Just to Be Wanted

A/N: This story is about a trans guy and a cis guy. It's gay. If you have a problem with it being described as gay, just click off this story, thank you. This piece also features my Hunter the Reckoning 5e character and a thinblood member of his cell, Elliot. It takes place in the Vampire The Masquerade universe.

The instant they were in Elliot's hidden panic room at the center of the house, Killian felt the stress melt from his body and as it fled from him and his muscles relaxed, a different kind of tension came over him. Killian's body was filled with a desperate, aching need. His skin hot, cheeks flushed, body trembling. His head swam as he brought his lips to Elliot's again, kissing him even harder than before, his arms wrapped around Elliot's neck as he was carried to the bed in the vampire's arms.

The fell onto the small bed with Elliot's larger, heavier body falling on top of Killian's, causing Killian to gasp. He could feel Elliot's weight pressing him into the mattress and he swore he could feel the lust coming off Elliot in waves.

"Ah-" Killian's breath caught in his throat and he let his head fall back. "Oh God...please..." He needed this -- badly. Needed to be touched, to be held, to be wanted.

On the surface, Killian told himself that all he wanted was revenge, all he wanted was to be useful. But the truth was, he wanted something far deeper and more personal than that... No, he needed something deeper and more personal than that. He couldn't live the way he had been, desperately seeking out something that filled the hole left in him by the breaking of the bond while letting rage and anger fester inside of him, hoping only to live long enough that he could take Caoimhe with him... But he knew now that what he wanted, what he needed... Was to feel that someone wanted and needed him.

It probably wasn't healthy to turn to Elliot for it, to turn to the vampire in his cell as if he could replace Caoimhe. But he couldn't help it. He needed something that made him feel truly alive. And when Elliot had bitten him before it had made him feel more like an actual person than he had felt since his twin's bond had been broken.

Killian couldn't help but be surprised when Elliot had reciprocated that want -- that when he had kissed Elliot in the kitchen, Elliot had kissed him back. But here they were -- tangled in each other's limbs on Elliot's bed, Killian's body grown hot and their breath coming fast and hard.

Elliot left flurries of kisses on Killian's throat, over his collar bones, over his shoulders...

"W-wait..." Killian gasped, a sudden spike of panic hitting him. "Don't... Don't touch my chest. Please. I don't..."

Elliot looked at him for a moment, an expression that Killian couldn't quite read on his face... But Elliot shrugged and nodded. "If you don't want me to touch you there, I won't."

Killian breathed a sigh of relief. "Everywhere else is up for grabs though." He said, smirking at Elliot and hoping that he caught the implication.

Elliot was on top of him again, their bodies pressed together with no space to spare. Killian could barely breathe.

"Everywhere, huh?" Elliot said with the hint of a laugh in his voice. Killian whined, feeling Elliot's hand as it squeezed his burning cunt through his jeans. Oh, oh yeah. Elliot had definitely caught on to the implication that Killian desperately wanted touched everywhere and anywhere that wasn't his chest.

"Oh fuuuuuck..." Killian groaned, rocking his hips into the touch...

It felt like it had been an eternity since anyone had touched him like this, with want and need... Well, anyone who wasn't...

Killian pushed those memories away. No, he was going to focus on the now -- on this moment... On Elliot. On his smell, the sound of his voice, the feeling of Elliot grinding the heel of his palm against Killian's throbbing clit through his jeans.

Fuck! Killian shuddered, biting down hard on his lower lip. "Don't...stop." He gasped, reaching up to pull Elliot into another desperate kiss. Killian wanted to taste him, to fully envelop himself in Elliot's scent and taste and touch. Anything, anything other than the past. Anything other than the blood he swore was still on his hands.

Killian pushed his tongue into Elliot's mouth, seeking even more of his taste and feeling a sudden flood of excitement when his tongue brushed Elliot's extended fangs. The memory of Elliot's Kiss filled Killian's head and his heart was pounding in his ears now, hammering a wild beat against the inside of his ribs, feeling like it was about to burst.

He couldn't believe how fucking close he was already, how caught up he was in the desperation with which their bodies met. Killian reveled in the sensation, in Elliot's feverish need for him, in the fact that Killian could feel something that wasn't rage or the lingering invisible influence of his sister in his mind.

When Killian came, it hit him without warning with a shudder and strangled cry that caught in his throat; he gripped the sheets in his fists, knuckles gone white; back arching, hips bucking upwards as the sensation of orgasm overwhelmed him. It felt like it stretched on forever, rolling waves of electric pleasure passing over him for far longer than they should have... When he finally felt the last of the aftershocks fade, Killian was gasping for air, his body soaked with sweat -- his boxers soaked too.

Elliot laughed softly, almost sounding surprised.

"Been awhile?" He asked, not giving Killian time to answer before Elliot brought their mouths together again, pressing Killian down into the mattress with his body.

Killian could feel Elliot between his legs, feel his erection pressed against him and as Elliot took his turn exploring Killian's mouth with his tongue, Killian rocked his hips upward. He needed to feel more of Elliot. The weight on top of him drove away what little anxiety was left in Killian and cleared the fugue that clouded his mind, forcing him to be fully present in the moment.

"F-fuck..." Killian panted when they finally parted lips again. His fingers were shaking as he fumbled with the button on his jeans, desperate to undress. Desperate to feel Elliot inside of him.

But...Killian didn't just want Elliot to fuck him and what he really wanted filled Killian with a deep sense of shame -- because he ached to be fed on again. He had missed it so much -- that dark pleasure thundering through his veins, being swept out into a sea of blissful oblivion by the power of the Kiss... It had been every bit as addictive as when Caoimhe fed him her blood.

It wasn't long before Elliot, mercifully, took pity on Killian and pulled his pants off him. Elliot's fingers were closed around the bottom hem of Killian's hoodie. Their eyes met. Killian glanced away.

"Can I...?" Elliot asked, his voice was soft and unsure.

Killian hesitated for a moment. He didn't want Elliot to see him like...that. See him with the body that Caoimhe had forced him into again. But he desperately wanted to feel Elliot's skin on his. To feel their naked bodies pressed together in the heat of the moment. And that desire won out over the looming threat of his dysphoria. Killian nodded.

"Yeah, I wanna...I wanna feel you. Feel you against me. I don't want a stupid sweatshirt in the way."

When they were both naked and Elliot was pushing Killian back down again and they were tangled together for a second time, Killian's breath caught in his throat. Elliot's body was ever so slightly cool -- it wasn't cold the way Caoimhe's had been and it wasn't hot like his boyfriend in college had been. And he liked that. Elliot's body felt different from anyone Killian had been with in the past. It was a wholly new sensation. He ran his fingers over the hair on Elliot's arms, moving his hands up over his forearms and then his biceps before he gripped Elliot's shoulders.

Killian could smell the scent of his own arousal, felt the slickness that coated his inner thighs, felt the way his cunt twitched and throbbed with need, feeling achingly empty.

"Fuck!" Killian groaned. The head of Elliot's cock was pressed against him now, slipping between his wet and swollen folds, poised to push inside of him. "Oh fuck -- please! Just put it in, fuck me!"

Elliot placed a soft kiss on Killian's throat -- a gesture so gentle and so tender that it made Killian's chest grow tight, his throat closing up. That was something more than just mindless lust, wasn't it?

"You're sure you want this?" Elliot's voice was a low growl in his ear. "Some fucking...thinblood mutt?" There was a pain in Elliot's voice that illuminated to Killian why Elliot had seemed so shocked when Killian had kissed him...

"I wouldn't be naked in your bed if I wasn't sure. I don't care what you are, I want you."

That wasn't entirely true. Killian's desperate, aching need for Elliot was at least partially driven by the fact that Elliot was a vampire. But it didn't matter if he was a thinblood. It mattered that Elliot could give him what he wanted. And it didn't hurt that Elliot had risked so much to save him before.

Killian reached up, lacing his fingers together behind Elliot's neck, pulling him down closer. "Please," Killian whispered. "I want this. I need this." He placed a kiss on Elliot's lips that would have seemed almost chaste if he couldn't feel the tip of Elliot's throbbing dick pressed against him.

Elliot kissed him again and in a single thrust, drove his cock into Killian all the way to the base. Or... As close as he could get.

Killian's back arched and he saw stars. He felt ever inch of Elliot's length as it was thrust into him, felt it stretch his inner walls as it pushed them apart and was buried deep inside of him. He dug his nails into Elliot's shoulders, crying out in sheer bliss. Elliot was...bigger than Killian had expected -- and a knot even thicker than the rest of his cock swelled at its base... Which might have explained the mutt comment.

And the thought of that knot breaking him open made Killian's cunt flutter and his clit throb even more.

"Fuuuuuuck!" Killian rasped. "Oh God, oh fuck -- you're -- so big!"

Elliot groaned into Killian's ear, holding still at the apex of his thrust, apparently savoring the feeling of Killian's cunt wrapped around him...

And when Elliot finally moved inside of him, the world spun as Killian's senses narrowed down to the feeling of that dick dragging over every bump and ridge inside of him, narrowed down to the wet sucking noise his body made as Elliot pulled his cock free from Killian's spasming inner walls. Oh fuck, how can he already be so close to cumming again? How could this feel so fucking good?

A broken whimper left Killian's lips as the head of Elliot's cock slipped free from him and he closed his eyes tight.

"You...all right?" Elliot asked. Killian could hear the strain in his voice, could tell he was unsure of just how much Killian could handle.

"Yes!" Killian cried. "Oh, God, yes! Don't hold back -- you're not gonna break me...I can...I can handle it..."

He wasn't entirely sure if that was true, especially not if Elliot got that knot inside of him but part of Killian wanted to be broken, he wanted to be fucked for so long and so hard that he couldn't even walk later. His eyes fluttered open just in time to see the lopsided smile on Elliot's face, revealing his fangs.

"If you say so..."

Elliot thrust hard into Killian, taking him with a force that no human could have possibly managed and the sensation of Elliot's dick punching back into his sopping hole made him scream. He felt the knot at the base of Elliot's cock smashing into his clit, sending shock-waves of bliss through him. The entrance to his cunt gave way, just a little bit, he felt himself stretching just a little bit further. Oh fuck, it was unbelievable.

Elliot gripped Killian's knees, pushing his legs back to give him better access to the hunter's wet and needy cunt, letting his cock reach even deeper inside him. And before Killian had even the slightest chance of regaining his bearings, Elliot was pulling out and spearing back into him again. Killian felt like he was going to break apart as every thrust saw his cunt stretch a bit further, saw that fat knot come a little bit closer to pushing its way into him. Killian felt his breasts bounce against his chest with every thrust but fuck, he didn't care. Heat spread through his body like a wildfire sweeping through dry brush. He screamed, pushing back into Elliot, desperate to take him fully inside -- desperate to feel that knot splitting him wide open and tying them together.

"FUCK! ELLIOT! OH MY GOD!"

And all at once, another orgasm came roaring through Killian's body and his muscles seized, his cunt spasming wildly as he came. Which seemed to spur Elliot even further on now -- his thrusts grew harder, faster, more wild, more desperate, filled with a need that seemed to match what burned within Killian's chest. It was amazing. The way sensation of Elliot's cock pistoning into him, stretching him, stirring his insides... The sounds Killian's cunt made as it was pounded into submission, the way his slick juices coated his inner thighs and flowed freely from his ruined hole... Oh God, it was pure bliss. He didn't want it to stop, not ever.

Elliot was fully on top of him again, their chests and bellies pressed together -- so close he could almost feel Elliot's heartbeat. Elliot's lips were on his neck and Killian could feel the scrape of his fangs.

"Please!" Killian's voice cracked, hoarse from the screams and moans Elliot had already wrung from his lips. "Bite me! Do it! Put your fucking fangs in me--"

A low growl of approval rumbled in Elliot's throat in response to the desperate plea, sending shivers down Killian's spine, making every on his body stand on end. Fuck... And when Elliot was a deep inside of Killian as he could be, he bit down, fangs sinking into Killian's throat and Killian was gone, swept away into the combined pleasure of having his cunt utterly wrecked and the sensation of the dark kiss overtaking him.

This. This was what he wanted. To be wholly and completely part of a moment where nothing existed but the moment. To be nothing more than sensations that surged through his body with no memories, no identity, no thoughts -- just sweet, numbing pleasure...

The intense rush that came with Elliot's Kiss pushed Killian over the edge again and the resulting gush of lubricant allowed Elliot's knot to finally push into him. Killian's body went rigid, his mouth open in a silent scream of pleasure. Oh. Oh fuck. He had never cum like this, never felt the kiss like this. The rush was unforgettable, unbelievably strong and was something he'd be craving for the rest of his life.

As soon as the knot had slipped into Killian, Elliot's thrusts became more akin to a grind -- but that didn't mean he wasn't still trying to keep up the pace he had earlier and the sensation of that knot struggling against the entrance of Killian's cunt made him see stars again. An unbelievable mix of unbearable fullness and the sweet ache of pain. It was almost more than Killian could handle.

"OH GOD -- ELLIOT!" The scream seemed to echo off the walls of the safe room, the sounds of Killian's own pleasure driving him to cum again. Wave after wave, the feeling grew stronger and Killian's chest grew warmer, felt more full, felt happier. "FUCK!!! I CAN'T -- OH GOD! FUCK!"

Killian felt Elliot's knot swelling inside of him, filling him fuller and fuller still, stretching him and making tears spring up in the corners of his eyes. Killian moaned deliriously. He couldn't think, he could hardly breathe...

"Ah-- fuck, Killian--" Elliot had pulled his fangs free from Killian's throat, groaning into Killian's ear. "Almost...there..."

"Yesyesyes! Please, oh fuck, please please please!" Oh, God. Killian's mind was filled with the thought of Elliot cumming inside of him, twitching and throbbing as he reached his peak, pumping Killian full of his cum... Oh fuck. He wanted it so badly.

Another hard thrust and Elliot was somehow even deeper into Killian, pushing into him with such an intense passion and force that Killian could swear he felt his organs shift -- the tip of Elliot's cock slammed into Killian's cervix and it hurt but that deep pressure, the deep pain it was... It was so good. It was so sweet. It drove everything else out of his mind except the knowledge of Elliot reaching his peak, of Elliot cumming inside of him and heat spread through Killian's body. Satisfaction filled him, radiating out from the pit of his body and filling him with an almost ecstatic rapture.

Killian had never felt like this before, never felt his body respond to someone else like this before. Maybe it was that it had been such a long time, maybe it was that Killian had finally realized what he really wanted -- that he had done this because he wanted it. Exercising his free will for the first time in... He didn't know how long. An actual choice. He never wanted to stop feeling connected to Elliot like this, to be at the absolute height of pleasure and want.

Even after he'd stopped cumming, Elliot hadn't deflated, hadn't slipped from Killian's cunt -- they were stuck together, Elliot's knot tying them together, both collapsed onto his bed. Killian's body was covered in sweat and the aftershocks of his last orgasm continued to sweep through him, making him shudder and clench down over and over again. He could barely catch his breath.

Elliot laughed softly.

"So, was that...what you wanted...Killian?" Elliot's voice was hoarse and he didn't seem quite able to catch his breath either -- just alive enough that he still needed to.

Killian just nodded. He was gasping for breath, trembling and wholly unable to speak. It had been perfect. It was exactly what he had needed -- exactly what he'd need over and over again. The feeling that had come over him in the afterglow wasn't entirely like blood bond that Caoimhe had placed on him but it was also different. So, so very different.

He couldn't call it a deeper affection -- nothing would ever compare to the depths of that bond with his twin... But he didn't want that. Even if Killian wanted to lose himself in a moment with someone, he didn't want to lose every last piece of himself in slavish devotion to someone else ever again... But it was something. It was something that might give him a purpose. After Elliot had saved him -- after Elliot had stopped him from continuing to beat the bloody pulp of Mason's skull even deeper into the concrete...

It was probably just the hormones. Killian knew that -- he'd just been fucked harder and cum harder than ever before in his life, his brain was practically drowning in endorphins... But Killian didn't care about the science behind what he was feeling, he only cared about the realization that he wanted to chase that feeling, to nurture it and let it grow inside of him.

And he would be safe with Elliot in a way he couldn't be safe with the humans in his cell. He couldn't accidentally kill Elliot like he could accidentally kill them. Elliot was stronger and faster and more durable than he was -- even with the Baron's vitae running through his veins... And he wanted to be with him, he wanted to dedicate himself to Elliot. A reason to exist that was something more than vengeance and duty, something founded in pleasure and joy.

And maybe founded in love. Someday. It wasn't that yet. But it could be.

Killian closed his eyes, a deep sigh leaving his lips. Tangled together like this, both covered in sweat and breathing hard... Gradually, Killian slipped off into sleep, held close and feeling wanted.

And it was the first restful sleep he'd had in months.