to that room. We both need to finally tell each other exactly what is in our minds and our hearts and then decide our future. Are you up for that?"

"Let's go Rick"

AT THE AMBASSADOR HOTEL

Quickly we were at the hotel, we sat in a quiet area of the bar and got some drinks. We had not shared a single friendly word or made any show of affection on the drive, we were two angry people, spoiling for a fight but somehow both old enough and wise enough at least understanding that we needed to talk, if not for us, for our kids and future grandchildren. After 24 years we could not just say, fuck you and walk away. Too much shared past but what about the future.

"Marcey, if you are OK with it, I'm going to start, to tell you the whole truth and to let you know where our marriage stands in my view" She nodded her acceptance.

"Marcey, I've loved you for as long as I can remember, I've realised in my darkest moments since you've been gone that aside from the anger, I do still love you. So please let me get all the way through, then you can ask any questions and have your say. I'll be completely honest and hope you will be too. We know each other inside out, either will know if the other lies and because of that, I hope you will understand too when I talk I'm telling you the truth. She quietly nodded.

"We have both felt disconnected at times, mentally as well as physically when my career took me to other countries. I understand that life wasn't easy for you and the burden of raising our kids was mainly yours.

I have to tell you something that is very important to me. I don't think you understand it, I think you have added 1 & 1 and got 3, three being the number of people you thought were in our marriage while I served overseas & also the number who have been in it these past 6 weeks.

Marcey, I know you think that I betrayed you for months in Iraq with Deidre. I think that if you accept what I'm about to tell you, you will be surprised. I've no idea what was in that crazy bitch's head but our affair lasted exactly 15 minutes and Marcey, when Leslie gave me the letter I sent her home after I read it. I never touched her sexually, not once. I think both she & Vincent were disappointed, they will both confirm that nothing happened."

Marcey's eyes widened in surprise, I could see she had no doubt I was telling the truth, I knew beyond doubt she would know if I lied, I knew that there was no point in lies, so we both knew this was true.

Before she could respond I continued, "Marcey, Deidre and I didn't get past her giving me a blow job and I went down on her afterwards. Over and done in 15 minutes. Not only did I never fuck her, but I have also never fucked or wanted to fuck anyone else in our entire married life.

I was so ashamed with what I did, it has eaten me ever since, I should have told you when got home. I believe now that if I'd explained the circumstances to you, you would have understood and forgiven me. I didn't have that courage.

Marcey, we almost died that day, if we had been on the other side of the vehicle, it would have been us in the body bags and not Sam & Craig. We had barely a scratch, a few cuts and some concussion from the blast.

A little later when we were back in camp, our despair at losing our guys and shock demanded a human comfort and what happened happened. I'm not proud of it but it was a primal response to terror and shock. I didn't plan anything; it was over almost as soon as it started. We never so much as kissed in the months we were still there after the incident.

Marcey, I'm so guilty that it happened, I'm heartbroken I didn't trust you enough to ask for your forgiveness, I was too scared that it would kill our marriage & hurt the kids as much as you, too scared you'd throw me out and I'd be a weekend dad.

But Marcey, I don't think you got even. I understand that I never gave you the chance to understand what I did, but fuck, you went way overboard, even with what you thought happened."

I saw recognition in Marcey's eyes, I also saw that she had tears in her eyes, she was shocked that her interpretation of Deidre's words was so far removed from the truth. Her justification was falling apart. I could guess her thought process was screaming, "fuck what have I done?" She looked like all her hopes had gone for her marriage.

She had not got even; she had seriously fucked up. She looked broken and totally bereft. Her heart almost visibly falling apart as tears streamed down her cheeks. In that moment I understood that yes, she's fucked up but she really did love me, she wanted to return tour marriage. Could I?

And just like that my hatred vanished and I felt compassion for my broken wife, but compassion is not the same as forgiveness.

Sobbing she blurted out "I'm so sorry Rick, I thought you'd treated her as your wife for months while I lived alone with the kids with just my fingers for company. I thought I was getting my revenge, that we would have a rough spell but then forgive each other our affairs and go back to our lives. God I've ruined everything for weeks of third rate sex with a jumped up little predator.

Rick, I may not have shown it recently when I pulled this stunt, but I love you now just as I've loved you from when we started dating. I did this to get past my anger at what I thought you did in Iraq, she put all those things in my head.

God but it seems now she was trying to break us up. I thought I'd get it out of my system and then we'd eventually be good and it would be just us forever but I know now I've gone way too far. So is it divorce Rick? Is there any hope for us as a couple?"

"Marcey, when I came here today and saw Penny & lover, then you and Trey, I had decided I was over our marriage, it was a done deal for divorce. Now looking at you and understanding the hurt you have had for such a long time, I'm not as sure. Let us finish our drinks without talking and quietly consider what's happened. Let's both decide what we truly want, then see how we accomplish that. Another 5 or 10 minutes talking can't hurt."

So that's what we did, I barely looked at Marcey, just thought was there any way I could move forward with her in my life after the hurt we'd caused each other. Neither if us blameless, both in reality cheaters so time to set hurt aside and think clearly.

THE PLAN

Marcey:

When we had both come to our conclusions, we acknowledged each other by finally our eyes meeting & a small smile, each hoping that the other person had thought of some way to get past the hurt the other had caused.

This time Rick decided to allow Marcey to speak first.

"Rick, I know what I did must have hurt you so much. I did deliberately want to hurt you as revenge for what I was sure you had done, I won't lie, I've carried the burden of how you betrayed me with Deidre, ever since she called to see me 18 months ago.

That's a big burden to carry for that long. I had to get revenge, I needed to hurt you to get past it, to jerk you into realising things were wrong in our marriage, you seemed to have decided my feelings didn't matter after 24 years. I needed you to feel what my pain was like.

That was when that bitch Deidre convinced me she had fucked you twelve ways to Christmas, that your betrayal was not just complete but you had quietly put it behind you, I lived with it every day until I could take it no longer and then this trip came up. Some of the nurses though of it as a chance for some sex outside of their marriage, then it came to me how I could force the crisis our marriage needed, to get better or die.

Of course, you are correct, if I'd known the truth I'd never have done what I did on the trip, I'd never have shown you such disrespect, we'd already have gone past Iraq & that bitch. But Rick, I did what I did but Rick, two things to think about.

I'm the one who was hurt by what you did, that's on you. Also never doubt that I love you, that is why along with the pain I tried to look after you by arranging for Leslie to keep you company. Believe it or not, that was an act of love. She is so beautiful, I've no idea how you resisted her when you knew what I was doing.

Was that your act of love? Resisting her? Can our marriage survive? That's all I've got Rick."

Rick:

"Marcey, when I saw you shatter mentally when you heard the truth about me & Deidre, my hate for what you did to us just left me. But the disrespect remains, there has to be a reckoning for that. The only question is who pays the price and how high it is.

I know that I cheated first, at least that we know of. I heard whispers about you when I was overseas, early starts to your days, parking at a motel near the hospital, but look Marcie, let's agree we've hurt each other and get back to the settlement cost.

Two parts, the first involves you and me, I can hold off on divorce but right now I can't live in the same house, it's all too fresh. I'm proposing that we have a trial separation, I'll move out for a while, we can try reconnecting, first just as friends, then see where it goes, if we can grow back into our marriage full on."

Marcey looked conflicted, it was an olive branch of sorts that Rick was offering her, the possibility of them surviving as a couple but she'd hoped nothing like a separation would happen, if for nothing else that she really needed him in bed after the disappointment of Trey, the man with nothing much but a small cock and an ego.

Still, she knew it was the best offer she would get from Rick. "OK, what else?" she said.

"Now the price. It's going to be paid by Trey, but you are going to help me make him pay. You will be my alibi when he pays. That is the price you pay. To make him pay with a betrayal of sorts, it seems appropriate don't you think?

If you were straight with me that he means nothing to you, it shouldn't matter to you. But Marcey, if you want a future with me, the price is not just a separation but you also play this part in my revenge on Trey, the asshole who fucked my wife.

He's going to be hurt Marcey, it's going to be bad, I'm going to hurt him more or less where he hurt me but if he makes the right decision he gets to save is surgeon's hands if two things happen, he makes the right choice I offered him and you play your part in my revenge. You play the dutiful wife and provide my alibi."

3 WEEKS LATER

The next week Marcey returned to work at the hospital on a Tuesday, Trey hadn't met her in person, he knew not to risk Rick's wrath, he really was how Rick thought of him, a scared small man. He had Penny Washington deliver a message to Marcey.

"Marcey, Trey has resigned, through a friend he's managed to get a job back east that pulls a bigger salary and it allows him to live with a dying relative who needs him. Because of health issues the hospital board have released him from his contract here at the end of next week."

In the Saturday of the next week, Rick took Marcey to dinner in Rossini's, they had a pleasant evening on what was effectively their first date since their separation, Rick had been attentive throughout but a little preoccupied, his thoughts seemingly elsewhere for much of the meal.

That was until he got a call during desert, he excused himself, then he turned to Marcey and gave her his first smile since her return. "It's done" was all he said.

The rest of the evening passed with Rick's head more involved in giving Marcey attention and his whole demeaner warmed, he was smiling more and talking to his wife as if there was nothing wrong between the couple. To all appearances they looked like a long-established couple enjoying date night.

When their shared taxi dropped Marcey at their home they'd shared for the last 15 years Rick had even given Marcey a small kiss on the lips that lasted long enough to encourage her that he still wanted her, but no, he wouldn't come in that night but they made another date for the following Wednesday.

On their second date Marcey told Rick "Remind me never to cross you, well...never again I mean. He's in hospital recovering from surgery, lost both balls, he'll never be a father and his days as a playboy are over. That was quite a price he paid Rick, though I'm not saying undeserved, but I can't help thinking that although he pursued me, I'm deeply responsible for what happened."

Rick looked at Marcey with undisguised glee at her update on Trey, he was not a hypocrite so saw no reason for false sympathy. What happened after all is exactly what he had asked his friends in low places to do. Nothing more, nothing less.

Marcey continued, "The police interviewed me on Sunday night and asked about where I was on Saturday night. Of course, I told them I was with my husband having dinner at Rossini's as the restaurant would confirm. We were both there from 8pm until we got Bill's cab which dropped me home at 11:30 and then left with you in it.

Guess what they told me? Trey was mugged, and badly beaten, at 9pm as we were eating. The funny thing was his hands were not damaged, none of the defensive injuries you might expect. Almost as if he accepted his beating. They said it was a pretty clear case of a guy being punished, but he said he has no idea who would do that do him and it was too dark to identify anyone.

With me giving you your alibi, you are in the clear. So what now Rick? Are you coming home soon?"

EPILOGUE

Rick wasn't ready to go home, revenge was one thing, the disrespect was much harder to leave behind. It took several months and an ultimatum from Marcey before they had sex.

After five long celibate months of mostly loveless but increasingly affectionate dating with only occasional touching, she told Rick that she was climbing the walls with frustration and warned him she didn't think she could hold out if he remained unwilling to be her husband in the bedroom.

Rick was having his own dissatisfaction with sister palm and her daughters so after their next date, he finally accepted Marcey's invitation into their home. He spent the night, and they fucked each other to a standstill.

The next morning, they made love, proper married for years love, completely different from the previous night, for the first time since before her trip to central America.

The fucking was raw and exciting with hints of anger but the lovemaking saved their marriage. In the afterglow both shed tears, confessed their love to each other and decided it was time.

Rick spent the next day signing off the lease on his apartment and moved his shit back home. Marcey arrived back from work to find a smiling Rick with a beer and the kitchen in a mess, but hey, he was back and that was all she needed. Dinner was passable, the sex later was first class, it was lovemaking.

Trey had left town as soon as he was medically discharged. Effectively now a eunuch, He would never be a father and in the following years although he could occasionally have a erection, sex ceased to be a pleasure and explaining his lack of testicles too embarrassing. Had Rick known he would have smiled.

For Rick and Marcey it was never quite the same, both had a degree of shame over infidelity, Marcey found it hard to understand how she could have so badly betrayed the man she loved, she struggled over following years with depression.

Rick knew he was loved and felt that his wife would never again stray but that didn't mean that trust wasn't damaged. Theirs was a damaged marriage, but it survived into their old age and they shared the joy of having grandkids and retirement for both. As many older couples do, they grew closer in intimacy in every way but sexual, as their physical love life naturally waned with older age, they truly loved each other as much as they ever had.

In her early seventies Marcey died after a short battle with cancer. They had survived together for over 20 years after "the incident" and never regretted remaining married. Now on his own, Rick who had earlier thought the saying trite nonsense knew that he had definitely "been better with her in his life than without her".

Amongst their closest friends in recent years had been Leslie and Vincent who still lived in the house behind Rick. Their marriage had survived Vincent's sharing fetish and eventually they had raised a family.

When Marcey died Leslie had been the first to sympathise with Rick .... and no, he never fucked her nor anyone but Marcey, the only woman he loved.

The day after the funeral, Leslie surprised Rick by handing him a letter with Marcey's handwriting on the envelope, the writing was less steady than many years ago but clearly hers. It was a letter that only Rick ever read and he treasured it for the rest of his life, drew comfort from it when he was lonely and missed her every day for the rest of his life.